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From Prime to Cuck
Well, I don't really know where to start. But here goes, porn has invaded my mind from a very young age. I believe I started watching porn on my parents laptop when I was around 8 years old, I am 22 years old now. It's been one fucked up long haul that I wish on no one. My mental health is terrible, it's almost like my brain is 60% porn wired, and the other 40% is me coping with what I need to do and trying to distract myself from the thoughts. I started off watching normal vanilla stuff, I remember when I was 12-14 I started to delve into more vulgar and unreal porn. I shouldn't have done this, but damn it was like candy for a kid.
I was very heavy-obese-fat throughout my whole child hood, I only became fit after I finished school back in 2012-2013. I think this was due to my parents not being parents for sometime, don't get me wrong they're the best parents I could ask for. But they were alcholics, they lost my brother when he was 4 years old - as in he passed away. Before I was born this was, it did not affect me but to my parents, it was like no pain anyone else can understand unless you lose a child. This caused them to cottle me, I didn't have personal growth while growing up. I know i'm getting a bit off track here but it all comes into play. Going through my teen years from watching porn all the time and being obese, I knew I had no hope with girls at the time. I didn't have a girlfriend, I just couldn't do it. I had friends that were girls but man I just thought I wasn't even worthy. Fast forward to 18 years old, I graduated highschool and during that year I lost 45kg. I went from a complete digusting fat fuck to a young man that was so keen for life. I went on with this training and it became more and more apart of me. I still had major problems with porn, masturbation ect. But I didn't have dick issues, I'm very average in that department. Tbh I'm probably on the skinnier side, but my length is fine. Funny that after all that time, I didn't care about that. I was just cruising a long letting things happen.
Fastforward to 18.5 years I finally lost my virginity, not in the way that I wanted though. I met some older chick off of tinder. Don't get me wrong she was pretty good looking had 2 kids ect. She picked me up after a night at the clubs, too me back to her house and we fucked. I was limp as fuck, I couldn't stay hard. Then it started dawning on me, (Did I fuck my EQ up?) I guess numerous years of constant porn. (Saying this sometimes I'd jack off 4-6 times a day.) I think I was just in full denial of what was going on at the time. So in reality I don't even think I lost my virginity that night, it didn't really feel like it. Even though it technically happened, 1 year later. I've moved 1800km down the coast for work, left all my highschool friends behind. Went to work with my father down in this area. Instantly as I got there I was on tinder trying to find my ego boost.
I met a girl on tinder, she seemed pretty cool. Ya know we met up and I actually liked her, I wish I fucking didn't because she ruined me further. Partly my fault, but she had the something building inside her that I unlocked I guess. You know that first true love shit that you feel? I felt that about her, I never enjoyed a womans company before her like that. But this is the killer, I was so self absorbed into porn that a couple months into the relationship I was thinking that I wasn't worthy of her anymore, It was like a defense mechanism, I loved her aye, we moved in together within 6-8 months. It was going great, but there was something eating at me. I wanted to open her kinky side, I ended up talking to her about cuckolding of all things, funny that before I wasn't into this disgusting (kink Cuckolding) I actually found it so gross, and just overall terrible. I couldn't even think how someone would want their significant other fucking someone else.. But guess what, Porn is crack, the more you watch the more you indulge. The easier you get off to disgusting things. We had a mutual agreement, she would sleep with someone when we both agreed and both in terms. I was all for it, my brain was at a loss at what I was doing. She actually ended up doing it one day, I woke up in bed, for some reason I had this weird feeling in my stomach. She was laying next to me, I randomly opened her phone which I never do, I've never gone through anyones things like that. But it was open on Snapchat, my gut dropped, she was texting another guy saying they should fuck again and that she much preffered his cock over mine. ect ect, hurtful as fuck stuff you know? I went into a rage, instantly stood up and started yelling. She screamed out of bed, and I just saw her melt infront of me. I no longer loved her, but saw her as a sexual object at that point, we almost made up weirdly. Over the next few months we were still having sex... but now as you can imagine, she was cuckolding me. I wasn't even aware, she was still fucking this guy and not even telling me about it.
My mind is so warped that even typing this is arousing to me. I just want it all to stop, I hate having an addiction to such a fucking messy kink. I need seriously help, we ended up splitting. Haven't talked to her in a while now and don't want to. But this kink is still in my mind day in and day out. It's like my comfort zone, I don't know how to get away from it. There is so much more to my story, but man. Thats for another time. I no longer feel like i'm in my prime. I'm putting on weight, not going to gym, have no motivation for anything. I feel flatlined at the age of 22, shit I even endulged in some roids for a bit trying to get myself back on board. I've become shit at my job that i've worked for 4 years now, i'm a tradie and i've lost confidence in myself in my own line of work. This shit will destroy your life, you honestly feel worthy to no woman (in my own mind that is) I don't know where to go with this anymore, PEGYM will help I guess building my EQ back up and maybe a bit of size, but man I know at the end of the day my dick aint gonna be thicker than a toilet roll. It's a downer, thanks for reading if you got this far. Feel free to have your two sense, thank you.
