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Hi everyone! I’ve been lurking the premature ejaculation forums here for two years now, reading about other people’s experiences and trying to learn from them. I’ve suffered from premature ejaculation for most of my life.
A few years back I had a level-up moment and combined my PreE to porn-induced ED. I couldn’t get hard during sex, and if I did I came instantly. About that time I started almost obsessively to try to fix it. Finally I can say I’ve had a considerable success beating the problem.
During the last two years I've tried most of the tricks discussed here. Most of them did not work for me. Like many others have said before, it’s most likely a combination of things that helped me in the end. However, I did make very clear changes to my ways and since then had a lot of enjoyable sex with my long-time partner. I still feel like the process is ongoing, but I decided to make this post, to encourage others still struggling with PreE (and porn-induced ED).
The backgroung. I’m 37 years old, with two children. Not married but with the same woman for 13 years. My work consists of standing and walking a lot. I ride a bike to work (we don’t own a car), eat healthy homemade foods. Non-smoker. Rarely drink alcohol. I’ve always been a slim guy. I’ve never done regular muscle exercise, however, and I sit a lot in front of my computer.
I started my sexlife at the age of 15. My first time vaginal sex ended in premature ejaculation. I came immediately upon entering, and it’s been a common dark cloud in all my relationships since then. It hasn’t always been that bad though. Sometimes I could last a lot longer. I kind of knew in the back of my head why this happened to me, but never before had the willpower to fix it.
I have always masturbated a lot, mostly in the fast and furious style, quickly to the end. Everyone likes orgasms, right? There have been times in my life when I did zero masturbation for weeks due to more interesting stuff happening, and I immediately noticed how I lasted longer during sex. I could make the connection back then and I can see the logic now. My body ”reset” while in the (unintentional) nofap mode. Of course my newly acquired sexpowers excited me so that I reverted back to my old habits again. So returned the premature ejaculations. It was clear that my masturbation habits had everything to do with it.
When I met my current partner and we started hanging out and hooking up, we had great sex for many years. I had separated from my previous girlfriend many months earlier, and (like many single men) was in better shape overall since I did some jogging few times a week plus abs and pushups at home. It was a completely new thing to me - making love slowly, or fucking it away roughly. She was the first girl that I knew had real orgasms in PIV sex with me and it felt great! Then came the family life and my complacency. Halfway into our relationship I got into porn (quite late actually!). I was masturbating to porn many times a day/night. We still had sex, but it started to feel too unpredictable and scary to me since I never knew how I would perform this time. I begun to avoid sex until the moment there was no escape from the horny lady. Sometimes the sex was good, sometimes not. I've always thought she's hot and wanted to have sex with her, but rather masturbated because I had some control over it. Sounds stupid, right?! There's a horny sexy lady available to you and you rather masturbate!
As the years went by, my porn addiction evolved from watching a single video from start to finish and cumming at the end, to skipping to the best part and cumming quickly, to having multiple videos rolling and flipping through them all the while skipping to the best parts - and cumming immediately when the best visual came…
Also around this time I noticed having involuntary kegels throughout the days, even when not having an erection. When erected, the involuntary kegels were all over the place. I didn’t think of it as a problem though, other than being strange and sometimes annoying. I didn't even know what it was, if I should or should not have them.
Everything had built so slowly over the years that I hadn’t really noticed it getting worse… until it got really bad.
The final wakeup was when I felt a reinvigorated crush for my fiancee, maybe after her losing a little bit of weight and just generally sexying herself up (probably worried about her hotness levels because of my now limp cock). At the same time I was in the deepest pit of my porn hobby, sneaking into bathroom during the day with my cellphone and having a quick fap to some hot tumblr gif. It was just stupid.
I WANTED to have sex with my woman. It was just that I couldn’t get an erection with her anymore, or that I was only 50% hard. If I got a 90% erection it also meant that ten seconds later I orgasmed! This was around August 2016. I thought my life as an old man with erection problems had now begun! My fiancee told me she believed her vagina had loosened too much after giving birth(s). I admitted to her it was me who had loosened.
