How to gain confidence ?

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

Hey I just wanted to know how to gain confidence ? I don't have it at all for many reasons. Im short, Average looking, I have acne, no experience, and I have a small penis and I'm still a virgin at 19. Honestly I just want confidence in myself, even if I have a small penis or my short height. Im just tired of being lonely and my friends having sex and getting girls numbers.

Im tired of watching porn, Im tried of masturbating. Im tired of not believing in myself because of my penis. I feel like I missed out on so much stuff in High School prom,parties,etc. I skipped on that stuff because I didn't have no confidence in myself. Sometimes I ask myself who would want to be with me. Im just tired of it.

I just need help. I hate myself sometimes. Small penis, short height, acne on my face at 19. I just want confidence in myself and a girl.

[HammerTime89 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HammerTime89]

First you need to accept yourself for who you are, positives and negatives. After that you can start to work on what you want to improve on and really embrace the positive qualities you like about yourself. Personally the gym is what helped me the most gain confidence in myself.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

I know how you feel, I didn't lose my virginity till I was 23.

For the acne, all I can suggest is PH neutral face wash, multiple times a day.

Confidence comes with experience, it is a bit of a catch 22 (sorry W4I), there is no magic pill I can give you unfortunately.

I think you need action, you need to start doing something, to build confidence, maybe set small goals for your self each day just to prove to yourself you are capable, if you make mistakes along the way then so be it, it isn't going to happen over night, but you need to change your attitude to a positive one.

With regards to the porn it is seems to be having an impact on your life negatively, I would stop watching it. Everybody wants happiness, but so many settle for pleasure.

I used to believe I'd never have a girlfriend, I now have a wife, if I am capable of these things then you are too.

I saw this don't know if it helps, but I think the purpose of it is to become who you want to be \/

How to Build Self Confidence (with Examples) - wikiHow

Good luck bro, your capable of doing whatever you put your mind to, provided you be positive and take action!

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Never regret the things that you wish you would have done, because you didn't do them. If you don't have anything that you have accomplished to be proud of, than get out there and do things!

The last thing I want in life is to be on my death bed thinking and/or saying, "I wish I would have done that."

Get out there and live brother, if you must, first create a positive self image of yourself; start exercising, accomplish things! Take baby steps if need be..

After all, confidence comes from accomplishments.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Confidence. That's an interesting, catch-all word. I'm not exactly sure what it is. I know it comes in two forms: The belief that you can do something because you've done it many times before (ie. tying your shoe) and the belief that you will learn how to do something, even though you've never done it before (ie, driving, in my case).

How do you get confidence? Well, that's a tougher question to ask. I think confidence is what you have when you drop certain things about your current self. For example, you said "I have no confidence because I'm short, average looking, have a small penis." I could accurately reword that for you: I put my self-worth in things outside of my control. I let outside factors dictate to me how I should feel."
That's the same thing as someone who says "You MAKE me feel this way!" Actually, no. You let yourself feel this way.

The tough part is to learn to become O-K with being short, with being average looking. That's the next level. The level after that is figuring out how to make shortness and average looks be an advantage. There are things that an unattractive guy could say that is really funny, that an attractive person just couldn't pull off. But it takes a change in how you perceive these things you currently perceive to be limitations.

I'll give you an example. I have a lot of scarrs on my body. I'm covered, from head to toe (literally) in white and purple marks. A fear years ago, I used to hide myself and cover myself up. I was afraid of what people would say. if they asked me about them, and someone always does, i wouldn't know what to say.
Well I thought about it for awhile and I found a way to turn it to my advantage a bit. Whenever someone asks me about them now, I say very seriously, as though I'm getting emotional. "When I was younger .... I got trampled by a pack of puppies." I'm not sure why, but that always gets a laugh. And then they drop the whole thing and it's cool again.
I turned something unattractive about me and made it attractive and intriguing. I still didn't answer their question, so there's a bit of mystery, but I'm also displaying humour and self acceptance. They like that and accept it. Are you following me?


You know, if you believe something strongly enough, other people will begin to believe it as well. If you TRULY believe that being short and average looking are limitations, then other people will learn to agree with you. But if you convince yourself and go LOOKING for reasons that they're actually to your advantage, and you communicate it well enough, then other people will learn to agree with that, too.

You want confidence? Drop your insecurities. Learn to accept yourself and see yourself as the one sperm that beat out the billions of others. You were born a winner. You have the short, average-looking, small-dicked gene, and yet .... here you are. That means those genes were passed on for generations.
That tells me you have something that is unbelievably attractive about you that you aren't yet acknowledging. Find that and build on it.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

What Toadstool said /\

I am short pale and ginger, I used to have a tough time in school and getting the ladies attention. Before I met my wife I would actually say to women to get a smile or break the ice "hey, did you know short, pale and ginger is the new tall dark and handsome" never failed to get a smile and things went from there.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

I know how you feel, I didn't lose my virginity till I was 23.

