Pre-E is really breaking me down.. desperate for help

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

Hi there guys and girls,

I registered yesterday and introduced myself in another topic. Today I decided to start this thread, where I will explain what's going on. Please don't watch my grammar too much, English isn't my first language.

History of puberty, masturbating
I'll just start from the beginning.. close to the moment where puberty hit me, I started developing sexual thoughts and acts. It started with just some innocent fantasizing, exploring my body, looking at illustrations in biology books etc. I remember masturbating when I wasn't even able to ejaculate. When puberty hit me, the exploring, fantasizing, excitements and also masturbating became more over time. I learned myself to have a quick orgasm in order to no get caught or anything, but still have one. I noticed that, when I contracted my penis (PC muscle) it felt way better and it would get me off faster. So I continued to do this in order to get off quickly without being caught. When I got a little older, like 14.. I started watching porn and masturbate to that in the same manner. I would get very excited and tense very fast, have a wank and pull the pants back up.

History of sex
So.. in the meantime I started to develop more muscle, deeper voice, armpit hair etc. and I also got something I never wished for: acne. It pretty much destroyed all my confidence to talk to girls et cetera. Eventually growing a little older, more confident and 17 years old I got into a relationship. I literally was getting hard when we kissed or touched or anything. I was so obsessed with having a girlfriend, kissing, getting sex and all that before that almost everything got me rock hard. Not long until we had sex and I found out that I was terrible at it. I would literally blow my load before I even got in the first time. I thought it would get better over time..

Situation now
So here I am now, 21 years old, had some relationships, had alot of sex during (if you can call it that) and still suffering from bad Pre-E. I'm in a relationship for 2 years now. The sex started the same way every time. We would kiss a little bit (not so much aroused), then we kiss a little heavier (i feel blood pumping into my penis and hart rate going up a little), we will touch and get naked (seriously rock hard boner and heart rate is up), then she wants to masturbate me a bit, but I always try not to let her because I will cum in a matter of seconds-minute and leaving her not penetrated. In order to leave my girl satisfied I did a longer foreplay on her and when I penetrate her, I would just thrust very hard in order to make her cum. Still, I come within the first 5 seconds to a minute depending on ??.

Also: Sometimes my girl wants me to start penetrating her, but she isn't wet enough for my penis to get inside. My penis is about 7,1" in length and 6,1" in girth and when I try to penetrate her, my frenulum gets stretched (not circumcised) too hard which also makes me kegel real hard and almost cum instantly and there is so much friction, which I cannot bare.

Me and the forum
I have read the stickies, been lurking around and tried some things, but because there is such a variety of causes and fixes I don't know what to do anymore. I think its good to know what causes my Pre-E, so I read about that. Here is my conclusion:
! -Poor masturbation habits (fast and kegeling to cum even faster) -> Definitely
-Tense pelvic floor -> Not sure about this one, it doesn't feel tensed all day, just when anything sexual happens.
-Rushing to PONR -> Maybe I did sometimes, but I definitely love sex itself more then the orgasm so I guess this is not the problem.
! -Imbalanced Pelvic floor -> Probably because of kegeling while masturbating and not reverse kegeling
! -Over sensitivity -> Not sure, I think not. I can easy touch the head of my penis, a tight grip on the base is sensitive though. But oversensitive?
! -Arousal problems -> Definitely. I get aroused fast in sexual acts or when I look at a girls ass or tits, I would fantasize and get aroused.
! -Performance anxiety -> Depends, but yes. Sometimes I would feel great, but lately things got worse. Sex drive is getting down because I feel like I can't satisfy my own and her needs.
-General poor fitness -> No, I work out 4 times a week. I have gained muscle over the last two years and I watch my diet in order to build muscle.
-Neurotransmitter imbalance -> Seem to have some signs of high histamine , but not much. So I guess not.
! -Frenulum breve -> Really dont know.. when erect my foreskin is a little bit behind my glans. I can pull a bit, but then my glans will bend downward.

! are problably the most important (I think).

With these causes in mind, I seriously don't know where to start*. Do I start increasing masturbating or, edging, ballooning, controlling arousel, reverse kegeling, visit the doctor or god knows what?

