Unable to get aroused when with other people?

[hooksvsbird Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close hooksvsbird]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. There is no way in hell I think I could ever now or in the past gotten down with a devil's threesome (MFM). I just don't want to be that close to some other guy's erection. MFF (the correct kind ) with 2 girls I don't really know? No problem.

I'm with bautista not only would I turtle I would probably have the whole thing disappear into my abdominal cavity

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

If you are truly into it I think you should face it head on and overcome it but you have to make yourself comfortable first. If not you will still want it as time passes and any underlying problems will get greater as time goes on. It happened to me once in a threesome. They were waiting for me to walk in on them and they were already heavy into foreplay. When I walked in he slapped her on the ass and said come try this out and I started ripping my pants off! As I removed them I was probrably already at a semi state and he pointed and said look at that giant cock to her she smiled and reached out for it and I dont know what happened I lost it. After that the more she touched me I swear the softer I became. It was a big kick in the balls.

[Mikes Mrs Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Mikes Mrs]

Pretty obvious. You and wife alone means no pressure to "impress and perform" hence no anxiety. When "onlookers" join the party, you all of a sudden have someone to "impress" with your size and also by "performing" well. Your SPA is caused by size insecurity. What confuses me is why you feel the need to engage in these orgies in the first place? Because if you are not careful you will also soon have problems with your wife alone since she is always "looking" when you are failing. Don't tempt fate.

I think you have hit the nail on the head. I have read the thread and can't understand why you do stuff that is obviously not what you want. If it was, you would be having the biggest erection in your life but from what you said it is the opposite. STOP before it's to late. Talk to your wife and say it does not work for you. I have done the swing thing before and i thank God that it was just a passing phase, fun for a few times till you realise what you have is better than what is out there. I beg you my friend from the bottom of my heart to look for other means to make your situation work. Please PM me if you like I have a lot to share and help you if you want.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

oh yeah I agree 100% if your not into it DONT DO it

[bahamaboner71 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bahamaboner71]

I'm surprised Mrs H&D hasnt replied yet.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

I think you have hit the nail on the head. I have read the thread and can't understand why you do stuff that is obviously not what you want. If it was, you would be having the biggest erection in your life but from what you said it is the opposite. STOP before it's to late. Talk to your wife and say it does not work for you. I have done the swing thing before and i thank God that it was just a passing phase, fun for a few times till you realise what you have is better than what is out there. I beg you my friend from the bottom of my heart to look for other means to make your situation work. Please PM me if you like I have a lot to share and help you if you want.

I appreciate your concern but following your logic any man that has ED with a woman he cares about doesn't really want it or he'd have a raging hard on. We are secure and love each other very much but happen to both be freaks. To each their own. I will see if she wants to contribute to the thread when she gets off work tonight.

[Mrs H&D Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mrs H&D]

I'm surprised Mrs H&D hasnt replied yet.

I'm getting to it...haha...work and children = no extra time.

We are 100% open. If he or I for that matter didn't want to do anything or felt the least bit uncomfortable we would support and respect each others wishes. We've had many conversations about this. H & D is a very passionate faithful man, and although he is a freak, he has a genuine side that I think, requires a connection vs. just screwing anyone. That's what might be lacking in our expereinces?

In addition, he is concerned about his size - and I think this is a mental road block so to speak when he is in a room with another man that he might be compared to (or he thinks hes being compared to). Here's the thing that gets me....when it comes to sizes...with my experiences - I've found that all sizes have something unique to bring to the table. The men that have been larger then H & D have all been in girth and not length. They've also not been as hard. H & D can hurt me with his dick! I'm PROUD of his dick and I wish he could perform (if that's what he wants) with others so that they can enjoy him and he can enjoy himself.

I've accepted that we have an emotional connection that might enhance our sex, but ultimately you could blind fold me and I bet his hard cock would make me cum a lot more than the ones that I have had that have been larger.

Another thing I should mention is his frustration about how he WANTS to do this but can't. So for those that doubt his interest, I respectfully say you're wrong. He is such a selfless person....I have told him to stop thinking of what others (naked people I'm talking about) are thinking and concentrate on how it feels for him! Guess easier said then done when theres always some kind of pressure on men to perform.

I know its hard for many people to understand the thought process behind this lifestyle. I didn't always understand this way of life either, that's for sure.

And if for some reason, this is not the thing for H & D, if he can't work pass these pyschological road blocks, then I surrender and will go back to our freakishly private sex life. This other people stuff is just sex bonuses. Its not important compared to our relationship and our private sex life. It's just naughty fun.

[litopita Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close litopita]

If you are truly into it I think you should face it head on and overcome it but you have to make yourself comfortable first. If not you will still want it as time passes and any underlying problems will get greater as time goes on. It happened to me once in a threesome. They were waiting for me to walk in on them and they were already heavy into foreplay. When I walked in he slapped her on the ass and said come try this out and I started ripping my pants off! As I removed them I was probrably already at a semi state and he pointed and said look at that giant cock to her she smiled and reached out for it and I dont know what happened I lost it. After that the more she touched me I swear the softer I became. It was a big kick in the balls.

Bahahaha... This is some funny experience man. Made me laugh. Hope you dint make up the story though. One of the best I have read and I have read lots of SPA failure stories from various guys over 8 years. But my all time best is the one of the couple which both had SPA and fought for 1 hour to try and have sex before filing for divorce. My ribs still crack to this day on that story. Its a sad story but cant help it.

So from what am reading looks like Hopeful and his wife are both on this site right and she is the defending him. Bahaha... Sorry couldn't help it. This whole thing is funny you have to admit.

