Eow unwinds his pelvic floor

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

40 minute session last night. Feeling great.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Another 40 minute session last night. I have no complaints about my EQ or anything. Everything's great. Now it's the weekend, time to put it to the test again!

Will be doing lots of deep squats today to loosen up the pelvic floor.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Sex twice Friday, once Saturday, and once Sunday. Friday night had sex for like 30 minutes, it was tiring! Saturday gave her an orgasm with PIV, which is the first time that's ever happened to me. Sunday it was good but I couldn't last, I was too turned on. Need to practice more RK/relaxation this week.

No exercises today since she'll be coming over again... don't know if we'll get frisky or not, hopefully! Sex with this chick is really fun. We don't mind laughing/talking/joking around during sex and it's refreshing.

Edit: Sunday night had a bit of performance anxiety ED. We started fooling around and I noticed I wasn't hard yet, which gave me anxiety and we had to stop and put our clothes back on. Smoked a bit of weed, had a beer, relaxed a bit and #2 was a success. I never have ED issues while having sex, just leading up to it. I think I get more anxiety when she is initiating because I put a lot of pressure on my success in reciprocating. Not sure how to deal with this. I made a doc appointment to see if I should go back on my SSRI.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Whoah. So after two weeks of great workouts, started trying to edge tonight but couldn't get fully hard or get near PONR. I'm feeling pretty down about it. Might be some lingering dick anxiety. Was feeling a bit stressed today. Haven't had much sleep past 2 nights. I'll chalk it up to a bad day and see what happens tomorrow. I didn't take my horny goat weed like usual before my session but surely that wouldn't fuck me so bad. Probably psychological, like always.

I have an appointment with a doc in 3 weeks to discuss anxiety/libido. I also have a full hormone panel from privatemdlabs I'm going to take before the appointment. This includes Full/free testosterone, shbg, fsh/lh, E2, prolactin, PSA, Vit D. I'll probably do that Thursday and report back with the results!

I'm a lurker and don't usually read other posts here besides my log. I wonder how many people are reading this, or if it's more like a diary for myself. I got on SSRIs when I was 19 and was on/off them until 2 years ago when I decided to start tapering down for good. I haven't had a drop of it in my system in over a year. My libido was terrible on the SSRI and I was hoping I would become a normal male horndog after tapering down for so long, but alas. I just want to be able to get a boner by thinking about a hot chick, or having hot sex with my girlfriend, but I can't. The good news is I haven't had a panic attack since stopping the SSRI, but I wonder if the "background anxiety" is stressing my libido out and causing my newfound performance anxiety.

April 2015 I got my testosterone checked and it came back as 320, then a April 2016 I got it checked again and it was 323. October 2016 was the last time I got it checked and it was 450?! My prolactin was also high on my latest test. I'm really curious to see what this next test will tell me. I feel having a 320 testosterone level at 24 yrs old is not good. I'm almost 28 now, and I doubt it's gotten better, despite the 450 anomaly.

[TomFoolery Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TomFoolery]

I'm reading. Thanks for sharing your journey.

[Ellford Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close Ellford]

I'm reading too - I don't normally read progress logs unless there is something of interest... I'm interested in relaxing my pelvic floor as I think it's too tight as I catch myself throughout the day doing a kegel. I've never mastered the RK as I find I end up flexing my abs (like you, I'm a previous bodybuilder).

Im interested in these deep squats you talk about - are these Hindi squats? Or are you doing actual back squats with a bar and going ATG?

Keep posting as I like/read your log.

[TomFoolery Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TomFoolery]

I too cannot do a RK without flexing by lower abs. Wasn't a body builder, but was definitely a gym junkie until I reached 30.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

I don't do hindi squats. I grab onto a door frame and drop into an ass-to-grass squat, butt against calves, with heels flat on the ground. Similar, but not quite. Then I start breathing in deeply using my diaphragm, feeling my stomach expand and my pelvic floor "push down".

Not going to do any pumping or edging this week. Just going to focus on pelvic floor stuff.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Had a crazy weekend. Went on a great vacation to a cool destination. Still having some ED issues. Almost had sex in back of rental car at a campground but I got scared of getting caught and immediately lost my raging boner!! Ahhh!!! I wanted to fuck her so bad!!