* I did already cut the porn out. So much regret..

Along with that, how do I combine the different techniques with sex with my girl? It not that I can say to her: I need to control my Pre-E, we can't have sex anymore till I fixed it. She has sexual desires to.


Please, help me. I can't see myself living with Pre-E in the future. Not anymore..

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Well written, I will try my best to clarify a few things and give you some ideas to where you might want to proceed from here.


Tension - one can really be sure if he isn't tensed after some times passes while doing either a pelvic floor routine or a reverse kegel only routine sometimes even some deep squat stretching can show it. The point is that more often than not new members have a tense pelvic floor and basically you can't go wrong if you assume it.

Imbalanced pelvic floor - It might not be as imbalanced as many thing, usually it is tension that masks the degree of imbalance.

Arousal problems - here you will need some arousal conditioning and arousal control. In other words trough edging you should get used to high arousal states when you are alone if you are to be able to do it with a partner.

Performance anxiety - This is affecting you but more in the general anxiety department.

With regards to your partner you need to explain to her your condition, so that she can understand it. Basically what she needs (if she doesn't know yet) is understanding that it isn't her fault and that it isn't your fault (in sense that you just want to satisfy your self and don't care about her). The best way to do that is to explain to her that because you are so much aroused you can't last long and that you need to take things very slowly during sex. Tell her that you need to assume more control during sex etc.

Knowing this might prove crucial because one of the absolutely best ways of fixing premature ejaculation problems is an patient and understanding partner that is willing to work with you.

One of the things that you must also do is get used to her presence, spend more time with her naked and close, when you begin the intercourse and after foreplay just enter her and don't move your hips just stay like that and enjoy the moment. During that time start making out with her but sill be sure not to move. Then after some time slowly begin to move your hips just a little and with as little force, just like your breath.

Your partner wont mind since this can be a very sensual experience for both.What you need to do here is control both her and you so that you don't go to fast.

The other thing you need to do is to stay with her after ejaculation (in case you are not) and relax and simply enjoy the sensations while being near her (or ideally while you are still embraced). Learn to be with her as you can be with yourself.

You can also try to ejaculate either the day before the sex, or some time before the sex on the same day.

This is for the sex part. Now on to the solo part.

Edging is definitely something that should be a part of your plan. The idea is to reach the 25-45 minute edging duration by trying to last a little bit longer than the last time you edge. For clarification edging is masturbating with a goal in mind that is other than ejaculation, but can include ejaculation.

As for the pelvic floor routine for now it might be a good idea to spend time focusing edging until you can learn more about yourself and your body trough edging.

But what you should do is start deep squat stretches as described in the video and also be sure to read the first post and try out other stretches and find the one best suiting you.

See this post for more ideas and information.

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

Well written, I will try my best to clarify a few things and give you some ideas to where you might want to proceed from here.


Tension - one can really be sure if he isn't tensed after some times passes while doing either a pelvic floor routine or a reverse kegel only routine sometimes even some deep squat stretching can show it. The point is that more often than not new members have a tense pelvic floor and basically you can't go wrong if you assume it.

Imbalanced pelvic floor - It might not be as imbalanced as many thing, usually it is tension that masks the degree of imbalance.

Arousal problems - here you will need some arousal conditioning and arousal control. In other words trough edging you should get used to high arousal states when you are alone if you are to be able to do it with a partner.

Performance anxiety - This is affecting you but more in the general anxiety department.

With regards to your partner you need to explain to her your condition, so that she can understand it. Basically what she needs (if she doesn't know yet) is understanding that it isn't her fault and that it isn't your fault (in sense that you just want to satisfy your self and don't care about her). The best way to do that is to explain to her that because you are so much aroused you can't last long and that you need to take things very slowly during sex. Tell her that you need to assume more control during sex etc.

Knowing this might prove crucial because one of the absolutely best ways of fixing premature ejaculation problems is an patient and understanding partner that is willing to work with you.

