would love some input...

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

so im at a cross roads... ive come to these forums before for advice and it was wonderful... for the last half year my and my ex have been on again off again.. its gotten to the point where im basically a fuck buddy, and a security blanket.. um idk what else to call it you "know how boyfriends make there girls feel safe when there around and can always listen to them vent complain and cry at times and be there for them" thats what i mean by security blanket. now at times we go like 3 or 4 days in a row and its just like being a couple but then theres days were we go 3 or 4 days without talking at all... I completely torn.. i love this girl and i want her to keep working on this but if its getting to the point where its going down the toilet well i wanna get out now with my dignity intact.. what do u boys think... i was told by a female friend that if she is still sleeping with me and confiding in me then basically as far as my girl is concerned we will eventually get back together when everything feels right... atleast thats what my friend said.. i have no idea whats going on in her head..

ill give u some quotes that confuse the shit out of me to give u guys an idea.


"im addicted to u jake i cant not have u around, but i know we will never be together again" after that one she started crying until i held her and then she told me she loved me and always will and passed out next to me... ya confusing right

"im best when "we" are optional when i dont feel like i have to call u... when i feel like i dont have to call u i always want to jake" wtf does that mean.. she doesnt have to call me ive never been a clingy boyfriend.

"jake i think we should just call it quits and take some time apart" i agree and say fine this will be our last night together. we have sex ... i was amazing btw thanks pe =)... next thing i know she lays on me says she loves me like 15 times in an hour then falls asleep. i wake up to a full breakfest she made me a huge kiss and morning sex.. i never get morning sex.. anyways before i leave she pulls me in close "jake im not ready for us to be done idk if i ever will (insert makeout) how about we stay in contact and keep it friendly..." then very confused i just nod kiss her say i love her and leave.


im so confused cause i get some advice should i just walk away is she just fucking with me or.. should i stick it out and let things heal over time.. i want to stay if u guys think there is a chance for us to heal..

THANK U SOOO MUCH GUYS
PE FOR LIFE

[ErictheGed Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ErictheGed]

How old are you guys jake?

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

20 both of us which means different things in different places here "wisconsin" most of my friends are either married or engaged...

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

i suppose i should also mention we have dated for a year and a half... and all this bullshit started cause i broke her heart by getting arrested.. shortly after both of us had discussed marriage.. it is my fault this happend and im willing to do whatever it takes to fix.. i love my girl. but if i have to walk away for a bit to get things back i will... kinda a step back to move farward

[blink2000 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blink2000]

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

Women can get confused like that... I've been through it many times.

[ErictheGed Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ErictheGed]

Cool man well i thought knowing your ages would help the good folks here offer advice. I'm no expert on relationships so i'm wary of throwing advice around. My folks married at your age, and i know they'll never part, but these are different times ya know. "Love" is a huge word for a 20 year old mate, and her comments smack of confusion. If you enjoy spending time together, great, but i'd try to avoid getting bogged down with the big "L" word. I know a few couples still going strong since schooldays (10 years+), but for every one of those couples theres another dozen at least who fell out of "love" overnight. Can totally understand you wanting to know whats what, and that you'd rather get out unscathed if its not the real deal. To me, this girl doesn't know if she loves you or not. I'd say to her look lets enjoy our time together, but lets drop the "i love you" part for a while and see how it plays out.

Just from my own experience, when my ex came at me with the love stuff, i went along and told her the same thing. It ended as quickly as it started, and looking back now, it wasn't love at all. It was just good for us both for a time, nothing more. Someone who knows the game more than i will no doubt offer wiser words than i have though. I do wish you all the best buddy.

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

ive been trying my ass off understand whats going on in her head... heres what ive come up with something i didnt mention she has lots of baggage when love in conserned dont really wanna get into it but LOTS of baggage

"she finally put her walls down and let it go.. and to be honest we had 5 months of just really truely perfection... i fucked it up and every single wall went up and more... but heres the problem once u have that perfection.. putting those walls up hurts really bad i know.. all u want is to feel that again but your body/brain wont let... so she is confused hurt deseratly in love but sooo confused because every second of it hurts cause it isnt what is was..."


thats the best i can come up with... and how i fix that... well.. i have no fucking idea... jessus christ. why couldnt i have been gay soo much ezer... "dude wanna fuck"... "duh"

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

man i was hoping for some advice tonight... i think imma just grin and bear with it if nobody has any advice for me cause.. god know calling it quits sounds horribly painful atm...

