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Update Thurs 24th October 2019
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Lots has happened in this period so I'm going to summarise. I have had both extremely positive effects as well as discouraging moments. The important think is to Continue to stay committed to this transformation and to push forward with absolute belief that through dedication and commitment the outcome (control) can be achieved!
Remember, what you allow is what will Continue.
Positive
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* I have a MUCH better feeling in my body as to what a kegel and especially what a reverse kegel feels like. Before these few weeks I struggled to perform reverse kegels, then afterwards I was 'kind of getting the feeling' that I was doing it right and started to feel confident that I was doing it right. There are however different levels of understanding and I realised last week that I wasnt doing RK properly at all!
I stumbled upon the 'real' feeling of RK by putting a lot of downward pressure on my pelvic floor. At first I was only able to do this while holding my breath and 'pushing' until I literally felt the muscle relax. It's important to note here that I wouldnt have been able to even notice that this was happening without the months of paying attention to my body and sensations FIRST! This was key in enabling this important next step!
Soon I was able to RK in this way without holding my breath. Sometimes its more difficult than others but I'm developing a better sense of what it should feel like in order to relax the kegel.
I'm also sure that in the future I will get an even BETTER understanding and sense of control of relaxing this muscle and re-discover how to 'really' do it
* I have become self aware of the psychological tendency to push myself towards orgasm. I get myself all fired up and squeeze my legs together and kegel, hoping to push myself into higher states of elevation and physical pleasure. I was doing this completely unconsciously and now I have spotted it I am able to recognise that Im doing it and able to relax myself. I tell myself "Hey, I see what your doing there. Your pushing yourself to feel better! Just relax and enjoy things how they are!". I'm able to then take back control and relax, remind myself of my ultimate mission (self control) and resume the session.
* I have DRASTICALLY reduced the amount of IKs that I experience both throughout the day and with stimulation. It's not 100% but its no longer the out of controll helpless spasming that it was when I started this thread. This progress is extremely encouraging.
Negative
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* I have been struggling to reduce my reliance on pornography as a psychological sexual stimulant and haven't had much success at all
After stopping porn for a week I had PIV and was so massively over-excited psychologically that I came in minutes. I'm still stuck in this situation where I'm not really very horny or easily aroused without porn so I have to go a while without edging before I'm able to build up the desire and then I'm able to edge with some success. However when I go so long without edging then when I actually have a chance of real intercourse I'm way over excited and not able to control myself.
I feel like the answer to this is to keep trying to keep away from porn and success in that will lead to results.
* As I develop the ability to relax my pelvic floor and with stretches I feel like the pf is loosening up, I'm having a noticeably lower EQ than before. I think this is because previously I have been kegeling during masturbation and sex. Without this constant pumping and while keeping relaxed pelvic floor I have far less EQ.
I think this is also because of porn addiction and that solving that problem will solve this also. I have experienced rock hard erection without kegels so I know its possible and most likely arrousal malfunction due to excessive porn use and lack of arousal control.
So all in all I know what to keep doing and will Continue!
Again, thanks PEgym for keeping me focused and accountable, and giving the insights necessary for this journey!
=====================
Lots has happened in this period so I'm going to summarise. I have had both extremely positive effects as well as discouraging moments. The important think is to Continue to stay committed to this transformation and to push forward with absolute belief that through dedication and commitment the outcome (control) can be achieved!
Remember, what you allow is what will Continue.
Positive
---------
* I have a MUCH better feeling in my body as to what a kegel and especially what a reverse kegel feels like. Before these few weeks I struggled to perform reverse kegels, then afterwards I was 'kind of getting the feeling' that I was doing it right and started to feel confident that I was doing it right. There are however different levels of understanding and I realised last week that I wasnt doing RK properly at all!
I stumbled upon the 'real' feeling of RK by putting a lot of downward pressure on my pelvic floor. At first I was only able to do this while holding my breath and 'pushing' until I literally felt the muscle relax. It's important to note here that I wouldnt have been able to even notice that this was happening without the months of paying attention to my body and sensations FIRST! This was key in enabling this important next step!
Soon I was able to RK in this way without holding my breath. Sometimes its more difficult than others but I'm developing a better sense of what it should feel like in order to relax the kegel.
I'm also sure that in the future I will get an even BETTER understanding and sense of control of relaxing this muscle and re-discover how to 'really' do it
* I have become self aware of the psychological tendency to push myself towards orgasm. I get myself all fired up and squeeze my legs together and kegel, hoping to push myself into higher states of elevation and physical pleasure. I was doing this completely unconsciously and now I have spotted it I am able to recognise that Im doing it and able to relax myself. I tell myself "Hey, I see what your doing there. Your pushing yourself to feel better! Just relax and enjoy things how they are!". I'm able to then take back control and relax, remind myself of my ultimate mission (self control) and resume the session.
* I have DRASTICALLY reduced the amount of IKs that I experience both throughout the day and with stimulation. It's not 100% but its no longer the out of controll helpless spasming that it was when I started this thread. This progress is extremely encouraging.
Negative
-----------
* I have been struggling to reduce my reliance on pornography as a psychological sexual stimulant and haven't had much success at all
After stopping porn for a week I had PIV and was so massively over-excited psychologically that I came in minutes. I'm still stuck in this situation where I'm not really very horny or easily aroused without porn so I have to go a while without edging before I'm able to build up the desire and then I'm able to edge with some success. However when I go so long without edging then when I actually have a chance of real intercourse I'm way over excited and not able to control myself. I feel like the answer to this is to keep trying to keep away from porn and success in that will lead to results.
* As I develop the ability to relax my pelvic floor and with stretches I feel like the pf is loosening up, I'm having a noticeably lower EQ than before. I think this is because previously I have been kegeling during masturbation and sex. Without this constant pumping and while keeping relaxed pelvic floor I have far less EQ.
I think this is also because of porn addiction and that solving that problem will solve this also. I have experienced rock hard erection without kegels so I know its possible and most likely arrousal malfunction due to excessive porn use and lack of arousal control.
So all in all I know what to keep doing and will Continue!
Again, thanks PEgym for keeping me focused and accountable, and giving the insights necessary for this journey!
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