About 2 weeks ago, I went to a party and hooked up with a woman there. We had known each other for about a year, but only recently I've been getting signals from her, so I moved in quick. The party was on a Saturday, and on Monday evening, we saw each other at the dance venue. I'd asked her previously to set some time aside so we could chat and talk; she agreed.

Basically, I was very straightforward. I said, "I like you. Do you like me?"
She said, "Yes, I think you're cute."
"I think you're cute, too." And then we went to go sit down in the "cuddle corner" that had bean bags and mats. I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious or long-term; she told me that she wasn't, either. I also said that I wasn't going to try to control her or limit her in any way. She agreed that she didn't want to do that for me, either. Then I asked if there was anyone else she was involved with. She was, and she told me who it was (let's call him "Mike").

She asked me not to tell anyone, because it didn't matter and that "it really isn't anything." Alright, so she thinks it's nothing. Now it really doesn't matter what he thinks it is, because, to her, it's nothing.

So then I asked her out on a date, one week later. I chose that day because I was moving to a new apartment, and I needed to pack up and move during the rest of that week. For the week before the date, we were texting each other really sweet messages. I even called her a few times. In the week before our first date, we had established good communication, honesty, and respect. Mutual attraction was already established, and so all that was left was to get to know each other.

The date went really well; we got some sandwiches, then headed to the park. It was a little cold and chilly, which was a good excuse to snuggle up close. We talked about philosophy, religion, personal history, parents, nearly everything. This was exactly what she wanted; she wanted to know me as a person, and I was revealing myself at an alarming rate. Then as the sun went down and it got colder, we decided to go to a coffee shop, sit and snuggle on the couch, and talk some more. After about 3 hours on our date, I drove her back home. We stood outside her front gate, I pulled her in for a kiss, then I said, "I really like you."
To which she replied, "me, too."

The following few days, we texted each other, although less frequently than normal; she was busy because she's getting ready for a 1-month trip to Europe, so lots of friends were making demands on her time, which was fine. She was eager to spend more time with me before she left, so I scheduled for us to carpool to the Thursday dance venue. I drove to pick her up and parked outside her apartment complex. Mike came out and started unlocking his bike. Umm, awkward.

I got out of the car, said "hi," and shook his hand. He said he was riding his bike to the venue, and he wanted to see if he could get a ride with me. I really didn't want to give him a ride. Plus, I have a really small car (Toyota Yaris). I opened the trunk to show him how small it was, and he was trying to convince me that it would fit. I told him that it wouldn't, and I closed the trunk. He had to ride his bike to the train station.

This woman and I got in the car, then we picked up another friend along the way. She knew about us, so everything was fine. At the dance venue, Mike was being super clingy to her, always dancing with her and hanging around her. I didn't really get a chance to dance or talk with her. Then she danced with me and basically asked me to try to get to know Mike, because he's a good guy. I've had somebody else tell me to get to know Mike, as well. For some reason his personality just rubbed me the wrong way; he's awkward, nervous, seems really apologetic... a nice guy, I'm sure, but I just didn't feel like my life would be better by knowing him.

But because I care about her, I told her I'd try. At the end of the night, Mike comes up to me and says, "I'd really like to get to know you better." So I motion to the seat next to me.
He sits down, and I say, "So, what's up?"
He says, "Oh, I can't talk right now, I have to catch the train in about 7 minutes." Ok, well maybe that's why we don't know each other that well. Instead of clinging to that woman all night, you could have come to talk to me. It really sounded like he was making excuses for himself. So he said he would call me, and we ended it at that.

I took her back to my place just to show her my new apartment. I picked up a bottle of port, and we brought it back to her apartment since I didn't want to wake up my roommates. We drank it and talked and messed around. I was drunk so I didn't want to drive back, she let me stay. She wanted it to be innocent, so I honored her decision. Besides, I wanted to establish trust next, which I think I did successfully. I left her place around 7:30am, after having slept for about 4 hours. I'm sure she's already on her way to Europe by now.

So yesterday Mike calls me up. I guess he wants to get to know me. Instead he keeps talking about him and that woman; how he's been moving things slowly forward for a few months now.
I'm thinking, "Umm, ok, why are you telling me this? Are you trying to get me to back off? Because it's not working." So, yeah, maybe it's taken him a few months to establish communication, trust, respect, and honesty; but it's taken me one week. Is it my fault that I work faster and I'm better than him at these things?

Then he tells me that he feels things are starting to become exclusive with them (they currently are allowed to see other people). So I asked, "Have you discussed this with [her]?" To which he said that's what they were discussing just before I saw him outside her apartment. Discussing does not mean agreeing. So, again, why was he telling me this? How did this involve me at all? What's going on between him and her has nothing to do with me, so the only reason he'd be telling me this is because he's insecure and feels threatened.

He told me that the night that she and I hooked up for the first time, that was supposed to be the night they were going to spend together, to which I asked, "Were you there? I don't remember seeing you."
He answered, "No, I couldn't make it." Again, how does this involve me? I didn't do anything wrong.

Basically it took him 45 minutes to bring up 3 issues that I really didn't know what I had to do with, or how I could help him with them. The conversation was full of "Umm..." and "Uhh..." on his side. I don't say anything when I'm thinking. This leaves it open for the other person to speak if they have something to say. He still wanted to talk some more, but I cut it short because I had other things to do.

I met up with my roommates for dinner and then we went around the city to show their out of town friend to all the touristy spots. It was fun, and I was processing the conversation in my head the whole time.

Eventually, I called Mike and set a boundary. I told him that, if he wants to get to know me, that's fine. But, I'm not going to discuss the woman with him. What happens between me and her is our business, and what happens between him and her is their business. He agreed, and I hung up the phone. A quick 1-minute conversation; direct, honest, concise... it really showed my communication style versus his.

I talked to my other friend who is polyamorous. She was pretty pissed off and told me that what he did is pretty bad. Basically, he tried to drive me away because of his own insecurities. She said that he was trying to take away her choice in the matter by overstepping his bounds. It also showed his disrespect for her, and for me. She said that, if he was so insecure, then maybe he shouldn't be in an open relationship in the first place. This really helped me feel better, and a lot less like an asshole to him.

So basically, now all I have to do is wait. Mike will either self-destruct because of his insecurities, neediness, and clinginess; or he'll become reasonable and actually respect what she and I have.

There are some more details that I'll fill in later, but now I have to go.