Girlfriend is not supportive

[Minuteman Member of the Month March 2013. Find all posts View Profile Close Minuteman]

Hi guys, I was directed here by a friend so I wanted to get some perspective.
Now a little info. In the six years me and my girlfriend have been together I figured out that as long as we are having regular sex, I will last longer. So if we have sex 5 straight days, the 5th day I usually last close to 30-45 minutes.

Now, for a myriad of reasons (mostly medical) we couldn't have a lot of sex and went a little over a month without intercourse. When we got the all clear we jumped in the sack and I couldn't last. She immediately got upset and it hurt my confidence a lot. I honestly wasn't expecting her to get upset as every once in a while the sex is short, especially if we have gone a few days without sex, and I usually finish her in a number of ways.

I told her we just need to try again and get back into a routine but she was arguing that I was blaming her.

Well we tried a few more times spread out amongst a few weeks and I never improved and she never wanted me to finish her afterwards.

I know that a lot of this is a mental problem and I know that it's my problem but I can't help but want the support of my girlfriend. I've been looking at every theory or solution and the problem is, I know there's not going to be a quick solution but she doesn't want to work with me to see what works.

I mean we have talked about it and I told her that her getting mad afterwards is negatively impacting my progress but while drunk she told me that all the other guys she has been have never had this problem and she said she thought the problem was stupid and she doesn't understand it.

I've read this website from cover to cover and a lot of suggestions include working with your partner and I can't do that and I don't know how to make her see that I need her to help.

Aside from my relationship problems I want to fix the PE problem so that I don't have to worry about it in the future.

I've been doing kegels, and am trying to figure out Reverse kegels. (Help?) But I'm looking into a fleshlight or something similar to help with edging. Has anyone tried cockrings to help? I signed up for a gym and am going to start going as I see that can help a lot too.

It is really not that strange she got upset because she does not understand how male sexual organ works, because she doesn't have one, as you don't understand how her organ works since you don't have it. You can have the knowledge but you will rarely know it as good as the one having it, so her frustration is not that strange or wrong especially if her previous partners did not have those problems.

So explain to her your premature ejaculation in terms she can relate to. For example premature ejaculation and ejaculation is like a sneeze, sometimes you can stop it but most of the time it just comes and comes so fast that you are unable to do anything but sneeze.

It is also a good idea to tell her that one of reasons you are ejaculating way too fast is because you are very aroused and find her very attractive and have a hard time controlling yourself. Tell her that you need to get used to her intimately (not just trough sex). Tell her that your desire to make sex as best as you can for her you are getting performance anxiety, because you care.

Here are some ideas how to improve in bed.

What you can do is devote some time for edging in order to better understand your premature ejaculation problems, open a log here in this forum and start with an edging routine lasting minimum 20 minutes. Here is a short insight in edging.

You also need to understand that she is not a part of the problem as much as she is going to be a part of the cure. The way your partner can help you overcome premature ejaculation makes other techniques simply pale in comparison.

Also avoid telling her that her reaction hurts you, it might be that it hurts her as much as it is hurting you since she knows even less about the problem than you and there are a lot of mixed emotions. Always try to focus on the positive reasons you have premature ejaculation. In essence you are scared and you are anxious because you care. While she cannot connect to you trough simple mechanics of your premature ejaculation she can more than well connect with your emotional state. Women perceive best trough emotion and even better trough positive emotions.

And above all you need to be honest with yourself and with her. Fixing premature ejaculation can and most of the time will be a long haul it is not something that will go away in a week or a month. She needs to understand this so that she can stop having high expectations.

I think that MrsLooking4More might be much better equipped to explain your partner about premature ejaculation from the woman's perspective so it might be a good idea to ask her to do that and then get your partner to read that response.

[longerlastingnoob Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close longerlastingnoob]

^^^^^ ^^^^^

[PurpleOnes Senior Member Member of the Month June 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close PurpleOnes]

Yeah seems kind of weird that she is not supportive in this manner.

