So me and my previous partner got together again for a week on Valentine's Day. We chose to live like we were able to be together.

There were ups and downs, dealing with my insecurities and putting them aside, dealing with her insensitivity and her putting that aside. Knowing too much and knowing not enough. We Made love on Valentine's Day as well as had dinner then came back home and continued to make love. It was a blast. I've never spent my valentine's day with anyone and now I know what it feels like.

I've had a lot of "First" experiences with her and I can thank her for that. Closing the door on her and that chapter of my life is going to take a bit more work.

Oh well, that's just one thing.

I'm just tired of hurting. I'm tired of the distrust in my heart. I'm tired of being number 2 for whatever justifiable or unjustifiable reason, when she was always my #1.

It took a long time to come down to earth after that week spent with her. It was wonderful and painful during her stay. It was more painful than wonderful when she left, and it's just been a bit painful and aggravating since she's been gone.

Last night, we unfriended each other from Facebook, it's now completely severed. It wasn't a bad split, it was some drama that popped off and my stipulation was 'No Facebook Drama' if she was going to be on it. It's not a bad split, at all. The Drama "involved" me but it wasn't directed at me, so there's no ill will.

I've erased her Text String from my phone (i no longer see her name when I open my text message program). I haven't built up the courage to delete her number from my phone, but I guess it'll come in due time. Then again, it may not have to.

I don't have to contact any one of the previous girls in my phone still, though it took a long time to get to the point that i don't think about them everyday. I just have to truck up this road with her too. I'll keep her in the phone, but I'm not reaching out... I need to heal.

I look on this experience fondly. It was an all around learning experience for me and I think I'm better for it... I feel my walls going back up that she shelled, pick-axed and clawed, tooth and nail, to break down. Those walls of analytical dissection of every move and word to find hidden meaning or lies. reasons to distrust. All leading to an inability to feel love when it's being given.

I'll try my best not to make the next girl pay for her actions, and I'll be mindful of it anytime i let it creep into my mind.