I Want to Die Often

[PsychonautDude Member Find all posts View Profile Close PsychonautDude]

drgag

[jmack Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jmack]

Do things that make you happy, like working out (this can definitely help self-esteem), going on a run in your neighborhood, playing video games.. things that help you enjoy life.

Also, in regards to beautiful girls, do not fantasize about them in your spare time about you being with them or them dancing in front of you or anything like that. I used to do this and it can damage you mentally. It's okay of course to masturbate to the idea of having sex with them, but do not fantasize about them as though they are your girlfriend.

Be yourself. So what if SOME people don't like some of your philosophy. Continue to meet new people, be yourself, and there's going to be people who like what you have to say and really enjoy your company.

Get out of the depression hole. Someone once told me that depression is a hole people are stuck in and the only way to get out of the hole is... to get out of the hole. What I mean is go out and live. Go to clubs and parties with your friends, but be careful and be a responsible adult. Make sure to have a balance in your life.

Set some personal short terms goals that are achievable in the short term and when you accomplish them, set long terms goals.

These are life-lessons I personally learned as I was chronically depressed for 3 years.

Good luck!

p.s. take karate or watch simple self-defense techniques on youtube. You might be able to find an inexpensive karate class at the boys and girls club.

[Going411x7 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Going411x7]

Move a muscle--change a thought. Get out of the house/apt. whatever. Go to the gym, first choice.
Go running or swimming. Move your body. Move a muscle, change a thought. Stop the analyzing.

Make a point to get up early and to get out (of yourself)--sit on a park bench--whatever. Just make
sure you get up early and get the hell out of your house.

Start a hobby--any hobby!! Just start one you always wanted to try, but never had the chance.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

There is nothing wrong with your size & women dont all just cum during sex they have to know what they are doing as well so dont sweat that. I agree with 411by7 get a hobby and get active. Change your routine make it a point to get the hell out of the house. Excercise, it will make your mind and body feel better. If you cant overcome these feelings on your own I suggest seeing a doctor. Too often people reach out like you have and then something bad happens that affects either yours or the lives of others. Please do the best you can for yourself.

[mike83 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mike83]

one word ACTION... you can't change stuff with thoughts... insecure? get that amazing body in the gym... you will feel stronger because you are powerfull in your body and this reflects back to your mind as well... want a bigger penis...invest 2 years...and gain an inch at least! Sex is not only about the other person...give yourself attention for a while during sex do what you like, care for yourself...as soon you are comfortable you can give back. And really...fuck what everyone else is saying they are talking because they want to feel secure by using you, otherwise they wouldn't talk.

This is not a peptalk this is how I live my life... it's in your own hands... I don't follow the premade rules and expectations of others...why? because I can and because everyone is different so there can't be a fixed patern and expect for you to be happy. You can do anything you like!

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Hey Everyone,
I'm not looking for pity, you don't have to feel sad for me.

Wanna cookie?

I love her very much and she loves me very much also, but this is so tough for me. One difficult aspect is having no physicality whatsoever.

Yeah ... that's always tough.

I'm a very affectionate and sexual person and I'm in college so I'm walking around all day seeing gorgeous girls and feeling like I want to die because I can't fulfill my desires with them.

That's a rather small reason isn't it?

My girlfriend has lost way too much weight and I'm not as attracted to her anymore.

I'm staring to see you're trapping yourself.

I "fall in love" easily with beautiful girls and such, but I'm also critical and don't like a lot of people's traits once I get to know them.

Sorry, that isn't love. Just a momentary attraction, just like a crush. It's natural to feel that way once you see a beautiful person, so don't worry about it.

I'm a very odd and unique person so I don't feel like I will ever be completely satisfied with another person.

You're fooling yourself here. You aren't even satisfied with yourself so how can you expect someone else to fulfil your desires? You say that you KNOW the idea of self and the ego are false, so why do you think here that you're this fantastic separate thing who has high standards so nobody will be enjoyable to you?

I talk about psychology and philosophy all the time and my intellect I feel turns people off in society these days. A lot of people are really interested also but after a while they get sick of it or are intimidated.

Try adding some humour. Or not talking to stupid people.

