Advice Needed.

[Sticke Senior Member Member of the Month March 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Sticke]

I've been with my gf for 1 year and 1 month. We are in the same college so we actually do homework together, but that affects our relationship. We study Computer Science so the shedule is pretty full and it's going to get even fuller from next year (5 projects at the same time etc). The problem is our lifestyle is pretty different. I like to wake up early and get over my sh*t early. But she likes to wake up at 12-2 am. My solution is let's do our lifestyles and meet on dates. Her response was that she may want to wake up at 2 pm and study up to 3 am at night so she questions how are we going to meet?

She is really negative with both situations but she is really emotionally unstable right now and so am I. We will be apart for 2 months in the summer, so my plan is giving my new shedule a try. Studying 8-2pm in the morning, then gym and friends at the beach. But she really doesn't seem to support it (not that I really care). I really love her but I think in the long run I think we are going to find so many problems in our paths. Any advice will be appreciated.

[Dance Sucka Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dance Sucka]

Hey Sticke, I had a similar experience with balancing lifestyles in college when I was with my ex. It's important because as you said, it affects your relationship. In fact, it can be very problematic if you don't come to a compromise.

A compromise here requires listening to and respecting each other's needs. Fortunately, there are many ways you can go about it. I have a couple of ideas:

• You could keep separate schedules and essentially take a break from each other to finish school strong. You might plan weekly date nights, then perhaps a summer trip to give you both something to look forward to.
• If you live together, you could compromise on your sleep schedule and meet in the middle; for example, on weekdays you both go to bed at 12am instead of 2am, and wake up together at 10am instead of 8am or 12pm. Maybe on weekends you sleep in together until 2pm. Up to you both.

She's stressed out and needs to feel supported by you, but you absolutely can't compromise yourself to live her lifestyle. On the other hand, you're obligated to listen to her needs and be supportive in whatever compromise you agree on. The two ideas I presented are the best possible solutions, one involving separate lifestyles and the other, synchronized lifestyles. You could play it either way - beginning with the "taking a break" or beginning with the synchronized schedules - and then offering the other as an alternative, if necessary. Just make sure she feels that you are compassionate toward her situation and that she feels felt.

Good luck bro, and let us know how it goes!