How to enjoy sex life with ED

[SebiS Member Find all posts View Profile Close SebiS]

Hi guys,

I was suffering by performance anxiety for many years.
I also have some addiction that is not necessary porn related but BDSM related. This is somehow the same. Some men need to watch porn for a good erection, others (like me) prefer some kinky stuff.

However my ED become quite severe about 7 years ago because of a specific event in my life. Performance anxiety did strike me very hard. I was not even able to have orgasm by masturbating and being totally scared of sex. I quit BDSM (or porn), I went to doctor, to therapist, I took supplements, I did kegel, change life style, talking to my wife about, you name it...
Well, I was not happier, by the contrary. I felt depressed, not enjoying my life anymore.

Then I changed the approach, I went to some alternative professionals having: sexual massage, BDSM sessions, sex body and mind worker, and I start to enjoy my life again.
I even adopted a reverse psychology, having role-play in which a female sex-worker makes fun of my inability to perform and then I relay manage to get a good hard-on. This step was for going deep in your worst fears, using a real life generating situation and not being stressed about, but enjoying.

I still welcome sex life, with vanilla (or normal) women, but I use my tongue, my fingers, dildos, vibrators and the most important, my imagination. If you blindfold a woman and tie her on the bed(you can tell her about 50 shades of grey, -most of women loved that movie), she will accept the scene, but she will not realize when it is your penis and when a strap-on (silicon dildo that you can attach with straps). I did this experiment several times because now I am relaxed enough to get hard in order to penetrate a woman and maintain my erection during sexual intercourse, without any pill.
But the most important is to pleasure her and bring her to orgasm. Your orgasm and your erection are not important. If you manage to understand that, then your own pleasure will follow.

The change now is that I am not fighting against, but swimming with the flow and it is so good.
I open somewhere a topic called "Sex without penetration" and I notice many men quite happy with the idea.
I am not saying now to stop your efforts with psychologists and doctors and pills and stopping watching what you like, but if you are overwhelmed by all of this and feel your life is not what you want, then I wanted to show with this post that can be an alternative solution.
Also if you ask me. "Are you able now to do an outstanding sex with a woman without toys, but using only your penis?", I can tell: "Definitely no, but my ED is much better now then when I was with all those doctors and psychologists and try to quit all things I liked in life."

[Biohacker Member Find all posts View Profile Close Biohacker]

Unfortunately at this time in western medicine the treatment options for ed suck. Modern medicine has not made it a highly managable disease. No magic bullits here not even close. So until big pharma comes out with something good the quality of life absolutely wont be nearly as good as it was before ed set in. Nor can you have a robust sex life with ed. People and professionels might try to convince you otherwise, but its fake news. When they come out with something that will allow a man to have spontanious erections, then you will find your anxiety and depression caused by ed will disapear and quality of life will dramatically improve. Hopefully science will figure it out spontenaety plus adequcy equals potency. Until then life will suck we are SOL for the time being.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Did you ever wonder why big pharma hasn't come up with a magic bullet?

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

I thought big pharma had already come out with the proverbial magic bullet...or bullets: Cialis, Levitra, Stendra, Staxyn, and Viagra.

The thing is there will always be some outlier for whom these magic bullets won't work. It is not that the companies are not trying, there is only so much they are capable of.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

There are also Trimix injections and medical grade vacuume erection Devices.

[SebiS Member Find all posts View Profile Close SebiS]

No magic bullits here not even close. When they come out with something that will allow a man to have spontanious erections, then you will find your anxiety and depression caused by ed will disapear and quality of life will dramatically improve. Hopefully science will figure it out spontenaety plus adequcy equals potency. Until then life will suck we are SOL for the time being.

Well, I do not need any magic bullet. I already found a way that works for me as I described in my post. I am not depressed anymore.
Performance anxiety itself, it is not connected with a magic pill or a magic bluet. This is like waiting to win to Lottery.
Just forget about, accept yourself and enjoy life.

