Problem with girlfriend!!!!! Please help ....

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Batwoman .... ?

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I am off to sleep now .... if anyone has any advice please feel free .... i will give her a call tomorrow afternoon .... will let you all know what happens ....

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

So she is 38 and you are what, early 20s? That's a big difference on top of the cultural differences, plus the economic differences. You are swimming upstream here, I think. But I know that love can block out all of the rationality and overcome a very great deal. Still, you do have to face the reality that you are in MUCH different places in your lives, and it may be hard for her to explain her issues to you.

My number one piece of advice is to do anything you can to open up communication with her, even if it seems like it leaves you at a disadvantage to do so. My big bugaboo with so many relationships is that people play too many games -- always trying to manipulate the thoughts of the other by calling or not calling, texting or not texting, etc. I think you should either call her or text her and tell her that (A) you are worried about her (since this lack of contact from her is unusual), and (B) that you are worried about your relationship (since things seem to have been changing recently). Just try to get some honest communication going. If she wants out of your relationship, give the opportunity to tell you that. It may be painful and scary, but it is MUCH better to give someone their freedom than to try to trap them and hold on to them if it is not working (trust me, I know this from bitter personal experience). It may well be that there are all sorts of things going on in her life that you know little about, give her the opportunity to tell you. But be yourself, as Elias said. if you want to call her or text her, do it. Don't pretend, and don't worry about appearing clingy. She will either like it or not, but that's what you need to know right now, right?

Given what you said in that last post, it sounds like you may need to prepare yourself for the worst, to hear that she has found another guy. But if that's true, don't you want to know now, rather than later? And if she hasn't -- but is just going through a really rough spot for other reasons -- you need to know that, too. Anyway, COMMUNICATION is key. She may be sitting at home devastated because you haven't been texting her, you never know. So talk to the lady somehow and find out!

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

So she is 38 and you are what, early 20s? That's a big difference on top of the cultural differences, plus the economic differences. You are swimming upstream here, I think. But I know that love can block out all of the rationality and overcome a very great deal. Still, you do have to face the reality that you are in MUCH different places in your lives, and it may be hard for her to explain her issues to you.

My number one piece of advice is to do anything you can to open up communication with her, even if it seems like it leaves you at a disadvantage to do so. My big bugaboo with so many relationships is that people play too many games -- always trying to manipulate the thoughts of the other by calling or not calling, texting or not texting, etc. I think you should either call her or text her and tell her that (A) you are worried about her (since this lack of contact from her is unusual), and (B) that you are worried about your relationship (since things seem to have been changing recently). Just try to get some honest communication going. If she wants out of your relationship, give the opportunity to tell you that. It may be painful and scary, but it is MUCH better to give someone their freedom than to try to trap them and hold on to them if it is not working (trust me, I know this from bitter personal experience). It may well be that there are all sorts of things going on in her life that you know little about, give her the opportunity to tell you. But be yourself, as Elias said. if you want to call her or text her, do it. Don't pretend, and don't worry about appearing clingy. She will either like it or not, but that's what you need to know right now, right?

Given what you said in that last post, it sounds like you may need to prepare yourself for the worst, to hear that she has found another guy. But if that's true, don't you want to know now, rather than later? And if she hasn't -- but is just going through a really rough spot for other reasons -- you need to know that, too. Anyway, COMMUNICATION is key. She may be sitting at home devastated because you haven't been texting her, you never know. So talk to the lady somehow and find out!

Hi Batwoman,
Thanks a lot for your input .... I am 26 years old so we have a 12 year age difference between us .... As you mentioned,communication is the key to have a happy relationship and i agree with you .... sometimes i feel it's best not to call often as that would seem like i can't stand being on my own and that i don't have a backbone .... as a guy i'd like to show her that i am strong and confident and that i don't depend on her .... she's broke and going through a rough patch in her life and work seems bad because of the escalating rough political situation in Bangkok right now .... that's why i don't call her often to ask her how she's doing because she knows that i know about her situation and if i constantly call her up just to ask how she's doing she might feel i am smothering her too much .... but anyways i gave her a call today afternoon and she seemed pretty excited to hear my voice .... we had the usual talk .... i asked her how her work was and her situation .... she even asked me why i didn't call her the previous day when i told her i slept very late .... She even said that i didn't call her in the past 3 days and that it was ok for her not to call me without me even asking her why she didn't call me as she usually does .... the conversation went well and i ended it on a high note by telling her that i was going out to lunch and told her to have a good day .... things seem pretty good right now ....