In my opinnion she should be supportive since your trying to fix an important thing. Not sure if this is reason to break up but you have to tell her honestly how this makes you feel meaning her not supporting you.

Or atleast tell her that it is not going to be quick process and you really need her support.

Does she support you with other things?

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

Yeah seems kind of weird that she is not supportive in this manner.

In my opinnion she should be supportive since your trying to fix an important thing. Not sure if this is reason to break up but you have to tell her honestly how this makes you feel meaning her not supporting you.

Or atleast tell her that it is not going to be quick process and you really need her support.

Does she support you with other things?

The reason we ladies sometimes appear to not be supportive is lack of knowledge and self confidence. When the Mr. started to have PremE, he was aware of medical issues and other things that were affecting his peen. I was aware of the medical issue but not of the fact that the medical issue was contributing to the PremE. Let me give you the other side of the picture, to give you an idea. My husband of 20 years suddenly couldn't get and erection or keep one and if we did he would have a PremE. I don't know why he did not tell me at the time what was happening. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling like, he need it to fix it. I don't know, why I do know is that since he didn't share in my eyes everything was the same, so the problem most be me. I was getting upset thinking things such as:

Am I too fat?
Doesn't he want me anymore?
He doesn't find me sexy anymore?
Did he find someone else?

As you can see not of my concerns were about him having an issue. Now picture that we are both walking about a bundle of anxiety, him because he does not want a PremE issue and me because I am thinking what can I do to entice him. The lack of communication exacerbated the issue. That is the reason that if the relationship is serious, you must communicate with each other and work together.

My husband finally told me what was going on almost a year later, I immediately came here and under his name read everything I could about the condition and things we could do about it. I have to tell you that I was impressed by how much he was doing for his health and for us in stealth mode. I started watching him doing his routine (which I find very hot) and learning how to do the jelqs for him and just anything I could do to help, including reminding him to do his routine. This became something we both did together and brought us closer together. We did have frustrating days when everything looked good and we still had issues, the difference was we both were working together. We learned when the best times were to have intercourse and we worked to make it happen so that we have positive days to off set the bad ones.

As I write this post, I am seated next to my beloved in bed while he is pumping and does his jelqs in between. Maybe I am a freak but I love watching him do it and helping when possible. I am not him but I would venture to say that me being supportive has to remove some if not all of the anxiety and I can tell you that for me watching him is a big turn on and an great opportunity to have alone time.

[PurpleOnes Senior Member Member of the Month June 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close PurpleOnes]

The reason we ladies sometimes appear to not be supportive is lack of knowledge and self confidence. When the Mr. started to have PremE, he was aware of medical issues and other things that were affecting his peen. I was aware of the medical issue but not of the fact that the medical issue was contributing to the PremE. Let me give you the other side of the picture, to give you an idea. My husband of 20 years suddenly couldn't get and erection or keep one and if we did he would have a PremE. I don't know why he did not tell me at the time what was happening. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling like, he need it to fix it. I don't know, why I do know is that since he didn't share in my eyes everything was the same, so the problem most be me. I was getting upset thinking things such as:

Am I too fat?
Doesn't he want me anymore?
He doesn't find me sexy anymore?
Did he find someone else?

As you can see not of my concerns were about him having an issue. Now picture that we are both walking about a bundle of anxiety, him because he does not want a PremE issue and me because I am thinking what can I do to entice him. The lack of communication exacerbated the issue. That is the reason that if the relationship is serious, you must communicate with each other and work together.

My husband finally told me what was going on almost a year later, I immediately came here and under his name read everything I could about the condition and things we could do about it. I have to tell you that I was impressed by how much he was doing for his health and for us in stealth mode. I started watching him doing his routine (which I find very hot) and learning how to do the jelqs for him and just anything I could do to help, including reminding him to do his routine. This became something we both did together and brought us closer together. We did have frustrating days when everything looked good and we still had issues, the difference was we both were working together. We learned when the best times were to have intercourse and we worked to make it happen so that we have positive days to off set the bad ones.

