Problem with girlfriend!!!!! Please help ....

[larrypinball Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close larrypinball]

.... It's just that incase she's cheating i just don't want to be made a fool of .... i lent her 20,000 bahts to solve her financial issues and if she's bonking some other guy,that's not fair .... it just makes me feel better to have the upper hand in this relationship ....

Oh, so it's about that transaction... You do realize what you're making her (and yourself) into here, don't you?

How much is 20.000 bahts anyway?

Couldn't resist, just this one last reply.

[rayz Member Find all posts View Profile Close rayz]

i never tell him to play her feelings. I just said don't fall for her game.

[Elias Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Elias]

Elias, it's been my pleasure getting to know you through this thread.

Thanks Larry and right back at you - it's been a pleasure.

And for you EQKing, I really don't have anything new to say. Just make a decision now!

You can choose to man up and be her partner for real. It doesn't matter if she has been screwing someone else because you have done it too. The fact is that she is not in high school anymore mate! Sounds to me that she needs a partner, not a boy toy! So make the decision now! Can you be that partner for her or do you still want to be chasing girls in night clubs and looking for one night stands? You cannot choose both!!!!

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Oh, so it's about that transaction... You do realize what you're making her (and yourself) into here, don't you?

How much is 20.000 bahts anyway?

Couldn't resist, just this one last reply.

There are many more factors but the transaction is one of it .... it's around $600 - $625

[TheMagicStick Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheMagicStick]

EQ,

This is a carbon copy of what im still going threw with my girl or ex girl i dont know what to call her its one of them situations. But i generally believe that they make think we are needy im absolutely sure of it. Im in the same boat as you my friend we even got two rings we wear aswell the only thing i didnt do was cheat. so if you need someone to chat to PM me im here for ya.
.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I'm a student by the way ....

[TheMagicStick Member Find all posts View Profile Close TheMagicStick]

I'm a student by the way ....

Yeah i am aswell its crazy the exact same but im 19 and she is 24.

[Quirky One-Eye Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Quirky One-Eye]

You may have answered in the thread, EQKing, but how old are you and how old is she?

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Well i am 26 and she is 38 .... She is a single mom with a 20 year old son ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

EQ,

This is a carbon copy of what im still going threw with my girl or ex girl i dont know what to call her its one of them situations. But i generally believe that they make think we are needy im absolutely sure of it. Im in the same boat as you my friend we even got two rings we wear aswell the only thing i didnt do was cheat. so if you need someone to chat to PM me im here for ya.
.

Hey TheMagicStick,
Thanks a lot for you support .... i appreciate it .... that's what i meant to tell all along .... we may not be as needy as we think we are but they eventually find it needy .... so all i am trying to do is find a good balance and make her feel that i am not emotionally and physically dependant on her .... that's why all the questions on whether i should call her often or not .... I have never called her a lot .... it's usually her who does the calling 90% of the time .... I used to text her a lot but just once a day,never more .... i didn't text every single day though because there were days when i didn't text .... my neediness probably stemmed from my insecurities of the relationship and my few bouts of jealously .... so i am just trying to fix it before it gets worse ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I really don't understand this need for space when you really love someone .... i know distance makes the heart grow fonder and make the person miss you but there should be a way in which the person who needs space should tell it in a way that makes the other person feel less neglected .... Usually the partner who wants space never mentions it or says it so abruptly and in a rude and bad manner that the other person feels lousy about him/her self .... and then ends up playing the blame game .... and i don't understand that usually it's the women who want space .... and usually because it's the boyfriend who is smothering her in a lot of ways and giving her too much attention .... she used to call me once to twice(mostly once,sometimes even thrice)a day for the past three months and i never found that behaviour from her to be smothering me or invading my need for space .... I actually liked the attention and found it sweet and caring ....

[Quirky One-Eye Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Quirky One-Eye]

Okay, to put it bluntly -- 12 years difference between you two, she's raised a child and got her own set of troubles and lived nearly 40 years of life whereas you're still in that gray area between thinking about one day settling and still sowing your oats.

You're Asian but not Thai (are you American-Asian, or born and raised elsewhere?) so there's that little cultural foible (5 years in Japan taught me that the only thing Asians are more suspicious of than other Asians is us round-eyes) to boot.

Basically, I gotta tell ya, she's frequently asking herself what she's doing with someone who is, comparatively, a kid. I'd bet she probably really likes you and actually cares about you BUT knows this probably isn't going anywhere on a long-term/permanent basis. I'm just guessing here but I'd say half the time she's frustrated with what she views as childish antics and the other half of the time she's reminding herself that at least she's with someone, let alone a much younger guy. Face it, her son isn't a child and you're only 6 years older than he. She can't HELP but view you that way on occasion.

Also, let's face it -- this probably isn't going anywhere other than the bedroom and occasionally out on the town.

