Negativity

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

What is wrong with it?

Without getting too personal about it I am completely negative, always have been as long as I can remember. All of this is a huge shocker I know, secret of the century there. Anyways, I find that people don't like it very much and while I have been trying to not bring my negativity into conversations that have nothing to do with me where it would almost seem like reverse bragging I know that I am a negative person. This causes random suggestions, advice, and some rather unkind words from time to time which are just not needed.

Past that information about me I find negativity to be more realistic and I tend to be more right through this way of thinking. I know everyone is negative in some way shape or form, but it seems odd that expressing negativity seems to come with a certain backlash as positivity is what everyone believes is the "correct" way of thinking. I find those that are almost scolding those that say something negative never think about how someone may have gotten to that point and maybe that those people have experience more negativity than positivity, leading to that line of thinking.

What do you think of negativity and the way people react to it?

(Something tells me I just posted something stupid here.)

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Hi Dontrike! This is a very good question. Sometimes maybe when people think your being negative your just trying to "trouble shoot?" This is also another way of helping as potential issues can be over looked by some. My eldest brother is a lot like this and I love him to pieces but it has caused an argument or two. Perhaps it is in your approach? I find better reactions when I state that I see the problem, but quickly move into a suggested solution. In other words, spend as little time as possible on the apparent negative.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

I understand that some can become too negative from past experiences, expecting the worst so that if things come alright nobody loses anything is sort of a self preservation mechanism IMHO, but also it has drawbacks, being overly pessimist and negative can draw people away from you as nobody wants a downer, making them feel bad and exaggerate every tiny probable issue into a doomsday prophecy (OK, I'm a bit exaggerating here lol ).

Just like stereotyping, it's a double edged sword, some tend to do it to make less effort analyzing or studying situations or other people, which is unfair, you may think it served you well, but in fact, you may have missed lots of opportunities.

Sometimes positivity is realistic, other times being realistic is realistic, you can't just look at the empty half of the glass all the time and expect it to fill itself, in such situation, being positive and realistic would make you identify the problem and find a solution in this case, fill up the glass but a pessimist would only say nah! its half empty and sit next to it, cursing the forces that made his glass half empty.

Does it make sense?

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Negativity breeds more negativity. I find it silly when someone posts something negative, usually about someone else, then is surprized that others post negative things about them or their post.

Holy schnikee! Who would have imagined it!?!

Except, the willigness to post negative (or realistic, depending on your perspective) comments leads the reader to infer the author is man (or woman) enough to receive the same treatment in return.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of a refined affinity to absorb and appreciate "realism" we find these folks are the first to cry "foul! You've hurt my feelings! Why would you do such a thing, I was only telling the truth!?!" Coincidentally, the criticism was also true.

I find "realist" to be some of the most sensitive but least sensible people around. Willing to serve others a dish they refuse to eat themselves.

I prefer folks who speak plainly and in the manner with which they desire to be addressed.

One who speaks negatively will receive negativity in return.

[bipaw Member Find all posts View Profile Close bipaw]

I know everyone is negative in some way shape or form, but it seems odd that expressing negativity seems to come with a certain backlash as positivity is what everyone believes is the "correct" way of thinking.

Everybody experiences negatives thoughts. While thinking positive thoughts is nice it is unrealistic and harmful to think positively all the time. It is healthier to have a more balanced approach to your thoughts. If you think you will always succeed you will be sorely mistaken, and if you have a learned helplessness your quality of life will be quite worse.

I find those that are almost scolding those that say something negative never think about how someone may have gotten to that point and maybe that those people have experience more negativity than positivity, leading to that line of thinking.

This is most definitely true in many cases. The thing is you are the only person responsible for your own well being. No matter what has happened it is still up to you to get on track. I think most people won't care what happened they will just know you are negative, unless you have a relationship with them of some sort.

I think most people act unfavorably to negativity it certainly garners people negative labels due to the fundamental attribution error.


As for whats wrong with it? Emotions are caused by thoughts. Having many negative thoughts is not pleasant as it can cause negative emotions from being negative.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

I understand that some can become too negative from past experiences, expecting the worst so that if things come alright nobody loses anything is sort of a self preservation mechanism IMHO, but also it has drawbacks, being overly pessimist and negative can draw people away from you as nobody wants a downer, making them feel bad and exaggerate every tiny probable issue into a doomsday prophecy (OK, I'm a bit exaggerating here lol https://www.pegym.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.png ).

Just like stereotyping, it's a double edged sword, some tend to do it to make less effort analyzing or studying situations or other people, which is unfair, you may think it served you well, but in fact, you may have missed lots of opportunities.