As I write this post, I am seated next to my beloved in bed while he is pumping and does his jelqs in between. Maybe I am a freak but I love watching him do it and helping when possible. I am not him but I would venture to say that me being supportive has to remove some if not all of the anxiety and I can tell you that for me watching him is a big turn on and an great opportunity to have alone time.

I think that is quite common due to not communicating well between eachother begin to question themselves.

Like if your husband does not get hard with you the first thought is the questions you began thinking.

Thing with ED and PE you just need to get to the root of the problem together as a couple and it should not be just husbands problem.

Or atleast husband needs to find the cause and tell his wife or gf.

After finding the problems cause just accept that there is such problem and work together to cure it or improve on it.

That is really cool that his problem brought you even closer and it should be in my opinnion like that in a real relationship.

I would say that the problem is not as embarassing for the female as for the guy since he has the problem well unless he doesn't find her desirable.

[Floyd631 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Floyd631]

The reason we ladies sometimes appear to not be supportive is lack of knowledge and self confidence. When the Mr. started to have PremE, he was aware of medical issues and other things that were affecting his peen. I was aware of the medical issue but not of the fact that the medical issue was contributing to the PremE. Let me give you the other side of the picture, to give you an idea. My husband of 20 years suddenly couldn't get and erection or keep one and if we did he would have a PremE. I don't know why he did not tell me at the time what was happening. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling like, he need it to fix it. I don't know, why I do know is that since he didn't share in my eyes everything was the same, so the problem most be me. I was getting upset thinking things such as:

Am I too fat?
Doesn't he want me anymore?
He doesn't find me sexy anymore?
Did he find someone else?

As you can see not of my concerns were about him having an issue. Now picture that we are both walking about a bundle of anxiety, him because he does not want a PremE issue and me because I am thinking what can I do to entice him. The lack of communication exacerbated the issue. That is the reason that if the relationship is serious, you must communicate with each other and work together.

My husband finally told me what was going on almost a year later, I immediately came here and under his name read everything I could about the condition and things we could do about it. I have to tell you that I was impressed by how much he was doing for his health and for us in stealth mode. I started watching him doing his routine (which I find very hot) and learning how to do the jelqs for him and just anything I could do to help, including reminding him to do his routine. This became something we both did together and brought us closer together. We did have frustrating days when everything looked good and we still had issues, the difference was we both were working together. We learned when the best times were to have intercourse and we worked to make it happen so that we have positive days to off set the bad ones.

As I write this post, I am seated next to my beloved in bed while he is pumping and does his jelqs in between. Maybe I am a freak but I love watching him do it and helping when possible. I am not him but I would venture to say that me being supportive has to remove some if not all of the anxiety and I can tell you that for me watching him is a big turn on and an great opportunity to have alone time.

While I completely understand what you are saying, the medical issues were on her side. But maybe I was starting to feel like she didn't want even though I understood why we couldn't have sex. And I think part of the issue now is she doesn't want to participate in anything sexual unless it's good piv and that's a bit disheartening because I always felt confident knowing if I couldn't get her off with my member I could do a number of other things to please her.

We have had quite a few conversations about this and I would love for her to help me while I practice or whatnot (ive suggested it) but in the heat of the moment that support all goes away.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Focus on yourself. She will come along at her own pace. Do it for you, because in the end we cant change anybody except ourselves. Try not to put this on her. Use it for self motivation.

[lilbigman Senior Member Member of the Month June 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close lilbigman]

The guys all gave you great advice. I just wanted to throw in the idea of simply pulling out. Just like edging, but with her instead of alone. When your getting close, pull out and wait for it to subside. Then go back at it. It may take a few times, but you can turn a 5 min session into an hour if you do it right. And what to say to her when she asks why you are stopping? Simple, the truth. "I don't want to come yet baby, so give me a second". Works for me, I actually use that time to get a squeeze in as well. So it's exercise, edging, and sex all rolled into one.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

^ pull out to keep from PONR, and kiss that clit till you can dive back in

[PurpleOnes Senior Member Member of the Month June 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close PurpleOnes]

The guys all gave you great advice. I just wanted to throw in the idea of simply pulling out. Just like edging, but with her instead of alone. When your getting close, pull out and wait for it to subside. Then go back at it. It may take a few times, but you can turn a 5 min session into an hour if you do it right. And what to say to her when she asks why you are stopping? Simple, the truth. "I don't want to come yet baby, so give me a second". Works for me, I actually use that time to get a squeeze in as well. So it's exercise, edging, and sex all rolled into one.