One of the things that you must also do is get used to her presence, spend more time with her naked and close, when you begin the intercourse and after foreplay just enter her and don't move your hips just stay like that and enjoy the moment. During that time start making out with her but sill be sure not to move. Then after some time slowly begin to move your hips just a little and with as little force, just like your breath.

Your partner wont mind since this can be a very sensual experience for both.What you need to do here is control both her and you so that you don't go to fast.

The other thing you need to do is to stay with her after ejaculation (in case you are not) and relax and simply enjoy the sensations while being near her (or ideally while you are still embraced). Learn to be with her as you can be with yourself.

You can also try to ejaculate either the day before the sex, or some time before the sex on the same day.

This is for the sex part. Now on to the solo part.

Edging is definitely something that should be a part of your plan. The idea is to reach the 25-45 minute edging duration by trying to last a little bit longer than the last time you edge. For clarification edging is masturbating with a goal in mind that is other than ejaculation, but can include ejaculation.

As for the pelvic floor routine for now it might be a good idea to spend time focusing edging until you can learn more about yourself and your body trough edging.

But what you should do is start deep squat stretches as described in the video and also be sure to read the first post and try out other stretches and find the one best suiting you.

See this post for more ideas and information.

Thanks for your response! Already gave me some more confidence about solving the problem. I'm really excited to start working on it.

I explained my partner all that before and she is understanding about it. She doesn't have a big problem with me coming so fast though, but I hate it. I want to enjoy sex rather then ejaculating right away.

Here are the things that I will start doing:
-Deep squat stretches
-Pillow stretches (5-10minutes for 2/3 days, then rest for 1 day)
-Reverse kegel only routine (10minutes of reverse kegel holds while trying to control breath)
-Learn the arousal scale and apply it
-Take it slow with my girl, spend more time with her naked and trying to get used to touching
-Edging (working up from 20mins, increasing length every time)

Questions:
-How long do you hold the deep squat stretches, how many seconds/repetitions and how many times per week?
-Start the reverse kegel routine already? Also, would it be smart to reverse kegel while edging?
-How frequently should I edge and how many times can I ejaculate per week?

Thanks beforehand

[plasticperson Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close plasticperson]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...must-read.html

same problem completely cured overnight

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Good post MM.
Current thinking suggests a significant pause in the bottom position and wide stance for deep squats.
This may need to be worked up to, as shown in the video link MM provided.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

. On

Thanks for your response! Already gave me some more confidence about solving the problem. I'm really excited to start working on it.

I explained my partner all that before and she is understanding about it. She doesn't have a big problem with me coming so fast though, but I hate it. I want to enjoy sex rather then ejaculating right away.

Here are the things that I will start doing:
-Deep squat stretches
-Pillow stretches (5-10minutes for 2/3 days, then rest for 1 day)
-Reverse kegel only routine (10minutes of reverse kegel holds while trying to control breath)
-Learn the arousal scale and apply it
-Take it slow with my girl, spend more time with her naked and trying to get used to touching
-Edging (working up from 20mins, increasing length every time)

Questions:
-How long do you hold the deep squat stretches, how many seconds/repetitions and how many times per week?
-Start the reverse kegel routine already? Also, would it be smart to reverse kegel while edging?
-How frequently should I edge and how many times can I ejaculate per week?

Thanks beforehand

You should not to reps, but start with 30 seconds once a day and then go to 1 minute and increase by 30 seconds from time to time once you feel confident but no longer than 5 minutes is necesary once a day every day, do not do it forcibly just feel the stretch. It is important for you not to do to much at once but introduce things one at a time when it comes to any exercises.

For example, doing 10 minutes of reverse kegel hold might be to much for a start you might consider less reps and starting with a simple reverse kegel rather than a hold at first. You can also try level 0 of the pelvic floor routine outlined here, but my suggestion is to wait a while with the pelvic floor routine and reverse kegels and focus on stretching, edging and your partner. You have to be aware that it will take some time fixing this and that nothing will come overnight so rushing to much will actually be worse.

