I don't feel the spark anymore??

[Danner Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Danner]

I have been married for 5 years and we had our ups and downs like a rollercoaster. This past 2 years during sex I have lost interest greatly almost to the point where I don't want to have sex but I do . It doesn't feel excited anymore trust me I tried everything to spice it up the desire is just not there anymore. I also our sexlife is really crappy . any suggestion??? Plus I have a really high sex drive. I think I need another woman what do you think???

[boxer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close boxer]

Im no relationship expert,infact im terrible at them, but ill just say the if your not happy with the person your with then don't be with them. I don't no much about your situation so leaving her may not be the case, but if your truly unhappy with her and don't love her then why be with her?

[cameraobscura Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close cameraobscura]

My experience is that the true erotic organ is the heart. If you're asking for recommendations, I might suggest that sometime before an amorous encounter you sit, with eyes closed, and imagine/remember some of the moments of closeness and intimacy with your spouse, the sacrifices you have made for each other, and experiment with engaging in some reflection that will allow you to generate a love and warmth which you can later share with her physically.
I remember one time especially, with my last girlfriend, I felt a uniquely deep bond and sense of trust, and a kind of warmth and happiness in my chest- my erection at that time was like a piece of steel, it needed no stimulation to sustain itself, being rather an instrument of purely conscious control. That experience shifted my whole relationship with what I considered erotic.
Good luck danner, may the flame of love and sex re-ignite for you and your wife.

[burt Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close burt]

I have been married for 5 years and we had our ups and downs like a rollercoaster. This past 2 years during sex I have lost interest greatly almost to the point where I don't want to have sex but I do . It doesn't feel excited anymore trust me I tried everything to spice it up the desire is just not there anymore. I also our sexlife is really crappy . any suggestion??? Plus I have a really high sex drive. I think I need another woman what do you think???

I've been involved in some long term (several years) relationships, although not married, and I know exactly what you mean. Be prepared for some people to tell you that you have to do this or that, get creative, blah, blah, blah. I've done all that, and gotten really creative, but the bottom line is....you are still having sex with the same person.

I love just starting to have sex with someone, the first few times, and the rush and the excitement is incredible. Best feeling ever to me...

I just believe that this is very natural, what you are going through. Believe me, I have lots of married friends, and I've heard all this before. I personally don't think you'll get your spark back with the same ole woman. You know, most times, after you've had sex with the same person literally thousands of times, it just gets so boring and ho- hum.

I want you to think about this analogy. Say that your favorite food is roast beef sandwiches, but you get tired of just beef and bread. So you start putting different condiments, different lettuces, try all kinds of cheeses and even different breads to "spice things up''. But finally, after all of this, you realize that your still eating roast beef sandwiches.

I say get a hamburger then.

[blackirish Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackirish]

I'm married over 1 year. We're both in our 20s and got married right after grad school. I'm a guy and I have a high sex drive also. I've had some gfs that had really high sex drives, some with really low sex drives, and my wife is right in the middle. Sometimes it bothers me...but we talked about it. We have sex every night no matter what because we never want to get in a rut where we don't enjoy it or it doesn't mean anything or one person isn't satisfied. Doing this was like an agreement we both made and it was fun to see if we could really have sex every night. What happened is that those times together became less about sex and more about connecting with each other nightly. Sometimes its just about sex and I love those times because its usually really hot, but 6 out of the 7 times a week, its about connecting.

I think if sex is the only "problem" in your marriage, it would be really foolish to throw away 5 years because of that. I know all of these guys are entitled to an opinion but look at it this way...no one above is or has been married, but they are giving you marriage advice and in my opinion, bad advice. You wouldn't take legal advice from a non-lawyer, medical advice from an accountant, or fitness advice from an obese person...so why take marriage advice from someone who isn't and has never been married. Its an entirely unique commitment that needs to be actually experienced to be understood. A lot more goes into it than sex, fun, and the other things that even the closest relationships have.

You and I both know that marriage is more than just sex. Look, every poster until me has said that they just basically get bored with sex and want to experience something new, so they move on. Thats why they haven't been married. They didn't feel a connection worthy enough of getting married. Whether you want to remember or not...at some point your relationship was about more than sex and so you proposed. Well say you get a divorce, you nail a couple chicks, you get into another relationship only to realize eventually you get bored with her too. What do you have? Except a really shallow existence.

