Getting Going

[Wilt Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wilt]

Hi guys,

Some of you might recognize me. My story has not been the funnest but I've got a great thing going. So as far back as I can remember, I watched a lot of porn. In retrospect, my erections didn't seem very hard but they were definitely hard enough to penetrate. I didn't date much and wasn't in a serious relationship until recently, and am now engaged. Throughout our year and a half or so together, I have had on and off performance anxiety. She is very understand and it's pretty obvious that she is with me all the way and really believes in me here. I stopped masturbating for a while and found my sex drive tanked. I also lost my job and that didn't help. I started a new job a couple months ago and started masturbating again. I can get hard once more though it does take a bit of time. When I'm with her, I find when we make out, it takes maybe 30 seconds or so, but I get hard. Keeping it up can be an issue.

So here's my question, and I am too embarassed to ask anyone in real life: is it normal to take time to get hard enough to have sex? In my mind, I think that I should be hard right away and ready to go at the drop of a hat. Am I being too hard on myself? Do I need to wait a few minutes before I'm ready to go here? I just don't have a ton of experience and need some guidance on that. It looks like I have almost beat my SPA. I was tempted to use an ED pill, but people in here talked me out of it. It's looking very promising and I'm just about there! I just need to understand my anatomy a bit better. I am still a young guy, late 20s if that helps.

Any advice is greatly appreciated here. I just want to have a fun sex life and I can feel how close I am right now!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

My peter has a mind of it's own. It used to make its presence known at the most inconvenient times. Other times, it opposed every effort by me to tell it what to do. The harder I tried, the softer it persisted.
I have no idea what will be "normal" for you this year, or ten years from now.

What works for me, might not work for you. Take your time. Don't be your own worst enemy, because there is nothing good in the way of a reward that will be gathered.

A big part of sex for us, is becoming comfortable with the other person, in that sex situation. It just takes time. So take time, learn to be with & enjoy the other. You'll get to where you need to be at just the right time.

imho !

[Wilt Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wilt]

Thanks for that. It really helps to know. She wants to get going right away, but I'm guessing she just figures this is what I want. It's hard, but I have a girl who is staying with me and marrying me despite these issues, so I know I have someone great here. Time to have some fun!

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi Wilt well if your getting erections, even if it takes time your getting them, and that's the important bit, but for good erections we need good blood, if you have read around posts and the site, you will find stacks of help for this, things to remember, exercise, even just brisk walking is good for that bit, keeping off fast and junk foods, there just full of salt and sugars, so not good for you, alcohol, to much not good for you, smoking again not good for you or your sex life, if your having anxiety problems, google natural ways out of anxiety, there you will find different ways, but just stick to one, for a while before changing to the next one, but you will find one that works, this way no drugs. OK for your blood, if you go to franktalk,org, under general discussions look for this, DRUGS VERSUS HERBS, HERB MY CHOICE, its a post by me, most of what I take for ED is for my blood, and it works, but I will tell you this ED jokes us, have some very good weeks then you get a real bad week, but the cayenne, I now just take first thing in the mornings, before anything else, and not knowing your age, if your under 35 don't take DHEA, see how you get on even if you do the 12 weeks trial, you can say I tried it. Good Luck

[Wilt Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wilt]

Thanks a lot. I'm under 30, and very active and have a healthy lifestyle overall. I've been finding lately that I'm getting them at random times, so I think my issue is the anxiety around it. I think that's where the cycle breaks and I need to find the best way to do that. The next time I'm with my fiancee, I'm going to find what is triggering the anxiety and how I can get around it. The erections are getting harder and are lasting longer lately so I think I'm on the right tack. I'm going to look into the herbs for anxiety you mentioned, though I can say it's not heavy anxiety and I'm finally getting better. Really grateful she's been patient and she's going to be patient for as long as she has to. It's all up to me from here it appears!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

If you're relationship can endure this: discuss in close setting, ask for her help and understanding.
You work together.....

You may end up even closer than you could imagine.

[Wilt Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wilt]

We've talked about it quite often. I really feel our relationship can withstand anything to be honest. She's not crazy about the fact that I have this but is standing by me all the way. Like I said, we're engaged at this point despite the issue. I think she still deep down feels it's a rejection of her and she has told me she's frustrated, but it is what it is. We both know it's a psychological thing and figure I'll get past it eventually. She's with me all the way. I really do believe that when we are able to spend more time together and can feel each other more often (we don't live nearby), I'll get better. I probably just put too much pressure on myself off the bat and fell into this cycle. Now that it's been so long and I just shoot to have those intimate moments, I find I'm getting better.

And you are right. Talking about it has helped us become even closer than ever. We'll get this eventually, but it sucks to be going through this because I really want to have sex. I can't put it into words.

I went to my doctor and we ruled out any physical conditions by the way. I'm not hiding behind "it might be something physiological". I get boners at night so strong they wake me up. I can't wait to unleash those in the bedroom!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Thanks Wilt for sharing. Your attitude is admirable. May you reach your goals & enjoy the success SOON !

[Wilt Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wilt]

So we had a talk about it. She told me that if she was ever going to leave over this, she would have done so a while ago.

That being said, I went to the doctor today with complaints about pressure in my butt when I sit down, frequent urination and a lot of pain. I told him about the ED and now even when I masturbate, I can't get an erection. They are pretty sure I have prostatitis or a prostate infection which would explain a lot. This really sucks guys. I just want to have sex and my body is just not letting it happen. Thank God she is so patient over this. I just hope this brings a resolution.