How to gain confidence ?

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Is getting a girlfriend too big of a goal ? And I actually go to the gym. I go four days a week. But let me ask this, How can you have confidence when you can't go to clubs or parties because of your small penis or short height . I can't talk to girls because of this.

Like Toad says your inventing all kind of reasons why you can't do these things, this tells me that you have a great imagination, your just applying it in a negative way.

Besides you don't have to go to bars and clubs to meet ladies, just be cheeky next time your in the gym, ask one of them "do you need a spotter" with a cheeky smile on your face, maybe make this your goal just to get a smile from them for now!

Just practice smiling at women, it always brightens my day when they smile back, it's a definite confidence booster, just don't go in there like your asking for approval, like Arkham says "Don't give a crap", if they don't smile back their just grumpy.

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

There's an old saying.

"Fake it until you can make it."

If something is too far out of your depth and you think you can't do it, pretend like it's no problem. You may be freaking out inside, but pretend like "everything is all good."

When I was your age, everything about me bothered me. I was short, I was fat, I had what I thought was a small penis (I was about BPEL 6.75x5-ish at that age I think). I wore glasses that didn't fit my face. My home life was in turmoil and I didn't have many clothes because my family was poor. Everything was just working so far against me. I had REALLY low self-esteem.

I would say my first semester in college I was really nervous. Scared of talking to girls while I saw other guys WAY less attractive than even ME -- I'm talking about dudes that looked like a Ninja Turtle and sh*t-- were getting girls to come to their rooms, having sex with like 3 different girls a week.

I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, and it finally hit me. I got tired of not talking to anyone. I got tired of waiting to be "talked to" by a girl. I started to pretend to be outgoing. I would wind myself up every day to pretend to be bubbly and not shy. It was difficult at first because I didn't want to make myself look stupid, but the more I just said "hello" to people or made a random comment about something to some really attractive girl, and she responded, the more the conversations flowed and the more confident I became in being able to hold a conversation.

It wasn't that I automatically was confident, but I just decided I was tired of being alone, tired of feeling left out, and tired of having social anxiety...

I pretended like I was just like everyone else and you know what, turns out I was a better man than most women had seen in a long time simply because of my personality! Just about everybody out there is pretending to be cool in order to feel better about something. Some people are so amped up about themselves that they come off as a douche because they're trying to compensate.

I edge my way into another "Age Bracket" in a few weeks. I'm a good bit removed from your age bracket now, but you definitely sound like me when I was fed up with everything. If you don't start living you'll regret it for a really long time.

You guys make it sound so easy but you're right you just get tired of it. I just don't believe in myself I don't get no looks what so ever from girls. It's sad I skipped on Prom because I felt who would want to go with me. Im 19 in college and haven't had a girlfriend or sex now thats pathetic.

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

Getting a girlfriend is not too big of a goal. Everyone can do it. You are hard-wired to attract and procreate. Your problem is that you're stacking a whole lot of bullshit in your brain.

You can't go to clubs because of your small penis? Look, I was a bouncer at a few clubs for two years and I never once asked a dude to drop his pants to get in.
What you're saying is "I'm afraid that if I succeed and bring a girl back home, she will reject me based on my small penis." Once again, "my happiness is out-come, out-side dependant."

I don't know, man. I know guys on here whose erections are the size of my flaccid and they tell stories of needing a bigger bed because the 3 or 4 women that want to sleep over can't all fit into the same bed. I know one guy in particular who is enjoying the challenge of juggling them all. The girls are dating each other, too, by the way, as well as him. It's sort of like Malcolm in the Middle, but more R-rated.

So what's the difference between these guys and you, I wonder? Hmmmmmmmmm
Something to think about.

I mean, if you were seriously interested in an assortment of ways to get a girl off, you'd drop the pitty party, get up, and go directly to your local sex store and find books, toys and even fetish parties to go to to expand your mind in that area. You're not, though.
Instead, you're finding reasons to not do what you want to do. "I can't go to clubs because of my small penis." That's bullshit *YOU* invented.

Do you know Dimebag Darrel? He was the guitar player for Slayer and Damageplan. The guy was physically very short. That didn't stop him from having a cool life and doing what he wanted. Infact, I read in a magazine a quote from a friend of his, "He was short but when he walked into a room, he seemed to fill it up. He was much bigger than his size." Or, something to that effect.
How can you make that apply to your self?

This is great advice but I don't know you guys just don't understand.You have to be in my shoes to know what it feels like.

[bballer123 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bballer123]

Hey I just wanted to know how to gain confidence ? I don't have it at all for many reasons. Im short, Average looking, I have acne, no experience, and I have a small penis and I'm still a virgin at 19. Honestly I just want confidence in myself, even if I have a small penis or my short height. Im just tired of being lonely and my friends having sex and getting girls numbers.