On a good note, had sex 6x in a 24 hour period earlier this week. Both of us were sore. She orgasmed twice in a row from PIV, which has never happened to me, so that's cool. Still, it simply hasn't been "easy" enough to get ready for sex. My expectation is to get rock hard as soon as I see this really hot naked chick. I know I'm not a teenager anymore but I'm also not 60! This is frustrating. I seem to rely a lot on physical stimulation. Grinding/touching/making out, etc. My erections have been a bit softer the past week as well. Got back hormone test results and my testosterone is higher than ever before. My estradiol is a bit high though so I'm not sure what's up with that. I find my testosterone increase very strange. I have NEVER EVER taken testosterone or any PED.

2018-04-19 14_23_08-Doc notes - Google Docs.jpg

I have upped my vitamin D dosage from 2k to 10k. Will retest in a month or two. Also will be sunbathing more often.

My anxiety/OCD symptoms have been high this past week. I have another GP appointment soon and will see about getting back on my Lexapro. I have hesitantly acquired a tadalafil prescription to see if I can push through my performance anxiety. Will tread with caution, because I don't want to develop any kind of psychological dependence on it at such a young age. I may not even use it for sex. I may just use it for my pumping routine and to increase nocturnal erections to hopefully improve the health of my erectile tissue and let that improve my sex erections. I will keep you guys updated on this, will be receiving it within a couple of weeks.

Another thought I had was to use Cialis and look at pictures of naked or semi-naked girls in order to retrain my brain to become aroused at them. Does this make sense? Some psychological jedi mind trick stuff.

No PE this week. Didn't get back from vacation until Tuesday and my dick was way too tired to do anything yesterday. Will resume my horny goat weed + pump routine next week.

[JohnDoe4 Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnDoe4]

Dude i'm going through the same shit. New girl after relatively sexless end of last relationship with ex. My pelvic floor has been tight as hell, spasms, involuntary kegels. I had no idea this was a problem until initiating this relationship.

Started out I would have to get drunk to have the confidence to have sex but I got to the point for a while where we were having sex every day, boners just being around her, so much confidence in myself. Then it happened. I lost it one night when we were having sex and it fucked my confidence. Next day lost it again, then the next morning. Since then i've had no morning wood, low libido, shame, anxiety. Don't know what the hell is wrong with me but this thread gives me a bit of hope. Thanks

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

You're not alone! Multiple times I've thought I was ready, stripped off both of our pants and put it in before losing it completely and having to abort mission. It's frustrating but my strategy is to say "alright, let's reset", put our clothes back on, relax, have a few laughs, and let things progress again naturally. So far, this has worked for me and we've had great sex. She's very understanding of my current issues. Cannabis/alcohol help me in moderation, but I'd say our best sex has been almost or completely sober.

I don't currently have issues with losing erection during sex (as long as I'm >80% before starting), but only because I don't waste any time when changing positions! If I took a bit longer I would definitely have issues. Only on one occasion did I lose it, and it was because I was busy fingering/sucking her. This is weird for me though, because in the past (with ex) it would only make me harder when seeing her squirm/moan.

But yeah, I'll be 28 soon and I don't feel like I should be dealing with this, but it is what it is! I think the important part is I'm actively doing something about it. I will do WHATEVER it goddamn takes to have a great sex life with this chick (or in general). If that means admitting that I need to stick my finger in my ass, temporarily take boner pills at 28, put my dick in a cylinder, pay for hormone tests out of pocket, take antidepressants for my anxiety, buy a bunch of bullshit supplements, whatever else, then so be it. Fuck it.

I do really wonder if my previous dead bedroom really fucked up my wiring w/ regards to libido. Monday night I drank half a bottle of wine while we did some silly roleplay (I've never roleplayed before) and I got totally erect just from watching her touch herself. This is super surprising/rare for me, and it gives me some hope for getting past these issues. I'm guessing the wine just lets me relax, removes obsessive/anxious thoughts.

My only fear is if I get back on Lexapro it will reduce my libido, but I'm not sure I have any other option. I already live a super healthy lifestyle, and my coping strategies have improved over the years (breathing/relaxation techniques). I can stop panic attacks before they start now, but my baseline anxiety can still get quite high sometimes and it can be difficult to manage. I have to focus on it too much, which reduces my focus in other areas such as work, sex, etc.

