So Here I Am

[Stanwar Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Stanwar]

Hey everyone, I just need to share my situation with people that may understand, as I've been keeping my PE concerns in for about 4 months now and it is slowly killing me, so here it goes;

I'm 23 and recently met the most incredible girl, she is everything that I could ever want and more, we have been dating for about 4 months and all is going so well out of the bedroom, like we love spending time with each other. However in the bedroom is a different story, I have made her orgasm numerous times via fingering (primarily clitoral stimulation) and I have given her lots of oral sex, however when she reaches down to touch me I always move her hand away, because I don't want to embarrass myself. This is because I suffer from PE and the only time she ever touched my penis, I ejaculated after about 4 strokes, it was such a horrible feeling and I don't want it to happen again.

The issue is, after 4 months of dating, I know that sex is absolutely imminent and it hasn't happened yet, partly due to me not letting it and also partly due to the appropriate situation not arising. I am very scared that when she sees how bad a performer I am in terms of stamina, then our relationship days will be instantaneously numbered, and I couldn't begrudge her if she felt that way.

I have been a lifelong sufferer of PE, always since a young age, during masturbation I was confused how the ejaculation happened so fast, and due to the lack of sexual experience growing up, I have never seen it as an issue that can be / or is worth correcting. That was until I met my partner 4 months ago, and realised that something needed to be done to give this relationship any kind of longevity.

So since February, I have been all over the internet, trying to find out how I can improve myself, this is where I get so confused because I think that these online forums are the best places and yet I can't get a clear idea of exactly what to do. For example, one night I read that kegeling was the answer to PE (people saying they kegel for 45 mins etc.), so I started to kegels for a week or so, then I read that kegels knock your pelvic floor out of balance so don't do them and focus on reverse kegeling instead etc.

I've also tried delay condoms, and delay sprays, whilst these marginally improve my performance, during masturbation I've realised that they wouldn't do a thing for me in the bedroom, also they are what I see as a "quick fix" which I don't think is substantial enough.

The one thing that I have been doing for about a week now is this "edging", I'm not sure that I am doing it right, but I have read many success stories with it.

So in summary to give you an idea of where I am now (other than a psychological mess);

• I last approximately 2 minutes (maximum on masturbation with no lubricant or visual/audio stimulation)
• I want to be able to last 10 minutes during sex (I don't think that this is an unreasonable amount of time for a man to last during sex, even though you see people on the internet saying they "only last 15 minutes" which is kind of depressing)
• For about a week, I have not ejaculated in less than 10 minutes from the start of masterbation, I masturbate, let the orgasm feeling subside and then resume for a couple of minutes before starting again.
• I'm not sure where my PE problem stems from, but I do think I have an issue with getting an erection way to easily which I need to sort out ASAP

So here I am, and I guess what I am after is a bit of reassurance, advice on what can I realistically do in my situation, shall I carry on edging? Will this change my life? How long do you have to edge for to notice any improvement? Are these success stories real? Does anyone have a similar plight to me with regards to a new girlfriend etc.?

I would appreciate absolutely any response that I get, but just typing this has taken a weight off of my shoulders, I'm not sure I am in the right place but if so I will move it ASAP. Thanks guys.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Hi there Stanwar ! Nicely written post.


It is quiet around here right now, so go ahead and pleasure yourself by exploring the different areas of the forum. Give the place a few hours, and other people will try to help. Or at least I hope so.

Regards,
Dangler

[Griff99 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Griff99]

By no means am I an expert on this, as I am in the same boat as you but I would follow JamesMonroe's advice on this forum and do strictly Reverse Kegels and Death Grip.

**I have not cured my PE but this is the route I have seen the most improvement with, just a suggestion.

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

By no means am I an expert on this, as I am in the same boat as you but I would follow JamesMonroe's advice on this forum and do strictly Reverse Kegels and Death Grip.

**I have not cured my PE but this is the route I have seen the most improvement with, just a suggestion.

That's if u have good EQ and you are careful with the DG.
Good luck.

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

I also suggest dry ballooning/rubbing of your sweet spots. You might have a hidden one so you have to explore your penis very well.

