Great solo progress, but no change with her.

[SigmundFreud Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SigmundFreud]

Hey guys,

Long time lurker here.

I've been working at this for 3 months now, and have had amazing progress masturbating, went from an average of two minutes to 35+ with higher stimulation using a hybrid rk/stretching and arousal control routine. However, every time I'm with a girl, it's like nothing's changed. I'm lucky to make it a minute with any physical contact to my penis, and I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

I've been reading the arousal stickies, and plan on trying to integrate those more heavily into my routine. As far as RKs go, I've worked at them so hard that I've had to stop for fear I'd give myself a hernia or prolapse from how loose things have gotten, so I think I've eliminated a chronically tight pf from the equation. I've gotten better at managing my arousal level, as well as controlling IKs. IKs aren't even necessarily a problem for me when I'm with a girl, I just have to kegel almost instantaneously to avoid finishing right away.

Any advice on where to go from here would be much appreciated, I'm a bit stumped..

[nomorepre Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close nomorepre]

Hey guys,

Long time lurker here.

I've been working at this for 3 months now, and have had amazing progress masturbating, went from an average of two minutes to 35+ with higher stimulation using a hybrid rk/stretching and arousal control routine. However, every time I'm with a girl, it's like nothing's changed. I'm lucky to make it a minute with any physical contact to my penis, and I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

I've been reading the arousal stickies, and plan on trying to integrate those more heavily into my routine. As far as RKs go, I've worked at them so hard that I've had to stop for fear I'd give myself a hernia or prolapse from how loose things have gotten, so I think I've eliminated a chronically tight pf from the equation. I've gotten better at managing my arousal level, as well as controlling IKs. IKs aren't even necessarily a problem for me when I'm with a girl, I just have to kegel almost instantaneously to avoid finishing right away.

Any advice on where to go from here would be much appreciated, I'm a bit stumped..

I know how you feel dude... Iīve been there and itīs really frustrating. People have to realize that masturbating is just not the same as sex, even if you are using a fleshlight. And the progress and tricks that work solo donīt work with a girl. It took me years to realize this. I practiced solo and when I felt I had consistent success I would get with a girl and bust in 10 seconds. That made me feel like I had to start over again trying other things.

My first advice would be to always test yourself during real sex, the more the better. Thatīs the real playing field, solo progress just doesnīt mean shit. So have sex as often as you can even if you feel itīs frustrating and humiliating.

Since RKs donīt seem to work for you (like in my case) I would like you to try what I do which I posted in an extra thread. Practice it outside the bedroom so you get the sequence right and apply it during sex to see if you get a different result. You donīt have to wait months for it to show... you should notice a difference right after doing it.

Plus you donīt have to stop your other training if you donīt want to, you can give this a chance without it affecting your other progress.

Let me know how it went, if itīs possible with a real girl :P

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

The quetion is what is causeing you to ejaculate?

[SigmundFreud Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SigmundFreud]

The quetion is what is causeing you to ejaculate?

Yeah, that's about my question. Though I'm curious which other factors you think I may be lacking in. I know PE is multifaceted for most people, and wouldn't be surprised if nerves/panic are affecting it as well.

[mistergeorge Senior Member Member of the Month June 2021 Find all posts View Profile Close mistergeorge]

Yeah, that's about my question. Though I'm curious which other factors you think I may be lacking in. I know PE is multifaceted for most people, and wouldn't be surprised if nerves/panic are affecting it as well.

I haven't ejaculated rapidly since my first relationship when I was very young. So I'm curious if you are as old as Sigmund Freud himself, or if you are a younger guy. Young age and newness of sexual experiences can be a major factor too.

I've also sometimes wondered if guys like me who have had almost opposite problems sometimes might be able to help. I got too good at delaying. It's especially been an issue in new relationships where something just blocks up and there's no way I'm going to orgasm. It reminds me in a way of the effects of certain prescription medication I was subject to in the mid 1990s. In those situations it's always after a few times having sex in a new relationship that things have loosened up. I think it's some form of anxiety that causes it. It has not made sex better when it happens. I assure you of that. It's just a different problem at that stage.

Some guys describe solutions like pelvic muscle contractions or the reverse of that at the onset of orgasm. That's not at all what I do when I'm pacing and things are working normally.

I'll try to describe this. I just hold still. I breathe freely and I just hold everything in there still. I stop any thrusting. It's a kind of pacing. I have moments when I feel like I might be about to lose it, but I just don't let it go further. There's no contractions in the pelvic floor or perineum. I'm somehow making an effort to just hold everything still and relaxed.

I wish I could bottle it up for you guys who are struggling with these issues.

[Jason.bourne Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jason.bourne]

sounds like awesome progress, shame it doesn't translate. I'm still beginning so can't offer any advice other than you seem to have cracked one part of the equation and im sure you'll crack the rest.


out of interest, how did you get to 35min+ and how what was different between the tense pf and loose?


