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A message to all...
Hello..I wasn't sure where to post in this forum.. I am new...
I have so much on my mind: I don't even know where to begin....
I am 31... I am going to be 32 soon.. and I have been through quite an adventure in life.... Most of my adventure has been interesting.. I have had ups and downs... Ive been through hell and back...
I guess when it comes to living, life can be ok but being male is very difficult at times; I work hard for my meat, and I never stop. I kind of want to share my story with all of you, mainly younger males, whom are less then my age so please take my words of wisdom into consideration. Life is very precious and we only live but once:
Some guys love to have their perks and fun in life this is to their own how they want to live their life, but in the end sometimes it may not make the person feel that happy; they may feel a sort of emptiness inside, when you mature you start to wonder, who do I want to spend my life with for the rest of my life?
I have been married for 6 years and divorced, I have been with one more girl after that: and now I am with my fiance~ God Bless her soul... I love her dearly, she is the only one that accepts me for who I am and all my perfect imperfections.
She is an angel, and from the first two women I have been with... She is by far better then them..
The one thing me and her have in common is that we love each other no matter what happens, and we will be getting married one day, very soon... My dream was to realize my self as a father.. but I believe that I will never have biological children of my own.. I am going to be looking to adoption most likely... It's sad really but that is life, sometimes you just have to deal with what you have..
Then again... do you? Yes and no: there is a saying Appreciate what you have, because believe it or not you won't realize it until you have lost it.
However.. the worst part of it all is that you realize you are loosing it and you cannot stop it because some people in this world just don't care and screw you over, certain doctors, medical facilities, sometimes you end up with the bad pool of luck, but I don't believe in luck: I'd like to but I just cannot.
young Males are curious and at some point will engage in having sex; this is normal, but sometime i WISH.. i would have saved my self for that right girl, and at the same time I do not for one reason the experience...
All the wonderful experience of how pleasurable it felt to be with a woman, in my arms holding her and feeling one with her. I was a lot younger though, and of course loving at that time was new to me.
As I grew older, i started to mature more and learned more about love than anything, at the age of 19 i was married, got divorced 6 and a half years later.
Here is why, I dislike the medical system; in all honesty I believe the lot of them want you to suffer in silence especially as a man.. yet at the same time there is just at times a lot of ignorance and very close minded medical staff and certain doctors: I've tried so hard to keep an open mind, but all it has ever gotten me was suffering.
At the age of 22 I ended up having issues, I suffer from Neuropathy that up till this day has yet to be cured or stopped.
Over the years, during my sex life i noticed changes... that came in waves.. the male organ is a precious thing and yet so easily damaged and one can loose if you don't live the proper life, but sometimes with medical conditions it's very difficult yet so treatable if diagnosed and properly found in the nick of time.
Unfortunately my case wasn't: now the details.
at age 22 I started to notice changes in feeling, first at the right big toe, it started to go numb... I seriously thought it was nothing; ignored it, brought it up to my doctor said it may have just been something as simple as a nerve that was agitated, though it never went away.
A year later i started noticing something happening that became more apparent, I started having attacks of numbness, tingling and crawling sensations on certain parts of my body mainly in the limbs, feet, hands, and of course a little in the penis.. but it happened hardly at all, until a few years later when I was 24, I was working and pulled my back a few times, I thought it was nothing, went to doctors and they gave me some medications for pain, and i relaxed and recovered as much as possible, and of course I started noticing I was having more of these strange episodes of tingling and crawling sensations in parts of my body like again the limbs and yes even the penis, hands, they were not as very noticeable but one thing I did notice was a change in sexual sensation in the penis.
Positive pleasurable sensations that is felt through out the penis, pulsing during rock hard erections started to become dulled out, I started noticing it was not getting any better and then I noticed that the sensations started at the tip of the penis and started to work it's way deeper into the head.
I honestly thought I messed up my back, had my back checked, nothing wrong just some mild arthritis in my lower back, and there was no pain as much, it wasn't something that would cause my issues.
Eventually as the years went on, the sexual pleasure in my penis got worse, a little more numb and less sensitive to some touch but mainly to pleasure.
