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I have started following this PreE forum and practising some of what I learnt since about 3 months ago, but have not started journaling for lack of time. Have just recently felt a change (progress?) that actually also posed more questions, and decided to start a journal just to catch key moments like this rather than track regular activities.
Background:
married 42 year-old, have been mainly < 1-minute man as far as I can remember, can last 2-5 minute if very careful by moving very slowly with partner (but pretty much the same number of thrusts ie around 30, just drawn as long as we can). However in my 20+ years enjoying sex (solo or with partner) I recall rare occasions (<1% of the time) when I inexplicably could go on and on. This happens very rarely (ard 1% of the time), and my aim is to rediscover that consciously.
I am flat-footed, which recently led to me identifying that I have APT, which naturally now I realise may be a factor to my PreE as well. I watch porn but not daily, and have gone through a few periods of abstaining, most recently for about 6+ weeks starting when I found this forum
Approach:
I mainly try to incorporate various techniques from Minuteman's 3 day routine and kegel practices (only reaching level 0.4 of his routines), Ammonite's plateau edging, and WillGetBetter's general approach. But I don't really follow one particular routine strictly, mainly choosing whichever practice I felt can fit into my activity of the day and modifying them when I felt I was not ready yet.
Edging practices have typically been 20-ish minutes, getting in around 500 strokes and rather slowly (eg 1 full stroke in 2 seconds). I struggle with learning RK and mainly maintain / lower my arousal level by slowing things down and paying attention.
13 Jan
Today I hit a milestone. I managed to edge for 30 minutes without reaching PONR, even after I upped the pace to 1 stroke per second. I continued another 7 minutes intensifying the action, pumping strokes up to twice a second, and still not reaching PONR until I stopped to go to pee. That's 37 minutes, longest by far I've ever gone edging (or trying to). I crossed 1500 strokes somewhere and lost count as I was pumping faster and faster.
After my toilet break, I switched it up one notch: I tried masturbating to porn to actually hit a PONR that I could then withdraw back from. I reached PONR in 5.5 minutes. I paused a while to bring the arousal down a couple of notches, and then continued without porn. This time I reached the 2nd PONR in 2 minutes, and called it a day.
Observations
A few things I did today that may have helped and I should try replicate:
- I did a flat-foot deep squat for 5 minutes right before I started edging. I can't really tell how my pelvic floor felt, but I believe it must have been more relaxed than usual. It might help also that the night before I happened to do a pelvic floor release exercise ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3Ry...W-rPwP7yIHbYaz )
- I usually edge lying flat on the bed. Today I had a folded blanket under my knees. This is a trick for people with APT to sleep comfortably, reducing the arch on the lower back ie helping it stay flat on the bed ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8HHJwsYvwg ) . It helped me relax more especially around the hip, and I think it helped me being able to do RK a bit better
- My focus was to eliminate IKs. I usually tried practicing RKs once I started feeling IKs (usually a couple of minutes after starting), trying to time the RKs when my grip passed the frenulum. No consistent success yet, most of the time what happened more is my slowing down the pace allow me to be less aroused and reduces IK, instead of the RKs doing the job . Today, while noticing my more-relaxed hip, I noticed also that my anus was clenched tight. I tried reverse BACK kegel. It actually helped quite a lot relaxing the general area of my hip (besides the anus), and bringing the arousal level down a notch. Since I still struggled to perform RK consistently (especially holding it) but can do RBK quite easily, I kept using it alternatingly with RK, as and when I lost focus / stamina to perform RK and needed a break on that front. It seemed to work well to help me keep away from PONR. Haven't read much of use of RBK, but now I think it might be underrated and might have some use for people struggling with RK.
- I was able to feel a couple of times that my RK hold could actually got rid of IKs. I was able to hold the RK long enough to cover the time from before the grip reached the frenulum until it crossed over. Not all the time, but may be about 50% of the time, which was already much more than I ever could. I'm not sure if this is due to the more relaxed state from the points above, or somehow my reaching level 0.4 in Minuteman's kegel routines finally started to bear some fruits, or combination of all. I don't care, I just felt that there is hope after 3 months doubting and thinking if I'm doing RK correctly.
