Edging For Premature Ejaculation

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

Today was my third session w/o ejaculating at the end. I have been horny all week from not ejaculating the past two sessions. Today, though, interesting thing happened--I was on the edge from the minute I started edging. My arousal level was through the roof. How do I counter that? I mean I had to slow down, change positions, tone down my imagination/cut it out completely to give me a breather, so to speak.

I usually have a storyline going in my mind as I am edging, like hot sex with my gf or banging my high school crush etc. Is it the right way to go about it?

On a different note, my discipline is getting better. I have gone three sessions w/o ejaculating at will.

Plateau is elusive, however. I don't know how to feel pleasure without being very close to PONR. I feel like I can go on forever if my mind is clear of sexy thoughts/stories. But as soon as I start cooking something up, I'm on the doorstep of ejaculation. Everything happens so quickly. Frustration would the right word.

Anyways, I am gonna keep working on it. Drop in with something that will help my case.

Thanks!

[ammonite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ammonite]

If this is the first time you have tried so many edging sessions without ejaculating, it may just be because you are not used to the sensations. It may get better with experience.

Personally I always use imagination when edging, I can't get into plateau otherwise. However, if you find yourself becoming too aroused, simply stop your imagination until you regain control.

I'm afraid I can't really help you with accessing plateau, other than to re read the original post incase you pick up anything from there you may have missed. Unfortunately, getting frustrated will only hinder you, so as hard as it may be, try to avoid becoming annoyed. Directly aiming for plateau is a bad idea, just relax, try and enjoy it and you may just find it accidentally.

All you can do really is keep practising edging, try our different things and do what works for you. It took me almost 2 years of edging to find plateau, although I didn't have this thread to help me so hopefully it will be quicker for you. Because this is a relatively new approach, there is little hard evidence of how exactly to access plateau. So far, the people who have reported back seem to have slipped into plateau in a sort of eureka moment, not quite knowing what specifically they did to get there. In the mean time, focus on other aspects of edging, relax and try to enjoy yourself. I'm afraid this is generally not a quick process.

[franzjager Member Find all posts View Profile Close franzjager]

great post!

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

How tight of a grip do you recommend? Also, I only stimulate the head because shaft does not provide any sensations. May be I need to start doing full strokes?

I find myself stroking it really fast. It happens subconsciously and then I break it. Cycle continues. Would it be something detrimental to my progress? I read somewhere slow sensual strokes are the way to go. What's your take on the matter?

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

How tight of a grip do you recommend? Also, I only stimulate the head because shaft does not provide any sensations. May be I need to start doing full strokes?

I find myself stroking it really fast. It happens subconsciously and then I break it. Cycle continues. Would it be something detrimental to my progress? I read somewhere slow sensual strokes are the way to go. What's your take on the matter?

If I may interject.

Full strokes are a way to go since you should be feeling sensations (and pleasurable at that), the best way to feel them on the shaft in the beginning is that when you are near PONR focus your stroking mostly on the shaft with little or no glans, also by using some lubricants you can up your overall sensitivity.

I noticed that stroking really fast can sometimes make you less sensitive during that process, the slow full strokes (with the same grip as when you do it fast) can actually bring you faster to PONR (even now at some point it will bring me much closer to PONR than the fast ones). Your fast stroking is both a bad habit and something that reinforces the "rushing to PONR" mindset which for most of your goal is a bad one.

The slow strokes can also reveal what triggers your faster approach to PONR and can also help at identifying the involuntary kegels, and as the last point it can be very sensual and pleasurable and the more your connect the edging before PONR to pleasure the less you will need to rush to PONR to feel nice, and the more the overall session is enjoyable the more your body and your brain will want to repeat it.

[ammonite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ammonite]

MM has covered most of what I would say there.

Definitely start using full strokes. The reason you only feel pleasure in the head now is because it has more nerve endings and it's what you're used to focusing on. However, the only reason you don't feel pleasure from the shaft is because you compare it to the pleasure from the head. It's similar to how you don't feel plateau pleasure because you are too focused on the intense pleasure of orgasm; you miss the more subtle pleasure by comparing it to the intense pleasure. I used to be guilty of this, although after switching to a full grip around a year ago, I now experience a fuller, more realistic sensation.

As for the tightness, ideally you want it to simulate that of a tight vagina, so aim for that but go looser if it is easier at first. Of course , there are people who like the death grip, though personally I am against desensitising the penis. The amount of pleasure isn't the problem, it is controlling that pleasure which premature ejaculators find difficult.