Over the years I have had more tests done, Doctors claimed they could not figure out what was wrong with me, I have even went to a darn shrink thinking it was all mental: thing is, I was becoming evenly more depressed as my physical condition was going on, I have told doctors that I am not chronically depressed because of any sexual issues in my past, because I am past all that, I could care less about my fiance or my last girlfriend because they did not love and appreciate me, now I have a girl that is an angel and is golden. She is no trophy she is a blessing from God.
I've been tested for STDs, all negative, been tested for nerve issues, and even went to a few specialists, they did all sorts of tests on me, even for diabetes: I have told them that on both sides of my family had diabetes type II and said nothing was wrong. Did Glucose tests, and did a nerve conduction study and one doctor said "You have a pinched nerve" yet.. no one has been able to trace it.. Ive had disk herniation checks, and all this stuff done. One doctor even told me "If you have nerve damage there is nothing that can be done except stop the issue or slow it down." I thought "seriously?"
At age 26 I notice that pleasure was no longer achievable and I could no longer have sex like i used to, there was times that I would cry or become depressed because I could not have sex. (There is a reason to this sadness which I will explain in a bit).
The sexual pleasure in the penis dropped all the way down into the center part of the penis a little and fell its way down to the base of the penis. It was like that feeling you get when you burn your finger and it doesnt hurt because some of the nerves are dead in some areas. It only starts to hurt when the swelling kicks in; which is what was happening to me.. Days of no pain, then a day of pain through out my body.. I thought it was Multiple Sclerosis, or other nerve diseases.. been tested.. had Xrays and brain scans done, MRIs.. But I feel they did not do enough to make sure, and as the years went on; up till now, I still have yet to have my issue resolved.. I am a sexless male, whom is going to be married and have no pleasure what so ever, YET I think about making love to my sweet beautiful woman, whom I adore and worship, yet I cannot get pleasure anymore because of the nerve damage. I still get these waves of attacks where my entire body tingles and the likes, and each time these attacks happen... I become more damaged in my auto and sensory nerves when it comes to sex.
My Digestive track also took a major hit as well, Ive been tested for all sorts of gastric and intestinal issues... Ive been tested for diseases again and still nothing, I've had my penis inspected by a urologist and even went to one in Indianapolis university . They haven't figured it out....
I have smoked most of my life but i have seen some guys smoke their entire lives and can still feel pleasure; my God father was a sexual active man at the age of 57 and smoked since he was 17....
ive cut back so much on smoking because of the studies I have done, i used to smoke a pack a day now I smoke a pack a week for nicotine cravings; I've tried vaping but it antagonizes my allergies.
ive thought it was other things like mold or certain area conditions that was causing my nerve damage... something that triggered it... but i could never figure it out; I was declared a nutball and sent to shrinks that i was schizophrenic funny thing is.. I really don't have those symptoms and even my current psychiatrist asks why i was even diagnosed as that and cannot figure out why my sex life is like this. He is clueless... and I have tried so many medications by that guy... that never really did anything.
As you see I used to work, now I am more disabled because of my nerve issues, I have more issues walking and now it is getting to the point where I can barely make it up the stairs, it is difficult for me to even try and exercise I had to file for disability and close down my business I thought i was going places but it seems that doctors could not help me and therefore my life went to a complete downfall.
It wasn't until I did another test because lately i have been checking my sugar again, and trying to figure out if maybe I was diabetic... two days ago my sugar was 198. I was mind blown, because I didn't really check that often because I intrusted doctors that perhaps "Ya maybe they are right about my diabetes" But it turns out, I found out that I was most likely diabetic.
Diabetes is a difficult disease to catch unless you get the right doctor that knows what the hell he is doing, a quick tolerance test by giving you a sugar battle isn't sufficient in diagnosing it...
I lost my sex life at the age of 25, and being now 31.. I seriously doubt there is any hope for me to engage in making love to my future wife.. I am fortunate to have a woman that.. loves me.. and not my member..
But still.. the reason i am deeply depressed each day, is that there is times that I cry in my fiance's shoulders wishing i could "feel" her body in such a manner, to feel loved, I do not view sex as a physical lust but rather a blessing from God, a Gift that creates life; and out of love come this,.
Ive read studies and reports that young men who loose their sex life at such a young age, do not have the full capacity mentally to deal with such a psychological dramatic change in their life: they do not know how to process this so young and leads to some mental problems in their life; years of counseling. I am lucky that I have not caved into this but i gotta tell you.....
