Still no progress. Need some advice

[johnhandcock Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close johnhandcock]

I have been kegeling and edging for awhile now. I usually go for 45mins if I have the time and usually I can go for longer. I've also been practicing with my fleshlight and I can go as long as I want with that, but no matter how hard I try I always feel myself getting close within 1minute during sexual intercourse. Tonight I had sex with my girlfriend and felt fine, my arousal was under control and I was able to relax my pelvic floor muscles but then all of a sudden the PONR occurred and it was all over...
I always finish my girl off afterwards so she isn't fussed about my PE but I really want to bang for longer.

Is it my arousal? Am I meant to be tensing my pelvic floor muscles? How do kegels help? Im still confused about all these concepts.
Also with reverse kegel, is it okay to use my diaphgram to help? Or should the action be focused solely on the pelvic floor muscles

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Get into Reverse Kegels. Doing RK's relaxes your PC Muscle. When you flex your PC Muscle, or it flexes involuntarily, it cause Pre-E.

[johnhandcock Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close johnhandcock]

Yes I haven't been too great on reverse kegels but Ill do them more often now. I guess last night was due to involuntary flexing but still... I always tense it during fleshlight play and still seem to be able to go as long as I want. Im thinking its also an arousal thing

[alyssatrans82 Member Find all posts View Profile Close alyssatrans82]

go slower. no quickies and focus on her to start. Initiate penetration at least 20 mins into sexual contact. Women secretly like when you cum fast because they feel sexy. But everytime? It becomes questionable if its her in her mind (even if it is a 'my gf is fucking hot' arousal thing)

You are in control with the fleshlight, is also a factor. You lose a lot of control in sex. and you want to..fight this feeling by telling yourself you want to feel this feeling for 20 mins.

Reverse kegel however you do comfortably. Put weeks and weeks into it, and it may help along with a refocus of your mental frame.

[johnhandcock Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close johnhandcock]

Thanks for the responses. This may also just be an inexperience thing, because in the past I have gone for long periods, my longest being about 30minutes. I've been more strict on my kegels now, making sure to relax between reverse and normal, and doing them more often during the day.
I'm glad my girlfriend has been so understanding because its really disapointing to be so quick in the bed

[rednaell Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rednaell]

Hi john. Don

[rednaell Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rednaell]

upSS SORRY

Hi John , Don`t worry to much about it. This is a normal thing, you have noting wrong about it. It is a matter of learning knowledge and practice. Nature made us all that way, some of them like us want to learn to make the session longer to satisfy our partners as much as possible and some others don`t care about it. I`m in the same boat as you are. I`m trying to learn and practice. Some time ago I use to come quickly even when masturbating, however now I can last long as much as I want when edging etc. In bed it is a different story however. Usually the trusting thing inside her makes me kegel involuntary. So the question is why only during penetration? Why the sensation is so intense? How to calm down? Deep breathing and holding in for 3 seconds makes me last longer, one time last week I managed banged for a 45min non stop. Wow that sensation was awesome, However although I retried to reapply the same conditions for the next session I did not manage to have the same performance and was so disappointed ! At the moment I`m in the process of trying to replicate all the things I`v done during and most importantly before the good sessions I had because consistency is a problem.

[johnhandcock Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close johnhandcock]

Hey rednaell
I've improved significantly since my last post. I consistently last 15mins+ now and can continue even after ejaculating. I'm not sure what it is, but i've basically applied everything I've learnt into my own interpretation and can now orgasm 2-3times during sex, and continue afterwards. It's really great and I agree deep breathing works well, as well as thinking about something else. I find that if I am kegeling involuntarily, it isn't a problem unless im at about an 8 or 9 arousal. I try and maintain a 7 during sex which means my erections aren't as hard as they can be but I'm able to get my girlfriend to orgasm.

I've been lucky, and i've been dedicated, practicing with my fleshlight in a missionary position has helped me understand and control involuntary kegels. Also frequent sex with my partner has been a huge factor in building my confidence

Good luck to all I hope you can be as successful as I was.

One last note, I do get close to the PONR very early on during sex, but I slow down, breathe deeply and kegel hard and usually i'll spasm but won't fully orgasm. After that point my arousal will drop rapidly and generally I can keep it low by thinking about other things and focusing on my breathing.

[rednaell Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close rednaell]

Hi john,
Glad you are doing well.
2-3times you mean without loosing erection in between ?

[johnhandcock Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close johnhandcock]

Yes, I am even ejaculating those times so I'm not sure if this is just a periodical thing or something i've learnt to do, but otherwise I'm continuing it because it works for me Even after masturbating and having a great orgasm, I stay quite hard for about 5minutes and can even continue to masturbate and feel like I haven't cummed yet. If I continue stimulation my erection will remain

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

i say drop the reg kegels, do rev kegels only, try to edge with dry tighter grip longer and longer, drop the porn, drop the fleshlight for a while. I think your problem is that your girls cooch is too much for your penis. you need to train your penis to handle more and different and harder stimulation. the porn, lube, reg kegels, fleshlight and light touching is prob making u hyper-sensitive. Just my thoughts and experience. you may be different. good luck.