I was very heavy-obese-fat throughout my whole child hood, I only became fit after I finished school back in 2012-2013. I think this was due to my parents not being parents for sometime, don't get me wrong they're the best parents I could ask for. But they were alcholics, they lost my brother when he was 4 years old - as in he passed away. Before I was born this was, it did not affect me but to my parents, it was like no pain anyone else can understand unless you lose a child. This caused them to cottle me, I didn't have personal growth while growing up. I know i'm getting a bit off track here but it all comes into play. Going through my teen years from watching porn all the time and being obese, I knew I had no hope with girls at the time. I didn't have a girlfriend, I just couldn't do it. I had friends that were girls but man I just thought I wasn't even worthy. Fast forward to 18 years old, I graduated highschool and during that year I lost 45kg. I went from a complete digusting fat fuck to a young man that was so keen for life. I went on with this training and it became more and more apart of me. I still had major problems with porn, masturbation ect. But I didn't have dick issues, I'm very average in that department. Tbh I'm probably on the skinnier side, but my length is fine. Funny that after all that time, I didn't care about that. I was just cruising a long letting things happen.
Fastforward to 18.5 years I finally lost my virginity, not in the way that I wanted though. I met some older chick off of tinder. Don't get me wrong she was pretty good looking had 2 kids ect. She picked me up after a night at the clubs, too me back to her house and we fucked. I was limp as fuck, I couldn't stay hard. Then it started dawning on me, (Did I fuck my EQ up?) I guess numerous years of constant porn. (Saying this sometimes I'd jack off 4-6 times a day.) I think I was just in full denial of what was going on at the time. So in reality I don't even think I lost my virginity that night, it didn't really feel like it. Even though it technically happened, 1 year later. I've moved 1800km down the coast for work, left all my highschool friends behind. Went to work with my father down in this area. Instantly as I got there I was on tinder trying to find my ego boost.
I met a girl on tinder, she seemed pretty cool. Ya know we met up and I actually liked her, I wish I fucking didn't because she ruined me further. Partly my fault, but she had the something building inside her that I unlocked I guess. You know that first true love shit that you feel? I felt that about her, I never enjoyed a womans company before her like that. But this is the killer, I was so self absorbed into porn that a couple months into the relationship I was thinking that I wasn't worthy of her anymore, It was like a defense mechanism, I loved her aye, we moved in together within 6-8 months. It was going great, but there was something eating at me. I wanted to open her kinky side, I ended up talking to her about cuckolding of all things, funny that before I wasn't into this disgusting (kink Cuckolding) I actually found it so gross, and just overall terrible. I couldn't even think how someone would want their significant other fucking someone else.. But guess what, Porn is crack, the more you watch the more you indulge. The easier you get off to disgusting things. We had a mutual agreement, she would sleep with someone when we both agreed and both in terms. I was all for it, my brain was at a loss at what I was doing. She actually ended up doing it one day, I woke up in bed, for some reason I had this weird feeling in my stomach. She was laying next to me, I randomly opened her phone which I never do, I've never gone through anyones things like that. But it was open on Snapchat, my gut dropped, she was texting another guy saying they should fuck again and that she much preffered his cock over mine. ect ect, hurtful as fuck stuff you know? I went into a rage, instantly stood up and started yelling. She screamed out of bed, and I just saw her melt infront of me. I no longer loved her, but saw her as a sexual object at that point, we almost made up weirdly. Over the next few months we were still having sex... but now as you can imagine, she was cuckolding me. I wasn't even aware, she was still fucking this guy and not even telling me about it.
My mind is so warped that even typing this is arousing to me. I just want it all to stop, I hate having an addiction to such a fucking messy kink. I need seriously help, we ended up splitting. Haven't talked to her in a while now and don't want to. But this kink is still in my mind day in and day out. It's like my comfort zone, I don't know how to get away from it. There is so much more to my story, but man. Thats for another time. I no longer feel like i'm in my prime. I'm putting on weight, not going to gym, have no motivation for anything. I feel flatlined at the age of 22, shit I even endulged in some roids for a bit trying to get myself back on board. I've become shit at my job that i've worked for 4 years now, i'm a tradie and i've lost confidence in myself in my own line of work. This shit will destroy your life, you honestly feel worthy to no woman (in my own mind that is) I don't know where to go with this anymore, PEGYM will help I guess building my EQ back up and maybe a bit of size, but man I know at the end of the day my dick aint gonna be thicker than a toilet roll. It's a downer, thanks for reading if you got this far. Feel free to have your two sense, thank you.
Member of the Month Sept 2018
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