I care about my girlfriend very much but at the same time I don't know if she's completely right for me. It is very difficult for me to say that because her and I have been through so much together and she's my best friend, she is my other half. If I lost her I would be devastated but there are some issues. One being the attractiveness. Also, my NBEL is 5" and my EG is 4.75" and she doesn't cum during sex. I feel like she doesn't get much pleasure and I'm not having much success with PE so I feel like fucking shit.

Listen, I am going to tell you here now that people will give you advice saying get a hobby or don't jack off too much and so on, because people think that wanting to die is a bad thing. "You must go on man!" But you don't have to. If you tried your best to make your life better (or rather, changing your mindset - that is much more important) and things still seem bad, well then, you have the power to opt out of this game. But you know what? Your life isn't bad. I saw people in Ghana picking up burning e-waste to gain a dollar for a day. They'll die much sooner than you. So, move somewhere else after your degree.

I'm also a pretty lazy person so that makes life in every aspect very difficult. I'm trying to gain muscle and lose fat, do well in school

Yeah that isn't hard to do.

I feel like I'm so far from my potential. None of my friends ever contact me first, and I never hear from anyone. I feel like no one thinks about me and doesn't care. I feel worthless. I feel like I just want to go away from everything and everyone forever.

You just don't liek where you are and want to be accepted. Someone to heal your wounds and accept you for you. Right?

I'm a very analytical person so I also analyze myself and I don't even like myself. I often have violent thoughts towards people I love when I see them and it's not an urge or a wanting, it actually upsets me a lot and I feel terrible about it.

Yeah, because you think of yourself as an unwanted symptom of an unintelligent universe who got the short end of the stick. YOu're not a machine, you're not who or what you think you are. You're just as much a part of this universe as this universe is a part of you. You are it, basically, the entirety of the cosmos. Isn't that wonderful enough?

I feel like a sick fuck. I looked it up online and have determined it's a form of OCD. I know from neuropsychology that the ego, sense of self, is an illusion and I am not the conscious author of my thoughts, yet I still feel responsible and shitty.

Yeah that's all bullshit. A coin has two sides. Yin cannot exist without Yang. Just like you have a good side, don't be surprised when you see an opposite image of yourself. Just accept it! So what if you're not getting all goody goody thoughts? The good implies bad just as much as bad does good! But you know better. You know that giving into those violent thoughts will only lead you to your violent destruction and bring harm to those you harm. Say, even with the western God's almighty insight, wisdom and omnipotence, Satan still came into being, right? Because that's just the way it is. Like I said, good cannot exist without evil. People don't realise that. They think that getting your kind of thoughts is somehow unacceptable. But it's not. If it wasn't for Satan, who would have valued God as good and worthwhile? Good needs evil. The thing is to cool the evil. So relax.

Everything just feels so difficult. It's difficult because I depend on others so much for my happiness but that's the way I am and I can't change that. I need to be wanted by other people. Almost every day I think about killing myself. I just want to destroy things and stab myself in the fucking neck or something I can't take this. I want beautiful girls to want me. I don't care if it sounds shallow, it is what it is. That's just the way I feel. I can't control my responses to stimulation.

Then go and do something that will really wear you out. I know you won't keep at it for long, because you'd probably think "this is good enough, I'll come back later" and the cycle will repeat itself. Nothing will change, until you do.

Also, at least you have someone. A lot of people are truly "broken", scarred, hurt and "alone". They'd love to rest their heads on someone's shoulder, but they can't, because besides them, there is nobody else to rely on. In the long run, guess who becomes tougher and gains more insight.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Also, in regards to beautiful girls, do not fantasize about them in your spare time about you being with them or them dancing in front of you or anything like that. I used to do this and it can damage you mentally. It's okay of course to masturbate to the idea of having sex with them, but do not fantasize about them as though they are your girlfriend.

Hey OP, don't follow this advice. I won't say it's bad, but I will imply it . This here is a fantastically grey area. You'll confuse yourself. Disregard it. YO usaw a beautiful girl? Feel like jacking of? Go for a long edging session instead. No need to feel guilty. because those feelings of attraction are very temporary; just short and irrelevant after you're done. So if you feel like it, go for it. You think girls don't jack off to someone else even though they're with someone? PFFFT.

Be yourself. So what if SOME people don't like some of your philosophy. Continue to meet new people, be yourself, and there's going to be people who like what you have to say and really enjoy your company.

The OP IS himself. He just won't accept it.

