So my girlfriend's been with a bigger guy...

[popol5169 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close popol5169]

Mmm maybe he doesn't respect the woman but that's probably because he doesn't respect himself, he 's not easy with himself , confident, and wonders what others have instead of the man he is, has jealousy because he feels inferior.

The problems we have with others are the problems we have with ourselves.

[4herpleasure Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4herpleasure]

It's why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Men and Women each have different thought processes that the other sex just can not understand. What we think women want is not their priority and vice versa.

He pretty much answered this for me.
If she left her ex....it was because she just couldn't take him as a person anymore
But even while shes with me she misses his bigger cock... I dont think like that as much anymore but trust me it still creeps in there ... cant help it just based on my experience going waaaaaay back to 7th grade when "truth or dare" was the thing to do
I remember I showed mine to a girl and she said it was big LOL
For the next few days girls in 7th and 8th grade were giving me the biggest smile and older girls that never even looked my direction were talking to me now....so thats why I sometimes think the way I do about womens intentions and thoughts about cock size
Oh and also one of my close friends at the time even called me out and said I dont believe its big you're too short and u have small feet to have a big dick....he asked to see it for proof....lmao I didnt for the record....

[Bigdaddy55 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bigdaddy55]

Hey BigDaddy,

When you were younger, was the insecurity of not being experienced enough a cause for concern because you worried that she would leave you for someone more experienced or was it because of something else?

It wasn't a huge concern for me. It was something that was just in the back of my mind. With younger girls that had little experience I never worried much. I never asked much about how I rated among previous partners but I got compliments from time to time. With an older girl that had more experience it might have been in the back of my mind but it was nothing that made me seriously insecure. I think a big part of it was just my ego. As a guy we put a lot into our sexual prowess. The machismo that goes into have a a girlfriend tell her friends you're good in bed.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

My wife does not want girls to know I am carrying a meat missile.

[CLOSEDDennyA Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CLOSEDDennyA]

My wife let it slip years at a party, when she was drunk, and has regretted ever since...it still gets mentioned every now and then but muchmore so by the guys.

I think the size issue goes right to the very competitive nature of guys. It has the weird "respect" issue even with setting skill issues aside. Maybe because guys traditionally think skills can always improve but size is something you are stuck with?

Anyhoo, I was lucky that my wife's prior bf was average and the guy prior to him was the smallest she had ever seen.

[MrPriapus Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrPriapus]

Because men know that women cheat, often for 'superficial' reasons (actually, men do for the same reasons too, not moralizing, just recognizing), and penis size is one of the top things culturally defines a 'man' as a 'man' along with the hyper-masculanized image of 'manhood'.

Six pack abs, fast cars, big dicks. All define 'masculine' in today's culture. And that's all we see; in porn we see the top 0.01% of cock sizes fuck thin, buxom, hyper-sexualized, one dimensional 'woman'; about as related to a real life people as a painting to a real life person, in both sexes.

The problem comes when people PINE for this because this is what they grew up with, what they were turned on by when they were first coming to sexual realization. Then they become more extreme as time goes along; and the fantastic realm merges into the 'real' world, for both sexes.

'The Hung Ex' is, in our mind, the projection of this hyper-masculanized man that wets pussies by mere word of mouth and hand gestures. Importantly, 'we' (real person living in real world) do not 'measure up' to our own projections. Suddenly, a chasm opens that cannot be closed, between our current reality, and what we believe that reality MUST have been like for our SO.

No amount of assurances about "Oh, but there were other issues, and blah blah." will really suffice to take away our projections. They will only embolden them in some; "why is she trying to talk down what OBVIOUSLY (to the male mind) MUST be the much more superior experience?"

You have to understand; this is NOT a question of objectively defined standards. This is primal, human/primate psychology stuff. At least, that's how this issue seems to me after some thought.

The only answer given so far that actually gets at the root of the issue.

I don't know what the rest of you are talking about.

I don't really feel like explaining so I going to borrow a few pieces from an article about the evolutionary adaptation of human genitalia. Link is below.

Female primates can experience multiple orgasms, and it has been theorised that ancestral hominid females sought out males who would sexually satisfy them. Through the mechanism of sexual selection, this will have increased penis size and altered structure.

Human testis size indicates that males evolved under conditions in which their sperm competed inside females, but perhaps not to the same extent as chimp sperm. But the larger human penis suggests that hominids needed to keep females with choice sexually satisfied. Ancestral females would have experienced a sexual freedom denied in Western cultures today and it has been suggested that our ancestors went through a period of matriarchy and enhanced female choice.

