I'm A Woman, Ask Me Anything!

[SnapperLapper Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SnapperLapper]

We are always communicating so when the cold and hot flashes came along with breaks in my usually very regular cycle we were both on the same page.

I have a friend that was having hot flashes before I started and I she was over at the house one night with her husband and she had a hot flash. She said it was the jalapenos on the pizza but her husband said "no honey, its a hot flash". She denied it, she was in complete denial but he knew.

Let me know if you need any other info - it was a bumpy ride but a quick one for me.

LOL! We're past it now, but it was a long bumpy ride. As soon as I was clued in, I researched it. Up unto that point, however, I knew nothing about what women went through. My wife was a lot like your friend's wife. I think she was not only in denial, but kept it to herself, and I was none the wiser.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

LOL! We're past it now, but it was a long bumpy ride. As soon as I was clued in, I researched it. Up unto that point, however, I knew nothing about what women went through. My wife was a lot like your friend's wife. I think she was not only in denial, but kept it to herself, and I was none the wiser.

Don't beat yourself up about it, just be glad you figured it out. I think a lot of divorces happen because both women and men don't figure this out quick enough.

Even knowing only made it easier because I had someone who would listen and understand (Poor ZZM, you may have been better not knowing). I could have lost my job a couple of times because I would have these outbursts and say exactly what was on my mind in a meeting, and I said some real doozies. Some I think are still being passed around by others. I said the types of things you always want to say to people but it is never appropriate to say. It's like I lost all control of my filters.

The libido change was also a big issue - was so frightened I would be like that for the rest of my life. Now however, I am always willing and able.

[wmwl2 spice Member Find all posts View Profile Close wmwl2 spice]

As a woman if a man asked you about pegging as way to spice up sex life. Would you think gay tendencies,less a man or more of man for open minded and willing to let you take charge and dominate him in this way?

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

I wouldn't think gay tendencies as I'm a woman.

I wouldn't think less of a man neither, it just doesn't appeal to me.

Funny seeing I'm a bit of feminist but I wouldn't want to dominate a man like that.

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

As a woman if a man asked you about pegging as way to spice up sex life. Would you think gay tendencies,less a man or more of man for open minded and willing to let you take charge and dominate him in this way?

To be honest, I don't know what I would think at first. Gay would probably not come to mind unless there were other tendencies present.

I don't think I would be upset, but I would definitely ask why you were interested in the act. I would then simply explain that I am not interested and hope that you were okay with that.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Please for the benefit of the membership, Describe Menopause, how it affected you, what changes took place, how you have adjusted and what others (partners) can expect from the experience?

[SnapperLapper Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SnapperLapper]

Ladies, has there ever been a time in your lives where you struggled to have orgasms? And if so, how did you overcome it?

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

Please for the benefit of the membership, Describe Menopause, how it affected you, what changes took place, how you have adjusted and what others (partners) can expect from the experience?

This will be an extremely lengthy post so I apologize in advance and remind readers that this is from my point of veiw. For the others who had to endure the experience with me I am very sorry for what I put you through.

Menopause is a very confusing thing because there is, premenopause, menopause and post menopause. There is no definitive time stamp as to when one ends and the other begins.

In August of my 48th year of life, I went to an OBGYN for some other feminine issues I was having. The technician was doing an ultrasound as a diagnostic and during the exam said, well you are not menopausal. She said she knew this because my ovaries were still working. In October that same year I noticed that I started to sweat more than normal under the armpits and my normal deodorant was not working. Mainly because it was just that, a deodorant not an antiperspirant. I had to ask a friend if she ever had that issue and she stated yes but it was because of menopause, she also said that I was too young (Not true however, research shows it starts between 45 and 55).

By November I realized that I had not had a menstrual cycle since August. In December I talked with my physician and she said that I was most likely "premenopausal". She gave no definite answers though but was not concerned. I was very excited. Was told need to go a year without a cycle and I would be done, meaning as I understood it "postmenopausal". January came and I had a period.

During the next year, there were no real changes other than a very unpredictable menstrual cycle. I could go months without and then my "friend" would show up. I truly thought I was going to have the easiest time of this whole menopause thing as my only symptoms was a little extra sweat and an unpredictable cycle. Boy was I wrong!

So premenopause/menopause, by the next January I had missed 3 months of a cycle and started to get cold flashes, yes that's right COLD flashes. My body literally turned to ice. Layers upon layers of clothes could not warm me and I was not aloud to touch anyone as it was like grabbing them with a hand full of ice. My libido tanked, I could not produce any natural lube and I was miserable because of it. Hubby tried to entice me but it did not feel good. He started to feel guilty when I took care of him but wanted nothing in return. I am now 50 and each month I missed, the more excited I became; 4 mo., 5 mo., 6 mo., 7 mo.,...I went for 8 months without a cycle and was truly thinking I have this thing licked when BOOM my period started - no warning, just started bleeding one day in the middle of class. I actually had to go to the nurse and ask for feminine protection and go home during my lunch to get new pants.

Hubby and I were continually talking about how to improve my sexual desires but nothing we tried worked.

Now the fun begins menopause/post menopause. It is now September and I am still 50. I now have a mix of hot and cold flashes and find myself not being patient with anyone - The Bitch has arrived! Each month I was getting worse and worse and the F-word became my favorite word (outside of work of course although I came close a few times). My poor family and students were wondering if I was abducted by aliens and they replaced me with this crazy woman. Some even suggested I was Bipolar.

