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[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

Hello. I would like to ask you for advice not PE related. It might have been asked many times before like "how to rise confidence...etc" but my question is how to have confidence at all because its hard to multiple 0? I thought I have the lowest possible confidence, but this week I have discovered that it can go even lower(thats why this thead name). Basically my problems are: 0 confidence, very low self esteem and horible shyness. I have tried many things to improve that but only thing that rised a little bit was my self esteem. The only things I'm not insecure about are penis size and height (although I'm only 5'9''). The rest is a disaster.

Any non-standard tips?



And the hating shall begin...

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Set achievable goals and when you reach them be sure to congratulate yourself as it is a success.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

You have to remember your good qualities even if you need to right them down on paper and read them to yourself you must not forget the things about you that are good and/ or the things that you are good at. Pegasus said to set goals and that is one of the very best things you can do. Make a list of the ares you wish to be better at. For example if you find it hard to talk to girls make sure you say hello to just 3 females that you dont know on the way to work, school or the grocery store. Dont try and be the man in a day, set small goals and work towards bigger ones with the small ones as building blocks.

Do you wanna be a faster runner, sprint 40 feet tomorrow, add 5 feet a day. In two months you are sprinting over 100 yards at top speed. I think you can see where I am getting at. You can start by making a list and spend a week putting one thing on it a day that you wish to improve on.

You have great qualities, just dont forget about them and sell yourself short.

[imac Retired Moderator Member of the Month Nov 12PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close imac]

You have confidence, you just have it in the wrong things.

I'm sure that as you're reading this that you're confidently saying to yourself that I'm wrong and that you have no confidence, thus proving my point.

When you get down to it confidence is all about the way you think. If you think negatively about yourself then the emotions you connect to yourself will also be negative, leading to poor self image and low self esteem.

So whenever you catch yourself being negative towards yourself stop those thoughts dead in their tracks and banish them, then replace them with positive thoughts.

I think therefore I am.

Control your thoughts, don't let them control you.

[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

Set achievable goals and when you reach them be sure to congratulate yourself as it is a success.

Hmm ok..

You have to remember your good qualities even if you need to right them down on paper and read them to yourself you must not forget the things about you that are good and/ or the things that you are good at. Pegasus said to set goals and that is one of the very best things you can do. Make a list of the ares you wish to be better at

Once I wanted to learn dancing. I did it. But now I have no confidence to use that in real life situations. For me dancing in public is almost like standing there naked. Now after a visit in Belgium I'm going to start brewing beer, but I'm not stoping making wine.

You have confidence, you just have it in the wrong things.

I'm sure that as you're reading this that you're confidently saying to yourself that I'm wrong and that you have no confidence, thus proving my point.

When you get down to it confidence is all about the way you think. If you think negatively about yourself then the emotions you connect to yourself will also be negative, leading to poor self image and low self esteem.

Wrong. I agree with you that I have some confidence. I have confidence in my cooking. But this skill does not improve my overall confidence. Speaking about negative thoughts. When it comes to looks, I see myself as 3-4/10. Deep inside I hope that I'm wrong and I look like a 6/10. Yesterday for example I had a thought about leaving this site. Because what is the point of growing my dick. But I like you guys so much that I overcame this thought.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Wee like you so theres two reasons you should stay, besides who else are you goingto ask if your jelquing correctly!

[youforme93 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close youforme93]

I am almost in the same exact same situation as you. I have low self esteem and I am terribly shy, especially around girls. I am also a nervous person and worry about things I souldn't be worrying about. The only place I am confident is at work and, I think that is becasue I am doing what I always wanted to do. The other areas of my life I have zero confidence. I will say though that this site has been a godsend for me. I have always wanted to change but, would never commit to anything. This site has taught me that personal change takes time.

I joined a little over three months ago. My self confidence has risen significantally (sP). Just reading that there are other people out there with problems just like me was a huge help. I use to be a negative person and I can see that as my confidence grows my I am starting to become a more positive person. Setting small goals as Pegasus mentioned did wonders for me. Is what I did was I took an area in my life where I was not confident and set small goal fo myself. For example I was so shy that I could not even look a girl in the eyes in passing. So I set a goal to look one girl in the eyes in passing each day. As I became more confident I started to smile as I past, when they would smile back I felt like I had conquered the world. I am always affraid of rejection, that is part of reason I am shy around girls. I started online dating hoping that someone would message me back, I would send out messages and of course no one messaged me back. But as I get rejected so to speak it's kind of teaching me that being rejected is not the end of world. Hopefully soon I will have to the balls to actually go up and talk to a girl in person.