As you can see your mindset concerning premature ejaculation and your mindset concerning fixing premature ejaculation are the same, you want it now as fast as it can be done. And that mindset just perpetuates and reinforces your premature ejaculation behavior. The problem is that premature ejaculation is not just bad habits, pelvic floor imbalance and anxiety, it is also a behavioral problem, in a way that you see sex as something that has to be done aggressively and in a hurry rather than something that should to be enjoyed regardless of pace. More often than not ofcourse we are not even aware of it, but try to ask your self during sex something among the lines "What's the rush? Why am I hurrying? Why can't I just slow down and enjoy the moment?"

As for edging do it 3 times a week, for now avoid not ejaculating, so in other words just edge and ejaculate tree times a week. Of course every time you can have sex instead of edging count that as edging. Your goal is to last at least the same amount of time as before or at least a little bit longer but don't let this bother you for now.

Also some more advice concerning your partner, when you are having sex instead of focusing on your pelvic floor area try to focus on your hands, or your skin try to focus more on the feeling you get when your body is touching hers, try to focus on the smell and the sounds, the thing is to be focused and completely aware in the moment and not just (unconsciously) focused on your pelvic floor area and your penis. In some way women are right to say that a person who ejaculates prematurely is selfish, but that selfishness is more often than not unconscious.

[BadPE Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BadPE]

. On

You should not to reps, but start with 30 seconds once a day and then go to 1 minute and increase by 30 seconds from time to time once you feel confident but no longer than 5 minutes is necesary once a day every day, do not do it forcibly just feel the stretch. It is important for you not to do to much at once but introduce things one at a time when it comes to any exercises.

For example, doing 10 minutes of reverse kegel hold might be to much for a start you might consider less reps and starting with a simple reverse kegel rather than a hold at first. You can also try level 0 of the pelvic floor routine outlined here, but my suggestion is to wait a while with the pelvic floor routine and reverse kegels and focus on stretching, edging and your partner. You have to be aware that it will take some time fixing this and that nothing will come overnight so rushing to much will actually be worse.

As you can see your mindset concerning premature ejaculation and your mindset concerning fixing premature ejaculation are the same, you want it now as fast as it can be done. And that mindset just perpetuates and reinforces your premature ejaculation behavior. The problem is that premature ejaculation is not just bad habits, pelvic floor imbalance and anxiety, it is also a behavioral problem, in a way that you see sex as something that has to be done aggressively and in a hurry rather than something that should to be enjoyed regardless of pace. More often than not ofcourse we are not even aware of it, but try to ask your self during sex something among the lines "What's the rush? Why am I hurrying? Why can't I just slow down and enjoy the moment?"

As for edging do it 3 times a week, for now avoid not ejaculating, so in other words just edge and ejaculate tree times a week. Of course every time you can have sex instead of edging count that as edging. Your goal is to last at least the same amount of time as before or at least a little bit longer but don't let this bother you for now.

Also some more advice concerning your partner, when you are having sex instead of focusing on your pelvic floor area try to focus on your hands, or your skin try to focus more on the feeling you get when your body is touching hers, try to focus on the smell and the sounds, the thing is to be focused and completely aware in the moment and not just (unconsciously) focused on your pelvic floor area and your penis. In some way women are right to say that a person who ejaculates prematurely is selfish, but that selfishness is more often than not unconscious.

Thanks again,

I had a good talk with my girl and she totally understood it and she is willing to invest time and effort into it for both of us.

Then this is the plan for now:
-Deep squat stretch 30 secs per day, every day
-Pillow stretch 5mins 4-5 times a week
-Edging 3 times a week with ejaculation (shooting for 20mins minimum and increasing every session)
-Learn the arousal scale and apply it
-Take it slow with my girl, spend more time with her naked and trying to get used to touching, seeing et cetera.

Will/may start on later with:
-Level 0 pelvic floor routine
-Increasing time on deep squats stretches
-Increasing time on pillow stretches
-Not ejaculate while edging, different forms of edging

Just starting easy and simple, who knows.. it might work. I'm willing to have patience, but is there an indication of how much time it will take?