I still am having problems processing it, I do not know how to accept it in my life, but each day as the pleasure never returns I learn to try and accept it, I try to view the positive side of life and try to put a smile on my face.
When I stare into my future wife's eyes and not just desire to have sex with her it's not just sex, sex is a rewarding pleasure of life that is shared between two special people.
When you hold your woman tonight and have sex with her; or dream about rewarding pleasure with her, you also want to feel secure and loved, you want to feel not only physically pleased but spiritually and mentally appreciated as well. As a guy, I love all those things; I guess I am more like woman a little because I view sex different, but again that is just me.
When I was with my ex wife and used to love her before she cheated on me, being within her felt like being in warm place, safe, secure, all the hell of life would numb out and i could feel my body and mind combine with her very soul.
It was like filling in the void of the missing part of me since God took man's flesh and created woman. They were meant to be together.
As much as I support gay/lesbian rights, what can I say I prefer a woman in the end. I support everyone's views on sex and their pleasures and I pray that you keep doing on what your doing, love your self and your partner...
And for the younger crowed, appreciate what you have and take care of your self: Fight, fight for your health and if must be fight against those doctors, Don't be like me: don't be like that guy that will not be able to enjoy the rewards of that special part of life because he did not stand up for himself and get pushed around, I regret it.
Take care of your selves, don't smoke if possible, keep your health well, and even if you are healthy as a horse, even the slightest change in your life story can be challenging but don't give up on your self.
I want all guys to love life, love your woman or man.
I am not good with intros, and this is who I am, but I am just telling my story.
Maybe some might not like what I have said here: forgive me in advance if I have offended anyone mainly the younger crowd: I just only wish the best for you guys. Juvenile Diabetes is a serious thing, so is other nerve issues that you should always fight to find out as soon as possible, over the 10 year course of my life, I've lost my sex life completely and I do not want that to happen to you.
Not a day goes by that I wish I could make love to my fiance and actually feel completely connected to her which is why even as a man: I cry.
Sincerely yours,
a 31 year old sexless male,
Rick
P.S
Forgive me in if I posted too much.. I've never posted in a forum like this, much in any other kinda forum at all if my post gets moved or something, I understand, I apologize in advance for any typos, I am writing from a laptop and the keys are very small, i spell checked as much as I could.
I have so much on my mind: I don't even know where to begin....
I am 31... I am going to be 32 soon.. and I have been through quite an adventure in life.... Most of my adventure has been interesting.. I have had ups and downs... Ive been through hell and back...
I guess when it comes to living, life can be ok but being male is very difficult at times; I work hard for my meat, and I never stop. I kind of want to share my story with all of you, mainly younger males, whom are less then my age so please take my words of wisdom into consideration. Life is very precious and we only live but once:
Some guys love to have their perks and fun in life this is to their own how they want to live their life, but in the end sometimes it may not make the person feel that happy; they may feel a sort of emptiness inside, when you mature you start to wonder, who do I want to spend my life with for the rest of my life?
I have been married for 6 years and divorced, I have been with one more girl after that: and now I am with my fiance~ God Bless her soul... I love her dearly, she is the only one that accepts me for who I am and all my perfect imperfections.
She is an angel, and from the first two women I have been with... She is by far better then them..
The one thing me and her have in common is that we love each other no matter what happens, and we will be getting married one day, very soon... My dream was to realize my self as a father.. but I believe that I will never have biological children of my own.. I am going to be looking to adoption most likely... It's sad really but that is life, sometimes you just have to deal with what you have..
Then again... do you? Yes and no: there is a saying Appreciate what you have, because believe it or not you won't realize it until you have lost it.
However.. the worst part of it all is that you realize you are loosing it and you cannot stop it because some people in this world just don't care and screw you over, certain doctors, medical facilities, sometimes you end up with the bad pool of luck, but I don't believe in luck: I'd like to but I just cannot.
young Males are curious and at some point will engage in having sex; this is normal, but sometime i WISH.. i would have saved my self for that right girl, and at the same time I do not for one reason the experience...
All the wonderful experience of how pleasurable it felt to be with a woman, in my arms holding her and feeling one with her. I was a lot younger though, and of course loving at that time was new to me.
As I grew older, i started to mature more and learned more about love than anything, at the age of 19 i was married, got divorced 6 and a half years later.
