Girlfriend Was Raped

[Quirky One-Eye Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Quirky One-Eye]

I'm curious to know whether anything has ever come of this ordeal?

Part of my curiosity is with regards to the wellbeing of another person.

Part of it is because during my time in service I was involved (as an NCO) in a surprising number of rape investigations and I'm always curious how the stories with some degree of dubiousness or factor of doubt finally resolve.

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Hey Quirk, welcome aboard. Go to the poll forum, "Military" and post. (jP

[O.G. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close O.G.]

I'm curious to know whether anything has ever come of this ordeal?

Part of my curiosity is with regards to the wellbeing of another person.

Part of it is because during my time in service I was involved (as an NCO) in a surprising number of rape investigations and I'm always curious how the stories with some degree of dubiousness or factor of doubt finally resolve.

Things are still in the works. I'll give you guys an update when I can. Thanks for asking.

[Quirky One-Eye Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Quirky One-Eye]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, O.G. Just know that you're not alone; you've got people here to talk to, some of them with experience regarding coping with these kinds of situations (for better or worse).


Perhaps this man raped your woman, in which case I hope he eventually gets sent to prison.

Perhaps he did not, in which case I hope the truth comes to light -- because even if it turns out you suffer some NOW because of it, in the long run this kind of thing can free you from far, far worse things down the line.

My own wife put a man in prison. The initial charges were rape. They were living together for three years when the alleged incident occurred. She told me this story early in our relationship and I just accepted it and let it go; it was in the past, he'd been in prison for just over three years at the time we began dating. Sure, at the instant I heard it I felt rage; not a man worth his salt doesn't. Good men KNOW beasts need to be dealt with like beasts, and it's in the blood of Men to do so.

However...

We dated, we married... and over time her story began to slip. Just bits and pieces, small details here and there, which I pointed out and questioned and she quickly covered by insisting she hadn't expressed herself clearly.

More time passed and I began to learn things about not only this past relationship which had led to a man's imprisonment, but about the woman to whom I was married. We'd married after only ten months (I was rapidly approaching 40 and wanted a family, so I admit I rushed in a bit) so while there was still a lot to learn, one typically would believe that after ten months of close contact one would know a person within reasonable bounds.

The man was constantly seeking information on her from prison and so the topic came up frequently -- and each time, her story shifted or changed ever so slightly depending on her mood, on things such as whether she was painting herself up as a "strong survivor" or playing the victim card.

I learned later that the relationship was a BDSM relationship. I learned later still that she'd been wanting OUT of the relationship but, true to her character, lacked the intestinal fortitude to just end things. I learned later STILL that she hadn't actually called the police; a coworker had seen bruises on her wrists (a common thing with a BDSM relationship) and had called the police, at which point she'd "broken down and said he raped her".

The man was convicted of sexual assault but not of rape. After looking up the court notes I learned that the weekend the incident was alleged to have taken place they'd argued over finances (dear LORD, don't get me started on a woman who's nearly bankrupted us twice and HAS been bankrupted herself, I later learned) and during the argument he'd threatened to tell her parents she'd had an abortion when she was younger (true). The ONE thing my wife would absolutely die over is for her parents to learn she isn't actually a good-girl princess. For her this really would be motive enough.

Things really hit the fan for me mentally the night we were discussing this in bed and she laughingly said "It's a good thing I bruise easily or it might never have stuck." She was in "strong survivor" mode at the time and I don't think she was really thinking about what she'd just said.

I've learned from these stories and from MANY other incidents in my married life that the woman is a habitual liar with no moral compunction and even a weird dissociation from the reality of truth if that truth happens to be unpleasant.

When she made the remark about bruising easily it hit me in the gut like a ton of bricks that this woman, with about 99 percent certainty, put this man in prison unjustly. I've looked him up, he's a slimeball with a record of outstanding warrants for various violent crimes and drug-related charges, he likely deserved to be in prison -- just not for that particular alleged crime. Sadly, he already completed his eight-year sentence and has expressed a desire to get revenge on her. There are restraining orders in place, but that always makes me think of the old quip my love is stronger than any restraining order.

What keeps me with such a person?

We have a child together, my only child, my wonderful son. I've seen two different lawyers, both women (I feel that in custody cases it's best to have a woman working for you because they know better the cards that women will play) and even with the stuff I have, both said that in this female-biased court system it still wouldn't be enough to guarantee me custody, not by a long shot. They both said that things are changing but simply haven't changed enough to remove a child from his mother and give him to the father with "that little".

"That LITTLE?!?" I often think -- but I know they're telling me the truth, so I stick around because I won't walk away from my son, not for anything, and certainly not at the risk of leaving him with her and her family.

So IF, O.G., you begin to despair should things look bad for your girlfriend's story, always remember that a bad truth coming to light NOW can save a ton of heartache five miles down the road.

[wannagrowbig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wannagrowbig]

rep point for you Quirky

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Sorry I missed that post Quirk. Amazingly well written and from the heart. I also give you rep points. Not only for what you have written, but the courage to put on open forum. (jP