I had two major problems:
- not getting an erection during sex
- when I got one, I immediately came
I went online and found out about YourBrainonPorn. I immediately quit all porn (videos, gifs, pics) and haven’t watched since. That was easy actually. I’ve heard many people struggle with quitting porn. For me it made perfect sense and I started to look for cure for the shit I had programmed myself into. I’ve walked that difficult road for two years now.
At first I struggled to have an erection just by myself, stimulating and using only my imagination. This was hard! I nearly panicked when I first tried this and there was nothing happening! I was struggling to concentrate on a thought of a hot woman, let alone having an erection to it. It took several weeks to get that to work!
I decided not to orgasm for the first three months. I still masturbated whenever I was lucky enough to have an erection but stopped right before reaching PONR. Which was always right away. It feels so strange to struggle getting an erection and when you do it's already PONR. This was the most depressing of times. I thought I was forever doomed and I felt like nothing I did was helping the situation. When I think of it now, I remember getting my morning wood back which was good.
Since I’m in a relationship I ”had to have” sex with my woman, but I did it without granting myself an orgasm. Erections during sex came back really quick during the no-orgasm period, but they were huge over-aroused 200% erections with my penis ready to launch into space from the tiniest touch. Really depressing times for me and for her. I explained to her what I was trying to achieve and my point was not to cum. Most of the times I had to stay still or else I would have cummed. I had to ask her to stay still also and not make any sexy stuff or noises. Many times I was going to cum anyway, just for being so excited. I involuntarily went over the PONR but squeezed my penis to stop ejaculating and orgasming.
Those were the months of oral sex and a newly aqcuired dildo, which I believe started to bore her eventually. I sensed that she wanted to get fucked with the 200% rocket cock and I could tell she was disappointed for not getting it inside her. Lucky for me, she was very understanding and supportive, but I remember a couple of weak moments when she was frustrated and accusing me of ruining our sex life.
After the three-month no-orgasm period, not a lot had changed. Getting erections was a little easier. Still got premature ejaculations.
The Most Difficult thing was to find out the right ways to fix this. I read all these forum posts of men having success with different ways, very meticulously describing what they did. I tried many of the suggested techniques and many times I succumbed into despair of not having success at all. Maybe I was expecting too much too quickly.
I also read about involuntary kegels and realized I had them for years and were happening constantly! I bought and ate a lot of magnesium citrate supplements (which are expensive as hell). Did a lot of lower belly breathing and pc muscle relaxation. It was really tough since I had to consciously relax the muscle. If I forgot it just for a second the contraction was there again. Did stretching for months, many times a day. Cobra, Child’s pose, Hindi squat (my favorite). Months of stretching didn’t have any noticeable benefits. Might have helped a little, but didn’t remove the biggest issue: quick arousal, from zero to orgasm in five seconds.
In the lowest lows of my journey, I actually tried to apply Voltaren (diclofenac) to the area between my testicles and anus. There was discussion here on this forum that it helps, so I bought it and the first time it somewhat did help. Couldn’t repeat the success the second or third time though so I ditched that. I also tried condoms with numbing gel (benzokaine), but those either didn’t work at all and I came immediately like always, or it worked too well and took all sensitivity away along with erection, OR it took all sensitivity from her vagina and she felt stupid. Perhaps the numbing gel had moved to the wrong side of the condom (or maybe I don't know how to use condoms properly
)? Ditched those too.
Finally I decided not to overthink anymore and started masturbating (to orgasm) again multiple times a week. If I had programmed my brain to ejaculate quickly, it should be possible to program my brain to cum slowly too, right? From that moment on I was masturbating in longer sessions and enjoying the slow build up. Touching very lightly, occasionally trying out the STU (which is too much stimulation in the beginning). Still no porn, no gifs. Only imagination. At first I noticed that my erections didn’t hold for long. Probably my brain expected a quick orgasm, and when I didn’t serve, erection died.