[jdavid1990 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close jdavid1990]

Hey Everyone,

I'm not looking for pity, you don't have to feel sad for me. I am looking for some attention though which I don't think is a bad thing necessarily. I'm also looking for some advice if possible. I feel so stuck in my life in this cycle of sufferings. I have had a girlfriend for a little over two years now and for our entire exclusive relationship we have been living in separate states. We visit each other roughly once every four weeks. When I lived near her we were friends and then friends with benefits for about 5 months before I moved, then became exclusive. I love her very much and she loves me very much also, but this is so tough for me. One difficult aspect is having no physicality whatsoever. I'm a very affectionate and sexual person and I'm in college so I'm walking around all day seeing gorgeous girls and feeling like I want to die because I can't fulfill my desires with them. My girlfriend has lost way too much weight and I'm not as attracted to her anymore. I "fall in love" easily with beautiful girls and such, but I'm also critical and don't like a lot of people's traits once I get to know them. I'm a very odd and unique person so I don't feel like I will ever be completely satisfied with another person. I talk about psychology and philosophy all the time and my intellect I feel turns people off in society these days. A lot of people are really interested also but after a while they get sick of it or are intimidated.
I care about my girlfriend very much but at the same time I don't know if she's completely right for me. It is very difficult for me to say that because her and I have been through so much together and she's my best friend, she is my other half. If I lost her I would be devastated but there are some issues. One being the attractiveness. Also, my NBEL is 5" and my EG is 4.75" and she doesn't cum during sex. I feel like she doesn't get much pleasure and I'm not having much success with PE so I feel like fucking shit.
I'm also a pretty lazy person so that makes life in every aspect very difficult. I'm trying to gain muscle and lose fat, do well in school, save money, and everything else in life and I feel like I'm so far from my potential. None of my friends ever contact me first, and I never hear from anyone. I feel like no one thinks about me and doesn't care. I feel worthless. I feel like I just want to go away from everything and everyone forever.
I'm a very analytical person so I also analyze myself and I don't even like myself. I often have violent thoughts towards people I love when I see them and it's not an urge or a wanting, it actually upsets me a lot and I feel terrible about it. I feel like a sick fuck. I looked it up online and have determined it's a form of OCD. I know from neuropsychology that the ego, sense of self, is an illusion and I am not the conscious author of my thoughts, yet I still feel responsible and shitty. Everything just feels so difficult. It's difficult because I depend on others so much for my happiness but that's the way I am and I can't change that. I need to be wanted by other people. Almost every day I think about killing myself. I just want to destroy things and stab myself in the fucking neck or something I can't take this. I want beautiful girls to want me. I don't care if it sounds shallow, it is what it is. That's just the way I feel. I can't control my responses to stimulation.
I also live with my mom, her husband, and my 3 year old sister. Her husband is a cock sucking asshole and I hate being around him so I avoid him constantly. I'm always in my room cooped up. I have met some people here in Georgia and I hang out with my friends sometimes but I'm kind of shy so it's hard to meet a lot of new people like I want to. I'd love to meet new people more often but my self esteem sucks balls cause mother fuckers growing up would pick on me and make me feel worthless. Girls never liked me ever. I just hate myself and life. I wish I could find satisfaction and relief.

Firstly... I suffered with bipolar disorder and autistic spectrum disorder... Rapid changes from stable moods to self disgust and insecurity is very common for me. Also self analylsis is very common and i also feel like i have ocd... things like having to check my window is shut 5 times before i go to bed even tho i never open the window is a problem... A team is looking into me as a personality disorder so mate... I have it alllllll going on!

Until i was about 19 i thought i was ugly... Not to brag but some women find me very attractive... But if your similar to me people can tell you your this or your that but when your mind flips all you see is a fat shrimp dicked waste of space the feel even more pathetic and depressed because you feel like that. What a weirdo, right? Couldn't tell you how often i look up average dick size or study training techniques to gain muscle and lose fat! My girlfriend is a black size queen and she's is off toe the carribbean on the plane as we speak and even tho we're extremely serious, she was sexless for a year and a half before we got together, she is a mature and respectful lady, my cock is more than she wants, my sex is great, everything is cool.... except all that's going through my head is she's going over there and getting loads of big black cock.... even tho i know it isn't true my mental health makes it a insecurity and a fear of mine. I actually done extensive research and the penis size of a black man by average is only 0.1 inch longer and girth 0.1 thicker.... Its and overrated myth but still the feelings lurk in my mind. I have always been put down and believe what i've been told, always felt ugly and could never fight my battles... Im very intellectual too i was at uni till i got sent to jail violence related because i went mad and struck back at society. My intelligence and complexity also fears most people and puts them off and they think i'm weird...