- After a prolonged period of sustaining arousal level 8-9 and eliminating some IKs with the above, somehow suddenly I noticed the IKs stopped happening. I think it's after one point my arousal dropped to 7, went back up, but I didn't have IKs. I was steadily RKing (and RBKing) along the way so I can't tell exactly when it stopped, or indeed if there were other things I started doing that helped. I just realised around the 15th minute, that I haven't been getting the IKs. And as I waited, they didn't show up! At this point I stopped RKing - the IKs didn't appear. I increased the pace, still no IK. This continued until 30 minute, and beyond, as described earlier.
- I tried to replicate all the above when I resumed with porn, but failed to sustain it (although I managed to stave off cumming near PONR). This "experiment" gave me a major takeaway: my biggest issue is inability to handle arousal stimuli . I had considered that I had both this and the physical aspect (what with the realization of APT), but after today, either I have mastered (or begun to master) the physical aspect, or all the while the arousal handling was the main (only?) issue.
A few thoughts / questions unresolved:
- Although I'm glad to sustain my longest edging ever, it wasn't enjoyable. I turned to porn later on because I simply couldn't enjoy it and couldn't cum either. The upside is I hope I can pleasure my partner better (if I can sustain this for real sex), but I still am in search of the plateau phase, so am wondering where the difference would be in the things I do to go to plateau, and how do I know when I get there.
- I reached a no-IK zone after going through IK-control earlier. Is that common / expected? I somehow expected that to master PreE is by knowing how to use RKs (or other techniques) to continuously manage the IKs, not to "tame" the IKs and for them to go away.
- If I can consistently repeat the long-edging above, I guess I can "graduate" from the physical aspect. I'm wary though whether to go to porn next stage; is that going to be a beneficial next-level challenge or cause more stimuli issue? I'm considering perhaps to buy fleshlight for the next step, but not sure if that's necessary if it's mainly for improving the physical aspect.
I will leave these details to return to in future as I progress, in case the details can help myself in the future when I couldn't replicate the above or help others . Also happy to hear corrections or criticisms if some of my improvisations actually take me away from my goal in the long run.
Background:
married 42 year-old, have been mainly < 1-minute man as far as I can remember, can last 2-5 minute if very careful by moving very slowly with partner (but pretty much the same number of thrusts ie around 30, just drawn as long as we can). However in my 20+ years enjoying sex (solo or with partner) I recall rare occasions (<1% of the time) when I inexplicably could go on and on. This happens very rarely (ard 1% of the time), and my aim is to rediscover that consciously.
I am flat-footed, which recently led to me identifying that I have APT, which naturally now I realise may be a factor to my PreE as well. I watch porn but not daily, and have gone through a few periods of abstaining, most recently for about 6+ weeks starting when I found this forum
Approach:
I mainly try to incorporate various techniques from Minuteman's 3 day routine and kegel practices (only reaching level 0.4 of his routines), Ammonite's plateau edging, and WillGetBetter's general approach. But I don't really follow one particular routine strictly, mainly choosing whichever practice I felt can fit into my activity of the day and modifying them when I felt I was not ready yet.
Edging practices have typically been 20-ish minutes, getting in around 500 strokes and rather slowly (eg 1 full stroke in 2 seconds). I struggle with learning RK and mainly maintain / lower my arousal level by slowing things down and paying attention.
13 Jan
Today I hit a milestone. I managed to edge for 30 minutes without reaching PONR, even after I upped the pace to 1 stroke per second. I continued another 7 minutes intensifying the action, pumping strokes up to twice a second, and still not reaching PONR until I stopped to go to pee. That's 37 minutes, longest by far I've ever gone edging (or trying to). I crossed 1500 strokes somewhere and lost count as I was pumping faster and faster.
After my toilet break, I switched it up one notch: I tried masturbating to porn to actually hit a PONR that I could then withdraw back from. I reached PONR in 5.5 minutes. I paused a while to bring the arousal down a couple of notches, and then continued without porn. This time I reached the 2nd PONR in 2 minutes, and called it a day.