[larrypinball Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close larrypinball]

Well, then that relationship was not meant to be. Sounds boring to say like this, I know but I believe that people, both guys and girls, should feel free to express their feelings and their own, real personalities right from the start. If she found you needy and clingy, then really she was not the one for you mate.

For that post Elias, you got rep points! If you can't be yourself and express who you are and what you feel, then your not only fooling yourself you're also fooling your partner. And I know, sometimes it hurts being honest and true to yourself and others - you put yourself out there - but in the end... in no way does it hurt as much as the opposite. I've been there and back.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

For that post Elias, you got rep points! If you can't be yourself and express who you are and what you feel, then your not only fooling yourself you're also fooling your partner. And I know, sometimes it hurts being honest and true to yourself and others - you put yourself out there - but in the end... in no way does it hurt as much as the opposite. I've been there and back.

I know what you are saying is right .... but it's not easy doing as saying it .... i guess you have to wait for the right moment to say it because even if you say the right thing and it happens to be at the wrong time then things might just get worse .... Timing is a big factor here too ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

By the way when i called her she seemed happy and was asking me what i've been up to and stuffs like that .... Do you guys think that i gave her the power in the relationship by calling her .... do you think she'll expect me to call all the time now .... and what if i don't want to do that .... Should i just wait for her to call me now or should i call her after a few days or something ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Mate, here you go again! You are over-thinking this so much. It is not a competition, it is not a power play. Yes, maybe a marriage sometimes might seem like a power play but in the end, a relationship should not be like that. You should not think it in terms of power or what will happen if you call her now or never. It is not a game of chess!

Again I will tell you that do what you desire. Do what your heart is telling you to do! I think Batwoman wrote wise words above. The age difference is a big thing for you two. You are in different stages in your lives, and maybe she does not see you as a serious partner. I feel she wants someone to take care of her but the fact is that you cannot do it.

And another thing that is worrying me here is the way you two see your relationship. You are half joking about your honeymoon to Paris but she is telling you to live in the moment, that in any minute you or her might find someone more suitable. It doesn't seem very long-term in her eyes, does it?

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Mate, here you go again! You are over-thinking this so much. It is not a competition, it is not a power play. Yes, maybe a marriage sometimes might seem like a power play but in the end, a relationship should not be like that. You should not think it in terms of power or what will happen if you call her now or never. It is not a game of chess!

Again I will tell you that do what you desire. Do what your heart is telling you to do! I think Batwoman wrote wise words above. The age difference is a big thing for you two. You are in different stages in your lives, and maybe she does not see you as a serious partner. I feel she wants someone to take care of her but the fact is that you cannot do it.

And another thing that is worrying me here is the way you two see your relationship. You are half joking about your honeymoon to Paris but she is telling you to live in the moment, that in any minute you or her might find someone more suitable. It doesn't seem very long-term in her eyes, does it?

Ok i seem to be over thinking the situation .... i know that and i am aware of that .... i just need to get rid of the feelings that i have bottled up inside of me .... i feel free to do so here remaining anonymous .... i am not perfect .... i make a lot of mistakes .... She once asked me if i was seriously into her and i told her that i was .... She even told me that she used to think a lot about how to introduce me to her son .... she even made a few plans that were like a year or so ahead .... She once told me that we should go for a holiday beginning of next year .... She also told me that if we were still together by next year she would introduce me to her son .... she cried many times before when our relationship was new .... she also thinks that i am just there for the sex though i know that she's just testing me .... she knows that i like her a lot .... she feels that i might meet a young girl and lose attraction for her and leave her .... she told me to be upfront if i fall in love with another girl .... she feels that i might jump out of the relationship when she gets older .... In a way she has a lot of insecurity issues deep inside of her and she feels if she gets in too deep with this relationship she might become vulnerable and feel miserable .... she actually told me that in the beginning while she was falling for me she tried to forget me and quit but she couldn't do it .... when i get calls on my phone she's always asking who was it or trying to take a peak at the caller id .... Sometimes these companies call up .... i ignore the company calls and she asks me why i don't pick it up .... I tell her that i don't feel like talking to company sales pitches .... It gets worse with these anonymous phone calls .... Sometimes people end up calling my phone by mistake and then i hang up on them after the initial conversation .... Once when this happened she asked me who it was and i told her that i didn't know .... She asked me for my phone and dialed the number and talked to the other person .... She was pretty relieved when she found out i was telling the truth and then goes on to blame the sim company ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

I understand that you want to share these things and it is okay. The Gym is a good place to talk about all this relationship stuff. You have a big crowd here and everyone can jump in with their opinions. So just share with us if you feel like that. No worries mate. Open the bottle and let it out.

