This is just some rubbish that ejected from my brain today...pay it no mind.

Why couldn't I have been like THEM?

Handsome and witty, intelligent and engaging, well endowed and confident? I think that perhaps I had a good start in life...I mean I was raised around great wealth and opportunity, attended the best schools that my father could find to send me, and wanted for nothing. Wait, that's it...I wanted for nothing! I'm pretty sure that I grew up assuming that this was normal, but somehow it did not excite or thrill. I'm not quite certain where I'm going with this, but when I became an adult, I received an ugly reality check....one that clearly slapped me in the back of the head...LIFE IS HARD!

Back on track now....
I am broken
I am discarded (numerous times I might add)
I feel like a human paperweight
This is all my fault (it is actually)

For some reason, I've become accustomed to the point of obsession with aloneness. I've been reading through all of the forums and marvel at how many are endeavouring to improve a sex life that already exists...and for the lot of you, I say WELL DONE, and forge ahead with zeal...for yourself and the lucky lady for whom you obviously think a great deal of! In this, I find myself struggling with my motives for phallic self improvement....I would LIKE to think that at some point, I will have the pleasure of a partner upon whom I would love to bestow the gift of sexual vitality and vigor.....but at least in the forefront of my world, I am more inclined to believe that I am embarking on this crusade for no other reason that to enhance my own self-satisfaction. Now this is truly bizarre in that I don't see that I will ever shun myself sexually...I am my own captive audience after all. Why do I need a longer, thicker, more stately penis, if the only person that I need to pleasure is myself? LOL I say!

There are ladies in the world that would like to be with me...but the me that is presented in the beginning is only part of the picture....there is a past that can never be lived down, one that is the bitterest of pills to swallow....and it would be ridiculous for me to assume that there is a woman out there that has that "all of me" plugged into her notions of that "perfect man".

You should probably run

In the old days, so I am told...people met, fell in love....and hung onto that love as if it were the very essence of their existence....without which they would surely die. What happened to that I wonder? Has the runaway population growth added so many choice to the human buffet, that we are more and more attuned to sampling a dish...and if it does now fulfill our every desires...move on to the next tray until we find some morsel that is so spectacular, that we just stop there and pile it upon our plate....only to "eat" ourselves into oblivion...then return the next month to sample something new?

I have...or though I had....paid my price, served my penance....forged myself into the man I am now...and by all visual and practical evidence...did a fair to somewhat exemplary job of it. However...as is said "It only takes one OH SHIT, to erase a hundred atta boys!" Sad state of affairs this.....

You should probably run

I actually believe that I'm Mr Right....dysfunctional penis and all......but what constitutes Mr Right in this world has become rather obscure and distorted. As I have mentioned in the forums, I am embarking on a long if not permanent period of chastity...and if we go by strict definition..the correct term would be abstinence.....as chastity implies loyalty to one partner...of which I have none. Some would wonder and disagree with my choice and motives....but all things considered, it is not only a self defense mechanism, but my humble and if not somewhat my choice to make it easier for you to

run

Lesson learned for those that read this......if you are young, make it all about her or him...and very little about you...lest you become me......a person from whom you cannot.....run.

In my very spiritual way, I am quite happy.....but I am also human...I see the joy in life...but it is a life that I most often have to remove myself from and merely be a spectator.