Here is why, I dislike the medical system; in all honesty I believe the lot of them want you to suffer in silence especially as a man.. yet at the same time there is just at times a lot of ignorance and very close minded medical staff and certain doctors: I've tried so hard to keep an open mind, but all it has ever gotten me was suffering.
At the age of 22 I ended up having issues, I suffer from Neuropathy that up till this day has yet to be cured or stopped.
Over the years, during my sex life i noticed changes... that came in waves.. the male organ is a precious thing and yet so easily damaged and one can loose if you don't live the proper life, but sometimes with medical conditions it's very difficult yet so treatable if diagnosed and properly found in the nick of time.
Unfortunately my case wasn't: now the details.
at age 22 I started to notice changes in feeling, first at the right big toe, it started to go numb... I seriously thought it was nothing; ignored it, brought it up to my doctor said it may have just been something as simple as a nerve that was agitated, though it never went away.
A year later i started noticing something happening that became more apparent, I started having attacks of numbness, tingling and crawling sensations on certain parts of my body mainly in the limbs, feet, hands, and of course a little in the penis.. but it happened hardly at all, until a few years later when I was 24, I was working and pulled my back a few times, I thought it was nothing, went to doctors and they gave me some medications for pain, and i relaxed and recovered as much as possible, and of course I started noticing I was having more of these strange episodes of tingling and crawling sensations in parts of my body like again the limbs and yes even the penis, hands, they were not as very noticeable but one thing I did notice was a change in sexual sensation in the penis.
Positive pleasurable sensations that is felt through out the penis, pulsing during rock hard erections started to become dulled out, I started noticing it was not getting any better and then I noticed that the sensations started at the tip of the penis and started to work it's way deeper into the head.
I honestly thought I messed up my back, had my back checked, nothing wrong just some mild arthritis in my lower back, and there was no pain as much, it wasn't something that would cause my issues.
Eventually as the years went on, the sexual pleasure in my penis got worse, a little more numb and less sensitive to some touch but mainly to pleasure.
Over the years I have had more tests done, Doctors claimed they could not figure out what was wrong with me, I have even went to a darn shrink thinking it was all mental: thing is, I was becoming evenly more depressed as my physical condition was going on, I have told doctors that I am not chronically depressed because of any sexual issues in my past, because I am past all that, I could care less about my fiance or my last girlfriend because they did not love and appreciate me, now I have a girl that is an angel and is golden. She is no trophy she is a blessing from God.
I've been tested for STDs, all negative, been tested for nerve issues, and even went to a few specialists, they did all sorts of tests on me, even for diabetes: I have told them that on both sides of my family had diabetes type II and said nothing was wrong. Did Glucose tests, and did a nerve conduction study and one doctor said "You have a pinched nerve" yet.. no one has been able to trace it.. Ive had disk herniation checks, and all this stuff done. One doctor even told me "If you have nerve damage there is nothing that can be done except stop the issue or slow it down." I thought "seriously?"
At age 26 I notice that pleasure was no longer achievable and I could no longer have sex like i used to, there was times that I would cry or become depressed because I could not have sex. (There is a reason to this sadness which I will explain in a bit).
The sexual pleasure in the penis dropped all the way down into the center part of the penis a little and fell its way down to the base of the penis. It was like that feeling you get when you burn your finger and it doesnt hurt because some of the nerves are dead in some areas. It only starts to hurt when the swelling kicks in; which is what was happening to me.. Days of no pain, then a day of pain through out my body.. I thought it was Multiple Sclerosis, or other nerve diseases.. been tested.. had Xrays and brain scans done, MRIs.. But I feel they did not do enough to make sure, and as the years went on; up till now, I still have yet to have my issue resolved.. I am a sexless male, whom is going to be married and have no pleasure what so ever, YET I think about making love to my sweet beautiful woman, whom I adore and worship, yet I cannot get pleasure anymore because of the nerve damage. I still get these waves of attacks where my entire body tingles and the likes, and each time these attacks happen... I become more damaged in my auto and sensory nerves when it comes to sex.
My Digestive track also took a major hit as well, Ive been tested for all sorts of gastric and intestinal issues... Ive been tested for diseases again and still nothing, I've had my penis inspected by a urologist and even went to one in Indianapolis university . They haven't figured it out....