I think what you really need to do is see if you're frustrated because of your sex life or something else. If its really only sex, then thats any easy fix. Level with your wife and be like...listen for the 5-15 minutes it takes me to feel satisfied every night, our marriage can be a whole lot better. But I think you need to talk with her and see what the "real" issue is, if there is one. My guess is other stuff is going on beyond your sex life...for instance your respect for each other might have dropped.

My wife gets really pissed if I am sloppy. Her definition of sloppy is not pre-rinsing the dishes. But I talked with her and explained thats insane, I think shes crazy, and she agreed. But I also pre-rinse dishes now because I know its important to her. She also doesn't get on my case when I go to the gym for 2 hours and come home to PE and play xbox haha. Because she knows that is what I need. After doing all that, I get to have sex every night with a really hot wife...why? Not because I'm lucky but because we're both smart enough to know that respect and communication are the most critical aspects of a marriage.

You have to think if you married her to be your sex slave or to be your partner. Then you guys have to talk and work out your problems. I'd also say challenge yourselves to sex every night. And explain there are going to be nights when 1 of you aren't feeling it and it might not be "awesome" but you're both getting what you want and developing a different kind of connection.

Don't be dumb and toss 5 years of marriage away if its only sex, thats easily curable. And if you have both had your ups and downs like you said, you can get through another one. Its time guys stop acting like pussies and feeling sorry for themselves...take a little responsibility, take control, and be a man. My guess is she won't be able to get enough of you.

Honestly, not bragging but I workout 2 hours a day an hour of which is at karate. I look good and can beat just about anyone's ass. I respect my wife and do what she needs around our place. I go after my career hard and I'm trying to climb the ladder faster and get some other streams of revenue going. I don't lose my temper anymore around my wife...I stay positive, I compliment her often and I just try to be a man. Honestly, it makes me love her more. She notices it and takes steps to be better for me too. My point is, if you're not getting sex...maybe its because you aren't being the man she needs you to be, maybe you're disrespecting her in some way you don't realize. Sex is emotional for women...not us. If the other stuff in life is lacking, she isn't going to want to have sex.

So just get to the root of it and work it out. If she is faithful, supportive, and makes an effort to be a good wife - you got it made.

[Nsome Member Find all posts View Profile Close Nsome]

Damnnn blackirish..that was freaking EPIC!

I ain't married or anything..but fuzzzz you hit a home-run with that one!

[blackirish Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackirish]

Damnnn blackirish..that was freaking EPIC!

I ain't married or anything..but fuzzzz you hit a home-run with that one!

Haha sorry, man. And I am not trying to discount anyone's opinion or experiences. I just don't want to see someone toss away something so important for sex or even consider it ya know?

[RMJack Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RMJack]

OK kids,

I'm pushing towards 50, and have been married 20 years. Love is a decision, not a feeling. After 19 wonderful years, we've had a really rocky year; infidelity (on her part), which rocked me to the core. I would have bet you a million dollars that would never happen. But it did, and I made the decision not to toss 19 great years away without a fight.

Long story short, I found out she was clinically depressed (not that that excuses her choices, but it does explain how odd / disconnected her behavior was), and she's on some pretty powerful anti-depressants, and we're working with a therapist (she is), and we're seeing a marriage counselor together. It's been 3 months, and not easy, but it's been an amazing journey. We have a long way to go, but we both know we're going to get through this OK, scarred, but better than before. We are so much more aware of our relationship and the work needed to nurture and care for it. You come to this site to figure out how give the best TLC to your dick so it'll grow bigger. Do you ever think how to care for and nurture your relationship?

My point is with EVERY relationship there will be rough edges, and it'll seem tempting to jump to another relationship. Don't do it. You'll simply find different edges.

Fix your relationship, and you'll find the sex amazing. There's a book available that made a huge difference for us. Its Christen based, but we're not religious and still found it incredibly helpful. It's called the "Love Dare" book, and is available on Amazon.