[Mike5150 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mike5150]

ive been trying my ass off understand whats going on in her head...

Not going to happen on your own. You will NEVER know what's in HER head unless SHE let's you know... Ask her what's in her head, what's on her mind... listen to her!!!! Don't beg, don't plead, don't try to be lovey lovey with her... just ask, have a conversation and listen to her. If she says she is confused, she might just be... if she tells you it's what you did... it might just be. She may be playing the field... looking for someone else, dating someone else... yes sleeping with someone else... she also may not be... but you are a constant... a willing fall back guy. If you don't like the confusion, the uncertainty... then stand up, suck it up and tell her how you feel... if it isn't what she wants then tell her ok, at this point I need to step back, I can't be a back-up guy like this, I have feelings for you and sex means something to me when it's with you... I can be your friend, I can be your boyfriend but I can't just be a sex thing when it's just to make you feel better or not alone because in the end... you leave and here I am... alone. But listen, only say what you mean, don't play games with her but at the same time, don't be played yourself. Ask yourself... is it just sex for me? Do I love her? If you love her, and she loves you... then you have something to build... it might be fixable... but don't lie to yourselves... Ask her if it is going somewhere... maybe not now... maybe down the road... if she says yes... let it ride, just be on guard until the day she has her head clear... but don't be an ass at the same time... women are complex... but games suck. Good luck man.

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

thanks man.. i know she isnt sleeping with anyone else... and it isnt just sex for both of us i know that also... we have had long talks and she always says we are done.. she is very clear about that... but then again... she wont let me go she breaks down every time ive tried. this confusion is causing us so much pain i wish i could help her understand... god. but what u said has alot of truth in it "I can be your friend, I can be your boyfriend but I can't just be a sex thing when it's just to make you feel better or not alone because in the end... you leave and here I am... alone." ive got alot of thinking to do.. shit

[Mike5150 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mike5150]

I think she has some thinking to do as well... if it is meant to be then it will be. Just know that it could be over one day... you have to accept that or you can drive yourself crazy... trust me, I did... a few times Just remember, what you do is up to YOU... the same with what you say... the more honest you are with yourself the better you will be. I am pulling for you.

[Mike5150 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mike5150]

On another note... I used to get in trouble alot with the law... still haunts me 16 years later... If you are on the wrong side of the law still... think to yourself, what do I have to offer the one I love if I am locked up? If it was just something that happened then I apologize if I offended you... we don't have to put your business out there... Just saying, if she fears losing you because of poor choices you made or continue to make... well you know why she may be confused. Your life, your lives are what you make them... these are all choices we make... and they have consequences.

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

it was a one time thing that i very much so regret one of those wrong place wrong time bad friends sort of things i was locked up for a few weeks thats what did all this damage i think if i would have just got arrested and not locked up for a month then it wouldnt have been so bad... on a side no jail.. is a joke.. but i wouldnt recommend braking the law police officers can FUCK u if they really want to... anyways i think i really just opened all her old wounds... parental abandonment and shit.. daddies little girl doesnt take it well when daddy beat mommy one day and then says fuck it and leaves... 10 years later jakes baby girl doesnt like it when they talk about getting married and then he gets locked up a few months later... i see where this comes from i just dont know what to do or how to help her... time will tell.. if its ment to be then... it will be

[jwandoj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jwandoj]

wanted to give u guys some info on how things turned out

so we went on a date last night me and my lady, we had a GREAT time we were walking around state street and she pulled me aside and started balling... and then came this

"jake i love u with everything i am, im sooo sorry for fighting it so hard lately i think im just soo scared of randomly loosing u again, i dont completely trust u yet and im working on that but god i love u and i cant see my self ever being without u baby, can we be back together. PLZ?"

needless to say, im stoked got my girl back guys WOOOHOOO!!! thanks for all your help