[closed289 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed289]

Here's what I'd suggest, it may come across as controversial but it will help you I think -

Sex workers are a blessing, it's the world's oldest profession for a reason. Get high quality escorts, in your case a Escort who dabbles in being a Dominatrix might be a good combo as believe me, those type of escorts won't even give you the chance to be nervous! But you seem to have dabbled with sex workers so fair play there. Don't let anyone tell you it's "wrong" either. Usually those people don't get anything from non sex workers!

Porn in very small amounts isn't a bad thing and can help libido when combined with edging for those with anxiety, just don't rely on it.

If you sleep with anyone in your personal life, probably best to avoid condoms as they can be a huge turn off/boner kill. Don't worry about HIV/AIDs so much as you'd be seriously unlucky to contract that. Be aware of other common STDs which are easier to contract though.

If you do have serious nerves before a new encounter, there's nothing wrong with popping a pde5 pill as long as it's a one off .

[SebiS Member Find all posts View Profile Close SebiS]

Here's what I'd suggest, it may come across as controversial but it will help you I think -

Sex workers are a blessing, it's the world's oldest profession for a reason. Get high quality escorts, .....
If you do have serious nerves before a new encounter, there's nothing wrong with popping a pde5 pill as long as it's a one off .

From my important experience I got in sex workers area I can tell that high quality do not mean best service. If one search long enough will find sex workers that need custom clients and are able to provide deep intimate physical and psychological experiences. Of course I am speaking from a country were sex working is 100% legal and medical check mandatory and supported by the state.
Still precaution against STD is very important. If you are hard for sex, she will manage to put a condom without you noticing that. Do not do sex without condom with a sex worker.

Regarding viagra, cialis or other pills, I do not need them. If people with PA type of ED, will carefully read my OP, will understand why.

[closed289 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed289]

Do not do sex without condom with a sex worker.

Regarding viagra, cialis or other pills, I do not need them. If people with PA type of ED, will carefully read my OP, will understand why.

Oh no that's not what I meant, definitely with a sex worker condoms must always be used. But in your personal life I think you're slightly safer to go without (but not without risk)

And I have PA so I get what you're saying the pills suggestion was more in case anxiety becomes severe again.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Well, I do not need any magic bullet. I already found a way that works for me as I described in my post. I am not depressed anymore.
Performance anxiety itself, it is not connected with a magic pill or a magic bluet. This is like waiting to win to Lottery.
Just forget about, accept yourself and enjoy life.

Are you still looking to defeat any residual performance anxiety? While what you describe is a good coping mechanism, the concern is you running the risk of staying at this plateau without fully realzing your potential.

[SebiS Member Find all posts View Profile Close SebiS]

Are you still looking to defeat any residual performance anxiety? While what you describe is a good coping mechanism, the concern is you running the risk of staying at this plateau without fully realzing your potential.

I also suffered of stage fright. Now I can speak to an audience without big problems, but still there is a fear somewhere there. I know that, I accept that and I can manage that.
This is my potential. I am not an olympic athlete, running for gold medal. People with anxiety will not be fully cured, that why accepting and cooping with the issue can be one good solution.
In my opinion if you understand and accept your anxiety limits will never go to depression. That is the biggest risk. At least this is what I think.

On the other hand I encourage people with PE to test any other solution, coaching, training and so on. I did the same and what did not work for me my work for others, and vice-versa.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

I also suffered of stage fright. Now I can speak to an audience without big problems, but still there is a fear somewhere there. I know that, I accept that and I can manage that.
This is my potential. I am not an olympic athlete, running for gold medal. People with anxiety will not be fully cured, that why accepting and cooping with the issue can be one good solution.
In my opinion if you understand and accept your anxiety limits will never go to depression. That is the biggest risk. At least this is what I think.

On the other hand I encourage people with PE to test any other solution, coaching, training and so on. I did the same and what did not work for me my work for others, and vice-versa.

I respectfully disagree with the above bold. It's understandable some may not be able to get over their fears, your suggestions on seeing professionals about this is important in cases where one can't manage the issues on their own.

Just as negative conditioning can cause anxiety to worsen, positive conditioning can indeed allow one to rewire the mind and break negative thought patterns associated with correlating sex with feelings of anxiety.