For the acne, all I can suggest is PH neutral face wash, multiple times a day.

Confidence comes with experience, it is a bit of a catch 22 (sorry W4I), there is no magic pill I can give you unfortunately.

I think you need action, you need to start doing something, to build confidence, maybe set small goals for your self each day just to prove to yourself you are capable, if you make mistakes along the way then so be it, it isn't going to happen over night, but you need to change your attitude to a positive one.

With regards to the porn it is seems to be having an impact on your life negatively, I would stop watching it. Everybody wants happiness, but so many settle for pleasure.

I used to believe I'd never have a girlfriend, I now have a wife, if I am capable of these things then you are too.

I saw this don't know if it helps, but I think the purpose of it is to become who you want to be \/

How to Build Self Confidence (with Examples) - wikiHow

Good luck bro, your capable of doing whatever you put your mind to, provided you be positive and take action!

You know, this burtybasset guy is pretty great. We have a lot of great people here. Everything quoted here is true. Goals and action are key to self esteem. We all need movement.
Something else that helped me is to write down goals and the steps I need to accomplish those goals. Make it as specific and positive as you possibly know how. One goal of mine was to get abs. Now I have them. One goal of mine was to get promoted to head bouncer. Then I got it. Every time I made a goal and listed out the action steps and tweaked it as I went along, the things that I wanted to have happen ... happened! It's like magic.

One of my current goals is to have a busty french maid who cooks and cleans for me and who frequently bends over, showing her growler. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get this to happen. maybe craiglist is a good place to start??

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

You know, this burtybasset guy is pretty great. We have a lot of great people here. Everything quoted here is true. Goals and action are key to self esteem. We all need movement.
Something else that helped me is to write down goals and the steps I need to accomplish those goals. Make it as specific and positive as you possibly know how. One goal of mine was to get abs. Now I have them. One goal of mine was to get promoted to head bouncer. Then I got it. Every time I made a goal and listed out the action steps and tweaked it as I went along, the things that I wanted to have happen ... happened! It's like magic.

One of my current goals is to have a busty french maid who cooks and cleans for me and who frequently bends over, showing her growler. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to get this to happen. maybe craiglist is a good place to start??

Is getting a girlfriend too big of a goal ? And I actually go to the gym. I go four days a week. But let me ask this, How can you have confidence when you can't go to clubs or parties because of your small penis or short height . I can't talk to girls because of this.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

OP, according to your stats you're not small.


Hey Toad... remember this?
ghfd.jpg

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

OP, according to your stats you're not small.


Hey Toad... remember this?
[ATTACH]54921[/ATTACH]

Those stats are actually inaccurate
6.25 really 5.9 because of curve and high erection angle and 4.5 pencil dick girth

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Is getting a girlfriend too big of a goal ? And I actually go to the gym. I go four days a week. But let me ask this, How can you have confidence when you can't go to clubs or parties because of your small penis or short height . I can't talk to girls because of this.

Getting a girlfriend is not too big of a goal. Everyone can do it. You are hard-wired to attract and procreate. Your problem is that you're stacking a whole lot of bullshit in your brain.

You can't go to clubs because of your small penis? Look, I was a bouncer at a few clubs for two years and I never once asked a dude to drop his pants to get in.
What you're saying is "I'm afraid that if I succeed and bring a girl back home, she will reject me based on my small penis." Once again, "my happiness is out-come, out-side dependant."

I don't know, man. I know guys on here whose erections are the size of my flaccid and they tell stories of needing a bigger bed because the 3 or 4 women that want to sleep over can't all fit into the same bed. I know one guy in particular who is enjoying the challenge of juggling them all. The girls are dating each other, too, by the way, as well as him. It's sort of like Malcolm in the Middle, but more R-rated.

So what's the difference between these guys and you, I wonder? Hmmmmmmmmm
Something to think about.

I mean, if you were seriously interested in an assortment of ways to get a girl off, you'd drop the pitty party, get up, and go directly to your local sex store and find books, toys and even fetish parties to go to to expand your mind in that area. You're not, though.
Instead, you're finding reasons to not do what you want to do. "I can't go to clubs because of my small penis." That's bullshit *YOU* invented.

Do you know Dimebag Darrel? He was the guitar player for Slayer and Damageplan. The guy was physically very short. That didn't stop him from having a cool life and doing what he wanted. Infact, I read in a magazine a quote from a friend of his, "He was short but when he walked into a room, he seemed to fill it up. He was much bigger than his size." Or, something to that effect.
How can you make that apply to your self?

