Mental Problem?

[Catch22 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Catch22]

Guys. I think I'm pretty sure my problem is a mental thing.
I've been doing a lot of edging/self-exploration these past months and this week I noticed something very interesting.

I masturbated WITHOUT porn for the first time in a long time, and even using a fleshlight, I found that I couldn't ejaculate. I wasn't even trying any pelvic floor controlling exercises or anything.

I didn't have access to porn so decided to go without it. I prepped my fleshlight and began my session, mindful of the PONR. I found that I couldn't "catch" it. So I stopped reverse kegeling, and increased the pace. Still no PONR in sight. I started using my imagination more, thinking wilder and wilder fantasies. This went on for like 20 minutes at which point I was both surprised and frustrated; I wasn't "edging" anymore, I was using every physical and mental trick I have in the box to make myself reach PONR and still couldn't cum. 30 minutes. My dick was hurting, I couldn't go on anymore. I finally closed my eyes and imagined the hottest personal fantasy I could think of, kegeling like crazy, my breath shallow, my body stiff, my toes curled, I was doing all the "wrong" things for PE and still couldn't cum. As I focused more on my mental fanstasy, imagining the subtler and subtler details of it, I felt the PONR finally approaching. But as soon as I stopped or "lightened" the fantasies a bit my level of arousal would drop back down again, no matter how fast I was masturbating or how much I was kegeling. At this point I became 99% sure that my case was mental. It couldn't be physical - Here I was, doing all the "wrong" physical things and still not cumming.

I finally took out my phone and got the only porn I have on it - some lame clip I had from somewhere. I ejaculated within two minutes.

Decided to repeat the experiment yesterday; same results: without porn or other sexual imagery (including mental); I could go on forever. The more intense the imagery before me; the easier it was for me to hit the PONR. The physical factors such as kegeling changed very little if anything.

And today, at school I gave a girl a massage and kinda cuddled with another on my lap. Even giving the massage I had a hard-on and during the cuddling I actually had pre-cum in my pants a little. And at that moment I was absolutely sure that if we were to have sex right there and then I would cum in 2 or 3 pumps.

This is a huge finding for me. It tells me the problem is mostly mental: the more "real" the situation is for me, the easier it is for me to ejaculate. This factor seems to control 90% of my ejaculation response, things like kegels etc. seem to change very little if anything.

I keep reading people say; "don't try to keep your mind busy with other things, focus on the woman, be present, feel your body" But it seems like the more I do those things, the easier I cum.

Any insights?

[popol5169 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close popol5169]

Have a look at all the thread on porn inducing ED, and you will quickly understand how it may condition your mind for dependance and bad habits.

You have tried ONCE without porn, but to see changes you'll need weeks without any porn! Then your mind will progressively get fixed from the over visual stimulation of porn and you will start a sex life anew!

It's a difficult challenge but definitely worth the efforts.

Once you've done that I would suggest that you try masterbating without any sexual thoughts, just by feeling your hand and enjoy the motion in itself, but Minuteman will probably come over and tell you more about it. I'm not competent enough in this latter area.

[spw990w Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spw990w]

I have just posted in my thread I wonder if its a mental problem. Im not a heavy porn watcher but Im sure that watching porn will enhance ejaculation as you can see it in your head.

[SeratoBeats Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SeratoBeats]

Dude this is scary because you sound exactly like me.

I have to will myself to ejaculate sometimes when masterbating. Theres times where in the shower I masterbate for so long i lose all the hot water, I literally play every fantasy in my head to masterbate because i have been masterbating so long and eventually go limp at times lol its ridiculous.

As soon as I watch porn I am done within minutes even at a light stroke. Same with sex. Theres times where i pumped for 30 seconds and I exploded instantly, its so ridiculous and frustrating. Im trying to understand the problem too and i think its safe to say we are both equipped physically strong but there is something in our mind that is causing this. I think we have programmed our subconcious to do this when having sex, hell it can even be porn that triggerd it but My buddies are all horny porn freaks and have made all the same mistakes I have and dont seem to have this kind of problem.