The longest sessions masturbating were around 1,5 hours, with minimum of 45 minutes. Just the good old edging, holding a steady 7-8 on the arousal scale (written by some other forum member). If for some reason I had to stop sooner, I did not orgasm. During the months of edging I slowly started to get more stable erections but also getting the erections more easily. In a way, this was a by-product of enjoying masturbation so it was an easy job! When the erections were there, I moved on to focus on my involuntary kegels. I still had them like crazy. The stretches didn't work but I took a new challenge into play: The aim was to stimulate and hold them off.
Days and weeks of this and I was ready for more challenges. When (after an hour of slow masturbation) I decide to orgasm and while nearing the PONR, I tried not to contract the pelvic floor muscles for as long as possible. It feels so ridiculously good at the end that there’s no keeping the muscle relaxed anymore, and then just let the orgasm come. Everytime I tried to take that moment farther and farther. I finally have a plateau of some kind. That prolonged rubbing actually feels very good, sometimes better than the actual orgasm, although orgasms have also gotten better. They were somehow more ”shallow” before, and not as intense.
The final and most recent major change in my life, which I believe had the final say in me getting better, has been a gym card. Yes, I started to exercise. I always had such a high mental barrier in going to the gym. All these years I knew I should do it, but was so afraid of looking like an idiot there and doing all the wrong things and whatnot. Then I got offered a free trial into my local gym. I decided to silence my negative thinking, went there with an open mind. I took the card and a one-time free personal trainer meetup, and immediately felt stupid for not having started it many years earlier. If I had the money I would take more PT time but at the moment it’s not possible (financially), so I’m sucking up information everywhere I can.
Now that I’ve been exercising for 3-4 times a week, 3 months straight, and enjoying the physical and mental benefits of it, I believe that my lack of exercise made this journey unnecessarily difficult. All the stretching and flexing in the world didn’t fix my pelvic problems, but the spasms went away and my sex life got better almost right after I started going to the gym. Pull day, push day, leg day, mixed favorites day, and again from the start. Most likely my core muscles, glutes etc. are getting stronger and giving better support and muscle activation. My pelvic floor does it’s job properly as a result. I just realized that I haven’t been doing the pelvic stretches in many months now. It just didn’t do anything for me so I guess I just dropped it.
In short I believe that the combination of slow masturbation and starting the gym was key.
Sex has been great recently. I’m able to last until she cums. Many times we cum at the same time. I’m not even stressing about her cumming. I love the act of fucking and I’ve been missing that feeling. I’m enjoying myself and seems like she’s enjoying the sex as a by-product. She seems open and happy to have sex almost every time when I make the initiative. Yesterday we just lied in bed most of the afternoon and had sex four times. Everytime I felt in control. Sometimes when she’s on top and looking good, the thought of cumming early creeps into mind, and I notice that it can be a real self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s something I need to work out. But I’m confident that I’m getting there. Having good sex feeds confidence, right?
If there’s something I could give away from my own experiences, it’s that you can never go wrong with keeping yourself in good physical shape. Exercise. I am a relatively young and slim guy so maybe I got an easy start at the gym. Having a lot of extra weight or other ailments might present a different set of problems.
Stay away from porn. At least don’t make your brain think it’s your main source of sex in life. It might be too late when you finally admit it’s a problem.
Learn to masturbate in a way that the time before orgasm becomes the main attraction. This is repeated many times on this forum and I can confirm it's true. If you have developed a habit of rushing to the climax, like I had, it will be difficult, at first, to lengthen the experience into an hour long session. When I started this process, I lubricated my penis and thrusted once into my hand and was already cumming. Start by just touching your penis, stimulating your glans and shaft while trying not to kegel. Don't go in expecting an orgasm. Slowly you will get there. Might take weeks, might take months. For me it took months. But it feels good anyway so you might just relax and enjoy it.
I want to give thanks to the members of this forum. Lurking here and reading your experiences has really helped me get through some hard times. It was good to know I’m not the only person in the world with problems, and also that people have found success beating these problems. I hope the best for you all. Cheers!