Aside from that:
Today I laid in bed naked with my girl and as soon as she undressed herself I started to get hard. She got into bed and touched me bit. At this moment my EQ is already 10 (11 if it would exist haha), like always. I tried to focus just on her smile, eyes, how much I love her and how good it feels (in a non sexual way) to be touched and how much I enjoyed it. It felt so good to not just think about my penis, how hard it is, having sex and orgasm. It gave me a really good feeling inside, felt more happy, confident and in love just spending this time with her.

Eventually we just laid there naked, stroking each other and talking about whatnot. My erection totally disappeared as we were talking, not focusing on the fact that we were naked. I tried to release tension, not holding a kegel and deep breathing. Felt great not having a rock hard boner all the time.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

Good luck in your battle. Are you gona do plateau edging, or stop/ start

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...must-read.html

same problem completely cured overnight

While vitamins and herbs may help, they don't substitute good timing and optimal mental framework - also without the proper psychology , you are likely to become dependent on chemical cures and / or have a distorted view of them, and what long term results really mean and how important they are.

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Thanks again,

I had a good talk with my girl and she totally understood it and she is willing to invest time and effort into it for both of us.

Then this is the plan for now:
-Deep squat stretch 30 secs per day, every day
-Pillow stretch 5mins 4-5 times a week
-Edging 3 times a week with ejaculation (shooting for 20mins minimum and increasing every session)
-Learn the arousal scale and apply it
-Take it slow with my girl, spend more time with her naked and trying to get used to touching, seeing et cetera.

Will/may start on later with:
-Level 0 pelvic floor routine
-Increasing time on deep squats stretches
-Increasing time on pillow stretches
-Not ejaculate while edging, different forms of edging

Just starting easy and simple, who knows.. it might work. I'm willing to have patience, but is there an indication of how much time it will take?

As long as it needs to take.

I hope this answer doesn't offend you but take into the account just how much time you had nurtured this problem, or in other words just how long did you have it, it can't go away that fast. However now that you are one the right track it will certainly be sooner that if you didn't have a concrete plan and vision that you have now.

As far as the plan goes I think it is a good plan.

Aside from that:
Today I laid in bed naked with my girl and as soon as she undressed herself I started to get hard. She got into bed and touched me bit. At this moment my EQ is already 10 (11 if it would exist haha), like always. I tried to focus just on her smile, eyes, how much I love her and how good it feels (in a non sexual way) to be touched and how much I enjoyed it. It felt so good to not just think about my penis, how hard it is, having sex and orgasm. It gave me a really good feeling inside, felt more happy, confident and in love just spending this time with her.

Eventually we just laid there naked, stroking each other and talking about whatnot. My erection totally disappeared as we were talking, not focusing on the fact that we were naked. I tried to release tension, not holding a kegel and deep breathing. Felt great not having a rock hard boner all the time.

That is the right way. Don't make all this about fixing only, make it about joy and pleasure the fact that you are able to apply this and understand it just means that you will be able to fix this problem sooner than if you didn't. As you proceed you will start to get more and more ideas.

Also remember to make those slow deep breaths. The slowness is what lowers the tempo. In the future you will be able to use your breathing to adjust your arousal both up and down, but for now focus on slowing down.

In a way also this was a form of both lovemaking and foreplay, in the future you can start with this while sensually just making out until you relax (you don't need to go flaccid but just a little drop in EQ is a good idea) then start to pleasure her orally and then finish it up with penetration, of course after the act remember to enjoy the sensation of ejaculation and post ejaculation and be close to her and share the feeling in a similar way that you have done in the beginning of the session.

This achieves many things, but in short term it allows you to experience longer durations of being aroused, and it teaches you how to be gradual and spontaneous. For her the benefit is that most of the time especially in the lovemaking longer sessions are preferred by women (not the use of sessions as opposed to just penetration) that doesn't mean that a woman doesn't love a "quickie" but almost always the complete experience is far more rewarding. The other thing you will learn is how to enjoy lovemaking and sex trough your partner and not just from your aspect, while this is getting a head a little bit I feel it is a good idea to at least outline the progression and let you fill in the blanks as you progress.

I firmly believe that you have chosen the right path and the right plan to fix this problem.