Take are of your marriage the way you take care of your penis, and you'll have saved the deepest and most sacred relationship you'll ever have. But it takes work. Take the lead, and show her that you love her.

I sincerely wish you the best. Make the decision to love her. The feelings will follow for both of you.

[Leviathan Member Find all posts View Profile Close Leviathan]

I'm married over 1 year. We're both in our 20s and got married right after grad school. I'm a guy and I have a high sex drive also. I've had some gfs that had really high sex drives, some with really low sex drives, and my wife is right in the middle. Sometimes it bothers me...but we talked about it. We have sex every night no matter what because we never want to get in a rut where we don't enjoy it or it doesn't mean anything or one person isn't satisfied. Doing this was like an agreement we both made and it was fun to see if we could really have sex every night. What happened is that those times together became less about sex and more about connecting with each other nightly. Sometimes its just about sex and I love those times because its usually really hot, but 6 out of the 7 times a week, its about connecting.

I think if sex is the only "problem" in your marriage, it would be really foolish to throw away 5 years because of that. I know all of these guys are entitled to an opinion but look at it this way...no one above is or has been married, but they are giving you marriage advice and in my opinion, bad advice. You wouldn't take legal advice from a non-lawyer, medical advice from an accountant, or fitness advice from an obese person...so why take marriage advice from someone who isn't and has never been married. Its an entirely unique commitment that needs to be actually experienced to be understood. A lot more goes into it than sex, fun, and the other things that even the closest relationships have.

You and I both know that marriage is more than just sex. Look, every poster until me has said that they just basically get bored with sex and want to experience something new, so they move on. Thats why they haven't been married. They didn't feel a connection worthy enough of getting married. Whether you want to remember or not...at some point your relationship was about more than sex and so you proposed. Well say you get a divorce, you nail a couple chicks, you get into another relationship only to realize eventually you get bored with her too. What do you have? Except a really shallow existence.

I think what you really need to do is see if you're frustrated because of your sex life or something else. If its really only sex, then thats any easy fix. Level with your wife and be like...listen for the 5-15 minutes it takes me to feel satisfied every night, our marriage can be a whole lot better. But I think you need to talk with her and see what the "real" issue is, if there is one. My guess is other stuff is going on beyond your sex life...for instance your respect for each other might have dropped.

My wife gets really pissed if I am sloppy. Her definition of sloppy is not pre-rinsing the dishes. But I talked with her and explained thats insane, I think shes crazy, and she agreed. But I also pre-rinse dishes now because I know its important to her. She also doesn't get on my case when I go to the gym for 2 hours and come home to PE and play xbox haha. Because she knows that is what I need. After doing all that, I get to have sex every night with a really hot wife...why? Not because I'm lucky but because we're both smart enough to know that respect and communication are the most critical aspects of a marriage.

You have to think if you married her to be your sex slave or to be your partner. Then you guys have to talk and work out your problems. I'd also say challenge yourselves to sex every night. And explain there are going to be nights when 1 of you aren't feeling it and it might not be "awesome" but you're both getting what you want and developing a different kind of connection.

Don't be dumb and toss 5 years of marriage away if its only sex, thats easily curable. And if you have both had your ups and downs like you said, you can get through another one. Its time guys stop acting like pussies and feeling sorry for themselves...take a little responsibility, take control, and be a man. My guess is she won't be able to get enough of you.

Honestly, not bragging but I workout 2 hours a day an hour of which is at karate. I look good and can beat just about anyone's ass. I respect my wife and do what she needs around our place. I go after my career hard and I'm trying to climb the ladder faster and get some other streams of revenue going. I don't lose my temper anymore around my wife...I stay positive, I compliment her often and I just try to be a man. Honestly, it makes me love her more. She notices it and takes steps to be better for me too. My point is, if you're not getting sex...maybe its because you aren't being the man she needs you to be, maybe you're disrespecting her in some way you don't realize. Sex is emotional for women...not us. If the other stuff in life is lacking, she isn't going to want to have sex.

So just get to the root of it and work it out. If she is faithful, supportive, and makes an effort to be a good wife - you got it made.

