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Q's ideas on flirting and attraction
So one of my friends (who's a girl) has a crush on this guy. She came up to me and asked me what she should do. Then I started explaining how I flirt with girls I like. I found that I have a pretty well developed way of attracting women. Here goes:
1. Focus on making yourself happy.
2. Flirt with everyone.
3. Assume physical closeness.
4. Direct, honest, concise communication.
5. No targets.
1. Focus on making yourself happy.
If you focus on your own happiness, it will really show. This is attractive. Also realize that other people are, or should be, focused on their own happiness as well. If you feel you are intruding on their happiness, ie- your presence is making them uneasy, then go away. Find someone else who wants to be around you, or at least doesn't mind your presence.
2. Flirt with everyone.
I flirt with everyone. Absolutely everyone. Men, women, ugly girls, you name it. The main premise here is, flirting makes people feel good. When I make people feel good, my work is done. Flirting does not have to lead to sex, and 99.9% of the time it doesn't. What it does show, though, is that I'm attentive to other people, and other people like to be around me.
Also, if you flirt with everyone indiscriminately, girls who are interested in you will start to wonder if you're flirting with them because you like them, or if you just flirt with everyone. This causes confusion on their part, which is good for attraction; it means they're thinking about you! Flirt, hug, cuddle, snuggle, hold hands with everyone. Not only will you feel loved and appreciated, but you are helping them feel loved and appreciated as well.
And then you're also creating strong attraction in those who are interested in you, by confusing them. This is only a by-product of maintaining your own happiness, and making sure everyone else gets the love and affection they need as well. Creating confusion should not be your goal; it should be something that just kind of happens. The way I see it is, I'm just being myself, they are confusing themselves. In this sense, they are responsible for creating their own confusion. Same goes for me.
3. Assume physical closeness.
Usually if you hold your arms open for a hug, people will hug you. People generally welcome physical affection when it is offered. Some people don't, so be sure to respect their boundaries if they tell/show you so. (see #1 above) Also, assume physical closeness with everyone: men, women, everyone. (see #2 above)
Hugs make people feel good. Nuzzling (rubbing your cheek or nose against theirs), holding hands, interlacing fingers, intertwining legs... these are all things that generate physical intimacy and feelings of closeness, that can be easily assumed. If the other person is uncomfortable with it, they will try to distance themselves at the first opportunity. Give them every opportunity to get away, don't hold them or trap them. Trapping them will make them resent you, make them more uncomfortable, and again you'd be intruding on their happiness.
4. Direct, honest, concise communication.
How will people know what you want, if you don't tell them? If you like something, say it. It will be more likely to happen again if they know you like it. My favorite thing to say now is, "I like that."
For example, a woman comes up to me, puts her hand on my chest and runs her hand down my stomach. Me: "I like that."
A woman comes up from behind me, gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Me: "Ooh, I like that. That should happen more often."
A woman dancing with me, does a slow spin and circles her hips, accentuating her ass. Me: *fan my face with my hand* OR *slap her butt* (depending on how well we know each other)
5. No targets.
Don't go into a place and single out any particular person that you want to chase after. Once that person figures out that they're a target, they will try to get away. The way I think about it is, be the candle that attracts all the moths. Some of them will be attracted to you, others won't; choose from those that fly towards you. Direct your attention and affection towards everyone in general. Those who are most aggressive and assertive will appear first. If you're not attracted to them, keep flirting with them, but don't advance. The more shy ones will be attracted by the attention you're getting and are coming soon.
1. Focus on making yourself happy.
2. Flirt with everyone.
3. Assume physical closeness.
4. Direct, honest, concise communication.
5. No targets.
1. Focus on making yourself happy.
If you focus on your own happiness, it will really show. This is attractive. Also realize that other people are, or should be, focused on their own happiness as well. If you feel you are intruding on their happiness, ie- your presence is making them uneasy, then go away. Find someone else who wants to be around you, or at least doesn't mind your presence.
2. Flirt with everyone.
I flirt with everyone. Absolutely everyone. Men, women, ugly girls, you name it. The main premise here is, flirting makes people feel good. When I make people feel good, my work is done. Flirting does not have to lead to sex, and 99.9% of the time it doesn't. What it does show, though, is that I'm attentive to other people, and other people like to be around me.
Also, if you flirt with everyone indiscriminately, girls who are interested in you will start to wonder if you're flirting with them because you like them, or if you just flirt with everyone. This causes confusion on their part, which is good for attraction; it means they're thinking about you! Flirt, hug, cuddle, snuggle, hold hands with everyone. Not only will you feel loved and appreciated, but you are helping them feel loved and appreciated as well.
And then you're also creating strong attraction in those who are interested in you, by confusing them. This is only a by-product of maintaining your own happiness, and making sure everyone else gets the love and affection they need as well. Creating confusion should not be your goal; it should be something that just kind of happens. The way I see it is, I'm just being myself, they are confusing themselves. In this sense, they are responsible for creating their own confusion. Same goes for me.
3. Assume physical closeness.
Usually if you hold your arms open for a hug, people will hug you. People generally welcome physical affection when it is offered. Some people don't, so be sure to respect their boundaries if they tell/show you so. (see #1 above) Also, assume physical closeness with everyone: men, women, everyone. (see #2 above)
Hugs make people feel good. Nuzzling (rubbing your cheek or nose against theirs), holding hands, interlacing fingers, intertwining legs... these are all things that generate physical intimacy and feelings of closeness, that can be easily assumed. If the other person is uncomfortable with it, they will try to distance themselves at the first opportunity. Give them every opportunity to get away, don't hold them or trap them. Trapping them will make them resent you, make them more uncomfortable, and again you'd be intruding on their happiness.
4. Direct, honest, concise communication.
How will people know what you want, if you don't tell them? If you like something, say it. It will be more likely to happen again if they know you like it. My favorite thing to say now is, "I like that."
For example, a woman comes up to me, puts her hand on my chest and runs her hand down my stomach. Me: "I like that."
A woman comes up from behind me, gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Me: "Ooh, I like that. That should happen more often."
A woman dancing with me, does a slow spin and circles her hips, accentuating her ass. Me: *fan my face with my hand* OR *slap her butt* (depending on how well we know each other)
5. No targets.
Don't go into a place and single out any particular person that you want to chase after. Once that person figures out that they're a target, they will try to get away. The way I think about it is, be the candle that attracts all the moths. Some of them will be attracted to you, others won't; choose from those that fly towards you. Direct your attention and affection towards everyone in general. Those who are most aggressive and assertive will appear first. If you're not attracted to them, keep flirting with them, but don't advance. The more shy ones will be attracted by the attention you're getting and are coming soon.
poorly written i think. if you find a girl is interested enough to take her home, would you just ask her straight forward or would you nudge her in that direction with becoming more and more physical, assuming you want a one-nighter. and am I correct with saying this is more of a long term commitment, becoming almost sub famous in the area? would peacocking help? (even though we have the opposite of a pea-cock
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