Another thing that I have started to do differently is to always be doing something that I want to be doing. I use to do things with friends that I really didn't want to do. I changed that, life is to short to be doing something that you don't want to do.

Wow I never intended this post to be so long. So in closing the things that have helped me are this site, small goals, and to always be doing something that makes you happy. Let me be clear though, that I am no where close to being where I want to be, it just takes time (patience is a virtue). Take a chance on change you have nothing to lose. I hope that I have helped as I am not very good at putting what I am thinking into words (something else I am working on).


Merry Christmas,
YFM93

[Glamissand1 Senior Member Member of the Month March 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Glamissand1]

Make a list of your fears, then go face them! We go thru life fearing this or that but if you never face it you have let fear win. You don't have to start big, you just have to start. We all have fear its just the ones we see as brave that face them. If you want to daNce go to a diferent city and dance there, when the nights over you go home and no one in your town will have seen you.

[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

The dancing part is not so easy for me :P I was away from my country for few months and I didnt dance even once.

[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

Anyway today I have signed for dancing classes again :P but next level. And also today I found out I have makings of a hair stylist. But this is a usless skill.

I would appreciate an input of people that were in similar situation to me. If someone didn't have such problems, and for the whole life was somewhat confident, his advice look similar to an eagle teaching an ostrich how to fly "you know, you have to clap your wings". Im not saying that those tips are worthless, but are rather from a different point of view.

[ThirdArm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThirdArm]

Confidence usually relates to a specific task. You're confident about cooking because you know that you can do it. Even if you're faced with a new dish or a new ingredient, you probably feel that you could handle the challenge.

Let me say this. If you're talking about confidence with women and you want advice from someone who knows what it's like to be a zero - that's me. Mr. Friend zone. Only one thing had to change: The discomfort of being unsatisfied with my life had to be greater than the discomfort it took to start making changes. Really, that's the catalyst. I think it pretty much always is for big changes. It's important to accept discomfort and work through it as part of a learning process. I have a long way to go with women, but just like youforme93 said, you have to start taking measures towards progress.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Arkham,

Sounds like you are getting great advice here. I had the same situation happen but for me. I was never very girly and felt shy about it. So as the members have said I made myself a goal. I bought girly clothes, which I first hated to wear and felt embarrassed to, then I noticed I was getting positive feedback and reactions. That in turn boosted my confidence. You already started this with the dance classes and grooming, so sounds like you are setting goals already. I can tell you that a man's presence is big turn on, I don't care if you are in jean and a t-shirt or in a suit. It's how you wear it! Yes, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, when it comes to confidence. LOL

[NCC707 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCC707]

I agree with all of this.

I have been struggling with confidence and esteem issues since my divorce. It's been almost 2 years since I have had sex, or even kissed. My transformation is almost complete now, yours is beginning.

You say that you don't have it within yourself, but it IS there. You don't recognize it, and haven't used it. Baby steps.... it's the little things that make up a major change. Have faith in yourself buddy.

Don't mind me while I shed this cocoon.

[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

Arkham,

Sounds like you are getting great advice here. I had the same situation happen but for me. I was never very girly and felt shy about it. So as the members have said I made myself a goal. I bought girly clothes, which I first hated to wear and felt embarrassed to, then I noticed I was getting positive feedback and reactions. That in turn boosted my confidence. You already started this with the dance classes and grooming, so sounds like you are setting goals already...

Thx for support

... I can tell you that a man's presence is big turn on, I don't care if you are in jean and a t-shirt or in a suit. It's how you wear it! Yes, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, when it comes to confidence. LOL

Now thats hiting somebody when he is down. Nevertheless I'm fully aware of this.

... You already started this with the dance classes and grooming, so sounds like you are setting goals already...

Yeah but those things do not make me feel better. I just do them because they keep me occupied and I don't have time thinking about it how worthless I am.

You say that you don't have it within yourself, but it IS there. You don't recognize it, and haven't used it. Baby steps.... it's the little things that make up a major change. Have faith in yourself buddy.

Faith... this is probably the last thing I have.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Now thats hiting somebody when he is down. Nevertheless I'm fully aware of this


Faith... this is probably the last thing I have.

When I was talking about Fake it until you make it, I was talking about me wearing the girly clothes not trying to put you down. I apologize if it sounded that way. I meant that since I like presence, I figured men do to, so I had to fake it until I made it.

Faith is strong, it you have it you will do well and may I say nobody is worthless. I work in the Deaf community and with disable and believe me they are an inspiration. They have helped me come a long way. Hope in your journey through life you find that kind of inspiration. I believe NCC707 we have it within, we just need to recognize it. Good Luck!