By January, now 51, I was having a hard time dealing with people. Still no libido. After 6 mo. with no cycle, February comes and I have what the doctor says is a period but basically you needed a microscope to see the blood so I had to start my count to 12 over again. In March of that same year I was in a meeting with my Supervisor, her Supervisor and a bunch of Co-workers. You know how sometimes there are things you always want to say but know you should never say, well, I got so angry in the meeting that I actually accused my bosses boss of sleeping with a subordinate. I literally had no control over my mouth, it was like no filter from thought to the real world with no hesitation. Not sure how I didn't lose my job but I knew that I needed to do something quick. Went back to my doctor and she wanted to put me on antidepressants but they immediately triggered a massive migraine so she put me on estrogen. Smooth sailing ever since within a month hot/cold flashes subsided and my libido returned with a vengeance.
It has been 17 months and no cycleand the Doc says I am officially Postmenopausal!

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

Ladies, has there ever been a time in your lives where you struggled to have orgasms? And if so, how did you overcome it?

When my libido tanked during menopause and I was unable to produce any natural lubricant. ZZM and I tried artificial lubes and they helped a little but it took forever to orgasm and they were not the same when I did. My orgasms were very bland and I felt like they weren't worth the work on either of our parts to get me there. It was very depressing for me as I desired sex like it used to be. Premarin (estrogen replacement) worked within a month, natural lube and desires are back and I am "randier" than I was in my 20's.

[Pirate Retired AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Pirate]

When my libido tanked during menopause and I was unable to produce any natural lubricant. ZZM and I tried artificial lubes and they helped a little but it took forever to orgasm and they were not the same when I did. My orgasms were very bland and I felt like they weren't worth the work on either of our parts to get me there. It was very depressing for me as I desired sex like it used to be. Premarin (estrogen replacement) worked within a month, natural lube and desires are back and I am "randier" than I was in my 20's.

Yarrr!

[ino Senior Member Member of the Month June 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close ino]

Thank you for your story ZZWoman! It seems as if you have had quite the classic symptoms of pre-/post-/menopause that we read about. It had me question whether your struggles with your menopause is connected to ZZMan's decision to become a member here two years ago.

And I guess I am particularly nosy today, as I even wonder whether you were right about the bosses boss having an affair with one of the subordinates. I am happy though, that you are past the 12 months of the past period, or I would be afraid to cross you by asking these things. No seriously, I feel I learned from reading your personal story. And I think you are a cool and a confident woman as you don't share only rosy stories of life, but also share some of the challenging experiences.

Being the youngest of my generation in my family (among siblings and cousins), and with many female members who have been open to me, I have heard four of them mention how their menopause transpired. (That last word was not meant as a pun when I wrote it.) My oldest sister and my mother have told me that they didn't have symptoms at all during the time, except for the obvious irregular bleeding. (Well, my oldest sister is 56, so I reckon she is past menopause, or at least soon.) No temperature changes, and in their own opinion not much mood changes to speak of either (although some of us observers don't completely agree). So they have been lucky. A third woman, a cousin, said it was a light transition. A fourth woman I believe is still a bit early in the process, but personally she expresses being relieved about the menopause, since regularly she had these severe painful menstruations, that had her on ER on several occasions. (I took her to ER one time, and boy, it was a scary experience and sight.) But she has her symptoms, like straight from the blue she starts sweating immensely from the armpits. And also, she who has usually been a mellow type, suddenly has a short fuse at times. E.g. she expresses wanting to knock down people who hurries across her on the subway and into the train. ("That is rude, and it is only fair that I should inflict him with severe pain!")

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

Premarin (estrogen replacement) worked within a month, natural lube and desires are back and I am "randier" than I was in my 20's.

Randier?

I had to look that one up...Sexy word alert! #UJApproved

[TheZZWoman Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZWoman]

It had me question whether your struggles with your menopause is connected to ZZMan's decision to become a member here two years ago.

And I guess I am particularly nosy today, as I even wonder whether you were right about the bosses boss having an affair with one of the subordinates.

I think ZZM joined for his own issues which can be a completely different thread.

As far as the affair thing. When I said it, I don't think it was a true statement I was only expressing true anger in her decision which she made based on something the subordinate said to her and with no consult from us who it affected most. But given the way she reacted and the how I was treated afterward made me think I actually was on to something

[ino Senior Member Member of the Month June 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close ino]

Randier?

I had to look that one up...Sexy word alert! #UJApproved

Until three days ago I thought every English-speaking nation knew the meaning of "randy" as in being horny. But then a FB-friend of mine (from PEGym actually) cited something from Ayn Rand, and I responded by saying that an anagram of Ayn Rand was "Randy An", and further I questioned whether the anagram was correct about the author. My FB-friend responded by underlining that Ayn Rand was a "SHE". It was then I understood that my FB-friend didn't catch this particular meaning of the anagram. I guess the word "randy" for horny isn't a common word outside Great Britain. I remember hearing the word for this meaning the first time when British prince Andrew was nicknamed "Randy Andy".

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

I do commend you, ZZW, for being willing to work on the marriage bed. Some wives would not even bother to do this.

For example, my wife was discussing our sister-in-law and my wife asked her if her and my wife's brother still have sex. Our sister-in-law scrunches up her face in disgust as to say "no."

My wife stated she could be the same if I wasn't the one who initiated making love. Truth be told, I play nonchalance and say to her, "If you don't want to make love, that's fine..." She ends up wanting to. LOL

I finally learned how to stop being needy for sex and be the alpha.