[X Black Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close X Black]

So in summary to give you an idea of where I am now (other than a psychological mess);

• I last approximately 2 minutes (maximum on masturbation with no lubricant or visual/audio stimulation)
• I want to be able to last 10 minutes during sex (I don't think that this is an unreasonable amount of time for a man to last during sex, even though you see people on the internet saying they "only last 15 minutes" which is kind of depressing)
• For about a week, I have not ejaculated in less than 10 minutes from the start of masterbation, I masturbate, let the orgasm feeling subside and then resume for a couple of minutes before starting again.
• I'm not sure where my PE problem stems from, but I do think I have an issue with getting an erection way to easily which I need to sort out ASAP

So here I am, and I guess what I am after is a bit of reassurance, advice on what can I realistically do in my situation, shall I carry on edging? Will this change my life? How long do you have to edge for to notice any improvement? Are these success stories real? Does anyone have a similar plight to me with regards to a new girlfriend etc.?

I would appreciate absolutely any response that I get, but just typing this has taken a weight off of my shoulders, I'm not sure I am in the right place but if so I will move it ASAP. Thanks guys.

Hey man,
so first of all I think you'll make it.

You sound determined, have clear goals and especially a strong motivation.

Going back to training, I'm trying to understand a couple of things.
You say you edge for 10 minutes, letting the arousal subside when getting close to the PONR.

How often have you been doing this for? How often do you ejaculate? Can you feel your arousal patterns while you edge? Can you predict when the PONR is arriving?

Also, have you paid any attention to your pelvic floor muscles? How do they behave while you edge? Do they tend to contract a lot while you are nervous or stressed?


D.

[minute_man Member Find all posts View Profile Close minute_man]

I really feel for you Stanwar. Im similar to you in the sense that I began looking online for a cure after receiving a wake up call. Only difference is your wake up call is your girlfriend and disappointing her, my wake up call is the thought of getting a gf and disappointing her, as in i don't have a SO currently. I've had terrible PreE since I started masturbating and it never occurred to me that it may cause me serious relationship problems in my future until recently.

Like X Black mentions, how does your pelvic floor respond when you begin masturbation/sex? Do you feel involuntary spasms/kegels? That is probably what's bringing yo so close to the edge so fast.

Anyway stick to those reverse kegels and edging/ballooning, that's what is going to help you improve and eventually beat this. That's what I've been doing for the last 7 weeks since I started and I've seen massive improvements in wanking sessions.

I wish you the best of luck dude.

cheers

[Stanwar Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Stanwar]

Hey man,
so first of all I think you'll make it.

You sound determined, have clear goals and especially a strong motivation.

Going back to training, I'm trying to understand a couple of things.
You say you edge for 10 minutes, letting the arousal subside when getting close to the PONR.

How often have you been doing this for? How often do you ejaculate? Can you feel your arousal patterns while you edge? Can you predict when the PONR is arriving?

Also, have you paid any attention to your pelvic floor muscles? How do they behave while you edge? Do they tend to contract a lot while you are nervous or stressed?


D.

Yeah so my edging sessions are 10 minutes long minimum, and I will ejaculate at the end of each one, is this unreasonable, as I read somewhere that ejaculating every day was not good for PE and you should at the end of an edging session just not ejaculate, and return for normal life.

I've been doing this now for about a week and I am making a diary of like what point I get to before I have to stop the first time (it has consistently been around 3 minutes, however yesterday when I did 2 edging sessions, one after another, my first "stop time" came at around 9 minutes which was impressive but it's still probably not a realistic reflection of where I am at)

I probably ejaculate everyday, I don't understand what arousal patterns are? However if I start masturbation with an erection (i.e. I'm already very aroused probably about a 7 on the scale that people talk about) then it is over much quicker. I think I can successfully predict when the PONR is going to arrive but I am unsure what to do about it.

I don't understand what an involuntary kegel is, is it when I'm there with an erection, the penis will flick up on it's own? If so I get this quite a lot, not sure if this has anything to do with the problem.

I think kegels are definitely exercises I need to employ soon, but I'm not sure whether I should do reverse or normal, I feel I can hold a strong normal kegel for a while, even though I can't work out how it stops me ejaculating. I can only fully utilise a reverse kegel when urinating, I don't think I'm doing them right at all other times.

