Rude? Or is it just me?

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

I need to ask everyone here if you think my girlfriend was rude or if it was just me? I was talking to her about getting a raise at work and how I'm going to talk to one of the money people at work and I was telling her how I was going to dress nice and look the part when I meet with him. I was the one that brought it up on how I wanted to dress nice and just expected her to agree with me and that's it. I work for TV and film and usually mostly everyone here dresses however they like including T-shirts and hats and tennis shoes and jeans or whatever. She started telling me that I should start to wear button down shirts because appearances are everything(and I agree) BUT then she told me T-shirts are fine, "when you're 16 years old".
I found that to be very rude and it pissed me off. I told her she should have worded it differently or not said that at all. She could have just said yes it's good to dress nice most of the time or whatever. What about the saying if you're not going to say something nice, then don't say anything at all? I feel like she belittled me and was condescending. Am I wrong to think this? I told her I would never say anything like that to her. I used this example: what if I told you, it's good to wear revealing clothing sometimes to a club, but only if you're a slut." That's the same principle isn't it? I want to know what you guys think? She said it was just an expression and a figure of speech.....?

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

A bit "snippy", yes- but in and of itself not worth getting upset about.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

T shirts are fine... when you're 14. She wants you to look nice always so what's the big deal? If my wife had her way I'd be mowing the lawn in a suit!

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

I don't think your analogies are comparable.

Sometimes we all say things we don't mean or are taken the wrong way. Now if she said she preferred you dressing like a bum instead of being smart that I would be worried about.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

If this is the biggest issue you two have together you are lucky. Just put on a decent shirt Homer, Belg.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

It all depends on the tone of her voice. If she meant it as a constructive way to help you improve your appearance it was not rudel However, if she said it in a mocking way to criticize your appearance, it was rude.

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

I don't think that was rude. Honestly, if someone said that about me, I wouldn't think anything of it. It's only fine to wear T's when you're 16? I can point you in the direction of a lot of rich people who only ever wear T's. So, i'm not sure what she's thinking about. So I'd have just brushed it off. It sounds more like her preference of dress style for you than anything else.

I'm also not sure why you got so offended, either. Are you 16? Are you afraid of her thinking you're 16? Are you worried about your maturity level in someone's eyes or something? Are you nervous about you asking for that raise and how you'll be taken, and got a little sensitive at what she said?
I'm not really sure what the deal is here.

I'm also not sure what figure of speech it is to say "Yea what you're wearing is alright... when you're in your teens." Never heard that one before or anything like it.

So I'm just confused.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

If this is the biggest issue you two have together you are lucky. Just put on a decent shirt Homer, Belg.

Preferably with a smart tie and polished shoes!

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

First, your instincts are correct - that you definitely should dress nicely when talking to the decision makers in your organization, when asking for a raise, a promotion, etc.. In fact, a good rule of thumb when it comes to what you wear to work is -- Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. -- Now, in some companies, that difference in attire is slight, but it can make a huge difference.

Second, I agree that the way she phrased it was a little snarky, but I wouldn't get super-worked up about it. I'm sure there've been things you've phrased that came out a little unkindly. It happens to everyone. Maybe something else was bugging her. Maybe she really does have an issue with the way you dress and thinks it's hindering your career. She definitely could've said it nicer, but it might be a good opportunity for the two of you to talk.

Read that last word -- TALK.

Not snipe at one another. No trying to make her feel bad too.

Explaining that the way her comment came across hurt your feelings is OK. Listening to her honest feelings about how you dress for work is also OK. Getting into a pissing match is not OK though, and just going to be counterproductive.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

It all depends on the tone of her voice. If she meant it as a constructive way to help you improve your appearance it was not rudel However, if she said it in a mocking way to criticize your appearance, it was rude.

Yes- it's difficult to assess this on screen.

[Brand Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Brand]

Whether or not she was right (about T-shirts), she was trying to give her advice and help you make the best choice you normally would. Now, the situation is the following:

-She was only expressing her honest opinion (I will not comment on how right/wrong it is).
-You were egocentric enough to not let it go and take it so seriously.

Remember, she did not tell you how you should/must be dressed, she only suggested. That being said, if you insist on wearing T-shirts, you can absolutely do so and disregard her suggestion.


Personally, I, I would get angry over the lack of her taste rather than her being "rude".

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

She didn't mean it in a bad way. I just thought it was unnecessary and rude since i had already said it. It was MY idea to dress nice for the meeting. Other than that, it doesn't matter how I dress cuz I don't ever see the guy. I just think it was weird for her to say "T-shirts are fine, if you're 16 years old".
I wouldn't ever say something weird or kinda rude to her like that. I understand that a big fight would be uncalled for, but does anyone else think it was weird and /or rude that she said that? I mean, I didn't do anything to hear that condescending or belittling remark.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

What's so belittling? Many women find guys more attractive in a decent shirt instead of a t shirt. She was saying something nice. My advice? Try it and see if you get laid more often.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

You wouldn't be this offended if part of you didn't agree with her. If you completely disagreed you would have let it slide. Deep down you know she makes a valid point, but that's not why you're upset.

If I may take a shot here, and I may be completely wrong but here goes.... You're looking for reasons for why you don't deserve a raise, because part of you expects to be rejected, and her comment validated your fear. You were looking for a reason, she gave you one, and now you're obsessing over other note ad of ways you can improve.

Also, ask yourself if her comment would have hurt you this much if she wasn't your girlfriend. The people closest to us know us well enough to hurt us the most. She knows you better than any of us and exactly which buttonshould to push to annoy, anger, sadden, hurt, turn you on, etc.

And I'm sorry but I have to agree with her on the button down shirts. Have you ever heard the expression "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have?" If you want to impress the higher ups you're going to need to dress the part. Depending on your job that may mean button down shirts, sometimes polls or golf shirts, silk ties (double Windsor knot), slacks or khakis, and dress shoes. I know it sucks having to dress up when you're more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt but that's part of the game. And when you dress to impress your attitude will match, because you feel more confident when you look professional.

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

I have to agree with her. But I was not there so I can't judge her tone or intent.

That being said "... it's good to wear revealing clothing sometimes to a club, but only if you're a slut." Is not an equivalent comparison.