I couldn't get erect on my date

[DWA Member Find all posts View Profile Close DWA]

I used to visit this forum from time to time in the past, not really for enlargement, but rather to enhance my endurance. Jelqing and kegel exercises helped a lot with that, but also rubbing my penis with magnesium oil. I was only able to find a few rare hits of others talking about that on here, so I thought I'd share that here as well.

Anyway, that's not why I started this thread. Having just turned 33, I recently broke up with my ex and have no begun dating again. Although I had no issues getting erect with the girls I had sex with, I have a constant fear I will not be able to get erect and usually avoid one night stands for that reason. I always feel I need more time, like 3-4 dates in order to be comfortable enough to avoid having erection issues.

So yesterday, I met with a girl that is out of my league. Although I think I look pretty decent, she's a model and that definitely didn't help with my nerves. So she invited me to her place and after a while I starting turning the conversation sexual, we started kissing and I put her hand on my penis/dick, which was getting erect (I guess the wine helped keeping my nerves at ease). We then went to the bedroom and when I grabbed a condom, I lost my erection. I asked the girl to blow me a bit more in order to try and get my erection back, but my brain simply wasn't cooperating.

The girl was quite easy going about it, we laid on the bed, talked and had fun and although I was frustrated, we were having a good time talking and joking. I guess it helped that the topic of not being able to get a hard on came up on the previous date, when she explained that a guy couldn't get it up to which I answered, yes it's normal, it happens sometimes and what matters is to make the girl feel it's not because of her - at least it helped her (subconsciously) to believe it wasn't about her.

We then started kissing and it aroused me a lot. I got it up and we had great sex in the end. Completely against my expectations but obviously I was very happy about it.

Now the interesting thing is, I started a 3 months no porn challenge a while ago which I accomplished without many issues. I did it, because I used to masturbate twice daily and I felt liked it desensitized my senses a lot. I also feared I would not be able to get erect easily when having sex with new girls. It definitely helped a lot and I had no incidents of not being able to get it up with girls I had dated over a span of a few months. These girls were not as pretty as the one in the previous example, so I am not sure if that played a role. Anyway, the fact that my morning wood returned during this challenge helped a lot with my confidence.

The weird thing is, since a week of two, I haven't had morning wood and it feels like my penis is flatlining, I have no idea what has caused this, I just know it begun after using a condom with benzocaine (by accident, I didn't know they had this on them until after having sex and not really feeling my penis much). I also felt I didn't have a very strong erection when using that condom. Now I am not saying there's a correlation, probably not, but just in case.

The flatlining worries me most, because I simply have no morning wood and my penis feels kind of dead, obviously it's like a vicious circle with negative thoughts causing some sort of murphy's law situation.

I was hoping to get some insights on how to deal with this, or what to look at to improve the flatlining as well as my erection quality other than the jelqing and kegel exercises. I also eat rather healthy and work out 3-4 times a week.

I also had my testosterone tested recently which came out at 616 ng/DL.
Edit - my penis size is 7" and I believe I am not too bad in making women feel good, but still I am lacking confidence it seems. Also, it happened on two other occasions in the past 5 years or so that I couldn't get it up, including with my ex on our first date.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I can only think the anxiety is affedting your dick

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Classic performance anxiety. The fact that you mentioned she was "out of your league" already set the grounds for failure. As long as you consider yourself to be inferior to your sexual partner, there's going to be issues.

The following should be of assistance: More On The Mental Side Of Male Enhancement

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I prefer 3-4 dates to feel 'comfortable enough to proceed'.

That's how I deal with performance anxiety. I also found explaining my feelings helps in establishing a 'team effort' to proceed forward. Partners like when you open up to them, they can have anxiety to deal with also.

[DWA Member Find all posts View Profile Close DWA]

Classic performance anxiety. The fact that you mentioned she was "out of your league" already set the grounds for failure. As long as you consider yourself to be inferior to your sexual partner, there's going to be issues.

The following should be of assistance: More On The Mental Side Of Male Enhancement

I understand what you are hinting at. The thing is, I don't really feel like I am "less worthy", but she's a 9 whereas the other girls I have been seeing the past months were like a 7 and although I have great confidence in talking to girls including this one, the fear of not getting erect is always on my mind and turned into a self fulfilling prophecy. I do feel, however, my performance anxiety gets worse with the more confident and beautiful girls.

Anyway, I'll give your link a read. Thanks!

[DWA Member Find all posts View Profile Close DWA]

I prefer 3-4 dates to feel 'comfortable enough to proceed'.

That's how I deal with performance anxiety. I also found explaining my feelings helps in establishing a 'team effort' to proceed forward. Partners like when you open up to them, they can have anxiety to deal with also.

So in my case I started touching sex related topics quite openly and she then mentioned about a guy who couldn't get it up (not making fun or anything)... so that was a great prelude to tell her it happened to me and it is normal to happen at times. She was very understanding and I think she liked how I explained it's about making the girl feel comfortable and not make her concerned it's about her and you not feeling attracted. When we were actually about to have sex and I couldn't get my erection up, I am sure she thought back of that conversation.

However, so how do you do it? Do you bring up the topic during a 2nd or 3rd date? I usually say I am not a fan of one night stands (which is true) but obviously also to gain myself some time to build comfort. As for opening up, I am like an open book on dates and girls really love it when you have no issues talking about your insecurities, like you said - they open up themselves often and feel like its a genuine conversation.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

However, so how do you do it? Do you bring up the topic during a 2nd or 3rd date?

It is not like, scheduled. You, and your partner might talk about it being a joint decision. Heck, she may not be the one, after the social' ice is broken'. Sometimes, there is an instinct feeling like 'we are good to go'.
I would not rush things.

All this goes out the window, if you or she is only looking for a quickie/one night stand.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

I go back to performance anxiety. The first time I went to bed with my amazing I’ve to be, I could not get it up. Once I found time without time constraints, I was able to pleasur her without reservations.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

I understand what you are hinting at. The thing is, I don't really feel like I am "less worthy", but she's a 9 whereas the other girls I have been seeing the past months were like a 7 and although I have great confidence in talking to girls including this one, the fear of not getting erect is always on my mind and turned into a self fulfilling prophecy. I do feel, however, my performance anxiety gets worse with the more confident and beautiful girls.

Anyway, I'll give your link a read. Thanks!

Your situation isn't uncommon. If you can function perfectly well with women you consider less attractive then you have to see that this is solely in your mind- as there's no obvious physical component to the problem.

[zero0x Senior Member Member of the Month May 2020 Find all posts View Profile Close zero0x]

I had a similar discussion with my friend this weekend. He never had a good hookup experience v/s girl he actually dated. Even I had similar experience and stopped having sex on first date. I always get erection but I come too soon like in 2 thrust compared to my Fwb with whom its min 20+ mins. Going back to Nofap level 9999.