That's actually a great advice.

Might be a good time eat her out if you want.

[ForgottenOne Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ForgottenOne]

"...while drunk she told me that all the other guys she has been have never had this problem and she said she thought the problem was stupid and she doesn't understand it."

I've seen this sort of behaviour destroy people over time. If she has a drinking problem, then you have bigger fish to fry.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

The reason we ladies sometimes appear to not be supportive is lack of knowledge and self confidence. When the Mr. started to have PremE, he was aware of medical issues and other things that were affecting his peen. I was aware of the medical issue but not of the fact that the medical issue was contributing to the PremE. Let me give you the other side of the picture, to give you an idea. My husband of 20 years suddenly couldn't get and erection or keep one and if we did he would have a PremE. I don't know why he did not tell me at the time what was happening. Maybe he was embarrassed or feeling like, he need it to fix it. I don't know, why I do know is that since he didn't share in my eyes everything was the same, so the problem most be me. I was getting upset thinking things such as:

Am I too fat?
Doesn't he want me anymore?
He doesn't find me sexy anymore?
Did he find someone else?

As you can see not of my concerns were about him having an issue. Now picture that we are both walking about a bundle of anxiety, him because he does not want a PremE issue and me because I am thinking what can I do to entice him. The lack of communication exacerbated the issue. That is the reason that if the relationship is serious, you must communicate with each other and work together.

My husband finally told me what was going on almost a year later, I immediately came here and under his name read everything I could about the condition and things we could do about it. I have to tell you that I was impressed by how much he was doing for his health and for us in stealth mode. I started watching him doing his routine (which I find very hot) and learning how to do the jelqs for him and just anything I could do to help, including reminding him to do his routine. This became something we both did together and brought us closer together. We did have frustrating days when everything looked good and we still had issues, the difference was we both were working together. We learned when the best times were to have intercourse and we worked to make it happen so that we have positive days to off set the bad ones.

As I write this post, I am seated next to my beloved in bed while he is pumping and does his jelqs in between. Maybe I am a freak but I love watching him do it and helping when possible. I am not him but I would venture to say that me being supportive has to remove some if not all of the anxiety and I can tell you that for me watching him is a big turn on and an great opportunity to have alone time.

wow, ow, except for the PE part, my marriage issue as well. I couldn't stay hard. Started looking for excuses not to have sex, of course now I know my dick isn't required for me to have a good time as long as she does. But at the time depression. She felt exactly the same, I'm fat, you just don't love me anymore....etc. Looked for other things to do rather than be home alone together. Casino, movie, but mostly hanging out on our boat everyday. Ironically, being a tanerexict, naked for me. I wonder if seeing my thin, in shape body, naked in the sun, penis visible the whole time ever drove her crazy? I didn't think so which didn't help my ED. Well Viagra fixed my problem but years of no sex has pushed her away , no longer finds me attractive. Because she is 200 pounds of buttylicious Bad timing I guess. Sucks

[GettinBig1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GettinBig1]

I would say that you absolutely dont need her support to improve yourself. That being said, the fact that she is unwilling to support you says a lot too. It sounds like this isnt the only issue in your relationship, and not the biggest by far.

[Floyd631 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Floyd631]

That's actually a great advice.

Might be a good time eat her out if you want.

Thats the problem, she doesn't want to participate in anything unless I figured out the problem. So we will have sex and it won't last long and the problem starts all over again. I'm left to figure this out on my own.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

but while drunk she told me that all the other guys she has been have never had this problem and she said she thought the problem was stupid and she doesn't understand it.

"All the other guys" ... is she a whore?

but she was arguing that I was blaming her.

Something ain't right here fellas.