I have to let my feeling out

[SillyOrgan Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SillyOrgan]

First things first, this is not a post about criticizing people's ideologies. I just want to spill my inner feelings out because I am getting more and more depressed.

I grew up in a religious/very very very right wing country. Ever since 5th grade, I always went to extreme right wing schools, even in highschool. We were told that we should not approach girls. Not like "don't talk to them" but more like "don't touch girls, hold their hands, kissing is forbidden and will result in we calling your parents yadayadayada". I never any girl friends until after highschool, until I left that damned country to study abroad. I an average looking guy, little chubby tbh. I also have some medals in table tennis and basketball.

To study abroad I first had to learn a new language. And to do that I went to many language schools abroad. I'm different cities so I could learn better. And to gather experience for my little sister, so she can have easier time adapting.

I first went to a club when I was 19, also drank my first alcohol there. I never had sex, kissed someone or hold someone's hand. Everytime when someone approached me I caged myself to others. I didn't know what to do, because no one told me what to do.

I started reading. Fake it till you make it worked very good. I was socializing. Learned how to behave or how to be a better person. But in the end it didn't make a slight difference. Everytime when a girl approached me I told that I am not in the mood or I have someone else with me.
My size is around 13 (~5 inches) cm erect. Pretty small and there is no denying that. I thought to myself "if I can't make my penis bigger, then maybe I can make my body bigger by working out". So I started working out. I know some pretty buff dudes, so I started talking with them and got advices. What to eat, how to work out, how to not injure myself and how can I maximize my gains. For 2 years I trained, did my best, but I was not seeing the results. I decided to do dome blood tests, see if I have low Testosterone levels. Surprise surprise I have as much Testosterone as a 70 yo male. I knew I had low T because I also have gynecomastia but not that low. Doc recommended testosterone therapy since I am young or maybe there are another reason but I am not a doctor.

That was 9 months ago. Since then I gained 30 kilos. I am at my worst. Every doctor or endocrinologist or whatever specialist I talked gave me the same answer, "we are not accepting new patients". So the wait continues. There is no will to live anymore. Even if make an appointment and get testosterone therapy it's not going to make my penis bigger. But, couple of days ago I found this place. I don't know how much of a difference I can make by jelqing, but I am going to try. Not because I can make my ~4 incher a 7 incher but I at least want to say that I tried. I may never have sex or satisfy someone, but in the end I want to die as a happy man.

Sorry for somewhat long text. I wanted to tell someone the truth. You may critize me for not having a self-esteem. But I swear to atleast try to fix it. Thank you for your patience.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Improve testosterone with natural methods .
WElcome to the site .

https://www.pegym.com/forums/erectil...tml?highlight=

[SillyOrgan Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SillyOrgan]

Hey thank you for the info and it's good to be here and talk with people.
I have looked at your thread and read your comments. I also did some research and found what helps with low T and other things. I was, like you also said, lifting weights, eating healthy and my overall healthiness level was good. But after getting my tests results I was devastated. Still eating healthy tho but there is still this feeling at the darkest corner of my brain that makes me not believe I can overcome the obstacles.

I talked with a doctor today and there may be a possibility of me getting an appointment. I will post an update if everything goes well.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Hey thank you for the info and it's good to be here and talk with people.
I have looked at your thread and read your comments. I also did some research and found what helps with low T and other things. I was, like you also said, lifting weights, eating healthy and my overall healthiness level was good. But after getting my tests results I was devastated. Still eating healthy tho but there is still this feeling at the darkest corner of my brain that makes me not believe I can overcome the obstacles.

I talked with a doctor today and there may be a possibility of me getting an appointment. I will post an update if everything goes well.

As the thread very clearly showed I improved my test coming from a start point of doing weights and eating well .
You can not be eaing well if you have gained so much weight . There is a start point.

You seem to have given up eaisly .
If you need more ideas to try I can certainly provide them .
The doc is not the answer your your inner will and character are .
Post the actual numbers of the hormone panel .

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

By the way bodybuilders are poor people to get advice on how to train and eat from. Their diet nd training s based on the premise that you are useing drugs if you are not it is likely to be counter productive . This in itself can cause drop in test .

[MalikMasvidal Member Find all posts View Profile Close MalikMasvidal]

Bro, what are you looking to achieve from this? Honest question. Do you think a bigger dick will make you happier and more satisfied? You're saying you may never have sex, so what do you think you can gain from pursuing increase in size? I ask this because its not uncommon for young guys, a lot who are even virgins, to start PE, because they think it'll help them with girls, and it ends up consuming them, same thing with working out, making money, etc., they just do it for girls because they see that glamourous lifestyle and from the outside its attractive.

I'm not trying to discourage you from PE, but a lot of young men today are misled down the wrong path, have their priorities messed up by society, end up chasing things that will bring them no benefit, and when they finally get it they realize how hollow it really is, how empty and unsatisfied they still are, and it ends up destroying them.

You seem young bro, do you have long term goals you're working towards, do you know what your purpose in life is? As men these are what we should be prioritizing, everything else will fall into place.

Welcome to the world of PE dude.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Welcome to the forum!

It's VITAL you start off with your training by placing it ALL in its proper context! If you're very depressed, you'll need to motivate yourself to the point to where you can perform your male enhancement training effectively. This means taking responsibility for your health via diet, physical exercise and (most important) emotional stress management.

It's highly suggested you review the following: Please Read First

[SillyOrgan Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SillyOrgan]

Sorry all for the late reply.
Yes I have not been eating well I stsrted eating 3 in the morning, just became a habit I guess. Thankfully I am starting get rid of this habit.
My reason is the have a better confidence everywhere. I started to think that if I had a bigger penis, I would have easier time with everything. I would have more confidence.
My overall purpose in life to become a better person. Have a good personality, have confidence in what I am doing. Being popular just for the sake of being popular and such things are not for me. You are absolutely right, this modern age devoured many people.

Just in case anyone is reading this, yesterday I got an appointment. After months of waiting. I am sure it is not the answer to everything, but in my mind every little step counts.
I thank everyone for their advices and not just telling me to "duh get better".