Let me ask you some questions

a) Were you ever at any point like me where you could have sex as long as you wanted and never blow a load?
b) Have you ever had 1 random pre-ejaculation scene with a girl that triggerd this for every other time you had sex after this event?
c) Do you have anxiety, or lack confidence maybe not because of this issue but maybe other problems in your life?


The above is what pertains to me and I wouldnt be surprised if you have followed in the same footsteps I have.


When I am drunk theres no chance of me blowing a load, again I have to will myself.


Lately I have been trying work-arounds to this and its helped, look at my thread for this. The past 2 encounters were good, no PE but I did cheat a bit as I used a performax condom which de-sensitized my penis. One of them we did foreplay, i got her off she got me off and THEN we went for sex and I went on forever.

God forbid though if I jump right into sex, Im screwed, again, its quite ridiculous and mind boggling.

Ill have to give it another go, maybe I have gotten better but havent realizd it yet and I am just putting unecessary stress on myself.

I think you should just try not worrying too much about this. Relaxing and just enjoying the ride. One major problem I had was I was uptight and would always forget to breathe. I gurantee you if you slowed down your breathing and focused it when thrusting and focused on caressing her, kissing her, pulling her hair, and enjoying the sex more you will last longer.


Keep me posted dude and if you ever want to shoot the crap with me about this, shoot me a pm we can chat because trust me dude, we are very alike, I know what youre going through and how puzzling it is.

[Catch22 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Catch22]

Great post Serato. I agree, we sound very similar.

From our experiences, I'd say yeah, our problem most likely isn't physical. I'm not sure what might've caused this either, but let's try to find it so we can fight against it.

My answers to your questions:
a) No, I'm 22 years old, and just lost my virginity a few months ago. It was then that I realized I was a premature ejaculator and decided to fix it.

b) Like I said the first time I had sex was also the first time I ejaculated early, and even before that first act of sex, I remember I'd get hard-ons and even pre-cum in my pants just kissing girls. I was always INCREDIBLY excited when things got hot and heavy with girls.

c) I'd say yeah, definitely. I have a pretty troubled past, grew up as a fat, antisocial kid and never "fit in" or got any love or acceptance. I started to fix things only three years ago; and while nowadays I've improved my confidence and anxiety to a degree where I'd be considered "normal" or even "above average" in confidence and overall social skills (because I've worked on myself so hard, physically and mentally), some deep parts of me are still that old fat nerd. My inexperience with girls and my fear of getting sexual I'd say primarily. These things still scare the shit out of me and make me anxious as hell.

I've found that drinking lots of alcohol seems to fix almost ALL my problems in life (temporarily, of course). Under the influence of alcohol I become perfect with women, flirt easily, turn things sexual viciously, and everyone around me has a good time. I stop judging myself or the people around me, my hyperactive mind quiets, and everything flows with ease. All this tells me that once again, the primary problem seems to be the hyperactive, stressed, anxious mind.

I've never tried having sex while drunk but I assume it'd probably get rid of my Pre-E as well (again temporarily).

When you say "When I am drunk theres no chance of me blowing a load, again I have to will myself", do you mean during sex or just masturbation?

And yeah you feel free to PM me too, but let's keep our chats public as much as possible so others can benefit from the exchanges, as well as provide their own feedback.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Just to point out, the reason people last longer in the shower is because of the sensual distractions (like a hundred kisses) that don't allow your pleasurable sensations to focus just on one spot. But in general water has a great effect on the quality of the edging sessions. One of the more mindblowing edging sessions I while I had a bath, since the way water is the pleasure travels much faster over all of the body.

This is also one of the reason sex and porn don't have the same arousal types so to speak, no matter what you do a touch of another person (or in the showers case water) simply cannot be emulated by watching porn.

[PAWGHunter Member Find all posts View Profile Close PAWGHunter]

It's seems trying to delay ejaculation is like trying to fall asleep. You more you try the harder it gets.

[Catch22 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Catch22]

Okay, update:

NOW I'm almost totally sure my case is all mental. Masturbating I can go FOREVER. Literally I think I actually have DE without mental stimulation. I can't even cum if I want to, it's crazy.

But as I increase my mental stimulation more and more, it gets easier and easier for me to reach PONR.

