A huge step forward

[Hajhajhaj Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hajhajhaj]

Hi,

So I’m a long time lurker at this forum, and have felt comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and that all of you guys are trying to beat this thing. So now that I’ve improved I felt that I have a responsibility to tell you.

Before continuing I want to underline that this is nothing groundbreaking (except for me), and probably obvious to a lot of you. But since it had such a huge impact on me, I feel that I want to tell you anyway.

I’ve been having severe preE since I started having sex at 17 (I’m now 26), ejaculating within a few thrusts. I’ve been in two long relationships (about 2,5 years each) where I’ve felt so ashamed of my sexual incapability that I basically never brought my Pre E up, even though it’s obvoiusly been the elephant in the room. And even though I’ve actually never had any complaints about my sexual skill (even though ejaculating straight away), due to improving other skills making sure the girl always have an orgasm, after the last relationship I felt that I was so bad that I didn’t deserve to be with someone. Who should have to live with never being able to have good sex?!

But a few weeks ago I met a girl and we started hanging out. After a few dates we kissed for a while, and when I didn’t take it further than kissing (due to extreme anxiety and shame), she just straight out asked me “Do you feel pressure around sex?”. I was really surprised about her being so blunt, but also saw an opportunity to actually tell her the truth (Whitch I had imagined doing for a long time to the next girl I’d meet, but though never have the guts to actually do). So I told her “yes, I do”, and told her the whole thing. Before this moment I had never talked about this so openly before, and it felt like a literal stone falling of my chest. And she was so sweet about it, talking about that PIV wasn’t at all necessary for her, and that there were so many other ways to enjoy sex. And she talked about it in such a way that I actually believed her. She was honestly feeling that it wasn’t a problem and I could feel that she meant it.

After talking about this for a while it naturally evolves to us having sex, but for the first time in a long time I didn’t worry about ejaculating to fast and just thought “This is hot as hell, and I can take care of her afterwards!”, and for the first time in my life I lasted basically as long as I wanted. From 5 seconds of shame to at least 10 minutes of fun! And it continued to be this way. With that said, I still have some control issues, with involuntary contractions and problem managing my arousal, but the improvement I’ve made is so significant I don’t really care. Plus, my girlfriend thinks it’s so hot when I’m about to cum, she usually does to.

So, as I mentioned earlier, this obvious doesn’t apply to all of you. But if there is even one person out there that recognize themself in what I describe, I feel that it’s worth to share this and to urge you to talk to your partner about how you feel. It’s a cliche, but not having to carry this inside on your own, but share the burden with your partner could make a huge difference.

TL;DR: I went from being able to have PIV-sex for 5-10 seconds to 10 min by talking to my partner.

Thanks for reading and good luck to you all!

[IdealPenis Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close IdealPenis]

This goes to all those that believe that is all about biology. Psychology plays a big role no matter if you accept its existence or not.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I think it would be rare for guys onsite to think there is no pysc involved in any pe . The general view is that it varies guy to guy from 100% mental to 0% mental.

In years gone by it was believed by mainstrain to be a 100% mental in every case . This did a lot of guys a major disservice.

[ACPreE Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ACPreE]

Congratz on your success but I will say, most of the people i'v seen around on the site have all had physical aspects to their recover. Tight PFs, APT, bad habits etc.

Mine maybe 10%mental 90% physical. I'v been a lazy bad habbited kegeling masterbator monster for the past X amount of years and trying to fix it.

Still appreciate the post though for anyone who can relate.

[WillGetBetter Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close WillGetBetter]

I definitely think we can still learn a lot on the mental side of PreE. For me, I think it was mostly physical, but there was an anxiety/nervousness that definitely didn’t help. The relaxation breathing and meditation were helpful, but I feel that there is another missing piece.

The mental and physical parts are connected: when you get stressed you then hold your breath and tighten your muscles. I think there is another aspect of the mental side that is connected to controlling or influencing the somatic nervous system. How do you get yourself not to ejaculate with some mental control? I always give the example that I cannot directly control my heart beating by making the muscle contract - but I can slow down my heart rate through relaxation. That’s what it felt like to me when I was trying to control my arousal during edging sessions in the first couple months.

I think both the physical and mental aspects are important and are also connected to each other in some ways.