I seem to feel like i am tense all day no matter how many rk i perform all day long. but if i feel the BC area, it's soft and loose, until im at ponr when it is rock hard. So my confusion is, if it's tense why does it not feel tense outside of arousal? and what am i exactly trying to relax, if it already feels relaxed?

[SigmundFreud Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SigmundFreud]

I haven't ejaculated rapidly since my first relationship when I was very young. So I'm curious if you are as old as Sigmund Freud himself, or if you are a younger guy. Young age and newness of sexual experiences can be a major factor too.

I've also sometimes wondered if guys like me who have had almost opposite problems sometimes might be able to help. I got too good at delaying. It's especially been an issue in new relationships where something just blocks up and there's no way I'm going to orgasm. It reminds me in a way of the effects of certain prescription medication I was subject to in the mid 1990s. In those situations it's always after a few times having sex in a new relationship that things have loosened up. I think it's some form of anxiety that causes it. It has not made sex better when it happens. I assure you of that. It's just a different problem at that stage.

Some guys describe solutions like pelvic muscle contractions or the reverse of that at the onset of orgasm. That's not at all what I do when I'm pacing and things are working normally.

I'll try to describe this. I just hold still. I breathe freely and I just hold everything in there still. I stop any thrusting. It's a kind of pacing. I have moments when I feel like I might be about to lose it, but I just don't let it go further. There's no contractions in the pelvic floor or perineum. I'm somehow making an effort to just hold everything still and relaxed.

I wish I could bottle it up for you guys who are struggling with these issues.

Thats some good advice, I am on the younger and more inexperienced side so that most likely contributes.

I'll try to start relaxing more in sexual situations, i think I can get caught up in the whole pelvic floor training aspect while ignoring some of the larger issues at play, not to mention the ongoing anxiety that I likely won't last long. Tough to relax.

[SigmundFreud Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SigmundFreud]

I know how you feel dude... Iīve been there and itīs really frustrating. People have to realize that masturbating is just not the same as sex, even if you are using a fleshlight. And the progress and tricks that work solo donīt work with a girl. It took me years to realize this. I practiced solo and when I felt I had consistent success I would get with a girl and bust in 10 seconds. That made me feel like I had to start over again trying other things.

My first advice would be to always test yourself during real sex, the more the better. Thatīs the real playing field, solo progress just doesnīt mean shit. So have sex as often as you can even if you feel itīs frustrating and humiliating.

Since RKs donīt seem to work for you (like in my case) I would like you to try what I do which I posted in an extra thread. Practice it outside the bedroom so you get the sequence right and apply it during sex to see if you get a different result. You donīt have to wait months for it to show... you should notice a difference right after doing it.

Plus you donīt have to stop your other training if you donīt want to, you can give this a chance without it affecting your other progress.

Let me know how it went, if itīs possible with a real girl :P

Thanks for the advice! I'll try to step outside my comfort zone this month. My goal is to focus on arousal control similar to what you mentioned as RKs seem to be useless to me at this point. I'll try to keep you updated.

Also, do you have a link to that other thread you mentioned? I tried, but was unable to find it.

[SigmundFreud Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SigmundFreud]

sounds like awesome progress, shame it doesn't translate. I'm still beginning so can't offer any advice other than you seem to have cracked one part of the equation and im sure you'll crack the rest.


out of interest, how did you get to 35min+ and how what was different between the tense pf and loose?


I seem to feel like i am tense all day no matter how many rk i perform all day long. but if i feel the BC area, it's soft and loose, until im at ponr when it is rock hard. So my confusion is, if it's tense why does it not feel tense outside of arousal? and what am i exactly trying to relax, if it already feels relaxed?

Thanks for the encouragement.

What I did to make it to the 35 min mark was about 3 months of pelvic floor centered stretching, and general edging as are outlined in the MUST READ stickies. Towards the end, I also started making sure I was taking deep and rhythmic breaths as well as keeping my arousal level around a 4. (You can also find how to do this in the MUST READ stickies) That last part was what took me from the 20 minute range to going as long as I want solo.

My advice to you, is to
1. Read every article you can find on Reverse Kegeling, as chances are, you're doing it wrong. It took me about 4 different movements before I finally got it right.
2. Make sure to supplement the RKs with Kegels, especially if you start to feel things starting to get too loose in the rear pelvic floor. I'm fairly certain I tore something a bit not doing them.
3. Try making a list of the least to most arousing situations you could be in, and thinking of those when practicing. Starting with a slower speed, and going faster as you can handle it (No IKs). This will help you build a plateau you can work from.

[nomorepre Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close nomorepre]

Thanks for the advice! I'll try to step outside my comfort zone this month. My goal is to focus on arousal control similar to what you mentioned as RKs seem to be useless to me at this point. I'll try to keep you updated.

Also, do you have a link to that other thread you mentioned? I tried, but was unable to find it.

Here you go: https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...-work-but.html