Being Accessible

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

I've been told by female and male friends alike that I tend to intimidate people around me. I guess its just my demeanor but really its affecting my relationships with women. Apparently I act closed off and therefore unapproachable. I'm by no means an unattractive man, I get looks from attractive women all the time. But for the reason I already listed, they won't approach me. I guess it has something to do with the way I talk to people. When I'm in a confident mood I don't smile AT ALL. Literally, my way of taking of a large group of people is to be so sarcastic and blunt they find it entertaining.
Basically I'm asking, what are some ways I can look more accessible to women? I want women to feel like they can approach me and not be closed off due to my intimidation which in turn makes it difficult for me to talk to them. Once I get talking to them its not a problem. I have plenty of female friends that love the way I am it was just a chore to get them to see I was actually a pretty open guy.

[giveitago Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close giveitago]

A friend of mine in more of a situation that you went for some therapy. The therapist was pretty good and he described it as an epiphany of sorts. He began behavior modification type therapy. Was able to learn his triggers and avoid them etc. Dunno if you want to take it that far, but it could be something like borderline personality disorder etc.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Sounds interesting. So far I haven't had a problem with relationships per say, its just that whole stage of introductions that I can push people away.

[Wolfmesser Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wolfmesser]

I had te same problem, but it wasn't the way I talked it was my eyes. I have a heavy and noticable brow, and when I get angry Ive been told that I give a very intimidating and brutish appearance, to top that off, I also have brown eyes. But I rely now on the my personailty whenever I talk, and try not to lower my eyes when talking to ppl lol

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Have you tried just trying to make yourself smile occasionally? Smiles can do wonders to make people feel like you want to talk with them.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Some, use their demeanor to (either) protect themselves from an internalized weakness or vulnerability, (and/or) to manipulate the behavior of another. One may want to begin is looking inside, see what kind of hanky panky is going on, be it role playing, hiding of weaknesses, a big ol bag of homemade insecurities, an armor suit of "don't look over here, I'm hiding" . It can be helpful, if and only if, you are not put off by yourself. You do have an alter ego, we all do, and it can cause mischief in one area that (seemingly) is not related to another. It is do-able, but not over night.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Have you tried just trying to make yourself smile occasionally? Smiles can do wonders to make people feel like you want to talk with them.

I've definitely thought of this. I don't know, its just not natural for me to smile unless I find something funny or something particularly joyful. I'm going to try it more. I've read around and simply smiling when you enter a room can change everyone else's opinion of you, er something like that.

Some, use their demeanor to (either) protect themselves from an internalized weakness or vulnerability, (and/or) to manipulate the behavior of another. One may want to begin is looking inside, see what kind of hanky panky is going on, be it role playing, hiding of weaknesses, a big ol bag of homemade insecurities, an armor suit of "don't look over here, I'm hiding" . It can be helpful, if and only if, you are not put off by yourself. You do have an alter ego, we all do, and it can cause mischief in one area that (seemingly) is not related to another. It is do-able, but not over night.

That's pretty much spot on. I like to be in control of situations especially involving women. However, conversely, and we all have that little party of our personality that conflicts with everything else, while I like to feel in control I don't get a hint from a woman unless she starts making the first moves. Now this doesn't mean kissing, asking me on dates, etc. This simply means like calling me in the middle of the night, random text messages, basically striking up the conversations. I was a little mislead by my last girlfriend who did all of that. Oh and I'm perfectly aware that most women wait for men to make the moves, even if its something as nonchalant as striking up the conversation. I guess I'm just so egotistical I can't be bothered to motivate myself :P. But yes Dangler, I do need to love myself more, because if I don't who else will?

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

I used to have the same problem, I'd always look pissed off. My personality has shifted nowadays to that of what a lot of people consider to be "asshole-ish", but I call it intense sarcasm. Anyways, I smile A LOT now, and it's helped to bring out my eyes and my overall demeanor.

[blackirish Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackirish]

I hear the same thing and honestly, most of the time it doesn't bother me. I've heard this mostly from women but even guy friends when we hang out and are talking serious.

I don't know why it is, but people getting nervous around confidence. And if your dress well, work out, are successful and attractive, this adds to your confidence and perceptions of you. I enjoy knowing that other guys are intimidated by me when I am at a bar or something...truthfully, I think they should be lol. And for women, this always worked out better because when you're nice and smile, this personality coupled with the intimidation factor drives them nuts.

So I just started approaching people on my own or starting conversations.

I'm not going to change the way I look, dress, or act...So I figure people are either going to like me for who I am ...or they aren't and I don't need them.

I'm not sure what you're looking for in women, but this approach helped me find several good women and finally the perfect one. Plus I have a few really good friends.

I guess my best advice is just be prepared to be the initiator in conversations etc.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

I used to have the same problem, I'd always look pissed off. My personality has shifted nowadays to that of what a lot of people consider to be "asshole-ish", but I call it intense sarcasm. Anyways, I smile A LOT now, and it's helped to bring out my eyes and my overall demeanor.

Exactly! I feel like we're really similar. If I'm not talking to somebody, and intensely thinking like I am most of the time I look like I'm about to punch something. I dunno, there are probably some girls I've talked to that like that intimidation factor. Or they eventually talk to me and I turn out to be witty and funny. Last night, when I worked at the restaurant, I smiled a ton after everything I said and walked around with my head held high, etc. I think it worked for the most part.

I hear the same thing and honestly, most of the time it doesn't bother me. I've heard this mostly from women but even guy friends when we hang out and are talking serious.

I don't know why it is, but people getting nervous around confidence. And if your dress well, work out, are successful and attractive, this adds to your confidence and perceptions of you. I enjoy knowing that other guys are intimidated by me when I am at a bar or something...truthfully, I think they should be lol. And for women, this always worked out better because when you're nice and smile, this personality coupled with the intimidation factor drives them nuts.

So I just started approaching people on my own or starting conversations.

I'm not going to change the way I look, dress, or act...So I figure people are either going to like me for who I am ...or they aren't and I don't need them.

I'm not sure what you're looking for in women, but this approach helped me find several good women and finally the perfect one. Plus I have a few really good friends.

I guess my best advice is just be prepared to be the initiator in conversations etc.

Ha, the only thing you list that I don't do is dress well. Don't get me wrong, I have nice clothes, I just don't want to appear like I'm trying too hard. But I agree with you that it drives them nuts. I mean hell, what women can't you get if you have that air of mystery they can't figure out. I know I'm successful if a woman says to me, "I just can't figure you out!"

[burt Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close burt]

That's why women love gay men, most are non-threatening.