Im tired of watching porn, Im tried of masturbating. Im tired of not believing in myself because of my penis. I feel like I missed out on so much stuff in High School prom,parties,etc. I skipped on that stuff because I didn't have no confidence in myself. Sometimes I ask myself who would want to be with me. Im just tired of it.

I just need help. I hate myself sometimes. Small penis, short height, acne on my face at 19. I just want confidence in myself and a girl.

Search up Elliot Hulse on youtube

[Sean Jacobs Retired Moderator Member of the Month Dec 2012PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Sean Jacobs]

Hey I just wanted to know how to gain confidence ? I don't have it at all for many reasons. Im short, Average looking, I have acne, no experience, and I have a small penis and I'm still a virgin at 19. Honestly I just want confidence in myself, even if I have a small penis or my short height. Im just tired of being lonely and my friends having sex and getting girls numbers.

Im tired of watching porn, Im tried of masturbating. Im tired of not believing in myself because of my penis. I feel like I missed out on so much stuff in High School prom,parties,etc. I skipped on that stuff because I didn't have no confidence in myself. Sometimes I ask myself who would want to be with me. Im just tired of it.

I just need help. I hate myself sometimes. Small penis, short height, acne on my face at 19. I just want confidence in myself and a girl.

Developing confidence is a journey. It take time and effort.

For the acne issue, try going to Acne Treatment and Community - Acne.org . Good prices, great products, good advice.
Height matters less if you are in great shape. You can change your diet (which can help with the acne as well). Personal I follow a paleo/primal style diet. Mark's Daily Apple and Rob Wolf's websites are great.. You can also work out. I would recommend body weight training because it doesn't require much equipment (so it is inexpensive) and you can do it almost anywhere (no need to go to gym). You can find load of info at the "beastskills" website and "Al Kavadlo's" website.
You can read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People, which is a great book on how to deal with people in a positive way.

Here is some of the best advice I've ever received. I got this from a counselor I was seeing after getting out of my first marriage. My ex cheated on me repeatedly and my self-confidence was at an all time low. #1 Never say anything negative about yourself, not even as a joke. #2 When people complement you accept it with a simple thank you. #3 He said "Fine one thing you like about yourself. (In my case, I knew I was a very determined person) Now, every morning go into the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, look yourself directly in the eyes, and say out loud "I am the most determined person I know." Repeat this a few times. Do this every morning. Start finding more things you like about yourself, and add them to this routine. Soon you will find you believe these things and start to feel better." This advice worked.

No matter what you think and feel right now, you are an incredible person who deserves to feel good about yourself. You deserve happiness.

Oh, and you can start a light PE routine if you are worried about your penis size.

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

QUOTE=Sean Jacobs;863616]Developing confidence is a journey. It take time and effort.

For the acne issue, try going to Acne Treatment and Community - Acne.org . Good prices, great products, good advice.
Height matters less if you are in great shape. You can change your diet (which can help with the acne as well). Personal I follow a paleo/primal style diet. Mark's Daily Apple and Rob Wolf's websites are great.. You can also work out. I would recommend body weight training because it doesn't require much equipment (so it is inexpensive) and you can do it almost anywhere (no need to go to gym). You can find load of info at the "beastskills" website and "Al Kavadlo's" website.
You can read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People, which is a great book on how to deal with people in a positive way.

Here is some of the best advice I've ever received. I got this from a counselor I was seeing after getting out of my first marriage. My ex cheated on me repeatedly and my self-confidence was at an all time low. #1 Never say anything negative about yourself, not even as a joke. #2 When people complement you accept it with a simple thank you. #3 He said "Fine one thing you like about yourself. (In my case, I knew I was a very determined person) Now, every morning go into the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, look yourself directly in the eyes, and say out loud "I am the most determined person I know." Repeat this a few times. Do this every morning. Start finding more things you like about yourself, and add them to this routine. Soon you will find you believe these things and start to feel better." This advice worked.

No matter what you think and feel right now, you are an incredible person who deserves to feel good about yourself. You deserve happiness.

Oh, and you can start a light PE routine if you are worried about your penis size.[/QUOTE]

Thanks to everyone for the advice !

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

This is great advice but I don't know you guys just don't understand.You have to be in my shoes to know what it feels like.

Hey. I just caught this post. I would have responded sooner, otherwise.

You're right. I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. I'll tell you something, though: I have a whole list of my own personal insecurities that could get me down.