A few years back I had a level-up moment and combined my PreE to porn-induced ED. I couldn’t get hard during sex, and if I did I came instantly. About that time I started almost obsessively to try to fix it. Finally I can say I’ve had a considerable success beating the problem.
During the last two years I've tried most of the tricks discussed here. Most of them did not work for me. Like many others have said before, it’s most likely a combination of things that helped me in the end. However, I did make very clear changes to my ways and since then had a lot of enjoyable sex with my long-time partner. I still feel like the process is ongoing, but I decided to make this post, to encourage others still struggling with PreE (and porn-induced ED).
The backgroung. I’m 37 years old, with two children. Not married but with the same woman for 13 years. My work consists of standing and walking a lot. I ride a bike to work (we don’t own a car), eat healthy homemade foods. Non-smoker. Rarely drink alcohol. I’ve always been a slim guy. I’ve never done regular muscle exercise, however, and I sit a lot in front of my computer.
I started my sexlife at the age of 15. My first time vaginal sex ended in premature ejaculation. I came immediately upon entering, and it’s been a common dark cloud in all my relationships since then. It hasn’t always been that bad though. Sometimes I could last a lot longer. I kind of knew in the back of my head why this happened to me, but never before had the willpower to fix it.
I have always masturbated a lot, mostly in the fast and furious style, quickly to the end. Everyone likes orgasms, right? There have been times in my life when I did zero masturbation for weeks due to more interesting stuff happening, and I immediately noticed how I lasted longer during sex. I could make the connection back then and I can see the logic now. My body ”reset” while in the (unintentional) nofap mode. Of course my newly acquired sexpowers excited me so that I reverted back to my old habits again. So returned the premature ejaculations. It was clear that my masturbation habits had everything to do with it.
When I met my current partner and we started hanging out and hooking up, we had great sex for many years. I had separated from my previous girlfriend many months earlier, and (like many single men) was in better shape overall since I did some jogging few times a week plus abs and pushups at home. It was a completely new thing to me - making love slowly, or fucking it away roughly. She was the first girl that I knew had real orgasms in PIV sex with me and it felt great! Then came the family life and my complacency. Halfway into our relationship I got into porn (quite late actually!). I was masturbating to porn many times a day/night. We still had sex, but it started to feel too unpredictable and scary to me since I never knew how I would perform this time. I begun to avoid sex until the moment there was no escape from the horny lady. Sometimes the sex was good, sometimes not. I've always thought she's hot and wanted to have sex with her, but rather masturbated because I had some control over it. Sounds stupid, right?! There's a horny sexy lady available to you and you rather masturbate!
As the years went by, my porn addiction evolved from watching a single video from start to finish and cumming at the end, to skipping to the best part and cumming quickly, to having multiple videos rolling and flipping through them all the while skipping to the best parts - and cumming immediately when the best visual came…
Also around this time I noticed having involuntary kegels throughout the days, even when not having an erection. When erected, the involuntary kegels were all over the place. I didn’t think of it as a problem though, other than being strange and sometimes annoying. I didn't even know what it was, if I should or should not have them.
Everything had built so slowly over the years that I hadn’t really noticed it getting worse… until it got really bad.
The final wakeup was when I felt a reinvigorated crush for my fiancee, maybe after her losing a little bit of weight and just generally sexying herself up (probably worried about her hotness levels because of my now limp cock). At the same time I was in the deepest pit of my porn hobby, sneaking into bathroom during the day with my cellphone and having a quick fap to some hot tumblr gif. It was just stupid.
I WANTED to have sex with my woman. It was just that I couldn’t get an erection with her anymore, or that I was only 50% hard. If I got a 90% erection it also meant that ten seconds later I orgasmed! This was around August 2016. I thought my life as an old man with erection problems had now begun! My fiancee told me she believed her vagina had loosened too much after giving birth(s). I admitted to her it was me who had loosened.
