Work is a mistake. I have always hated working. It just stresses me out, which in turn is impacting the progress I'm making. I just feel the reward is not worth the effort. Can't seem to get things right and yesterday - had to work saturday - Pretty much gave me depression.

I like the honeymoon period which lasts 2 days. Then its just fucking gay and I hate it. I guess I talked myself up a bit skillwise and the implications of that are showing. PE wise, I meant to edge I did okay yesterday a few times and then overshot the PONR. Today I awoke with morning wood - which is good - I left myself alone for a while before I messed up edging. And I also missed the PONR again today. I was doing the start/stop and I think I need slightly longer intervals which is why I'm messing up.

PE has definitely helped. My flacid length looks longer than it did weeks ago. Currently because I have cum twice its shrunk - looks like a few days of rest for me. edit - hours later its normal again.

So tired from work. Thank god its only 2 weeks - I'm hoping the past 4 days counted as one week. Its physically demanding and while the people are good I just feel out of my depth and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Fuck I hate working. Every job I've had I've hated. Obviously I have my game face on while doing this but it can't finish quick enough.

Have to get up tomorrow at 6 fucking am and will spend the week feeling like hell all tired and no energy. Its eating away at my new found confidence and I really don't like that at all. I want to quit and just be honest but I did say I could do the job, out of principal i should see it through. I really wish I had just said no. Its ruining me and I can feel all the tiredness and depression coming back at me.

I need time to heal myself. The last job was shit and they didn't even pay me and I remember thinking fuck everything. That really did stress me and it was starting to make me depressed. I just felt so useless and honestly I still feel that way now working is bringing all that stuff back and god I'm fighting it as hard as I can in case I just throw the paint gun across the room and run out screaming.

I just felt like things were going so well. I actually felt like I was healing. And now I feel like shit. Not that I've gone backwards or anything just like - well I dunno



The only thing I have going is meditation. I am aroused easier now, I just am not quite in control of edging. Possibly I think I have a very sensitive penis. I seem to gain quick and easily. But I need 2 - 4 days of rest between 2 days of PE.