Long slow strokes, especially ones which can pull on my frenulum and cause extra pleasure (and IK sometimes) can in fact bring me to the PONR faster. For most of your sessions, you probably shouldn't stroke faster than a realistic thrusting pace, though it may be beneficial to practice going fast every now and then as an edging progression. Try linking each stroke with a thrust in your imagination. Better still, actually do thrust but this is a very advanced technique.

Recently, I noticed that as I have gained much more control, I have a bad habit of increasing stroke rate the closer I get to PONR. This is bad, as we want arosal to be independent of stroke speed- that going faster still enables you to remain in control. It is especially bad during orgasm, I stroke insanely fast. I believe this might have caused a bad connection in my brain between going fast and ejaculating, so currently I try to reach PONR (only when I want to) without changing stroke rate.

MM's last paragraph is very good. If you stroke away really fast, your IK can merge together into a continuous tension, and so are much harder to notice. If you do really slow, sensual strokes, you will be more likely to notice the IK or jump of your penis on each individual stoke. Also, I personally find long sensual strokes are much more likely to cause IK anyway. What he describes at the very end there is essentially the plateau phase, and perhaps a way to try and get into it. Now that I think about it my stroke rate is generally quite slow in plateau as it is a very sensual experience.

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

Thank you MM and Ammo!

Will definitely go with the slow sensual approach. The reason (or a part of it) I go fast is my imagination is really wild. The crazy stuff I do to women and the Sex God I become(in my fantasy)....boy you need em fast strokes to keep playing it in your head.

Anyways I have learned if I keep doing it, that fantasy might never come true. So a slow and careful approach from this day onwards.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Thank you MM and Ammo!

Will definitely go with the slow sensual approach. The reason (or a part of it) I go fast is my imagination is really wild. The crazy stuff I do to women and the Sex God I become(in my fantasy)....boy you need em fast strokes to keep playing it in your head.

Anyways I have learned if I keep doing it, that fantasy might never come true. So a slow and careful approach from this day onwards.

But keep the fantasies, it as good fuel and it can help raise the confidence which is alway a good thing when it comes to premature ejaculation.

I find that morning fantasies can really make the session pleasurable and longer in some way if you are patient, but rather than more women I tend to focuse on just one and try to play out the whole encounter in my head from the beginning of the intercourse (foreplay etc) to the very end, this also helps me with pacing since it allows me to go very slow in the beginning.

I also noticed, at the very beginning of my journey, that starting with and already fully erected penis and then going really slow and sensual for the first 5 (or even 10 ) minutes, can really make a difference on the quality of the edging later on in the session, in other words I am able to edge with almost no pauses and to the full range of sensations, the hard thing here is not giving into the strong desire to edge too fast and too long (since you might trigger IKs far to soon). It is a very simple task and also very difficult to do always.

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

Good points. I jump straight into the good stuff. I'm sure it has a big part to play why I subconsciously choose to stroke faster than I should.

I am gonna work on building up the arousal slowly throughout the session. Ideally, that's how it is supposed to be during sex. Will report back with results and, of course, more questions

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

I have been doing slow full strokes. It is definitely harder in a way. Here's what I have noticed:

This approach triggers IKs. On careful observation, I found it usually happens on a down stroke, when I pull the skin back from my head. I am uncut, so maybe oversensitivity in the head is the cause? How do I disconnect these two actions? It is important because with every set of IKs, I get massively close to the PONR within seconds!

I also associate slow stroking with slowing down my fantasy. I could do more wild and crazy things with fast strokes. Last two sessions, it came to the point where my fantasy wasn't arousing enough and I just stroked away to make sure I didn't stop before the 25 min mark. I'd also like some tips on how to disconnect these two phenomena.

Thanks

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

I have been doing slow full strokes. It is definitely harder in a way. Here's what I have noticed:

This approach triggers IKs. On careful observation, I found it usually happens on a down stroke, when I pull the skin back from my head. I am uncut, so maybe oversensitivity in the head is the cause? How do I disconnect these two actions? It is important because with every set of IKs, I get massively close to the PONR within seconds!

I also associate slow stroking with slowing down my fantasy. I could do more wild and crazy things with fast strokes. Last two sessions, it came to the point where my fantasy wasn't arousing enough and I just stroked away to make sure I didn't stop before the 25 min mark. I'd also like some tips on how to disconnect these two phenomena.

Thanks

I don't think it is only sensitivity (I am uncut too) it is also the tug itself.

