Age 25 - Having Issues Getting Erection

[XavierL2009 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close XavierL2009]

Here's my story.

I am 25 now and I haven't been able to have sex in almost a year because I can't get an erection. See if you can follow this.

When I was 21 I had a girlfriend. Just making out with her caused me to get an erection and we had sex all the time.

Between 21-23 (after breaking up with girlfriend) I attempted to have sex with maybe 2 girls, and although I was able to get an erection, because they didn't want to have sex, it never happened.

At 23 I met this girl who I was not attracted to at all. We went on one date, she came over, tried to get it on with me and I couldn't get an erection. I chalked it up to the fact that I thought she was completely ugly but because she came back the next day, I knew I had to prove myself and somehow I got an erection. Since then me and her have had sex 4 or 5 times without me having any problem getting an erection. (23-24)

Also at 23 I met this girl that I was sort of attracted to, but not as much as my previous girlfriend. We tried to have sex but everytime i tried to put the condom on, I lost my erection completely. We ended up never having sex and never talking again.

At 24 I tried to have sex with another girl and I couldn't get an erection at all.

At 25 I took a trip to LA and met a girl who convinced me and my other male friend to have sex with her. The entire experience I couldn't get an erection at all. Eventually I got maybe a 25% erection and ended up ejaculating almost immediately from just rubbing on her. (try explaining that to everyone smh)

At this point in my life I have had it. My love life hasn't been very active since I last had a girlfriend and I'm actually terrified to even attempt to build a relationship with a girl because I'm scared I won't be able to perform when it comes to sex. During this entire experience I have had no problem getting an erection when masterbating. I was masterbating everyday at one point but after reading some stuff online have drastically cut that down to about 2 maybe 3 times a week. I can't pinpoint my problem but want to figure something out ASAP. I'm almost postive my inability to get an erection has something to do with the fact that I haven't been attracted to these particular women and that at this point I've had so many failures I fear having more. The simple fact is I may never meet a girl that compares to my ex and I just need to get my mojo back. I have had sex with girls in the past that I've had no interest in so life shouldn't be this way.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Stress and anxiety will kill an erection faster than Barack Obama. You have to change your mental outlook! How about just trying to be young and going and having fun and forget the bullshit!

[abraihm Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close abraihm]

It's either psychological or caused by lack of enough blood flow... meaning you could have some clogged-up arteries (ED is the first sign of this.) Maybe eating a very healthy diet for a few months (lots of veggies, fruit, beans, legumes, egg whites only; no yolks, grains, no meat or if you have to just lowfat fish, nonfat dairy only, etc.), avoiding alcohol, and stopping smoking will help...

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[abraihm Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close abraihm]

It's either psychological or caused by lack of enough blood flow... meaning you could have some clogged-up arteries (ED is the first sign of this.) Maybe eating a very healthy diet for a few months (lots of veggies, fruit, beans, legumes, egg whites only; no yolks, grains, no meat or if you have to just lowfat fish, nonfat dairy only, etc.), avoiding alcohol, and stopping smoking will help...

[clarkstr Member Find all posts View Profile Close clarkstr]

If you can get a good erection and masturbate - that indicates its more of an anxiety issue. Are you on any antidepressants or other meds that could be affecting your erections? I'd quit trying to sleep with girls who you weren't attracted to. A lot of us might go soft with another guy

[TestlaTeleforce Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TestlaTeleforce]

The fact you can get and maintain erections when not with a woman strongly suggests it's in your head.
It's not terribly uncommon for young healthy men to experience bouts of sexual dysfunction, especially when not living an active sex life or when switching partners (sexual dysfunction in older men when switching mates is also quite common).

Here are a few of my thoughts.

a) Next time you get the chance to have sex, just tell her you're a bit nervous with her and she'll have to give you a bit of a boost (such as a blowjob), give it your best to control your breathing and try your hardest to relax and not think about your erection (or lack thereof) at all.

b) Since you've had a few bad experiences your sexual confidence is probably and understandably low, you might want to consult with your GP and he might prescribe Cialis, which would primarily serve to boost your confidence but it also makes your erections very hard (assuming you can relax enough and get "horny" enough).

c) If you're pursuing a real relationship i'd even suggest to you that you get to know her/them a bit before attempting sex.
Sex is very important in a relationship but it's generally not part of the attraction process, that is to say, if you've built a relationship and you both like each other, one failed attempt isn't neccessarily enough to end the relationship as per your story, i'd wager this had more to do with your reaction to your flaccid penis than the actual flaccid-ness.

d) Condoms are for some an added problem but still, the same advice. Admit to anxiety, admit it's difficult for you to get an erection when anxious, ask her to help you with the erection. If she won't suck you off without the condom, ask her to use her hands and even to put it on.
I realize admitting to the anxiety problem might be terribly demeaning for you but i think it's probably the best way to both overcome it and also get the partner to come to terms with it (as well as help).

e) Quit watching internet porn, there's not a lot of good scientific evidence for porn induced ED but a lot of guys swear by it so it's definitely worth giving a shot.

[paperchasin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close paperchasin]

Yes, I agree, porn is bad.

[Nikos23 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nikos23]

i had same problems. Do 90 Quick kegels per day and light jelqing with WARM UP of course and trust me you will feel confidence in 1 week your erections will be hard rock like mine

[overcomingped Banned Find all posts View Profile Close overcomingped]

I seriously think your case is psychological. I have had the same problem with women. However, I do not suffer from this anymore. Your brain is what causes erections. If you don't have any problem getting an erection during masturbation then your case is most definitely psychological.

