First post, please help

[Blah Member Find all posts View Profile Close Blah]

I will probably ramble here but the best way to get it all out is to just get it out

I have been married for 8 years. Wife is beautiful and I have always had a very strong sex drive. I'm still very horny and just as attracted to my wife as ever. I'm only 35 and I'm in great shape.

For the past six months or so I have had ed issues. It all started on our anniversary (ugh). I just randomly went soft. There was no explaining it. Absolutely humiliating, even when it's with your long time partner. Anyway, it Happened a couple more times and I for the most part got through it. I started reading here and started a kegel routine and stuck with it. I didn't go soft again until the other night. I have had pretty bad premature ejaculation these last few months though. I just kept telling myself it's MUCH better than going soft and it will pass.

Well the other night I had issues going soft. I managed to pound it out and finish. But it was obvious it happened again. So now I am scared to death that it will happen every time we get intimate. I know that is most likely the problem. It's all in my head and anxiety is killing it. I just don't understand why it happened. I have never had any issues with my wife.

I still get immediately erect as soon as we start kissing. I just feel like I have to rush and get it in ASAP before I lose it. I thought kegels helped for a while but maybe not. I understand I may have an unbalanced pelvic region but that is the least of my worries if I can't keep it up. I probably went kegel heavy for a couple months before learning about reverse kegels. I have been doing way more reverse kegels the last couple months since I became more educated about it. Probably 3 to 1 ratio. Now I'm thinking who cares about premature ejaculation. I'd rather have a hard penis that cums too quickly.

I do enjoy porn but I would definitely not consider myself addicted to it and maybe watch it once per week (basically when the wife and kids are gone, so not all that often). I will stop watching it but I'm not sure that has had any effect on me. I watched it a ton in college and my 20s and it never affected me.

This is really have an effect on me. Like all guys that go through this I feel like I've had my balls clipped. I'm not worried about literally going into depression or anything like that, but I REALLY want to be able to have sex normally again and please my wife. She is very understanding and doesn't make me feel worse.

I thought I could solve this and I thought I was on my way until the other night. Ok ramble over.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Hello Blah and thanks fo4 joining us. The porn problem often builds up and we pay for it later. Then we think we'll that can't be it because I used it much more then compared to now. So it may not be the issue, but getting rid of it won't hurt and very well may help.
Then stop any Kegels for 3-4 weeks, only do reverse kegels, Hindi squats, and yoga for the abs, back, glutes, pelvis, and thighs. It sounds like you are carrying a lot of PF tension. This can help you address both losing erections and preE.
Try meditation, deep breathing and tons of positive affirmations about yourself and your penis. Change the internal speak from well I would rather cum fast than lose the damn erection into something like I love myself and my penis. My penis is wonderful and provides my gorgeous wife lots of pleasure.
Good luck stay positive and you will overcome these issues.

[marksanchez397 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close marksanchez397]

Do you have good erections without problems with porn?

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Mine got way better when I got rid of porn.

[Blah Member Find all posts View Profile Close Blah]

Thanks for the replies and yes I have morning wood, always get hard when I start falling asleep, and have no issues masterbating. I think I'm fully functional. I do notice since reading his forum I pretty much always subconsciously kegel during sex and jerking off. I've been doing reverse kegels for a while but wonder how correctly I'm doing them. Just started hindi squats.

I have lower back issues which could contribute to tightness also

[Blah Member Find all posts View Profile Close Blah]

I mentioned before but I really only watch porn weekly or a couple times per month. And yes the endorphins run extremely high and that probably doesn't help. But I've never been someone who watches it everyday. If I was single I probably would though

[Blah Member Find all posts View Profile Close Blah]

Also I try to RK during masterbation and I really struggle. I feel like I do them right when standing or walking around. Basically push my entire gut out and try to focus on the lower region. Seems difficult during sex

[Blah Member Find all posts View Profile Close Blah]

Update. My wife gave a a bj a couple times last week. First time I was super nervous because of my previous failure during sex. I got it up a little bit more delayed than normal. Maybe 60 sec of her rubbing. A few days later I got it up quickly and normally.

Last night we had sex on Valentine's Day. I was super nervous thinking about it all day and I'm sure that hurt me a lot. I got maybe 60 percent hard during foreplay and had trouble getting it in. I just kept at it and eventually I got very hard and of course needed to stop almost immediately to avoid Pe. Then started to get soft, went hard and kegeled to get 100% hard, had to stop to avoid cumming, etc. over and over. I eventually almost made her orgasm but not quite. So it wasnt a complete failure.

I always read to never kegel to get hard but it sure as hell helps me. I try to relax and breathe but I always seem to go soft.

I'm 99% sure this is mental and performance anxiety at this point. But is anyone seeing anything I could improve.

I have quit porn for a couple weeks (was only watching once or twice per week). Pretty much haven't jacked off. Quit penis enlargement. Doing a LOT of belly breathing an relaxation.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I think I am reading PROGRESS !

Celebrate the smallest success, dismiss the ones that are not what you like.
Accentuate the positive.