What now? You called her, she was happy about it and then you went to have lunch leaving everything open? Did you make any plans to see each other or how is the relationship moving forward? Did she ask space to herself so she could solve her issues in peace or what is in the horizon now?

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I understand that you want to share these things and it is okay. The Gym is a good place to talk about all this relationship stuff. You have a big crowd here and everyone can jump in with their opinions. So just share with us if you feel like that. No worries mate. Open the bottle and let it out.

What now? You called her, she was happy about it and then you went to have lunch leaving everything open? Did you make any plans to see each other or how is the relationship moving forward? Did she ask space to herself so she could solve her issues in peace or what is in the horizon now?

Went to lunch ? I just called her in the afternoon .... we didn't go out for lunch .... we haven't made any plans to see each other .... we have been seeing each other for the length of the relationship .... we haven't even missed a single week up until now .... We'd meet during the weekends when we first started out but as the relationship progressed we started meeting during week days too .... she didn't ask for space actually .... i just assumed she wants space because of her behaviour manisfesting from her current financial difficulties and maybe some from my behavioural aspects as well .... maybe she found me smothering in a few ways .... all the arguments we've had during the course of our relationship and some of my jealously bouts may have all added into it .... i just want to be safe .... i don't want to fix something that's broken .... i just want to prevent it from being broken ....

[larrypinball Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close larrypinball]

I know what you are saying is right .... but it's not easy doing as saying it .... i guess you have to wait for the right moment to say it because even if you say the right thing and it happens to be at the wrong time then things might just get worse .... Timing is a big factor here too ....

Oh, you're absolutely right; nothing with being true and honest to yourself and those closest to you is easy. But it's still worth it - living a lie will lead to deeper issues.

From having read all the posts, man you should really listen to Elias, he's giving you some great advice.

You seem like a great guy. Take care of yourself and try to figure out if it's really love your talking about - because love has nothing to do with power play, tricks and timing. Not in the way you're talking about it. Try to ask yourself and write down: What is love? How do you want it to feel? What do you feel now? And then move on to relationships: What does a relationship based on love mean? What do you have to offer in that relationship? What do you expect in return from your partner? How do you want it to work? Do that. Let it take time. Then move on and ask yourself if it's love that you guys are experiencing. If you do anything like what I suggested, be true to yourself.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I understand that you want to share these things and it is okay. The Gym is a good place to talk about all this relationship stuff. You have a big crowd here and everyone can jump in with their opinions. So just share with us if you feel like that. No worries mate. Open the bottle and let it out.

What now? You called her, she was happy about it and then you went to have lunch leaving everything open? Did you make any plans to see each other or how is the relationship moving forward? Did she ask space to herself so she could solve her issues in peace or what is in the horizon now?

i just want to be tactful in dealing with the issues surrounding our relationship .... and if things don't work out this time i want to learn as much as possible from this relationship so i make the right moves in the next ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Oh, you're absolutely right; nothing with being true and honest to yourself and those closest to you is easy. But it's still worth it - living a lie will lead to deeper issues.

From having read all the posts, man you should really listen to Elias, he's giving you some great advice.

You seem like a great guy. Take care of yourself and try to figure out if it's really love your talking about - because love has nothing to do with power play, tricks and timing. Not in the way you're talking about it. Try to ask yourself and write down: What is love? How do you want it to feel? What do you feel now? And then move on to relationships: What does a relationship based on love mean? What do you have to offer in that relationship? What do you expect in return from your partner? How do you want it to work? Do that. Let it take time. Then move on and ask yourself if it's love that you guys are experiencing. If you do anything like what I suggested, be true to yourself.

Hi Larrypinball,
Thanks a lot for your input .... it's really helping me .... i can use all the information and advice that you guys have been giving me .... i did ask the question myself a few times during the relationship whether what i was feeling was actually love or was it because the sex with her was really good that i felt a powerful thirst for lust .... whenever i am with her all i can think of is trying to get into her pants .... and maybe all my emotions are based around that .... but there is also a side to me that likes her .... or maybe i am experiencing selfishness and only want her for myself and not for anybody else till i am done and bored with her sex .... i still have to find that out for myself ....

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Went to lunch ? I just called her in the afternoon .... we didn't go out for lunch ....

No mate, I meant that you called her and then YOU went to have lunch. Anyways, that's not important, I was just telling a story.

I will write in few minutes a bit more. I am a bit busy now (on the phone with my better half).