The article includes sources at the bottom. Good read, and pretty much answers the question posed by TPW several posts back - Why do men care about a woman having a larger ex.
Penis size: An evolutionary perspective | Ask Carole, Evolutionary Agony Aunt | Science | theguardian.com

[stilltoosmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close stilltoosmall]

100% none of my business who a woman has slept with in the past. It's a freedom you obtain when you realize who you are, what you're worth and when you obtain a profound respect for women. In general, you point to me a guy worrying about his girl's sexual history, and i'll point to you a boy that doesn't respect women.

I have to agree. I've met hypersexual people who were great, and hypersexual people who were terrible; same with asexual and heteronormative level of sexuality (whatever that means, but trying to be PC here). All sorts of women/men can be cunts. But they can also be fantastic people.

But I do ask about their history; sexual, marital, work, living, DRUGS (very important I've found), etc. Both to get to know people and to understand exactly what kind of person you are dealing with. People are both shaped by their histories, and are shapers of their histories. And many are supreme at shaping their histories so that it SOUNDS a certain way (everyone does it, but some are much more cognisant of what they are doing). My point is; you have to ask, even if it does not automatically mean ANYTHING about a person. A pattern may soon emerge that points to a deeper reality. Ultimately, it is that deeper person that you are dealing with; not the presentation.

[AlteredBeast86 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AlteredBeast86]

I don't ask because I don't care. I'm not going to interrogate a woman about her sexual history, especially if she is into me. I'm normal sized, but my character, heart and personality are huge. The only competition I am truly invested in, is the competition with myself. If she wants something larger, i'll point to her the door. Everyone is intrinsically interested in other people, I get that... But after a while you know your own trajectory, relative comparison, and you vector in on your goals. I keep my emotional output on check, it's a virtue called temperance and it's learned by intensive self-evaluation and kept in check by external expectations. Cock-size isn't shit... It's not power, it's not intelligence, it's not your worth.. it's a single point of failure in your character if you don't surface that gap with inner-self confidence. I have 100% sealed that dark hole I used to slip into.. But I sealed it by loving myself, and everything about myself. When Alexander rode into India one of the first encounters he had with the local population was with naked yogi monks meditating and praying in the streets. Alexander's Lieutenant rushed over to the Yogi and demanded that he and the monks move out from the street so that Alexander and his Army may pass, but the Monks refused. The lieutenant screams “This man has conquered the world! What have you done?"

The philosopher replied without an instant's hesitation, "I have conquered the need to conquer the world.”

Everyone see where I am getting at? Same thing.. Inner quiet so you eliminate the static.

[skeeter810 Member Find all posts View Profile Close skeeter810]

Because men know that women cheat, often for 'superficial' reasons (actually, men do for the same reasons too, not moralizing, just recognizing), and penis size is one of the top things culturally defines a 'man' as a 'man' along with the hyper-masculanized image of 'manhood'.

Six pack abs, fast cars, big dicks. All define 'masculine' in today's culture. And that's all we see; in porn we see the top 0.01% of cock sizes fuck thin, buxom, hyper-sexualized, one dimensional 'woman'; about as related to a real life people as a painting to a real life person, in both sexes.

The problem comes when people PINE for this because this is what they grew up with, what they were turned on by when they were first coming to sexual realization. Then they become more extreme as time goes along; and the fantastic realm merges into the 'real' world, for both sexes.

'The Hung Ex' is, in our mind, the projection of this hyper-masculanized man that wets pussies by mere word of mouth and hand gestures. Importantly, 'we' (real person living in real world) do not 'measure up' to our own projections. Suddenly, a chasm opens that cannot be closed, between our current reality, and what we believe that reality MUST have been like for our SO.

No amount of assurances about "Oh, but there were other issues, and blah blah." will really suffice to take away our projections. They will only embolden them in some; "why is she trying to talk down what OBVIOUSLY (to the male mind) MUST be the much more superior experience?"

You have to understand; this is NOT a question of objectively defined standards. This is primal, human/primate psychology stuff. At least, that's how this issue seems to me after some thought.

This is exactly how I feel and you took the words out of my mouth.

At least for me as a 23 year old male, today's culture is hook up first and ask questions later. Everything is based around first impressions, superficial aspects of life, rather than what's underneath; being jacked/cut, the clothes we wear, job we have, haircut, penis size, skills in the room - it's all influenced by media/culture and it's what makes younger men insecure.

At least I think so.

And to the comment "look to the boy who doesn't respect women" I have to disagree. Maybe I'm young and naive, but I feel, personally, that it has more to do with self-confidence than disrespect. Whether this be social, sexually, or professionally - current culture makes daily life a competition and so there will always be issues of comparing yourself to others.

Is this right? No. Should we have more confidence and forget the rest? Yes.

But it takes time to find yourself and grow up, especially for someone starting real life after college and never having a serious relationship.