Observations
A few things I did today that may have helped and I should try replicate:
- I did a flat-foot deep squat for 5 minutes right before I started edging. I can't really tell how my pelvic floor felt, but I believe it must have been more relaxed than usual. It might help also that the night before I happened to do a pelvic floor release exercise ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3Ry...W-rPwP7yIHbYaz )
- I usually edge lying flat on the bed. Today I had a folded blanket under my knees. This is a trick for people with APT to sleep comfortably, reducing the arch on the lower back ie helping it stay flat on the bed ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8HHJwsYvwg ) . It helped me relax more especially around the hip, and I think it helped me being able to do RK a bit better
- My focus was to eliminate IKs. I usually tried practicing RKs once I started feeling IKs (usually a couple of minutes after starting), trying to time the RKs when my grip passed the frenulum. No consistent success yet, most of the time what happened more is my slowing down the pace allow me to be less aroused and reduces IK, instead of the RKs doing the job . Today, while noticing my more-relaxed hip, I noticed also that my anus was clenched tight. I tried reverse BACK kegel. It actually helped quite a lot relaxing the general area of my hip (besides the anus), and bringing the arousal level down a notch. Since I still struggled to perform RK consistently (especially holding it) but can do RBK quite easily, I kept using it alternatingly with RK, as and when I lost focus / stamina to perform RK and needed a break on that front. It seemed to work well to help me keep away from PONR. Haven't read much of use of RBK, but now I think it might be underrated and might have some use for people struggling with RK.
- I was able to feel a couple of times that my RK hold could actually got rid of IKs. I was able to hold the RK long enough to cover the time from before the grip reached the frenulum until it crossed over. Not all the time, but may be about 50% of the time, which was already much more than I ever could. I'm not sure if this is due to the more relaxed state from the points above, or somehow my reaching level 0.4 in Minuteman's kegel routines finally started to bear some fruits, or combination of all. I don't care, I just felt that there is hope after 3 months doubting and thinking if I'm doing RK correctly.
- After a prolonged period of sustaining arousal level 8-9 and eliminating some IKs with the above, somehow suddenly I noticed the IKs stopped happening. I think it's after one point my arousal dropped to 7, went back up, but I didn't have IKs. I was steadily RKing (and RBKing) along the way so I can't tell exactly when it stopped, or indeed if there were other things I started doing that helped. I just realised around the 15th minute, that I haven't been getting the IKs. And as I waited, they didn't show up! At this point I stopped RKing - the IKs didn't appear. I increased the pace, still no IK. This continued until 30 minute, and beyond, as described earlier.
- I tried to replicate all the above when I resumed with porn, but failed to sustain it (although I managed to stave off cumming near PONR). This "experiment" gave me a major takeaway: my biggest issue is inability to handle arousal stimuli . I had considered that I had both this and the physical aspect (what with the realization of APT), but after today, either I have mastered (or begun to master) the physical aspect, or all the while the arousal handling was the main (only?) issue.
A few thoughts / questions unresolved:
- Although I'm glad to sustain my longest edging ever, it wasn't enjoyable. I turned to porn later on because I simply couldn't enjoy it and couldn't cum either. The upside is I hope I can pleasure my partner better (if I can sustain this for real sex), but I still am in search of the plateau phase, so am wondering where the difference would be in the things I do to go to plateau, and how do I know when I get there.
- I reached a no-IK zone after going through IK-control earlier. Is that common / expected? I somehow expected that to master PreE is by knowing how to use RKs (or other techniques) to continuously manage the IKs, not to "tame" the IKs and for them to go away.
- If I can consistently repeat the long-edging above, I guess I can "graduate" from the physical aspect. I'm wary though whether to go to porn next stage; is that going to be a beneficial next-level challenge or cause more stimuli issue? I'm considering perhaps to buy fleshlight for the next step, but not sure if that's necessary if it's mainly for improving the physical aspect.
I will leave these details to return to in future as I progress, in case the details can help myself in the future when I couldn't replicate the above or help others . Also happy to hear corrections or criticisms if some of my improvisations actually take me away from my goal in the long run.
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