Trust

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you, with a question.

If you betrayed your significant other or spouse, and it resulted in broken trust, how would you go about showing him/her, that they can indeed trust you again? What would you do, to make them trust you again?

And if you couldn't make them trust you again, would you let them go?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

If the person that was betrayed does not forgive then all is lost. We all make mistakes as humans; it's part of the condition isn't it? Fool me once; shame on you but you're forgiven. Fool me twice; shame on me and I'm gone.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Problem is one can forgive, but its very hard to forget. Depends on how severe the breach of trust was.

Care to share any further details?

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

Although I have never experienced this first hand, I can tell you that getting her back is something that can only happen in circumstances that are out of your control. If she holds grudges and is hyper vigilant of others, all is lost. Personally, if a woman cheated on me (if that's what happened), she would never hear from me again. I don't trust anyone, maybe it was all the BS i experienced in my childhood, idk. Good luck to you sir.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Well Jay. Having been lied to several times by my wife and son. I had a choice. Throw them under the bus, or forgive. I love them, and we are together, and I'm fine. Disappointed of course, and they both were embarrassed, part of the reason they lied to me. My wife about, ALOT, of money $100,000 minimum, credit card debt, a mortgage on the house, after I paid it off. My son, lieing about grades and my continuing to fund college. But it's only money.....right?!

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Very tough call. At the end of the day it really depends on the individuals in the situation. It is pretty difficult to give blanket statements of how to forgive or how to make the other person feel like they can trust you again. Some people are naturally forgiving, some are naturally unforgiving, some will bring it up and use it against you, others will bottle it and pretend it is okay and really fuck them up inside, and others will be able to forgive and just move on. It depends on the maturity, understanding, and personality of the people involved... as well as the situation that occurred as well. For example, flirting or a kiss is a lot more forgivable than a full-on affair etc.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Mebs nails it on the head.

Without full disclosure, we are shooting in the dark. Confide my friend, you are too much a part of this community to not let us know more detail. Let us help you for real, not talking about some imaginary friend.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

I no longer believe in the honorable forgiving attitude. If I did the betraying I would not forgive myself and I would let the other person go. If she did the betraying same thing. Good bye. If the relationship isn't worth more than a no in the moment it is not worth the yes for a lifetime.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

I greatly appreciate everyone's input.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Any help?

[proactive Senior MemberMember of the Month ? 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close proactive]

well for myself. as i knew my marriage was at the end. i said that i will put it all out on the line to make sure that i had a clear conscience knowing i did all i could to mend the tear. so after i was clean a couple of months i confessed to looking at porn for the previous year of our marriage.

well, it didn't get any better from there. but my point wasn't that you dump your soul and watch your life go to crap. my point is you do everything you can to make it right. if that isn't enough. then that's the reality of it. we are all flawed individuals. we all make mistakes. it's hard to own those mistakes and keep our heads up. but that's what we need to do.

hang in there, hoping you the best

[darmo Member Find all posts View Profile Close darmo]

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you, with a question.

If you betrayed your significant other or spouse, and it resulted in broken trust, how would you go about showing him/her, that they can indeed trust you again? What would you do, to make them trust you again?

And if you couldn't make them trust you again, would you let them go?

The problem here is not about the trust. You can show him/her they can trust you again and he/she may want to actually trust you again, but it is unlikely they will forget, the more details they have the less they will forget.

There are plenty of things to try and do to make them trust you again but I don't know of any solution to remove what they know from their head.

If you can't make them trust you it is not whether you let them go, I guess they would go by themselves.

If you can indeed make them trust you, the relationship won't be the same because she/he won't forget, even after a very long time it will come back sometimes.

So save he/she the long term pain of the knowledge in their head and keep the mouth closed.

[Undead Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Undead]

I wouldn't forgive someone if "sexual affair" happened. Its just self respect and considering i wouldn't have done that to her. But thats just me like people say depends on your personality. You can always try to forgive and if that doesnt work then you will know its time to move on.

[Frog Senior Member Member of the Month March 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close Frog]

I'm of the mind set, if you are in a committed relationship where both parties agree, stepping outside that relationship to be physical with someone else shows the lack of respect and lack of commitment by that person. Once a cheater always a cheater.

If the said relationship is in such a state that someone is looking outside said relationship for physical and or emotional connection there's a deeper problem. Either the relationship is and has been a mess for sometime or the cheater has some serious personal/mental/emotional issues.

Either way you are in for one hell of a roller coaster depending on what choice you make.

Good luck Jay

[UglyBoy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close UglyBoy]

I honestly think that the act of cheating isn't so much as the gas buildup, but rather the canary in the mine, so to speak. As soon as someone cheats in a relationship it just demonstrates that the relationship wasn't going as great as it may have seemed.

Cheating is mutually recognised as an ultimate breach of trust, but more than that, it requires a subconscious desire to disrespect or offend the other party, even if the person who does cheat consciously tells themselves that they would never want to hurt the other, it stems from the cheater not feeling comfortable in the relationship for whatever reason. In reality, if you cheat or are willing to cheat, the truth is that you should have ended your relationship before this. This willingness to discard the consideration for the other's 'respect quota' in the relationship is comparable to how dreams tell us how we feel in our day to day.

Cheating is seen as a very negative thing, and very rightly so; it shows that you need to know yourself better, and therefore translates as a reckless immaturity on the cheater's behalf.

By this I do NOT mean that, if you have cheated on someone, you're inherently a bad person. No one is good or bad. It just means you have to know yourself better and better identify what kind of relationship suits you best. If you do cheat on someone, analyse, as seriously as possible, what was missing in your relationship and what made you subconsciously want to get back/call for attention at the other person.