Another thing I realized though was I wasn't even necessarily kegeling as I was getting close to PONR. My degree of arousal was increasing and I was getting really close to PONR and I focused my attention on my pelvic muscles and realized I wasn't even kegeling up until the point where I was actually ejaculating.

I also had moments during edging sessions where my mental stimulation was low, but I was still kegeling like crazy but still not getting ANY closer to PONR at all.

So for me, it's ALL about mental stimulation. Seeing the shape of the woman's body, seeing her feminine side, hearing her moans, hearing her talking dirty, it all gets me SO overexcited I can cum without even my dick touching anything.

I need to find ways to control this. What is recommended for the mental aspect here?

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...echniques.html

[pe_mystic Member Find all posts View Profile Close pe_mystic]

It is a LONG process, it has been a year since I quit porn, and you should also quit MIND porn. This is because after you quit normal porn you will just go to your own fantasies which can be even stronger since they are infinite. Even when you go to pure sensation, then you have to overcome that as it becomes pure feeling and thats kind of intense too. I'd say it takes 6 months off of porn and mental. I only quit mental last month so, by the end of the year I should be good.

[Catch22 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Catch22]

But how would that help us get less excited during sex?

I guess the idea is to forget the old "mental pattern" of focusing your mind so much in arousing input from the environment and instead "teaching" it to focus only on the sensation.

Have you gotten any success with this so far?

[X Black Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close X Black]

As I focused more on my mental fanstasy, imagining the subtler and subtler details of it, I felt the PONR finally approaching. But as soon as I stopped or "lightened" the fantasies a bit my level of arousal would drop back down again, no matter how fast I was masturbating or how much I was kegeling. At this point I became 99% sure that my case was mental. It couldn't be physical - Here I was, doing all the "wrong" physical things and still not cumming.

I would be curious to know what you do with your body while you stimulate your imagination this hard. Do you touch yourself while visualizing your sexy thoughts or what?

I keep reading people say; "don't try to keep your mind busy with other things, focus on the woman, be present, feel your body" But it seems like the more I do those things, the easier I cum.

Whoever tells you to feel your body is right. This is very easy from a point of view and confusing from another and I think you can probably discover the right way to feel your body only experimenting. As someone told me once: "the practice itself is the guide". Thing is that you need to be in control of your mind when directing it towards your sensations and not allow your sensations to take control of your mind if you know what I mean. You feel everything, every subtle sensation and muscular contraction but you're the one who moves his attention in his body.
It's a very subtle difference and sometimes you'll think you're in control of your mind, but you're not.
Experiment with this and I'm sure you'll find the balance.

[Catch22 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Catch22]

I would be curious to know what you do with your body while you stimulate your imagination this hard. Do you touch yourself while visualizing your sexy thoughts or what?

I was masturbating hard with a fleshlight the entire time. I realized that the physical stuff wasn't much of a factor in my arousal: the level of MENTAL stimulation was the driving force behind my orgasms.

Whoever tells you to feel your body is right. This is very easy from a point of view and confusing from another and I think you can probably discover the right way to feel your body only experimenting. As someone told me once: "the practice itself is the guide". Thing is that you need to be in control of your mind when directing it towards your sensations and not allow your sensations to take control of your mind if you know what I mean. You feel everything, every subtle sensation and muscular contraction but you're the one who moves his attention in his body.
It's a very subtle difference and sometimes you'll think you're in control of your mind, but you're not.
Experiment with this and I'm sure you'll find the balance.

You know, I THINK I know what you mean, but I'm still doubtful. This mental thing is wrecking me. I get so over-aroused by the experience of the girl so easily.

[X Black Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close X Black]

I was masturbating hard

I don't understand, if you were masturbating so hard during the mental stimulation what makes you think it's the mental part the problem? What piece of the puzzle am I missing?

[devon99 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close devon99]

I have the same problem also, masturbating with lube i have total control even if i stay a week withou ejaculate, with a girl i come in seconds... I'm thinking and do a reboot of 90 days without sex porn and masturbation but I'm with fear of loose what i get from the last six months of training and i read some testimonials with no changes in libido and ed. i think when I'm masturbate i last longer now, the problem is mental... anyone have done a successful reboot for premature ejaculation?