help

[lil-crazy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lil-crazy]

Ok gonna need some suggestions from the more civilized group here.
My question is how would you deal with someone that you thought was a friend and find out he is talking behind your back and trying to harm your reputation.
I want to beat the living shit out of him then take a piss on him just to show him he picked the wrong guy to mess with but being arrested isn't a great idea seeing how I must keep a roof over my kids heads.
Avoiding him isn't a option and confrontation without using fists is a area I need help.
So what can I say to him to have it come to a stop and not continue having a problem without violence?
Thanks in advance for any ideas because I will be seeing him again on Monday

[guiness73 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close guiness73]

I'll give this a try. First I am sorry that a trusted friend has turned out to be your next would be punching bag and eventual urinal. Not knowing how close you were to this guy and the details of the circumstances leading up to him causing harm to your reputation I would highly recommend that you when you see him next that you make the opportunity to ask him if you could talk with him privately (and preferably calmly). Despite your desire to want to go out of control on this guy you're going to want/need to be the one in control. It sounds as if your reputation is important to you and if people see you losing control (even if you're in the right) tends to make folks looking on lose some respect for someone with a bad temper (I'm sure others may disagree on this point).
Begin by choosing to handle this with a cool hand because this will in turn help make the next step of confronting this guy more poignant. Not knowing how short your temper really is I am just going to suggest that you must decide you will be the one to stay in control when you go to talk with him. Once you are both out of sight and sound of others you need to be able to articulate what all of this has caused in you. You guys were friends at some point and obviously this has ended that friendship. Or has it? Again, I don't know how close you two were but I'm guessing close enough to warrant you to be this upset. You also gotta ask yourself if folks he's telling are really going to believe it or not. Time is going to reveal one of two things anyway: that he's blatant lying SOB (and people will learn not to trust anything he says) or that what he says is true.
If I were you I would be direct and let him know how this has affected you and your friendship but do so without threats. I'm sure he is going to sense your frustration in this confrontation anyway so let that be enough for now. He's going to do one of three things anyway: 1. He'll confess to what he's done and ask for forgiveness. 2. He's going to completely deny any wrong doing and say you're overreacting . 3. He's going to confess to what he's done and shove it in your face.
I hear you saying you don't want to get arrested and that the welfare of your kids and family is more important than getting in trouble for this idiot. No one wants to be taken advantage of or have their reputation harmed. But consider the end game here: is this guy really worth it? are the people who really know you and care for you and are important to you really going to believe what this guy is saying?
After you end this friendship and even if he still tries to harm your reputation again and again will he just end up looking like the fool when no one believes a word that comes out of his mouth? Most people can be fooled for a little while but most people can also put two and two together and when they realize they are being suckered into believing a lie then the problem takes care of itself.
I'm sorry this took so long. You probably were looking for something a bit easier. I hope that things turn out well for you lil-crazy and that you don't end up going a lil-crazy on this guy.