I cannot orgasm when I'm with someone

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

Maybe I'll feel better if I get this off my chest. Excuse the fresh account but I used to be on here way back in the day around 2003 or 2004 when the site was known as Cheeky Cherry and DLD posted his techniques on here. I used DLD's techniques and saw massive gains but I've always had other issues in life. I've never been a rich man and have had a lot of hard ship. I don't know what it is when I try to get laid but the girl is almost always seeing a boyfriend or just not interested even though I don't believe I'm an ugly guy. My first time was with a prostitute and it was awkward. She loved my dick so there was that confidence booster but she wanted me to wear a condom. So okay, I put on a condom, we fuck around but I never came. I was hard. But I just couldn't cum. Then life happens and I was basically homeless or had next to no income for a number of years until recently where I saved up enough money working a nice job.

For the record: I masturbate in a unique way where I mostly work my head with lube and it feels great. It feels just like oral. But I feel like doing this over the years has decreased my sensitivity.

I decide out of the blue to go an Asian massage parlor where they give handjobs. Got another massive confidence booster when they see my dick but I still couldn't cum and I went to two places. The girl was moderately attractive, one let me touch her over her clothes (and I tipped her well and she was very flattered) but I couldn't cum. I ended up faking it. It lasted so long their arms were getting tired.

I'm wondering what is going on with my dick. Maybe I'm massively over thinking this and the baby oil they used just numbed me? Because the lube I was, KY warming jelly and Trojan warming lube, feels fine for me. But every now and then I can't cum when I jerk off but I chalk that up to just being tired and I jerked off earlier in the day. I jerk off 2-3 times a day on average.

I'm just worried now.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

So thi is called delayed ejaculation . There are probably 2 aspects at play anxiety and too firm a grip during masturbation. There are at least 2 articles onsite on this subject and some long buried threads .

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

I read this on the site: https://www.pegym.com/delayed-ejacul...d-ejaculation/

What are driving kegels?

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

There are myriad potential causes of male anorgasmia, ranging from physiological problems present at birth to side effects from surgery or medications to psychological issues. Once the cause has been determined, a treatment approach can be devised to help a man regain normal and satisfying sexual function. I recommend you see an urologist who specializes in male sexual disorders.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I read this on the site: https://www.pegym.com/delayed-ejacul...d-ejaculation/

What are driving kegels?

Could you relate to the article at all ?
Kegels meant to drive you to orgasm .

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

Sad update: I used a prostitute and I still couldn't orgasm. I got hard. She gave me a bareback blowjob. She LOVED how big I was. She was genuinely into it and I could feel that. She came but I could not.

I'm really just, I don't know what the problem is. I was rock hard most of the time except when I had the condom on but I was still fairly hard. Then when it came off I was rock hard again. After she left I looked at some porn and was able to bust. I tried different kinds of lube, my cock ring, different positions and no nut. I'm genuinely worried I'm not meant to be with someone.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Did you ever get caught by another, pleasuring yourself, when you were many years younger ? There may be some sort of Stigma embedded in memory. Are you shy ?

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

No. I was caught once when I was 16/17 but it wasn't a traumatic moment or anything. I'm really not shy. I'm probably bi because when I'm in a locker room and need to disrobe I get hard or at least semi-hard because I like to show off my big dick. I'm thinking of trying again but this time not jerk off at all for almost a week.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

That and having 1 glass of wine in a romantic setting could help facilitate things. Ya never know.

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

I gave her some wine too. She asked for cocaine but I don't do drugs. I was a very good host and made sure she was an independent and not being trafficked or anything.

[Dreadsteed Senior Member Member of the Month March 2022 Find all posts View Profile Close Dreadsteed]

I've had this problem for most of my life, and reaching an orgasm during sex has been a rough road. I assumed early on that it's a size issue - since full penetration is impossible in most cases and there is less sensation going on when having sex. Oral is especially hard to orgasm from if they can get barely any of it in their mouth. Going full sessions and not being able to orgasm can be very unsatisfying, but I've always gotten off more on getting them off. Abstaining from masturbation only made reaching an orgasm harder for me. Finding a girlfriend who could handle larger sizes and that I could openly communicate with on what was going on on my end was particularly helpful when it came to reaching an O during sex. Finding particular movements in certain positions that help build the O are important. Masturbating more often seemed better than not, and practicing edging helped get the feeling of climbing to the ponr down more. Having read through a lot of these forums though I now believe more of the problem was a weak pelvic floor and my high anxiety, possibly a hormone imbalance as well. There are definitely a lot of things that could factor into not being able to reach an O.

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

I don't think it's a pelvic floor issue. I did kegels like a motherfucker when I was 16 and I can actually stop pissing mid-way and it doesn't sting or suffer from any issues. The only things I can think that could be the issue is that the way I jerked off massively reduced my sensitivity or it's anxiety. Possibly the later because I can be with cam girls and still have the same problem sometimes.

[Dreadsteed Senior Member Member of the Month March 2022 Find all posts View Profile Close Dreadsteed]

I thought I had a strong pelvic floor but getting into K/RK's and paying attention to my IK's I realize I don't have nearly as much control as I'd like. It could easily be a physiological issue or even a mindset thing. But anxiety/hormones are what I'd put my own money on as biggest factors. It would explain why I can be fine some days and bad on others. Although I never went to a doctor about low sensitivity to get advice on the medical side.

[SecretSquirrel420 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SecretSquirrel420]

Would Viagra help?

[Dreadsteed Senior Member Member of the Month March 2022 Find all posts View Profile Close Dreadsteed]

Now that I honestly couldn't say. I tried Viagra once and didn't like how it made my heart feel so didn't touch the stuff again. I know it can help with temporary EQ needs, but I don't know how much (if at all) it would help with sensitivity or building an orgasm. You seem to be good on the EQ side.
But you probably have enough information to narrow down the problem already.
You said you had no problem getting hard, and even hard you couldn't orgasm until you were doing it yourself with porn. The condom in the scenario you mentioned could have been a barrier to sensation during sex and could have been holding you back. Perhaps a thinner condom could help, or a textured one. I had a hard time with condoms so I eventually bit the bullet and got a vasectomy. But that depends on your personal viewpoint and whether that would even help.
If you still feel sensitive in your unit during sex and don't think the condom is a problem, alternatively the porn could be an issue. If you get too trained on porn your mind might not be in the right place during sex, as the two are often quite dissimilar in practice. You could try not using porn when you get yourself off and try to focus on what feels good vs. what builds an O for you. Then the next time you have sex try to find ways that match the building sensations. This is what helped me most in my situation at least.
And like the article linked previously said, having full control of your Kegels when getting yourself off doesn't always translate to what your Kegels are doing during sex. You could be having some involuntary Kegels you aren't aware of while in the heat of things that you could look out for next time. As well, your grip when getting yourself off could also be too tight and furthering your relation of what builds an orgasm for you from what you're going to feel during sex. Masturbating with a lighter grip could help train you to more subtle feelings.
Just some ideas, I'm sure there are more things that couldn't hurt to test.