I had two major problems:
- not getting an erection during sex
- when I got one, I immediately came
I went online and found out about YourBrainonPorn. I immediately quit all porn (videos, gifs, pics) and haven’t watched since. That was easy actually. I’ve heard many people struggle with quitting porn. For me it made perfect sense and I started to look for cure for the shit I had programmed myself into. I’ve walked that difficult road for two years now.
At first I struggled to have an erection just by myself, stimulating and using only my imagination. This was hard! I nearly panicked when I first tried this and there was nothing happening! I was struggling to concentrate on a thought of a hot woman, let alone having an erection to it. It took several weeks to get that to work!
I decided not to orgasm for the first three months. I still masturbated whenever I was lucky enough to have an erection but stopped right before reaching PONR. Which was always right away. It feels so strange to struggle getting an erection and when you do it's already PONR. This was the most depressing of times. I thought I was forever doomed and I felt like nothing I did was helping the situation. When I think of it now, I remember getting my morning wood back which was good.
Since I’m in a relationship I ”had to have” sex with my woman, but I did it without granting myself an orgasm. Erections during sex came back really quick during the no-orgasm period, but they were huge over-aroused 200% erections with my penis ready to launch into space from the tiniest touch. Really depressing times for me and for her. I explained to her what I was trying to achieve and my point was not to cum. Most of the times I had to stay still or else I would have cummed. I had to ask her to stay still also and not make any sexy stuff or noises. Many times I was going to cum anyway, just for being so excited. I involuntarily went over the PONR but squeezed my penis to stop ejaculating and orgasming.
Those were the months of oral sex and a newly aqcuired dildo, which I believe started to bore her eventually. I sensed that she wanted to get fucked with the 200% rocket cock and I could tell she was disappointed for not getting it inside her. Lucky for me, she was very understanding and supportive, but I remember a couple of weak moments when she was frustrated and accusing me of ruining our sex life.
After the three-month no-orgasm period, not a lot had changed. Getting erections was a little easier. Still got premature ejaculations.
The Most Difficult thing was to find out the right ways to fix this. I read all these forum posts of men having success with different ways, very meticulously describing what they did. I tried many of the suggested techniques and many times I succumbed into despair of not having success at all. Maybe I was expecting too much too quickly.
I also read about involuntary kegels and realized I had them for years and were happening constantly! I bought and ate a lot of magnesium citrate supplements (which are expensive as hell). Did a lot of lower belly breathing and pc muscle relaxation. It was really tough since I had to consciously relax the muscle. If I forgot it just for a second the contraction was there again. Did stretching for months, many times a day. Cobra, Child’s pose, Hindi squat (my favorite). Months of stretching didn’t have any noticeable benefits. Might have helped a little, but didn’t remove the biggest issue: quick arousal, from zero to orgasm in five seconds.
In the lowest lows of my journey, I actually tried to apply Voltaren (diclofenac) to the area between my testicles and anus. There was discussion here on this forum that it helps, so I bought it and the first time it somewhat did help. Couldn’t repeat the success the second or third time though so I ditched that. I also tried condoms with numbing gel (benzokaine), but those either didn’t work at all and I came immediately like always, or it worked too well and took all sensitivity away along with erection, OR it took all sensitivity from her vagina and she felt stupid. Perhaps the numbing gel had moved to the wrong side of the condom (or maybe I don't know how to use condoms properly
)? Ditched those too.Finally I decided not to overthink anymore and started masturbating (to orgasm) again multiple times a week. If I had programmed my brain to ejaculate quickly, it should be possible to program my brain to cum slowly too, right? From that moment on I was masturbating in longer sessions and enjoying the slow build up. Touching very lightly, occasionally trying out the STU (which is too much stimulation in the beginning). Still no porn, no gifs. Only imagination. At first I noticed that my erections didn’t hold for long. Probably my brain expected a quick orgasm, and when I didn’t serve, erection died.