I'm really afraid of being boring, or too quiet. I am a very quiet person and can be shy at times. If i see a group of people talking that I would like to join in on, I hesitate a lot. Why? Because even after I push myself, I still am not sure if I'm adding value to the conversation. I much prefer to listen than to speak.
That side of me is covered up pretty well online because I can just pop in and leave whenever I want. In real life, I'm described more as the "strong, silent type." Oh, I also openly talk about people's belief systems and paradigms as I did in this thread and in others, which causes people to label me as "weird... but in a good way."
I have other insecurities that sometimes paralyze me. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to wonder what people are thinking about me and ... CARING. I logically know and I harass the people online here about needing NOT to care.
Easier said than done, I'm afraid. I'm getting there. I have to bitch slap myself from time to time.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that none of us are born perfect. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Every one of us is different, somehow. For me, I'm trying to be my best self. I'm learning to constantly ask myself, "Was that the BEST I could do?" Often, I'm sorry to say, the answer is no. So I turn around and say to myself, "I can do better than that." And I strive to.
I don't say it's easy. It's not. I just think it's the path that leads to the best results in your life. Whether it's with women and social living, whether it's in the gym, or in business, whether it's with building a car. Anything. Do what you do, then look at what you've done as ask.... okay, can this be improved?

I think in your case, from what I've read, your challenge is to look at things in a different light. I think you have a way of seeing yourself that causes you to behave in self-defeating ways. You may NEVER change the way you look, but you can change the way you look at the way you look, which will cause other people to look at you differently.Some people get hair transplants. Some people put needles in their dick. I think they could save a lot of money by enjoying who they are.

I can offer some book titles and seminar videos you can find online if this topic interests you. I don't know if I could have done it on my own. I didn't. I have adopted certain people's belief systems because they make me feel better and I have gotten better results in my life because of it.
Let me know.

[bolkonsky Banned Find all posts View Profile Close bolkonsky]

WOW! Toadstool. briliant advice man. Your a good dude..

Is anyone else thinking what i'm thinking?..... is this 'canIgrow_please' guy the same dude who shot those people in Santa Barbra California?

and CanIgrowPlease.. if thats not you and your still alive GREAT! i would recommend listening to the Toadman...

and go to the gym dude! the best bodybuilders are always always the short guys.. the shorter the better... look at Lee Priest. He is such a cool dude too. I've hung out with many times and guess what he is one of the most confident people i know. He had acne too when he was young.

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

WOW! Toadstool. briliant advice man. Your a good dude..

Is anyone else thinking what i'm thinking?..... is this 'canIgrow_please' guy the same dude who shot those people in Santa Barbra California?

and CanIgrowPlease.. if thats not you and your still alive GREAT! i would recommend listening to the Toadman...

and go to the gym dude! the best bodybuilders are always always the short guys.. the shorter the better... look at Lee Priest. He is such a cool dude too. I've hung out with many times and guess what he is one of the most confident people i know. He had acne too when he was young.

Wow !!! You really thought I was the Santa Barbara shooter ? But yeah I will get back in the gym and hopefully gain some confidence and get a girl.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

This is great advice but I don't know you guys just don't understand.You have to be in my shoes to know what it feels like.

dude, we all have our debilitating insecurities.

One thing i can GUARANTEE you is that girls DO look at you.

Here's one reason I know for a fact you don't notice women looking at you. You walk with you head and vision down. You're looking at your feet or at most the closest 10 feet in front of you. You're not walking around with your head up. You're not looking at people in their faces.

You may not believe it because you're so focused on trying to bash yourself that you insist on any positive reinforcement you give to yourself or you receive is fallacy.

How do I know this? Because I've been you. I was you. I had to wind myself up to be extroverted... now I'm a moderation between intro and extrovert and that's how I like it.

When i started looking at people, i noticed girls AND women were actually looking at me a lot more than I thought. cute ones too.



you are your own worst enemy when it comes to these things. Just believe you have something to offer the world and they'll believe it too.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

By the way, there's nothing wrong with being introverted. That's something I had to come to grips with.

[CanIgrowPlease Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close CanIgrowPlease]

By the way, there's nothing wrong with being introverted. That's something I had to come to grips with.

Im not introverted or extroverted I don't which one is which though, I actually talk to girls well the ones I know. I can hold a pretty good convo and I make people laugh all the time. Its just no girl has ever seen me attractive and I just can't cold approach a girl I like and strike up a convo with. Like I said its hard to do it in my shoes as a short guy at which im already at a disadvantage.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

A cold approach and striking a conversation isn't something that just happens. It's a skill you develop. You don't learn to play twinkle twinkle little star just by imagining it. You have to pick up a guitar and learn the notes.
It's something you can practice and learn to do. You know, finding guys around you who are good with people and asking them for help, or for advice, might be of benefit to you.

The difference between introversion and extroversion can be seen in how you recharge your batteries. When you're tired, do you seek to be alone, or to be with people? I personally recharge my batteries by being alone. Being around people drains me.