My PE story and how I should start fighting it

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Well speaking of intercourse there were no real changes to my performance prior to my start here and so to say I never had "good" sessions. But the "normal" sessions would be around 2 Minutes I guess. During the last 3 or 4 times spread over the last 2 weeks I was closer to PONR when starting penetration before thrusting and I think it went worse from one session to another. Additionally I do get the feeling things get faster the less foreplay and accomodation is involved but I am not sure if this is the reason.

My gf and I talked about the premE issue lately and I asked if she noticed any difference during the last months. And she told me she does get the feeling regarding the last 4 years I would have been able to last longer in the past before around march/april this year. Interestingly this was the time when I started working out and loosing weight, generally got healthier lifestyle and with it an enormous boost of libido. Before that I had lower libido but nevertheless we had a lot more sexual activity and I sometimes even had to be talked into.

The thing about premature ejaculation is that you need the gradual approach with edging and sex. In other words for edging many people make the mistake of being aggressive from the start and not allowing the erection to fully manifest, it is the same with sex to some point in that you need the foreplay so that you can acclimate (and accommodate) to it. You will need this for quite some time.

Also you need to start to notice your arousal better and learn to spread it all over your body and not just around your pelvic floor. One of the better ways to do this is to focus the foreplay on her, in some way it is the same as looking a porn and not mastubating but allowing the feeling of arousal to take over as much as it can. While it it correct that you need to control the arousal with breathing you also need to allow the arousal to spread and then control it if there is the need.

Read
https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...-response.html
and
https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...echniques.html
and also
www.pegym.com/forums/premature-ejaculation-forum/51222-minutemans-3day-routine.html


to get to know the ways you can observe, control and condition to the arousal.

While at this point it may sound counter intuitive it would be a good idea to keep on with that you are doing since you might be simply in the adjusting phase of your progress but it is up to you.

[EarlyMatt Member Find all posts View Profile Close EarlyMatt]

Thank you MM. I read those threads several times in the past and followed most of the advices.

Regarding edging I am always very gradual. I start very slowly and usually feel my arousal is built up gradually as well unlike during partnered sexual activities. The fact that I am able to stay at plateau while edging with whatever pace, position or kind of stimulation I chose for nearly as long as I wish after having backed off the first PONR may be a sign that during sex I get overwhelmed from mental stimulation. That is probably the psychological part of it. The physiological part is still those hard upcoming front IKs that I don't get during edging anymore but still during sex. They are so strong and tense up my muscles in a way that makes it impossible for me to neither relax, nor do any RKs or even conscious Kegels.

While at this point it may sound counter intuitive it would be a good idea to keep on with that you are doing since you might be simply in the adjusting phase of your progress but it is up to you.

I will of course keep on doing my routines. I am not about to give up but am very pleased to get any further advice or suggestions. After my work of the last months I don't think unbalanced or weak pelvic floor is the major issue anymore at the moment but there is still tension and so I might change the focus a little in favour to stretching rather than strengthening.

But for sure you're right MM, arousal itself seems to be a big part of my problem when it comes to partnered actions.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Thank you MM. I read those threads several times in the past and followed most of the advices.

Regarding edging I am always very gradual. I start very slowly and usually feel my arousal is built up gradually as well unlike during partnered sexual activities. The fact that I am able to stay at plateau while edging with whatever pace, position or kind of stimulation I chose for nearly as long as I wish after having backed off the first PONR may be a sign that during sex I get overwhelmed from mental stimulation. That is probably the psychological part of it. The physiological part is still those hard upcoming front IKs that I don't get during edging anymore but still during sex. They are so strong and tense up my muscles in a way that makes it impossible for me to neither relax, nor do any RKs or even conscious Kegels.



I will of course keep on doing my routines. I am not about to give up but am very pleased to get any further advice or suggestions. After my work of the last months I don't think unbalanced or weak pelvic floor is the major issue anymore at the moment but there is still tension and so I might change the focus a little in favour to stretching rather than strengthening.

But for sure you're right MM, arousal itself seems to be a big part of my problem when it comes to partnered actions.

You are also overwhelmed by sensations you don't have while edging. It is a completely different thing when somebody else touches you, when you feel the smell, sound of other. You need to work with her on those, and the best way to overcome them (as far as I know) is to get used to those sensations.

The mental part while important is a trap on itself, more often than not people will focus to much on the psychological part and that will trap them in a sort of cycle, while I agree that you should look into arousal etc pay little heed for other mental aspects.

One of the method of overcoming premE mentally is to rob it of its power over you. It's power over you isn't that you ejaculate early or late, it is the fear, anxiety worryness etc that surrounds it. In other words accept that you have premature ejaculation, acknowledge it and simply move on (the simply part is not as simple it is how it works).

That is why here we mostly focus on fixing premature ejaculation in itself (bar some more problematic or better defined psychological aspects) via physical methods.

The other way that I use is to simply make your sessions as pleasurable as possible it doesn't matter how long it last but try and enjoy it. Try to enjoy each and every process as honest as you can. Your body and your mind always move to accommodate you (yes in that light it means that you want to ejaculate prematurely and while this is not easy to hear at some level it is true). As you get to enjoy it more and more and as the pleasure starts being your primary goal your body will help you last longer since you want to feel good longer.

