Feeling Gutted

[RageWarrior Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RageWarrior]

I've been seeing this girl for 5 months now and it's been incredible. I find her incredibly attractive, she has the best character of any person I've been with and the sex has been great.
I'm 30 and have always had size insecurities since I was in high school and felt like I was always a bit smaller than the other boys in the locker room (5.5"x4.5" erect).
I was pretty much single 2 years prior to my current relationship and had buried my insecurities and up until a couple weeks ago I almost completely forgot about them.
Somehow we got on the topic of "what makes a vagina\penis feel good." She was going to say something then stopped, then told me "our sexual chemistry was really good." I called her out and said "that's not what you were going to say." She was incredibly hesitant and then said "I've had bigger before and it just hurt, our sex is the best I've ever had, I just didn't want to say anything because I didn't want you to think it's all about the sex."

While I know she had no intention of hurting me I couldn't help but feel like her saying our sex is the best was a way to placate me.

This last weekend the topic came up again and she said "I was surprised that most of my coworkers said they preferred someone bigger, I've never had a problem with small." To which I asked "You don't think I'm small do you?" I feel like my tone inclined her to say "no" to protect my self esteem, but her facial expression read "I'm making a calculated answer."

Now it's like my insecurities are getting the best of me and need the facts on how "inferior" I am. I just want to ask her "do you think I'm small? Am I the smallest you've ever had?" but I fear the answers would absolutely destroy me. My sleep has been destroyed, I've cried multiple nights and just feel absolutely gutted. I've just started PE.

Should I tell my gf this is the way these conversations have truly made me feel? Should I ask her these questions to get down to the "truth" even if it destroys me? Should I continue PE in silence?

Thoughts appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

You are pretty much dead average so she would have had bigger and smaller .

You are not in a good headspace to start pe.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

You really need to put those insecurities in a little box, put the box on the floor in the closet.

Then get back to nurturing that relationship.

Stop with that game going on, in-between your ears.

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

You caught a keeper. Trust me. You just need to work on your anxiety/insecurities.

Welcome to the jungle.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

From the way it sounds you had something great going on with her up to this point. Don't throw it all away on something that you can actually change. Don't hold it against her that she had bigger guys in the past. She can't help that now and that all happened before you. Regardless of how big they were or how good they might have been, she chose you, not them. Some things you gotta deal with.

What if you let your insecurities get the best of you, it destroys this relationship and you find yourself single again. You wait several years to lick your wounds and then finally decide to get back into the playing field. You meet another nice girl that you start falling in love with and then one day you also find out she had bigger. You gonna keep running and saying "Woe is me" ?

If it's any bit of encouragement, me and you both started at the same size.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

From what I’ve learned on line goggles, Cosmopolitan, and the ladies here, generally what a woman wants in the bedroom is a man who is sure of himself, bravado, if you will AND a rock hard erection, of any size. I started PE exactly your size, been with the same woman for 40 years never a complaint. I’d be lying if I said she didn’t like my bigger size but she says she always liked my penis because it was attached to me.

[RageWarrior Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RageWarrior]

From the way it sounds you had something great going on with her up to this point. Don't throw it all away on something that you can actually change. Don't hold it against her that she had bigger guys in the past. She can't help that now and that all happened before you. Regardless of how big they were or how good they might have been, she chose you, not them. Some things you gotta deal with.

What if you let your insecurities get the best of you, it destroys this relationship and you find yourself single again. You wait several years to lick your wounds and then finally decide to get back into the playing field. You meet another nice girl that you start falling in love with and then one day you also find out she had bigger. You gonna keep running and saying "Woe is me" ?

If it's any bit of encouragement, me and you both started at the same size.

This was both incredibly encouraging and insightful. I really appreciate it.


Thank you all for the feedback, after reading through and digesting I'm feeling a lot better. I've never felt like my brain was hijacked to such a strong degree. Wild how insecurities can take over.

It really got me to reflect that the happiness and fulfillment I've been experiencing in my relationship has been the unique bond we're sharing and our sex is an expression of that unique bond.

[Norwaydude Senior Member Member of the Month Oct. 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Norwaydude]

I wish you luck buddy! I think everyone have been where you are at some point. I still have some need for reassuring from time to time. But I think its wise to keep it to yourself. Be proud of your girl and be happy she's with you. I bet she have other options but she choose you for a reason. This stuff can eat you up if you let it.

[closed278 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed278]

You messed up man, asking a girl if you are "small" is like asking the Gov is they want to spend more or your money. There is no reason for a man to ask a woman this question.


Try to put things into perspective friend. There are disabled couples out there that have sex with MANY MANY MANY difficulties and they still manage to connect. TRUST ME, even if you had the biggest dick out of 1000 people it still wouldn't change how a woman acts or how you feel. If you had a HUGE dick then it would be your car, or clothes, or something else that would make you feel insecure.

Learn to love yourself and be greatful for everything else, and NEVER ask a women about your dick again.
just my 2cents.

BTW, I think "average penis" needs to go, the penis an an amazing pleasure and life given body part, it's not average, it's AMAZING!