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Look, I get it's tough. I get that when you're out and you see this beautiful woman and all you want to do is treat her good and treat her right but then all these thoughts come bubbling up. The potential rejection and maybe she'll talk to her friends about you and then everyone's laughing at you behind your back. And yes you want to fuck her, but will she like it? I mean look at her - she's probably had a hundred guys approach her just TODAY. What makes ME so special? I'm sure your mind is very creative in coming up with reasons to discourage you from making that approach. You're playing it safe.

Get real. These women are human beings and they have just as much, if not more, insecurities than you. They are NOT going to be laughing at you, unless they're doing it to make themselves feel better than they already do. You get me? the people who mock you and put you down have a problem that is unrelated to you. And there's always going to be that person who has something bad to say about you. Not everyone is going to like you and treat you kindly. That's a fact of life, so get ready for it.

What women really admire is strength. Being able to push through that potential rejection and just shrug it off. I've spoken to a lot of women and I ask them if they've ever approached a guy. They have always said yes. I asked them how it felt. "Terrifying" is usually the answer. They know what you're going through. Just making an approach shows enough balls and courage to spark interest ... IF they're looking.

I'm trying to communicate to people - not just women - that their opinions, while i may take them into consideration, do not emotionally destabilize me. *I* am in control, not them. I advocate you take on a similar mentality in dealing with people, in general. You'll garner more respect and you'll feel a whole lot better for it.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

And if you have an assortment of beliefs that hold you back from feeling secure in yourself, do yourself a favour and write down all of your negative beliefs.

Beliefs are an interesting thing. I can talk about them and how you can change them. Just realize that what you believe in isn't necessarily true. I may believe in a giant spaghetti monster, or santa clause, or the boogie man, but they aren't true. You may believe that it's your height and your looks and your dick size that are holding you back with women. I strongly suggest you challenge those beliefs. How do other guys who are shorter than you, uglier than you, and with smaller dicks than you pull women into their life?

What are they doing that you're not yet doing?

[arkham Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close arkham]

What are they doing that you're not yet doing?

<raising hand>
Me! Me! I know!


Dont give a crap.


CanIgrow plese. The difference in Toad and other guys advicing you is that Toad gives "detailed" explanation of what might be going in your head. The answers are not short like "just do it".

How is your flirting? Im quite sure that The Passionate Wife will come into this thread soon. Give her a compliment like to a stranger. Im certain she will response and guide you. You have to get used to saying nice things.

Dont stress yourself too much. I dont say not to stress at all. Stress is good when used correctly. It enforces changes or depression when used wrong :P So dont stress too much. Enjoy yourself and the things you do, have fun (in more social situations). When you have fun you automatically express more confidence without knowing it. One day you might feel so good that you will not give a crap and approach a girl just for fun?






Dont buy drinks for the ladies at the bar.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

There's an old saying.

"Fake it until you can make it."

If something is too far out of your depth and you think you can't do it, pretend like it's no problem. You may be freaking out inside, but pretend like "everything is all good."

When I was your age, everything about me bothered me. I was short, I was fat, I had what I thought was a small penis (I was about BPEL 6.75x5-ish at that age I think). I wore glasses that didn't fit my face. My home life was in turmoil and I didn't have many clothes because my family was poor. Everything was just working so far against me. I had REALLY low self-esteem.

I would say my first semester in college I was really nervous. Scared of talking to girls while I saw other guys WAY less attractive than even ME -- I'm talking about dudes that looked like a Ninja Turtle and sh*t-- were getting girls to come to their rooms, having sex with like 3 different girls a week.

I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, and it finally hit me. I got tired of not talking to anyone. I got tired of waiting to be "talked to" by a girl. I started to pretend to be outgoing. I would wind myself up every day to pretend to be bubbly and not shy. It was difficult at first because I didn't want to make myself look stupid, but the more I just said "hello" to people or made a random comment about something to some really attractive girl, and she responded, the more the conversations flowed and the more confident I became in being able to hold a conversation.

It wasn't that I automatically was confident, but I just decided I was tired of being alone, tired of feeling left out, and tired of having social anxiety...

I pretended like I was just like everyone else and you know what, turns out I was a better man than most women had seen in a long time simply because of my personality! Just about everybody out there is pretending to be cool in order to feel better about something. Some people are so amped up about themselves that they come off as a douche because they're trying to compensate.

I edge my way into another "Age Bracket" in a few weeks. I'm a good bit removed from your age bracket now, but you definitely sound like me when I was fed up with everything. If you don't start living you'll regret it for a really long time.