Tweet
I'm 34, wife is 32, we've been married a few years, no kids.
We have both thrown the divorce card out in arguements before and now I'm kinda feeling that it is the only route left for us, but I'm scared to make that leap, despite it probably being the best thing to do. We argue pretty much every day, sometimes for hours, and usually over the most trivial things (ie, me leaving some plates by the sink) and we struggle to agree on anything these days. She complains we never have sex, yet she never initiates sex and when I try she says she's not in the mood.
I'm the bread winner in the house, and I pay for all the rent/utilities/insurance and then we have a shared account for house stuff & groceries. I'm really trying to plan for the future by saving & investing as much of my spare cash as possible so that early retirement is a possibility, whereas she wants to spend every penny she earns each month (she's now dropped down to a part-time role) on clothes, jewellery, furniture, etc, whereas I haven't even bought an item of clothing this year, let alone anything extravagant.
I admit I'm not an emotional person and that I often find dealing with emotional people very difficult, which often exacerbates our fights, because I can't understand why after apologising and trying to move on, she wants to keep arguing and waste even more time. She expects a Hollywood-esque apology every time I "screw up" over such minor things. There's never been any cheating in the relationship but she never trusts me any more because I once texted a girl from work about going to the gym, which I didn't ever hide.
My morale and motivation is at an all time low. I don't feel like working out, like participating in any of my hobbies or hanging out with my friends because I feel bad that she doesn't have any friends round here (and refuses to try making any) & has recently broken up with her best friend.
What I'm worried about:
1. The stigma of getting divorced and the difficulty of finding a new relationship after divorce.
2. That my wife will have a far worse time of it than me. I have a good career trajectory and I'll actually have a lot more money by living alone somewhere smaller, whereas she will probably have to move in with her parents and start her life all over again with her very minimal qualifications. She is probably also going to lose out on the chance to have kids this way too.
Am I being stupid to throw a marriage away, or would cutting the pain sooner rather than later make more sense?
We have both thrown the divorce card out in arguements before and now I'm kinda feeling that it is the only route left for us, but I'm scared to make that leap, despite it probably being the best thing to do. We argue pretty much every day, sometimes for hours, and usually over the most trivial things (ie, me leaving some plates by the sink) and we struggle to agree on anything these days. She complains we never have sex, yet she never initiates sex and when I try she says she's not in the mood.
I'm the bread winner in the house, and I pay for all the rent/utilities/insurance and then we have a shared account for house stuff & groceries. I'm really trying to plan for the future by saving & investing as much of my spare cash as possible so that early retirement is a possibility, whereas she wants to spend every penny she earns each month (she's now dropped down to a part-time role) on clothes, jewellery, furniture, etc, whereas I haven't even bought an item of clothing this year, let alone anything extravagant.
I admit I'm not an emotional person and that I often find dealing with emotional people very difficult, which often exacerbates our fights, because I can't understand why after apologising and trying to move on, she wants to keep arguing and waste even more time. She expects a Hollywood-esque apology every time I "screw up" over such minor things. There's never been any cheating in the relationship but she never trusts me any more because I once texted a girl from work about going to the gym, which I didn't ever hide.
My morale and motivation is at an all time low. I don't feel like working out, like participating in any of my hobbies or hanging out with my friends because I feel bad that she doesn't have any friends round here (and refuses to try making any) & has recently broken up with her best friend.
What I'm worried about:
1. The stigma of getting divorced and the difficulty of finding a new relationship after divorce.
2. That my wife will have a far worse time of it than me. I have a good career trajectory and I'll actually have a lot more money by living alone somewhere smaller, whereas she will probably have to move in with her parents and start her life all over again with her very minimal qualifications. She is probably also going to lose out on the chance to have kids this way too.
Am I being stupid to throw a marriage away, or would cutting the pain sooner rather than later make more sense?
Admin of the Month Mar 2015
Comment