Let me put some positivity on it now...

Now because of all the hatred, anger, depression, self analysis...an pure drive to get myself out of the person i hate! I have lost 3 stone of fat and am soon to be riping up to doing light heavy weight UFC... My analysis and goal for perfection has made my body excel and my mind excel in the long run. My theory is this, you come accross quick sand... you ain't got the legs for it, but by shear determination you get to the other side, when you get to the other side you're legs are so much stronger than ever before. Now i could have many black girls... i don't like white chicks btw... hate em... All the people that bullied me i'd kick fuck out of...the complexity that people fear??? Mate you can have a big dick and b real sexy but to get to women you need complexity and intellect and in the real world of people that actually mean something in society who you think is going to blend in better? The common chump or the articulated and cognitively developed individual who strays away from general lifestyles to better him self and focus on whats right?

I've been stabbed numerous amounts of times stared death in the face, fought against physical enemies and the demons in my mind and this on going battle will happen until i die... but remember this, what you have on those people who have the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on... see where they are in ten years...

with great power comes great responsibility... living a day in my mind is hard.. many doctors and family members have identified it... but deep down i know...even tho i hate the pain and pressure i go through, i know, ITS A BLESSING!

Also, not going to entertain the suicidal part... Mate i have been to the heaven and back when it comes to suicidal thoughts... Its not a place you should embrace, then again you cant always control it... You sound very much similar to myself... are you around 16-18??? I sense autistic spectrum disorder... I used to feel like i fell in love with girls instantly...with the years you'll realise what love really is and as you fuck loads of chicks you'll stop getting them weird feelings just off the looks and eventually you'll need personality to really fancy somebody. I've been to the darkest places and never should you commit suicide...why? PUSSY HOLE WAY OUT MATE!! Thats why whenever someone pulls a blade (about 10 knife wound scars) or has pulled a gun (once never got shot tho) I never get scared because that for me is getting out without doing it myself... Bro... Fuck all that shit... what about your mom?? All the love she's put into you for you to leave her and not be there for her when her arse hole husband hurts her or she needed support of her death bed!! Think about the logistics here! Your a smart guy... its one thing identifying the problem but solving it is different... i understand that ... maybe you should start writing... i'm a lyricist... a good one at that... always helped me and you can log down what you want to achieve and how you want to grow and look at it in times of darkness....

[jdavid1990 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close jdavid1990]

Do things that make you happy, like working out (this can definitely help self-esteem), going on a run in your neighborhood, playing video games.. things that help you enjoy life.

Also, in regards to beautiful girls, do not fantasize about them in your spare time about you being with them or them dancing in front of you or anything like that. I used to do this and it can damage you mentally. It's okay of course to masturbate to the idea of having sex with them, but do not fantasize about them as though they are your girlfriend.

Be yourself. So what if SOME people don't like some of your philosophy. Continue to meet new people, be yourself, and there's going to be people who like what you have to say and really enjoy your company.

Get out of the depression hole. Someone once told me that depression is a hole people are stuck in and the only way to get out of the hole is... to get out of the hole. What I mean is go out and live. Go to clubs and parties with your friends, but be careful and be a responsible adult. Make sure to have a balance in your life.

Set some personal short terms goals that are achievable in the short term and when you accomplish them, set long terms goals.

These are life-lessons I personally learned as I was chronically depressed for 3 years.

Good luck!

p.s. take karate or watch simple self-defense techniques on youtube. You might be able to find an inexpensive karate class at the boys and girls club.

Great advice, except when you really suffer from depression, (not due to lifestyle changes) its due to chemical inbalances in the brain so it is far from as simple as that. What i have different from others who feel depressed, or manic, or angry, or stressed is that they have a reason... i generally don't...

[jdavid1990 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close jdavid1990]

One of the most important tracks in my growing up..... I wont link you to my funeral song however its too dark and negative to this thread...