I have smoked most of my life but i have seen some guys smoke their entire lives and can still feel pleasure; my God father was a sexual active man at the age of 57 and smoked since he was 17....
ive cut back so much on smoking because of the studies I have done, i used to smoke a pack a day now I smoke a pack a week for nicotine cravings; I've tried vaping but it antagonizes my allergies.
ive thought it was other things like mold or certain area conditions that was causing my nerve damage... something that triggered it... but i could never figure it out; I was declared a nutball and sent to shrinks that i was schizophrenic funny thing is.. I really don't have those symptoms and even my current psychiatrist asks why i was even diagnosed as that and cannot figure out why my sex life is like this. He is clueless... and I have tried so many medications by that guy... that never really did anything.
As you see I used to work, now I am more disabled because of my nerve issues, I have more issues walking and now it is getting to the point where I can barely make it up the stairs, it is difficult for me to even try and exercise I had to file for disability and close down my business I thought i was going places but it seems that doctors could not help me and therefore my life went to a complete downfall.
It wasn't until I did another test because lately i have been checking my sugar again, and trying to figure out if maybe I was diabetic... two days ago my sugar was 198. I was mind blown, because I didn't really check that often because I intrusted doctors that perhaps "Ya maybe they are right about my diabetes" But it turns out, I found out that I was most likely diabetic.
Diabetes is a difficult disease to catch unless you get the right doctor that knows what the hell he is doing, a quick tolerance test by giving you a sugar battle isn't sufficient in diagnosing it...
I lost my sex life at the age of 25, and being now 31.. I seriously doubt there is any hope for me to engage in making love to my future wife.. I am fortunate to have a woman that.. loves me.. and not my member..
But still.. the reason i am deeply depressed each day, is that there is times that I cry in my fiance's shoulders wishing i could "feel" her body in such a manner, to feel loved, I do not view sex as a physical lust but rather a blessing from God, a Gift that creates life; and out of love come this,.
Ive read studies and reports that young men who loose their sex life at such a young age, do not have the full capacity mentally to deal with such a psychological dramatic change in their life: they do not know how to process this so young and leads to some mental problems in their life; years of counseling. I am lucky that I have not caved into this but i gotta tell you.....
I still am having problems processing it, I do not know how to accept it in my life, but each day as the pleasure never returns I learn to try and accept it, I try to view the positive side of life and try to put a smile on my face.
When I stare into my future wife's eyes and not just desire to have sex with her it's not just sex, sex is a rewarding pleasure of life that is shared between two special people.
When you hold your woman tonight and have sex with her; or dream about rewarding pleasure with her, you also want to feel secure and loved, you want to feel not only physically pleased but spiritually and mentally appreciated as well. As a guy, I love all those things; I guess I am more like woman a little because I view sex different, but again that is just me.
When I was with my ex wife and used to love her before she cheated on me, being within her felt like being in warm place, safe, secure, all the hell of life would numb out and i could feel my body and mind combine with her very soul.
It was like filling in the void of the missing part of me since God took man's flesh and created woman. They were meant to be together.
As much as I support gay/lesbian rights, what can I say I prefer a woman in the end. I support everyone's views on sex and their pleasures and I pray that you keep doing on what your doing, love your self and your partner...
And for the younger crowed, appreciate what you have and take care of your self: Fight, fight for your health and if must be fight against those doctors, Don't be like me: don't be like that guy that will not be able to enjoy the rewards of that special part of life because he did not stand up for himself and get pushed around, I regret it.
Take care of your selves, don't smoke if possible, keep your health well, and even if you are healthy as a horse, even the slightest change in your life story can be challenging but don't give up on your self.
I want all guys to love life, love your woman or man.
I am not good with intros, and this is who I am, but I am just telling my story.
Maybe some might not like what I have said here: forgive me in advance if I have offended anyone mainly the younger crowd: I just only wish the best for you guys. Juvenile Diabetes is a serious thing, so is other nerve issues that you should always fight to find out as soon as possible, over the 10 year course of my life, I've lost my sex life completely and I do not want that to happen to you.
Not a day goes by that I wish I could make love to my fiance and actually feel completely connected to her which is why even as a man: I cry.
Sincerely yours,
a 31 year old sexless male,
Rick
P.S
Forgive me in if I posted too much.. I've never posted in a forum like this, much in any other kinda forum at all if my post gets moved or something, I understand, I apologize in advance for any typos, I am writing from a laptop and the keys are very small, i spell checked as much as I could.
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