As for overcoming IKs one of it is to go very slow with the down stroke and as the IK happens either turn it into a medium strength 1-3 seconds kegel hold or reverse kegel hold. The other way is to also get used to the down pull more, by pulling it downward a little more than usual (but not too much, since you don't want to injure yourself) this will make your usual down stroke be less affected.

Good observation the connection between the tempo of the fantasy and your stroking. I think rather than disconnecting your should focus on getting used to since, when you have sex you will speed up and things will get heated more. A good idea would be to over time gradually increase the focus on sensations and decrease the focus on fantasies. For me I usually use fantasies as a jump-spark or initial arousal (sometimes in that place I will use porn), later on I just focus on sensations and my head is generally empty. So focus on making your edging sessions pleasurable but even and in time the sensations will simply push out the fantasies (you will feel that they are in the way). I think that this pushing out of fantasies and focusing on sensations will come naturally with time, but for now you need the fantasies (more than porn) in order to get used to high arousal, since your body is not yet used to (and not appreciative of) the full extend of your sensations.

The problem is that we are too much in our brains and too less in our bodies, both lovemaking and sex is rally like any physical activity you do. I mean after some time you really don't care how you are driving that car you are enjoying the ride and focusing and changing your speed depended on the situation on the road, you are observant and reactive but you don't dwell too much on it, maybe it is a bad (or even incorrect) parallel but I think it gets the point across.

[ammonite Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ammonite]

If you're doing a really long stroke, those IK are probably because the frenulum is pulling on the head slightly. Have a look and see if the head gets pulled down where it is connected to the frenulum. You can try what MM says, and you can also try the hard RK technique while doing it, then try repeating this and hope overtime the body stops doing it.

Also, this may only be a problem during edging, as during sex is it likely that the penis skin will be pulled on like this? Therefore you might not get these during sex so it might not be too much of a problem.

[Cantona7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cantona7]

First off, I don't quite know what you mean by focusing solely on sensations (down the line). Like having an blank mind and focus on each stroke and the pleasure it begins? I have never been there so don't know how it feels like.

Secondly, my skin is very tight down there. When erect, I have never been able to pull it all the way back. So there is certainly a limit to how much I can pull down on my down stroke.

IKs happen in a series of 4-5 wave like motion. Kegel holds I think will be a bad idea being a premature ejaculator? I'm gonna experiment with 3 sec Reverse Kegel Holds. The only problem I run into doing any kind of Reverse Kegel movement while edging is that I lose my erection significantly. Also my mind switch to the RK so much so that my fantasy goes out the door and I have to start all over. The arousal levels drops quickly (on the surface a good thing) but when I re-engage in the act, It comes back with a greater strength.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

First off, I don't quite know what you mean by focusing solely on sensations (down the line). Like having an blank mind and focus on each stroke and the pleasure it begins? I have never been there so don't know how it feels like.

Secondly, my skin is very tight down there. When erect, I have never been able to pull it all the way back. So there is certainly a limit to how much I can pull down on my down stroke.

IKs happen in a series of 4-5 wave like motion. Kegel holds I think will be a bad idea being a premature ejaculator? I'm gonna experiment with 3 sec Reverse Kegel Holds. The only problem I run into doing any kind of Reverse Kegel movement while edging is that I lose my erection significantly. Also my mind switch to the RK so much so that my fantasy goes out the door and I have to start all over. The arousal levels drops quickly (on the surface a good thing) but when I re-engage in the act, It comes back with a greater strength.

You will know what it means to focus solely on sensations when you start experiencing longer durations of pleasure. But it is basically as you have written it, your mind is empty and receptive your body generates pleasure with each stroke and because of how the pleasure affects the whole body you will find that the fantasies are just in the way.

The more your pull the more you will be able to pull just start slowly and gradually, and increase the pull over sessions. Also when you notice that you will have an erection pull the skin as far as you can and let the erection widen it. If you notice that you can uncover whole of the glans, or that your foreskin might look like it is choking your glans you might want to look into phimosis

The thing about the 1-3 second mild kegel hold in your case is that if you make it longer it might counter act all thous IK bunched up together. In other words, when you perform a kegel hold it isn't about the strength at all it is about conscious movement taking over unconscious/involuntary movement, you might even hold a light kegel hold. There are some methods that some members have used to battle IK and that it to hold a very slight kegel or reverse kegel trough the whole duration of the session, while this does not work for everybody it might work for you (though holding a kegel hold that long might promote tightness of the pelvic floor).

[smallbuddha Member Find all posts View Profile Close smallbuddha]

Are you not allowed to ejaculate at the end of an edging session? Isn't that what ballooning is?