The Game feat Busta Rhymes - The doctor's advocate - YouTube - Sitting in this god damn cageeeee, reminiscing about my dayyyy

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

Really great post jdavid, and thanks for taking the time to share with op your personal experience.

Firstly... I suffered with bipolar disorder and autistic spectrum disorder... Rapid changes from stable moods to self disgust and insecurity is very common for me. Also self analylsis is very common and i also feel like i have ocd... things like having to check my window is shut 5 times before i go to bed even tho i never open the window is a problem... A team is looking into me as a personality disorder so mate... I have it alllllll going on!

Until i was about 19 i thought i was ugly... Not to brag but some women find me very attractive... But if your similar to me people can tell you your this or your that but when your mind flips all you see is a fat shrimp dicked waste of space the feel even more pathetic and depressed because you feel like that. What a weirdo, right? Couldn't tell you how often i look up average dick size or study training techniques to gain muscle and lose fat! My girlfriend is a black size queen and she's is off toe the carribbean on the plane as we speak and even tho we're extremely serious, she was sexless for a year and a half before we got together, she is a mature and respectful lady, my cock is more than she wants, my sex is great, everything is cool.... except all that's going through my head is she's going over there and getting loads of big black cock.... even tho i know it isn't true my mental health makes it a insecurity and a fear of mine. I actually done extensive research and the penis size of a black man by average is only 0.1 inch longer and girth 0.1 thicker.... Its and overrated myth but still the feelings lurk in my mind. I have always been put down and believe what i've been told, always felt ugly and could never fight my battles... Im very intellectual too i was at uni till i got sent to jail violence related because i went mad and struck back at society. My intelligence and complexity also fears most people and puts them off and they think i'm weird...

Let me put some positivity on it now...

Now because of all the hatred, anger, depression, self analysis...an pure drive to get myself out of the person i hate! I have lost 3 stone of fat and am soon to be riping up to doing light heavy weight UFC... My analysis and goal for perfection has made my body excel and my mind excel in the long run. My theory is this, you come accross quick sand... you ain't got the legs for it, but by shear determination you get to the other side, when you get to the other side you're legs are so much stronger than ever before. Now i could have many black girls... i don't like white chicks btw... hate em... All the people that bullied me i'd kick fuck out of...the complexity that people fear??? Mate you can have a big dick and b real sexy but to get to women you need complexity and intellect and in the real world of people that actually mean something in society who you think is going to blend in better? The common chump or the articulated and cognitively developed individual who strays away from general lifestyles to better him self and focus on whats right?

I've been stabbed numerous amounts of times stared death in the face, fought against physical enemies and the demons in my mind and this on going battle will happen until i die... but remember this, what you have on those people who have the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on... see where they are in ten years...

with great power comes great responsibility... living a day in my mind is hard.. many doctors and family members have identified it... but deep down i know...even tho i hate the pain and pressure i go through, i know, ITS A BLESSING!

Also, not going to entertain the suicidal part... Mate i have been to the heaven and back when it comes to suicidal thoughts... Its not a place you should embrace, then again you cant always control it... You sound very much similar to myself... are you around 16-18??? I sense autistic spectrum disorder... I used to feel like i fell in love with girls instantly...with the years you'll realise what love really is and as you fuck loads of chicks you'll stop getting them weird feelings just off the looks and eventually you'll need personality to really fancy somebody. I've been to the darkest places and never should you commit suicide...why? PUSSY HOLE WAY OUT MATE!! Thats why whenever someone pulls a blade (about 10 knife wound scars) or has pulled a gun (once never got shot tho) I never get scared because that for me is getting out without doing it myself... Bro... Fuck all that shit... what about your mom?? All the love she's put into you for you to leave her and not be there for her when her arse hole husband hurts her or she needed support of her death bed!! Think about the logistics here! Your a smart guy... its one thing identifying the problem but solving it is different... i understand that ... maybe you should start writing... i'm a lyricist... a good one at that... always helped me and you can log down what you want to achieve and how you want to grow and look at it in times of darkness....

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

Damn I can relate to most of that as well!

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Let me put some positivity on it now...