Combine both of those ways in order to benefit as much as you can on the psychological field.

Also:

I also urge you to explore your problem with your partner as much as you can since that is simply the fastest way in your situation.

The things you should also do is carefully observe the things that your edging session and sex session have in common, try and find something that is similar in them and make that your base of progress. Similarly try and see what is different for you between sex and edging try and see what is really the thing that drives you over the edge with her.

Lastly spend time with her in a same way you should spend time getting to know your own body. Learn to relax when she is near you and naked etc. That doesn't mean that you should take her for granted in the negative way but in some way you should see her as you see your own naked body. Try to understand yourself better trough her.

During sex try to focus on her (while from time to time just observing and taking note of your own state) try to lose yourself in her. I know that all this may sound esoteric but it has its psychological parallels in that your observe her far to much as somebody that is not you and in some deep level you reject and fear her. While this is not as blatant as it seems there is a little bit of it in probably everybody and it also has to do with trust.

If I could put all the suggestions concerning premature ejaculation and sex and your partner it would be:

She is your cure.



The one thing you should be also aware is that you are in enviable position in comparison to many out there in a way that you know what your problem is. I remember before I came here how frustrated and confused I was not knowing just why do I ejaculate so fast, not knowing what is happening, knowing really is the half of the battle.

So don't take your apparent problematic period as a failure but as a stepping stone to your success.

In the end try to enjoy the process as much as you can. You really can't go wrong with enjoyment and pleasure (at least that is my view of it all).

[EarlyMatt Member Find all posts View Profile Close EarlyMatt]

Great advice and sounds similar to what my girl said about it. She wondered if I might stress too much about the issue now that I am working on and thinking about it all the time and performed better when I just didn't care and were less concerned.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

Have you started applying tighter grip, heavier faster strokes while edging?
What mm and you yourself have outlined sounds like the biggest problem but also in addition to this taking your solo edging up a notch may be a big help.
I assume you don't have an stu or similar, but starting a more intense edging session ( within your limitations) by doing the above is as good as.

[EarlyMatt Member Find all posts View Profile Close EarlyMatt]

Further observation on my IKs
Two different things happened this weekend. First of all I read this thread from a new member and in it this very interesting post by Minuteman. Guccimayne1986 describes his problem in a very similar way to the way how I feel about it.

The same evening I was lying in bed with my girl naked but in non sexual circumstances and we talked a little and she grabbed my flaccid which she does quite often just for fun. Whenever she does that she also performs some „pumps“ with her full hand and squeezes my unit. This time she asked me what I am doing down there and I answered that I don’t do anything conciously. So we observed this and she was right. Whenever she squeezed my penis responded with a strong front IK like a reflex 100% of the times and even after being aware of it there was no chance for me to keep it back. Interestingly this doesn’t happen when I do the exact same thing.

Those IKs (or SIKs referring to Minutemans post) are the ones that get me so close to PONR prior to getting started with anything really sexual and are giving me the feeling that my shaft is always preloaded at the point where my erection reaches it’s maximum hardness.

I don’t get this kind of IKs during edging and this is the reason why I can have really good edging sessions but get different results when it comes to partnered actions.

My conclusion:
I was trying to reproduce those IKs but I simply can’t. It’s like trying to tickle my own feet. It seems like they only show up when I am stimulated by anyone or anything other than me. During penetration it’s the exact same thing happening. The stimulation comes from something else than me and therefore those (S)IKs show up with the movements. Getting rid of this reflex would be a huge step in the right direction. Then I would only have to deal with the softer IKs in the perineum which I can control much better like during my edging sessions.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

I am glad that you are using the experience from other logs to find your own solutions. Many members here have the same problem or have the exact opposite problem and this makes it a fertile ground for cooperation between those members, and as with your partner, having a person who is in the similar situation share the experience with you further increases the chance of fixing this problem trough cooperation.

Good observation, your partner is getting more and more useful in this. And it also pointed out to another interesting thing. There is a difference between SIK and a sort of habitual IKs you are having when she does that. SIK usually occur PONR but these that you have are because of some bad habit you have.

IKs are not enough explored area and there are probably more types of IK than just AIK and SIK. Your right now looks more like a type of IK that is happening because of your partner since you said that you don't notice these while you edge by yourself, this points to the fact that they then are not SIK since SIK almost always occur and mostly do occur at the same time (near or approaching PONR).

So those habitual IKs are some sort of habit you have that is either created or it is a response that you are in danger so you try to tug in and avoid, since on some unconscious level you don't trust your partner which when it comes to that sensitive area is not that much odd. This all is just a theory, as well as AIK and SIK so take it with a grain of salt.

Anyway a great observation by both you and your partner.

Spending more intimate (not necessary sexual but also that) time with your partner is probably the only way to get over those IKs (which ever type they are) since they are connected to a presence of another person, so the only way to overcome them is to overcome them with that person.

Those IKs (or SIKs referring to Minutemans post) are the ones that get me so close to PONR prior to getting started with anything really sexual and are giving me the feeling that my shaft is always preloaded at the point where my erection reaches it’s maximum hardness.

Here is an idea for an experiment. Try to get an erection when your partner is not there and then get her to come and proceed to foreplay, maybe it will show some differences, it might be worth a try.