Sometimes positivity is realistic, other times being realistic is realistic, you can't just look at the empty half of the glass all the time and expect it to fill itself, in such situation, being positive and realistic would make you identify the problem and find a solution in this case, fill up the glass https://www.pegym.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.png but a pessimist would only say nah! its half empty and sit next to it, cursing the forces that made his glass half empty.

Does it make sense?

I think I understand, it is time to change it from "glass half full/empty" to "that container has half of it's potential containing ability currently being used".

In all seriousness I do understand. My personal experiences lead to more negativity from seeing good people have shit happen to them constantly and almost never experience something good for just as long. Maybe it is me caring for those I care about a little too much, or noticing things that may not be there.

My negativity probably has cost me opportunities, I can't think of any off hand right now though.

I do find it weird though. I am negative in almost everything, find my weight loss something of a chore rather than something to look forward to, and yet when it comes to things like World of Warcraft or Magic: the Gathering I am confidant. Sure, I know I won't win every time and recently did pretty well in a tournament and these are the things I find confidence in, but you ask me about my weight, looks, future, past, present, relationships, family, aunts, grandmother, mom, school, or job (or lack of) and I couldn't be more negative. If you want to talk to me about nerd stuff and I open up like one of those little plastic treasure chests you put in an aquarium that spew bubbles.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Negativity breeds more negativity. I find it silly when someone posts something negative, usually about someone else, then is surprized that others post negative things about them or their post.

Holy schnikee! Who would have imagined it!?!

Except, the willigness to post negative (or realistic, depending on your perspective) comments leads the reader to infer the author is man (or woman) enough to receive the same treatment in return.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Instead of a refined affinity to absorb and appreciate "realism" we find these folks the first to cry "foul! You've hurt my feelings! Why would you do such a thing, I was only telling the truth!?!" Coincidentally, the criticism was also true.

I find "realist" to be some of the most sensitive but least sensible people around. Willing to serve others a dish they refuse to eat themselves.

I prefer folks who speak plainly and in the manner with which they desire to be addressed.

One who speaks negatively will receive negativity in return.

While speaking negatively, or possibly even mean, to someone is wrong, I meant more negative in every aspect of life rather than to people, but you are right on the person part.

How come you feel negativity should receive negativity? Is saying something like "That won't work" and watching someone do something incredibly dumb, like drunk stunt work type of dumb, and it not working out should then receive something negative in return? Of course this is only negative to the person wanting to try something while you are against it.

Perhaps I should have come up with different examples of negativity.

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

How come you feel negativity should receive negativity?

I'm not saying that it should, I'm saying that it invariably does. (That, my friend is realism)

And when it does happen it is received with less enthusiasm than was present when it was dished out.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

I'm not saying that it should, I'm saying that it invariably does. (That, my friend is realism)

And when it does happen it is received with less enthusiasm than was present when it was dished out.

Which is true enough. I tend to not mind others doing the same to me as I just accept what they say because I think it is true as well, perhaps that is not a good thing now that I think about it.

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

Let me put a different spin on negativity for folks to think about. My original post on the subject can be found here: https://www.pegym.com/forums/gym/101...tml#post364882

Some will have a plan laid out to explicit detail in their head. They may even developed it further before they put the plan into action. However, not every plan will succeed, or as Mike Tyson said, "every one has a plan, until they get punched in the face." Often folks will interpret "failure to execute as planned" as "failure as an individual" instead of a "failure to anticipate unforeseen conditions" or "failure to consider the third or fourth order effects of one's actions."

When confronted with these roadblocks, some folks will sulk home, curl up on the couch with 5 quarts of Ben and Jerry's and stop living. OK, I exaggerate; some will react negatively to the "failure" and it will suck life and energy out of that person and everyone else within earshot.

In this case, negativity is saying, "I failed at this, I'll probably never succeed at anything, therefore I'll not try."

Where a positive outlook, or in my opinion a opportunistic outlook, is one which says, "well this part failed, now I know to stop wasting my time doing that thing." Picture the vignette in "Groundhog's Day" Where Bill Murray's character is endlessly pursuing the attractive editor. Each time he hit a roadblock (or in the case of the movie where she slaps him) he learned from that mistake and was able to move past that point the next day.

In other words, rejection of an attempt is only failure if you fail to learn from the experience and adjust your method or plan.

Now, this does not apply entirely to your discussion, so let's take the example you provided and modify it to say something very similar but not negative.

