Discipline - where do you stand?

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

I would love to hear where people stand on 'smacking' children for discipline?

To make myself clear, I'm not talking beating a child, bruising them, using a belt or goodness knows what.

I'm talking one smack on the bum kind of thing.

I'll explain why, yesterday was my MIL birthday. Our 3 1/2 year was hyper all day and by the time I drove us home around 7pm he was overtired. He's a good child but didn't want to sit in his car seat. As I drove he kept unclicking his seat belt to climb out of his car seat.

Of course I kept pulling over and me and his father give him wrong to the point my husband said he would smack his bum.

I was never smacked as a child myself and said to my husband don't threaten that, it's not right (as we tell Lennon it's wrong to hit others) and what does it show him when we don't follow thru with - we make empty threats.

He of course said he was going to smack him! I'll not lie, it didn't go down well with me. And I did say if he smack our child I would press charges against him.

I just don't think there's any reason to raise your hand to a child? After all none of us as adults would accept another adult hitting us so whys it okay for a 6f 1 bloke to smack a child?

I was told I was what's wrong with society.

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

All power and the rules of society are held up with at least the credible threat of violence if the rules of society are disregarded.


Don't believe me? Next time you're pulled over, tell the cop to fuck off.

Later, tell the judge to blow it out his ass.

And if you're living in England, and not speaking German, you can thank an Allied Soldier. There was most definitely violence involved.

Not to mention that English only exists as a language because of the violent contribution of the Normans, Saxons, Angles, and Romans.

[slunk Senior Member Member of the Month July 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close slunk]

I think the best thing to do in those situations is completely ignore them, give them absolutely no attention when they act up. People, children especially, tend to repeat things that give them a sense of reward. He may like the attention he gets, even though it's negative, from getting a rise out of you.

Hitting, yelling, excessive punishment, lectures etc. tend to result in mistrust or resentment. That's how it effected me when I was a kid. Using fear as a motivator is only effective for temporary change.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Remember this; better they cry now then we cry later!

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

I understand what he was doing was dangerous. If someone hit the back of my car, he could of flew thru the front window or I could of crashed into someone while trying to deal with him.

But I tell him not to hit people at nursery, it's not acceptable and he has to use words to express his anger or frustration.

To then allow him to be smacked and contradict what we say seems madness but I don't know. Maybe I am being too soft.

Thank you to the people who have responded, it's praying on my mind. I want to be a good parent, I want to raise my boys right.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

I would love to hear where people stand on 'smacking' children for discipline?

To make myself clear, I'm not talking beating a child, bruising them, using a belt or goodness knows what.

I'm talking one smack on the bum kind of thing.

I'll explain why, yesterday was my MIL birthday. Our 3 1/2 year was hyper all day and by the time I drove us home around 7pm he was overtired. He's a good child but didn't want to sit in his car seat. As I drove he kept unclicking his seat belt to climb out of his car seat.

Of course I kept pulling over and me and his father give him wrong to the point my husband said he would smack his bum.

I was never smacked as a child myself and said to my husband don't threaten that, it's not right (as we tell Lennon it's wrong to hit others) and what does it show him when we don't follow thru with - we make empty threats.

He of course said he was going to smack him! I'll not lie, it didn't go down well with me. And I did say if he smack our child I would press charges against him.

I just don't think there's any reason to raise your hand to a child? After all none of us as adults would accept another adult hitting us so whys it okay for a 6f 1 bloke to smack a child?

I was told I was what's wrong with society.

I do not think you should smack a child out of anger or frustration, I do however think that there is a time a place when it is appropriate.

My youngest was 2 at the time and a climber. I taught her to climb the stairs because it was safer than her climbing the 2 security gates (one on top of the other) we put at the bottom of the stairs. I always had to watch her constantly. One day as I was doing laundry on the lower level I heard a noise above me and walked to the bottom of the stairs and there she is climbing the half wall at the top of the 15 steps that lead upstairs. I had two choices, wait for her to fall and try and catch her or run up the stairs and grab her off. I made it up the stairs and gave her one big swat on her bum. She never attempted that again and years later when I asked her about it, she does not remember me smacking her or the incident. My children don't remember me ever spanking them because I only did it when they were in danger of hurting themselves. It works for the shock factor and again for their own protection. Think about it - most people learn what not to do by some sort of negative response to them doing it.

I think it is appropriate when used for the right reasons.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

The minute you start a discussion with a 3 year old it puts you right at their level. You are now 3 years old. Tell them once, tell them twice; the third time they get a smack. It doesn't physically hurt them; it hurts their feeling.If you can't get them to listen now when their older and want to do heroin oh then they'll listen right?

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Thank you ZzWoman.

I just want to be clear, I don't want to challenge anyone views on this, I think my last post may of sounded that way.

I am starting to think I may of called it wrong.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Your kids is challenging you and he's winning.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

The minute you start a discussion with a 3 year old it puts you right at their level. You are now 3 years old. Tell them once, tell them twice; the third time they get a smack. It doesn't physically hurt them; it hurts their feeling.If you can't get them to listen now when their older and want to do heroin oh then they'll listen right?

I agree with you that it hurts their feelings more than a physical hurt and that there is no reasoning with a child. But there are many ways to discipline and every child is different with what will work best. You could abuse my brother as we were growing up and it did not change his behavior, but tell him he could not go outside after dinner and he was truly upset. You have to know your children and what works to change the behavior. I remember once telling the girls I was extremely disappointed in them and they both balled for hours and worked at not disappointing me again. As they got older, taking away the cell phone when my eldest was 15 worked much better than grounding. You need to figure out what works for your kids.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Nah I don't have to figure it out. They're all grown and are good kids. I could never take away their cell phones; them things didn't exist as they were being raised. Now taking away their screen name to AOL; that got them.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Your kids is challenging you and he's winning.

I think your right Cusp (we must of responded at the same time) he is starting to push boundaries.

[slunk Senior Member Member of the Month July 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close slunk]

The minute you start a discussion with a 3 year old it puts you at their level? Why is that so? I'm not trying to be confrontational, I just don't understand because I've never been in that situation.

I feel like spanking/hitting is more childish of a behavior than gently explaining right from wrong in a context where they can understand it.

Hitting is done in the moment with irrational and impulsive behavior, while the latter is thought out.

You guys also said after the first, or maybe couple, times they stopped. What if the bad behavior continues? Do you keep hitting them?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

One smack,not hard but enough to get his attention, and he will remember for the next time. I'm not a big fan of let's say taking away his play time. That's like jail and builds resentment. Besides who wants to listen to them as they cry for 2 hours because you took away their playtime. Quick smack and it's over. I remember giving my oldest daughter a quick smack. She went away crying. She came back 20 minutes later and said I hurt her feelings. The I explained to her that she hurt my feelings. I never had to do it again.

The best part is that she remembered it as a beating and told her younger siblings not to piss off dad.

[discreet Senior Member Member of the Month May 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close discreet]

Hi,

I don't envy your position as a parent. In fact I chose to not have kids as it's simply too daunting of a task now a days.

I've no real advice other then in general that if your child doesn't respect you, I don't see why they would listen to you.

In other words, if you are there friend vs there parent.

Apologies in advance if I am off base here.