One incredible method I have learned over the years of fighting this curse is by using a technique I call "Surprise in The Middle of The Night" It works 100% of the time for me. Here is what I do. I will tell the girl that I know wants to be sexually active with me that I am not having sex with her. Often she rolls over and goes to sleep (sexually frustrated).

I set an alarm on my phone for a couple hours ahead. Long enough for both of us to fall asleep. When my alarm goes off I am relaxed and the woman is not being aggressive which causes my insecurity leading me to ED.

I arouse myself while the woman is sleeping and then wake her up by turning her on, when I am ready of course. She WILL be will to have sex with you because she is still sexually frustrated.

The reason this works for people with psychological erectile dysfunction is because during sleep our brain is constantly firing neurons and sends signals to all parts of our body to ensure that everything is functioning properly. Something you may call "morning wood" should actually be referred to "nocturnal wood". Our body makes sure we get erections all through out the night by firing neurons which controls erections.

So when you wake up, you may be dazed and confused but you will also be relaxed and have that extra boost that your body has given you while you were sleeping. You should almost always be able to get an erection, but stay calm and don't get too nervous or you just may lose it.

As far as using a condom. Every man with psychological erectile dysfunction has this problem. The key here is to be swift. Let's say that you have an erection, you are ready to have sex and she tells you to put a condom on. Well, obviously, the condom takes a lot of the pleasure away from intercourse but there is still a great pleasure there if you are quick enough.

Once you get an erection, continue to turn yourself on, in whatever way you can. Keep your erection at the same time get that condom ready to roll on. You should not waste any time what so ever. Before you engage in intercourse with your partner be sure the condom is out of the wrapper and ready to roll on. NOTE: Make sure she is turned on as well or it is going to be difficult to stick it in. When you are both turned on, QUICKLY roll the condom on and stick it in as soon as you can. The pleasure should ensure that you don't lose your erection.

All of this takes practice and a little trial and error to perfect. But eventually you will have no problems. Keep in touch PM me if you have any questions.

[Totenkopf Member Find all posts View Profile Close Totenkopf]

The fact you can get and maintain erections when not with a woman strongly suggests it's in your head.
It's not terribly uncommon for young healthy men to experience bouts of sexual dysfunction, especially when not living an active sex life or when switching partners (sexual dysfunction in older men when switching mates is also quite common).

This is what I think my problem is. A very spotty sex life on top of high anxiety from my job and too much porn have lead to low libido. My diet isn't perfect either, but I do exercise regularly.

[litopita Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close litopita]

I seriously think your case is psychological. I have had the same problem with women. However, I do not suffer from this anymore. Your brain is what causes erections. If you don't have any problem getting an erection during masturbation then your case is most definitely psychological.

One incredible method I have learned over the years of fighting this curse is by using a technique I call "Surprise in The Middle of The Night" It works 100% of the time for me. Here is what I do. I will tell the girl that I know wants to be sexually active with me that I am not having sex with her. Often she rolls over and goes to sleep (sexually frustrated).

I set an alarm on my phone for a couple hours ahead. Long enough for both of us to fall asleep. When my alarm goes off I am relaxed and the woman is not being aggressive which causes my insecurity leading me to ED.

I arouse myself while the woman is sleeping and then wake her up by turning her on, when I am ready of course. She WILL be will to have sex with you because she is still sexually frustrated.

The reason this works for people with psychological erectile dysfunction is because during sleep our brain is constantly firing neurons and sends signals to all parts of our body to ensure that everything is functioning properly. Something you may call "morning wood" should actually be referred to "nocturnal wood". Our body makes sure we get erections all through out the night by firing neurons which controls erections.

So when you wake up, you may be dazed and confused but you will also be relaxed and have that extra boost that your body has given you while you were sleeping. You should almost always be able to get an erection, but stay calm and don't get too nervous or you just may lose it.

As far as using a condom. Every man with psychological erectile dysfunction has this problem. The key here is to be swift. Let's say that you have an erection, you are ready to have sex and she tells you to put a condom on. Well, obviously, the condom takes a lot of the pleasure away from intercourse but there is still a great pleasure there if you are quick enough.

Once you get an erection, continue to turn yourself on, in whatever way you can. Keep your erection at the same time get that condom ready to roll on. You should not waste any time what so ever. Before you engage in intercourse with your partner be sure the condom is out of the wrapper and ready to roll on. NOTE: Make sure she is turned on as well or it is going to be difficult to stick it in. When you are both turned on, QUICKLY roll the condom on and stick it in as soon as you can. The pleasure should ensure that you don't lose your erection.

All of this takes practice and a little trial and error to perfect. But eventually you will have no problems. Keep in touch PM me if you have any questions.

Actually you still suffer from Sexual Performance Anxiety. This "routine" that you have discovered is not the real answer to your problem, although at least you can have sex this way for now. Humans are a bit like dogs and we are conditioned by "routines" as well which leaves us clueless in situations where the routine does not unfold the way its supposed to i.e being with a woman at home in bed at night who gets frustrated then sleeps then you wake up and rush the condom then wake her up and she wants to have sex e.t.c It cant always be like this because that's a poor quality sex life you should not get used to, married or not.

In defeating SPA the main objective is to confront the anxiety itself from the roots and not "pander" or suck up towards it by coming up with routines or tricks that leave it intact and in fact enable it to entrench itself even further. So your battle with SPA is still on although you have a good launching pad. Now you have to face up to the anxiety and not "hide" from it. Only then is when you can say its in the past.

Cheers