The longest sessions masturbating were around 1,5 hours, with minimum of 45 minutes. Just the good old edging, holding a steady 7-8 on the arousal scale (written by some other forum member). If for some reason I had to stop sooner, I did not orgasm. During the months of edging I slowly started to get more stable erections but also getting the erections more easily. In a way, this was a by-product of enjoying masturbation so it was an easy job! When the erections were there, I moved on to focus on my involuntary kegels. I still had them like crazy. The stretches didn't work but I took a new challenge into play: The aim was to stimulate and hold them off.
Days and weeks of this and I was ready for more challenges. When (after an hour of slow masturbation) I decide to orgasm and while nearing the PONR, I tried not to contract the pelvic floor muscles for as long as possible. It feels so ridiculously good at the end that there’s no keeping the muscle relaxed anymore, and then just let the orgasm come. Everytime I tried to take that moment farther and farther. I finally have a plateau of some kind. That prolonged rubbing actually feels very good, sometimes better than the actual orgasm, although orgasms have also gotten better. They were somehow more ”shallow” before, and not as intense.
The final and most recent major change in my life, which I believe had the final say in me getting better, has been a gym card. Yes, I started to exercise. I always had such a high mental barrier in going to the gym. All these years I knew I should do it, but was so afraid of looking like an idiot there and doing all the wrong things and whatnot. Then I got offered a free trial into my local gym. I decided to silence my negative thinking, went there with an open mind. I took the card and a one-time free personal trainer meetup, and immediately felt stupid for not having started it many years earlier. If I had the money I would take more PT time but at the moment it’s not possible (financially), so I’m sucking up information everywhere I can.
Now that I’ve been exercising for 3-4 times a week, 3 months straight, and enjoying the physical and mental benefits of it, I believe that my lack of exercise made this journey unnecessarily difficult. All the stretching and flexing in the world didn’t fix my pelvic problems, but the spasms went away and my sex life got better almost right after I started going to the gym. Pull day, push day, leg day, mixed favorites day, and again from the start. Most likely my core muscles, glutes etc. are getting stronger and giving better support and muscle activation. My pelvic floor does it’s job properly as a result. I just realized that I haven’t been doing the pelvic stretches in many months now. It just didn’t do anything for me so I guess I just dropped it.
In short I believe that the combination of slow masturbation and starting the gym was key.
Sex has been great recently. I’m able to last until she cums. Many times we cum at the same time. I’m not even stressing about her cumming. I love the act of fucking and I’ve been missing that feeling. I’m enjoying myself and seems like she’s enjoying the sex as a by-product. She seems open and happy to have sex almost every time when I make the initiative. Yesterday we just lied in bed most of the afternoon and had sex four times. Everytime I felt in control. Sometimes when she’s on top and looking good, the thought of cumming early creeps into mind, and I notice that it can be a real self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s something I need to work out. But I’m confident that I’m getting there. Having good sex feeds confidence, right?
If there’s something I could give away from my own experiences, it’s that you can never go wrong with keeping yourself in good physical shape. Exercise. I am a relatively young and slim guy so maybe I got an easy start at the gym. Having a lot of extra weight or other ailments might present a different set of problems.
Stay away from porn. At least don’t make your brain think it’s your main source of sex in life. It might be too late when you finally admit it’s a problem.
Learn to masturbate in a way that the time before orgasm becomes the main attraction. This is repeated many times on this forum and I can confirm it's true. If you have developed a habit of rushing to the climax, like I had, it will be difficult, at first, to lengthen the experience into an hour long session. When I started this process, I lubricated my penis and thrusted once into my hand and was already cumming. Start by just touching your penis, stimulating your glans and shaft while trying not to kegel. Don't go in expecting an orgasm. Slowly you will get there. Might take weeks, might take months. For me it took months. But it feels good anyway so you might just relax and enjoy it.
I want to give thanks to the members of this forum. Lurking here and reading your experiences has really helped me get through some hard times. It was good to know I’m not the only person in the world with problems, and also that people have found success beating these problems. I hope the best for you all. Cheers!
Admin of the Month Mar 2015
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