With the ex, while my libido was near zero with her, when she did initiate I was able to reciprocate with no problem (and enjoy myself). Now it's the opposite! I really want to sex this grill but my guy is being so fussy!

Like I said, will keep you guys updated with everything I'm working on atm. I remember reading a long time ago about how Cialis/Viagra actually cause changes in penile tissue long term which improves erectile strength even after ceasing the medication. If anyone knows where these studies are, I couldn't thank you enough if you pointed me in their direction!

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Weekend sex/anxiety update:

Friday
Had an EDM show to go to at like 10. Beforehand we started fooling around but I failed to get an erection. I was feeling extra anxious for the previous couple of days so this didn't surprise me, although it was highly frustrating. Went to the show, had a couple of beers, got more anxiety and started feeling very dizzy and weird. Got home at 2am, still feeling bad. Laid down, started fooling around again, couldn't get it up. Then she started giving me a BJ and somehow I was able to relax and got hard, it felt really good! We had sex, it was fun, went zzz.

Saturday
Was still feeling very anxious. Didn't get enough sleep because of show. Had a big breakfast, came back, napped for a couple of hours. Did some shopping and driving around. Came back, took .25mg clonazepam for the anxiety. After it kicked in I felt great, got high on some strong indica (Alien OG) and had sex without any difficulties. Stupid anxiety!

Sunday
Still felt pretty good from the clonazepam due to its long half-life. Drank some wine in the evening and got close to having sex but I think we were both a bit too high and just fell asleep instead. Will make a note of this and avoid it in the future.

Monday (so far)
I work from home. Have to be on a video call Mondays at 7:15am. 6:55 we start making out and I'm hard as a rock. I roll her over on top and fuck until 7:05 or so. Then quickly clean up and get on call! I always have good success in the mornings before anxiety starts creeping in.

Filled tadalafil and escitalopram prescriptions today. Will wait a couple of days before beginning the escitalopram. Want to make sure I really want to start it again. Need to sleep on that decision. I'm extremely frightened to try the tadalafil. If I can work up the courage, I'm going to take 5mg in a couple of hours and see what happens.

My pelvic floor has felt fine lately. I've developed a habit of checking for tightness and relaxing when I need to. I've been able to relax a bit during sex and it's helped some. I think I'm still having problems lasting though because my erections have been harder the past couple of days (less anxiety) which means I feel way more! Just have to keep... fucking...

I've begun taking 10k IU vitamin D, upgrading from 2k IU. Also have been trying to sunbathe when it's not overcast. Today I did 15 mins each side. I'm at a decent latitude so this isn't too intense despite being pale as fuck.

I'll be checking in tomorrow to let you guys know what happens tonight...

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Was able to work up enough courage to take 5mg tadalafl last night. I didn't feel super strong effects from it, which is what my goal was. It made me respond to making out with hot girlfriend in a correct manner (hard) and we were able to go a 2nd round without much fuss. Today I have a stuffy nose and my hip feels slightly sore. I had more night/morning wood than usual, which feels good. I'm not sure what my plan is with this stuff. I need to decide if I'll be using it on the weekends for actual sex, or just during the week for PE. I should probably use it for PE only in order to be responsible and not develop psychological dependence on it for sex. Will keep thinking about this. Really I just want it as a tool to help me get over this hump.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Did some light pumping last night and it was very intense with the cialis still in my system. Noticed more nocturnal/morning erections last night as well. I suppose I will do more pumping today. Took my first dose of escitalopram last night. Time to strap in and go for a ride, hopefully it leads to no more anxiety.

[eow. Member of the Month April 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close eow.]

Feeling a bit loopy. Not sure if from Lexapro or just placebo. Was able to get multiple random erections yesterday with light stimulation. Not sure if because of cialis or just from increased confidence.

I have not told the girlfriend yet that I have cialis. Not sure if I should. I probably should, but I don't want her to feel like I'm only getting aroused by her just because of the meds. I'm always aroused by her, my dick just hasn't been cooperating due to anxiety. I don't really plan on using it when I see her anyway. I'd rather use it during the week to promote random erections and to use with pumping to increase overall EQ and confidence.

Felt really nauseous/dizzy/IBS this morning. Guessing from the Lexapro. I just want to curl up in a blanket with some chicken noodle soup and watch Disney movies.