What he said ^^^ The only thing I will say is to the " Sex is emotional for women...not us." I'd say not all women follow this stereotype, [ & not all men believe sex is separate from emotions ] so your mileage may very.

Ultimately, communication has to be #1. & if the sex isn't right, the problem's not the sex...it's something else in the marital relationship. Bad Sex Life = Symptom of Something Else. [ speaking from experience ] ~

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I think you did not give enough info danner, I wasted 13 years on a no hope marriage and should have cut my loss early.
But the question is ,how is your relationship generaly?

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I think Blackirish is spot on with what he said. I was married........for 7 very long years and the sex was terrible. Now granted, it takes two to tango and I've already admitted my fault for the downfall of my failed marriage. I was a very selfish lover.........I'll fully admit it. I was merely concerned about satisfying my needs in the sack and hers were sort of an after thought. That was then and this is now. The bad sex wasn't our only problem but for the sake of argument, she and I just weren't a good fit and I was way too immature to have been married to begin with. I was 26 when I got married. I'm not just about 40. I'm a WHOLE different animal than I was back then and I've learned alot about myself, sex and relationships.

My point to all this is, there should be other reasons, as Blackirish pointed out, for throwing away a 5 year marriage. Just because the sex isn't good? Bro, that excuse is kinda weak to me. If she cheated on you, or was horrible with money and racked up a ton of debt or she abused you (emotionally or physically) or was just a bad person, those reasons I could see. But simply because the sex isn't all that? You can fix the bedroom activity and such to make it fun and exciting.

On the other hand, maybe you're realizing after 5 years of marriage that maybe you're not the marrying type. Maybe having multiple female lovers is more your thing and you don't want to be confined to just 1 woman the rest of your life. No, I'm not advocating you go out and cheat or commit infidelity but I am telling you to think about what it is that will ultimately make YOU happy. No one else is living your life except for you and no one understands this concept better than myself. I was married to the wrong person, I was made miserable and it wasn't just because of the bad sex. I'm now single and I love my life. I have an ex gf with a huge appetite for sex that I just started hanging out with again after a 6 month absense and she and I just kicked in the sex part again and being with someone who knows what you like in bed and someone who you share that same sexual chemistry with...........there aint no feelin' like it on planet Earth.

[burt Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close burt]

I like what MrBigDick said about some people not being the marrying type. That's certainly true for me, I'm in my early 30's and nearly everyone I know is married, most for a while now. I see two types; those that are happy in their marriage and feel they made the right choice, and then those who are still in the marriage but can't get out for financial reasons, kids, etc. I bet now with the economy that finances and maybe not being able to sell a home has a lot to do with it.

Not everyone is cut out for marriage. Thankfully for me, I've always been honest to myself about that. I like my freedom, coming and going as I please, and marriage doesn't allow that. You've gotten some good tips, some say work at it and others to go your seperate ways. I guess you'll just have to figure out who you are and what you want. Good luck, burt

[sg0123456 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close sg0123456]

i can see both sides.. i was in a marriage-like relationship for 5 years and for the last 2-3 years anything would give me a hardon except my partner.. we wanted it to work and kept trying for another 2 years but we only delayed the unavoidable. Just like sex isnt equally important to women as it is to men, it also isnt equally important to all men. And a woman could possibly pretend she is enjoying sex to try and improve things it but when the guy cant get hard well thats pretty much it! Hope you make the right choice for you.

[Danner Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Danner]

I can't really post anything right now . But tommorrow I will spill the all beans about why I don't feel the spark anymore and no it is just not about the sex it is everything . I will post more when my wife is at work I'm a stay at home dad lol . To be continued.........

[kingpole Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close kingpole]

I know this sounds moronic but feelings are often goverend by emotions. For men and women sexual feeeling decline due to a decline in testosterone. Women start losing sex drive at around age 25. Men at around 40. For women often it is thier contraceptive thats the culprit (The Pill) These contain estrogen or progestoerone or both. Sometimes just changing the medication to a different birth control pill will help a woman sex drive return.

There are ways to increase libido for men natural remedies to increase testosterone. ginger, green tea, genseng just to name a few. They also work for women. Physical exercise increases testosterone a good example would be squats or bench press exercise.