Now because of all the hatred, anger, depression, self analysis...an pure drive to get myself out of the person i hate! I have lost 3 stone of fat and am soon to be riping up to doing light heavy weight UFC... My analysis and goal for perfection has made my body excel and my mind excel in the long run. My theory is this, you come accross quick sand... you ain't got the legs for it, but by shear determination you get to the other side, when you get to the other side you're legs are so much stronger than ever before. Now i could have many black girls... i don't like white chicks btw... hate em... All the people that bullied me i'd kick fuck out of...the complexity that people fear??? Mate you can have a big dick and b real sexy but to get to women you need complexity and intellect and in the real world of people that actually mean something in society who you think is going to blend in better? The common chump or the articulated and cognitively developed individual who strays away from general lifestyles to better him self and focus on whats right?

I've been stabbed numerous amounts of times stared death in the face, fought against physical enemies and the demons in my mind and this on going battle will happen until i die... but remember this, what you have on those people who have the whole ignorance is bliss thing going on... see where they are in ten years...

with great power comes great responsibility... living a day in my mind is hard.. many doctors and family members have identified it... but deep down i know...even tho i hate the pain and pressure i go through, i know, ITS A BLESSING!

Also, not going to entertain the suicidal part... Mate i have been to the heaven and back when it comes to suicidal thoughts... Its not a place you should embrace, then again you cant always control it... You sound very much similar to myself... are you around 16-18??? I sense autistic spectrum disorder... I used to feel like i fell in love with girls instantly...with the years you'll realise what love really is and as you fuck loads of chicks you'll stop getting them weird feelings just off the looks and eventually you'll need personality to really fancy somebody. I've been to the darkest places and never should you commit suicide...why? PUSSY HOLE WAY OUT MATE!! Thats why whenever someone pulls a blade (about 10 knife wound scars) or has pulled a gun (once never got shot tho) I never get scared because that for me is getting out without doing it myself... Bro... Fuck all that shit... what about your mom?? All the love she's put into you for you to leave her and not be there for her when her arse hole husband hurts her or she needed support of her death bed!! Think about the logistics here! Your a smart guy... its one thing identifying the problem but solving it is different... i understand that ... maybe you should start writing... i'm a lyricist... a good one at that... always helped me and you can log down what you want to achieve and how you want to grow and look at it in times of darkness....

Real Speak... Thanks for speaking up...

OP, I was/am there too. Had deep seated hatred for myself. As a kid, I once went a whole year not looking in the mirror... Ignored what I looked like so much, i'd forgotten what I actually looked like.

Now I know I'm attractive. I've had women looking at me like the want to f8ck me and I'm not even where I want to be yet, physically. I'm working towards it.

The main thing here is that I realized what I wanted, i never stopped wanting it. I want it for myself now. I don't want it to be attractive to other people, I want it for me. J, 3 stone is a lot by the way! that's like 40lbs isn't it? my irish friend told me 14lbs is a stone. I've lost that, too. I'm trying to lose another 3 stone before I'm happy, but I'm already seeing positives from my 3 stone loss so far.

At the end of the day, the very thing you think is your hindrance will be what saves you, OP. Your analysis of yourself... all you need is a little drive...


Now let me just clarify this one thing, though OP... You've got a girlfriend and you want to off yourself? You've got what other guys off themselves for NOT having... Sometimes step back and look at your life and see how well you're doing and what you have that other people don't. once there, you'll be able to appreciate your life.

[jdavid1990 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close jdavid1990]

Yeah you gotta watch out for that body dysmorphia somebodyelse....

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Yeah you gotta watch out for that body dysmorphia somebodyelse....

dude, so there with you. I think it's a miracle I feel even half as good as I do about myself. I stepped out of my body for a while and just analyzed me. NOT critical analyzing but a serious, unbiased proposition.

Taking into account what my friends said about me. Skillsets that I have, my personality traits... I came to the end of my list with a nicely weight positive and negative column.

When I looked at the negative column, unbiased, i was able to pick out the things that I could change and/or eliminate. I set upon myself like a "Car Tuner" threw away all the "stock" pieces and replaced them with upgraded good parts. My timidity, my shyness, my taking myself too seriously. All these things, that made me unable to do things, I took them out... replaced them with personality traits I wanted.

Knowing how great I am, as a person, helped me look past my body insecurities... not even insecurities, i HATED my body. with a passion.

I relied on the engine to carry the crappy body around so long that I know it was taking it's toll on the it. I figure, now it's time to modify the body...you know? Make the chassis fit the drivetrain

"Power is nothing without control"
-Pirelli