I still stand by some statements I made in the other thread you started; you seem like you have some growing up to do (growing up doesn't necessarily have to do with accomplishments and/or success, although they're frequently linked). Most of that "growing up" is because I have a feeling you don't really know who YOU are yet. There's nothing wrong with that but you're at an age where you need to start solidifying that self-image and getting your level of confidence under control.

You're a student; focus on school and your success in school. Focus on your health and your PE efforts. Focus on your education, both social and academic. In short, focus on YOUR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT with a holistic view, and stop worrying yourself to death over this woman -- not as any statement about her as a person but because this one will work out or it won't, but either way it's NOT the end of your world. Life WILL go on, whether with her or after her.

And the more focused you are on what you need to be doing in this world (work, education, growth on a physical and spiritual level, etc) instead of women NOW, the more women will be drawn to you in the future.

Good luck.

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I also realized that i have to deal with a lot of insecurity issues in this relationship .... There are times when i feel that she does not love me anymore no matter how caring she seems to be .... it's like it's never enough to show she really loves me .... i feel that she might leave me for someone else or i think that she might cheat on me . When i don't meet her for days(Like the situation right now) i feel that she does not love me anymore(she has issues and difficulties right now though so her behaviour is excusable).It's been a week since we haven't met and this is the longest break we have taken since we've been in this relationship(Till now we've met every week).So this is something new to me .... Maybe 1 week isn't supposed to be that long .... I know there are couples who take longer breaks but it is something that i haven't experienced before and all negative thoughts start coming into me like she might have lost her interest and might be with someone new(all dealing with insecurity issues).

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

I guess i have to work on myself and improve myself ....

[EQKing Banned Find all posts View Profile Close EQKing]

Okay, to put it bluntly -- 12 years difference between you two, she's raised a child and got her own set of troubles and lived nearly 40 years of life whereas you're still in that gray area between thinking about one day settling and still sowing your oats.

You're Asian but not Thai (are you American-Asian, or born and raised elsewhere?) so there's that little cultural foible (5 years in Japan taught me that the only thing Asians are more suspicious of than other Asians is us round-eyes) to boot.

Basically, I gotta tell ya, she's frequently asking herself what she's doing with someone who is, comparatively, a kid. I'd bet she probably really likes you and actually cares about you BUT knows this probably isn't going anywhere on a long-term/permanent basis. I'm just guessing here but I'd say half the time she's frustrated with what she views as childish antics and the other half of the time she's reminding herself that at least she's with someone, let alone a much younger guy. Face it, her son isn't a child and you're only 6 years older than he. She can't HELP but view you that way on occasion.

Also, let's face it -- this probably isn't going anywhere other than the bedroom and occasionally out on the town.

I still stand by some statements I made in the other thread you started; you seem like you have some growing up to do (growing up doesn't necessarily have to do with accomplishments and/or success, although they're frequently linked). Most of that "growing up" is because I have a feeling you don't really know who YOU are yet. There's nothing wrong with that but you're at an age where you need to start solidifying that self-image and getting your level of confidence under control.

You're a student; focus on school and your success in school. Focus on your health and your PE efforts. Focus on your education, both social and academic. In short, focus on YOUR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT with a holistic view, and stop worrying yourself to death over this woman -- not as any statement about her as a person but because this one will work out or it won't, but either way it's NOT the end of your world. Life WILL go on, whether with her or after her.

And the more focused you are on what you need to be doing in this world (work, education, growth on a physical and spiritual level, etc) instead of women NOW, the more women will be drawn to you in the future.

Good luck.

Hi Quirky One-Eye,
I agree with what you are telling me in this post .... I have some growing up to do .... There were conversations between us where she told me that i don't really know what love is and that i will leave her one day when i find someone younger .... She told me that she has a lot of things to deal with in life.Her work and her son and how to survive from day to day whereas for me all i had to think of was my studies and love,love,love.That's what she told me.She said that my life was easy right now as i don't make a living on my own and supported by my parents.She told me that's the reason why you are so focused on love because you don't have much responsibilities.I live right now on the allowance my parents send me and she's working.She told me there's a big difference in that.She told me many times that i don't know what's going on in her life at her age and experience and i was like " I know common " (Not in an arrogant manner but in a firm manner).So i get what you are telling me and it sounds true to me.She even had a good laugh when she realized that both her son and i were students .... and she was reminding herself that there's only 6 years difference between her son and me .... I know what you mean by she viewing me like her son .... Sometimes she jokes and tells me that she is my mother.I rebuff it that moment and tell her that she is my girl and that i already have a mom and that i don't need a second one(In a humourous manner). She always complains when i leave the bathroom floor wet,when i don't hang the towels,when i shut the bathroom door hard,when i don't keep my clothes neat,when i don't brush my teeth at night before going to sleep,when i don't shower before i go to sleep,when i don't cut my nails,when i apply hair cream the wrong way,when i wear my watch a certain way,when i wear my shirts wrinkly etc .... I am trying to improve though ....