Maybe I'm wrong, just how I see it currently.

-skeeter-

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Great thread, I think stilltoosmall hit the nail on the head!

I never wanted to know anything about my wifes exes but she brings it up now and then and sends me back into the insecurity hole. She isnt trying to be mean she just doesnt see an issue and thinks she is complimenting me. "some of the big ones are so big they are uncomfortable, yours is medium sized and comfortable" or "Im glad yours is small enough not to hurt at first"

You are taking it the wrong way, first of all, your size is BIG, second of all, bigger doesn't mean better, third of all, she is trying to compliment you that you make her feel good without hurting her (which is what a bigger size would do).

Thing is, most ladies have no idea how you will interpret their words, they speak of what they feel and like, they think you'd like to know that you give her pleasure, not that your goal is to be the biggest ever.

[Biscut Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Biscut]

You are taking it the wrong way, first of all, your size is BIG, second of all, bigger doesn't mean better, third of all, she is trying to compliment you that you make her feel good without hurting her (which is what a bigger size would do).

Thing is, most ladies have no idea how you will interpret their words, they speak of what they feel and like, they think you'd like to know that you give her pleasure, not that your goal is to be the biggest ever.

Yes, I absolutely agree, she was trying to say something nice. My stupid competitive ego was wounded is all. Through other comments over the years I do believe she would prefer something more girthy. So via PE Im trying to provide something for the wife and take care of my childish self perception.

[4herpleasure Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4herpleasure]

I don't ask because I don't care. I'm not going to interrogate a woman about her sexual history, especially if she is into me. I'm normal sized, but my character, heart and personality are huge. The only competition I am truly invested in, is the competition with myself. If she wants something larger, i'll point to her the door. Everyone is intrinsically interested in other people, I get that... But after a while you know your own trajectory, relative comparison, and you vector in on your goals. I keep my emotional output on check, it's a virtue called temperance and it's learned by intensive self-evaluation and kept in check by external expectations. Cock-size isn't shit... It's not power, it's not intelligence, it's not your worth.. it's a single point of failure in your character if you don't surface that gap with inner-self confidence. I have 100% sealed that dark hole I used to slip into.. But I sealed it by loving myself, and everything about myself. When Alexander rode into India one of the first encounters he had with the local population was with naked yogi monks meditating and praying in the streets. Alexander's Lieutenant rushed over to the Yogi and demanded that he and the monks move out from the street so that Alexander and his Army may pass, but the Monks refused. The lieutenant screams “This man has conquered the world! What have you done?"

The philosopher replied without an instant's hesitation, "I have conquered the need to conquer the world.”

Everyone see where I am getting at? Same thing.. Inner quiet so you eliminate the static.

Some deep shit man.

[animaniac Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close animaniac]

Some deep shit man.

Agreed.


Very very agreed

[stilltoosmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close stilltoosmall]

I don't ask because I don't care. I'm not going to interrogate a woman about her sexual history, especially if she is into me.

...

Alexander's Lieutenant rushed over to the Yogi and demanded that he and the monks move out from the street so that Alexander and his Army may pass, but the Monks refused. The lieutenant screams “This man has conquered the world! What have you done?"

The philosopher replied without an instant's hesitation, "I have conquered the need to conquer the world.”

Everyone see where I am getting at? Same thing.. Inner quiet so you eliminate the static.

I dont know about you, but I dont get into sexual relationships with people (especially longer term) without developing a bond with them; which means, I need to know what kind of person they are. And frankly, I don't have time/patience to hang around people that are no good.

When I have a relationship with someone, I am to an extent co-signing onto their life and decisions. If I have no interest in doing that, then I dont; but I have to find out what is going on.

If I were you, I would read "FM34-52 Intelligence Interrogation"

http://fas.org/irp/doddir/army/fm34-52.pdf

Read and you find that the NUMBER 1 way the US Army gets people to talk, IS TO ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS and listening carefully without JUDGEMENT. Imagine that. People (even captured soldiers) usually tell you everything straight.

[AlteredBeast86 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close AlteredBeast86]

We have our own intelligence PUB in the Corps, but I know when to apply that to the enemy, and when to apply that to romantic interests. If you're already in the long term, why would you begin an interrogation on her sexual history? If she were a size queen, you would have found out by then. The WHY keeps coming up, over and over. The 'In Order to" portion of a mission statement. No one has convinced me why that question would be considered "value added" to the relationship. It's inherently a self-destructing question... as you were; it's a "us" destructing question. If the answer is, "yes, she's had bigger" what the fuck did you get out of that, other than an epic blow to your confidence? If she says, "you're the biggest", then I question your motives. Are you on a conquest? You want to be better than everyone else, an elitist? Again, like I said, the only competition is with myself.