So I guess my main issues are;

• Should I be ejaculating (more than) once a day or shall I edge every single day and only ejaculate on alternate days?
• I know when the PONR is on it's way as I've found myself stopping masterbation long before it actuallly arrives, i.e. I'm not on the limit when I cease masturbation
• Am I getting strong involuntary kegels or are they normal penis movements experienced during arousal?
• If this is my issue and I need to start balancing my floor, what kegels should I be doing and when do I deploy each form of kegel during masturbation/sex?

Finally I need to say thank you to X Black (and everyone else that has responded), just seeing someone other than me take an interest in my problem is great and to see the words "I think you'll make it" is so uplifting.

[Jm123 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Jm123]

^Rock you like a hurricane

The bitch is hungry she needs to tell
So give her inches and feed her well
More days to come, new places to go
I've got to leave it's time for a show

Couldn't resist I love that song, and it works perfectly in this situation considering the thread title.

[minute_man Member Find all posts View Profile Close minute_man]

Yes those penis 'flicks' are caused by kegels, and if they happen too often then they are part of the problem, and possibly the cause. I would recommend doing reverse kegels for now, and incorporate regular kegels in the future. The reverse kegels are what will help ease those involuntary spasms, which is why you should focus on those for now.

People generally recommend you form a kegel/reverse kegel routine outside of sex/masturbation, but in my experience doing some reverse kegels during masturbation helps a lot.

[MapleLeaflet Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MapleLeaflet]

Your issue can be surely cured over time. Here is the set of the first few steps to help in your situation:

1. Stop watching porn (completely).
2. Stop masturbating (completely - you do not need it with the girlfriend).
3. Have the first-time sex with your girlfriend and do not worry for how long you will last. Before sex, just tell her:
- that you feel very nervous,
- that you did not have sex for a long time (which is like never, I assume, but there is not need to tell her that),
- (optional) that you are a virgin and she is your first one - it is probably better not to tell that (being a male virgin is not a virtue for many, if not most, women),
- that she makes you extremely horny and overexcited because she is so hot,
- that you really want to make love to her because you have strong feelings for her, and
- that you are very afraid you are not going to last very long because of all the above.
4. During sex, do not think about how long you will last (two seconds or a few minutes), but concentrate on her and your sensations and try just enjoying it.
5. After the first round of sex, do the second one, then the third one, the fourth, and so on. Assuming you have good EQ (I suppose you are young, horny and healthy?), you will be able to get it up fairly fast. If not, do not worry. See items 1 and 2 above to improve your EQ.
6. If you relax about your performance or non-performance and try to focus on your ability to last and maintain strong EQ during sex, you will see fast improvements over time.
7. Talk to your girlfriend and ask her to assist you in reducing your premature ejaculation issue. There are good techniques for couples that you can easily find online and in books. They should work much better than solo edging-based techniques.

Good luck.

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Hi Stanwar. nice and concise post. I agree with Meapleaf on the steps to take. I can tell you something else from a female perspective. First of ll you need to talk to your girl, she has hanged out for 4 months which indicates she has feelings for you, if she only wanted a hook up, she would have moved on already. So assuming this talk to her and explain she is very hot and you are anxious. You will be amazed how much she can help you. How do I know this? Me and the Mr. went through the same deal when we were dating. He was super sensitive and had a hair trigger but he took care o me other ways until he built the stamina. It will actually bring you closer if you can wok through this together and I think she would. I am sure by now she figured out something is the matter she just doesn't know if is you or her. Keep doing your PEGym routine to hep your blood circulation and all that, the Mr and I do well and have been together for 22+ years. Good luck and feel free to PM with any questions. Just chill this will pass an you will do great. seem like you have a keeper on your girl communicate, you will see things will be fine.

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

I have done and still so some RK's during masturbariin but learned rat they shouldn't be done HARD while doing full strokes and head rubbing or during thrusting/penetrating during sex because it trains your body/penis the wrong way because it causes to ejac faster. Only do HARD ones when u stop stimulation/penetration and/or exit vagina for a second.

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

...other than that you should eventually be holding a very light RK during sex THE WHOLE TIME. With time, strength and practice it will be possible.

[frisson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close frisson]

Also, I'm not sure if anyone here has mentioned already, but you should physically exercise outside of PE. You sound like you're headed down the right road, though.