A drunk stunt: You are probably right, drunk stunts most likely won't work. However, there is a chance they might (an infinitesimal chance perhaps, but still a chance). To deny that chance is to be negative, to mention the likely outcome is realism.

Take the casino. Fact: most people will lose their shirt. Negativity: You're going to lose your shirt. Realism: the odds favor the house, or the odds are 5:1 for the house. Positive-realism: You're going to have a lot of fun while the money lasts.

It is nuances like this that differentiate a negative person from a realistic person. One who knows how to use these nuances (a trait of NLP) is able to give bad news without making others feel bad; offer criticism without making others feel criticized; even redirect negative energy into a positive direction.

Sometimes lack of awareness prevents us from performing thus, other times it is lack of caring. But in the labor of communication, the brutal hammer of negative-feedback is not always the proper tool for every problem. It has its place, but it should not be the first tool one uses.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

I dont like negativity. Less than desireable aspects of our lives are the reality though. We dont need to add adjectives to these things to make them look worse. there is no need to carry on about a negative trying to prove why it is a negative. If it has been identified and a solution is desired then lets just move in that direction.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

While I think my thoughts on this pretty much duplicate what has already been said, but I find the topic interesting enough, that I would like to respond.

I'm sure everyone has seen the little quote that says;

"Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!
Sincerely, The Opportunist

Anyone who has seen my posts, knows I try to be a positive guy. I simply try to find the good in everything, but I don't expect a perfect outcome all the time, because that would surely be setting myself up for disappointment. If you focus on the negative, you will never see good, because you're not allowing yourself to see it. I also don't try to give false hope, or blow smoke up anybody's butt. Sometimes, the reality of things need to be accepted, so that they can be properly addressed in moving forward towards a better solution. So I like Namso's term "positive-realist" or even, positive-opportunist.

The positive-opportunist leaves themselves open to the possibilities of improvement, without letting the negative energy discourage them, or blinding themselves to the actuality of the situation. Thereby allowing and encouraging positive change to a currently negative or neutral situation, by addressing the real problem, not ignoring it. Being more approachable and active in the solution, and not giving up until they achieve it.

You may disagree, but you are being a opportunist in a way. You said in the first post that you thought you were "posting something stupid", yet you posted it anyway. And look at the great responses you have had! The true pessimist wouldn't have even bothered. It won't happen overnight, but you can change your perspective. How you view things is a choice. Do not let it define you, instead you define it. Step outside the box, and try and see things in a different light. You may just be surprised.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

"Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!
Sincerely, The Opportunist.

LOL! thats cute

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

I dont like negativity. Less than desireable aspects of our lives are the reality though. We dont need to add adjectives to these things to make them look worse. there is no need to carry on about a negative trying to prove why it is a negative. If it has been identified and a solution is desired then lets just move in that direction.

I agree NCGuy. I enjoy laughter, smiling, happiness. I'd much rather enjoy my positives and the gifts that surround my everyday life than to focus on negatives. Sure, I can find negatives in everything, like right now, outside, it looks like it might rain, but it's a positive, cause I live on a dirt road and rain knocks down the dust and quite frankly, my allergies need to chill. Sure, I have my moments where things go south, but I can't/won't let it consume me and eat away at what I do have/blessed with in my life.

Do I think my way is the correct way? No, but it is for me. Doesn't work for everyone, but sure, when I answer questions/give advice, my way of thinking does come out in my posts, cause that's me and how I deal with things.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Do you know what the great irony is about negative people? Their choice to be negative is actually positivity in disguise. True story.

They choose to view the world/life with pessimism because it gives them one or all of the following positive benefits:

- their focus on the possible pitfalls of life, allows them to troubleshoot for potential problems and avoid them. (self-preservation is a positive)

- they garner sympathy and/or empathy (to seek understanding is another positive)

- it allows them to place blame on "circumstances beyond their immediate control" (prevents them from taking personal responsibility/accountability, therefore avoiding the risk of failure and possible pain, which is yet another positive)

- they get to take the easy route and apply little personal effort. Because let's face it, our world is far from perfect and there is much negativity...so focusing on what's wrong is much, much, much easier than focusing on what's right. Being optimistic and positive in a world that often shows us anything but requires effort, courage and a leap of faith with no guarantee of success. (so they view their inertness as a positive)

- their constant negative attitude often incites a desire for greater optimism from others who are around them for too long. (reverse role model, another positive)

So you see, if individuals choose to be "Negative Neds", "Debbie Downers" or "Eeyores"...I say go for it because one day, they will realize that even negativity is actually a positive ...and then what will they do?


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