OK seriously now. To the OP and his wife let me give you my honest "informed" opinion and hope you take it in good faith. But the truth is you are gonna have a VERY hard time achieving erections in these orgies because you have failed too many times and also because have an "active" anxiety (size insecurity). I will try to explain what I mean. SPA is sustained by past "memories" of failure. And looks like you have many and each time you try and fail your mind gets more ammunition. And it becomes even harder because you are "actively" worried about your size hence trying to enlarge your dick (because inside you BELIEVE its not big enough, especially compared to OTHER guys. Frame it however you want ). Now add in the fact that you are a self confessed "freak" and it makes it even worse since you have mental "pre occupation" with sex/fetishes.

Anyway like your wife said, its hard to understand why people feel they need to engage in this especially if its not working. But this thread shows you are bothered/confused about your issue so we have told you what the problem is and you have ZERO chance of getting over it as long as you continue in your current frame of mind and lifestyle. So the decision is yours. Its ALWAYS yours. But the warning about this creeping into your bedroom is very real, even though you seem too confident now. But whatever you choose, good luck to you and I hope you be happy after all.

PS: The woman that offered to "help" you via inbox, please let us know what she "offered" you... Bahaha

[Mrs H&D Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mrs H&D]

and she is the defending him. Bahaha... Sorry couldn't help it. This whole thing is funny you have to admit.

Glad you're easily amused. So I'm not defending him, only stating my stand point and view and hoping that those who can relate can offer some advice to him who may have experienced the same thing. This website seems more of a support system vs. a bashing, make fun bahahaha of others kinda website.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

This might sound weird but what about blind folding him. The sounds of sex can be very erotic and the blindfolding could bring an element of excitement. Just a thought. Blindfolded and start out with two women carresing his body.
Hell, that would work for me and the visual of the other guy would be eliminated.

[ronnierokk Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ronnierokk]

Heres my take on this.

If you get aroused when there is another woman introduced into the scene then that sounds like every guys fantasy so I can see why you would get aroused.

But when another man is introduced you can't get hard.

And here is the reason why I think this is so.

There is nothing wrong with your cock and I think your problem is linked to Psychology of the mind.

Your subconscious is not happy to see your girl with another man, and this does not turn you on at all, in your mind you are thinking

"What if she likes him better and leaves me for him" or "What if his cock feels better for her and she only wants to start having sex with him?"

Even if you allow this to take place to make your girl happy, deep down you are scared of this happening.

If you trust your girl, which I think you do, you need to over come this feel you hold inside and then you can feel more relaxed in this kind of situation.

And I think this will help you get back and into the action.

But I did like the idea of the blind fold theory.

Ok, so many here may not be able to relate to this problem but I thought some may have some advice. My wife and I play with others every so often. Well, my wife plays and I usually end up watching unable to even get a semi. I have zero problems when we are alone and EQ is always a 10+. When others are introduced into the equation I am unable to feel anything down there. It doesn't even remotely move and there is hot action going on right in front of my eyes. The only time I was able to get hard is when we had a single girl join us. As soon as another male is introduced I am pretty much useless. I've tried Cialis and got nothing. I've tried to pin it down to dick size insecurity but I really don't think that's it. Most if not all the guys are thicker than me because I'm sub 5" but I'm pretty sure I've had them or equal them in length. It's such a kick in the gut standing there with a softy while the other 3 are going at it and I am basically powerless. I'm at a loss right now on how to fix this problem. My current thinking is that I need to get to know these people better and I might be comfortable enough to perform. All these instances have occurred with people we just met a few hours earlier.

I don't know....thoughts?.?.?

[litopita Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close litopita]

Glad you're easily amused. So I'm not defending him, only stating my stand point and view and hoping that those who can relate can offer some advice to him who may have experienced the same thing. This website seems more of a support system vs. a bashing, make fun bahahaha of others kinda website.

No you are right. My bad. I just tend to get "carried away" sometimes and like you noted, I tend to be easily amused, especially by taboo topics. Am sorry if I offended any of you guys. It wasn't my intention.

I was actually in-boxed by a mod about this post (Danger!!!).

Otherwise I hope you got something from my pointers and wish you guys all the best

Cheers

[MarriedPE'er Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MarriedPE'er]

[QUOTE=Mrs H&D;537047]I'm getting to it...haha...work and children = no extra time.


And if for some reason, this is not the thing for H & D, if he can't work pass these pyschological road blocks, then I surrender and will go back to our freakishly private sex life. This other people stuff is just sex bonuses. Its not important compared to our relationship and our private sex life. It's just naughty fun.[/QUOTE]



I think this is the most difficult thing for people to understand unless they also happen to be in the lifestyle. My wife and I occassionally swap with some friends of ours and in no way are either of us concerned or insecure about one of us leaving the other. We have a great sex life, and a great marriage as well. It's just some extra added fun. After swapping we talk about what happened, what we like and dislike, and try to incorporate things into our personal life. I know it sounds screwed up (I thought it was too until we swapped), but in some ways we kinda feel closer after the fact and heats up our personal sex life even more.

By the way HD, I've had similar issues. It happens. I think my issues were related to wanting to fully and completely satisfy the other lady so they would be interested in swapping again. I think I put a lot of extra unnecessary pressure on myself. I wouldn't worry too much about some of these other responses, it's hard to understand this until you've been in the lifestyle and experienced some of this firsthand.

Take care and happy swinging.

[ivioca Banned Find all posts View Profile Close ivioca]

These socializing with other couples, are they yours or your wife's idea?