thinking of dumping...

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

dont just up your commitment. you need to make it clear that if she wants you, she has to change as well. bring her down a notch. tell her that you will change, if she will too. give her clear defined things that you want her to do to make it work. and spell out exactly what you will do to make it better.

tell her what makes you upset. she doesnt apprecitate you enough. when you do something for her, you expect a thank you. tell her she needs to reign in her temper or your out. if she hasnt got a temper, tell her she needs to start showing some emotion or your out. make her fear of loss. and tell her that you will change to make it better if she will to. but she needs to make you happy - stress that. whether she has gained 20 pounds since youve been dating (as most girls do when they get a bf), tell her to lose it. not that shes fat but she stoped taking care of herself when she got you. tell her she needs to compromise more and if she doesnt get her way not to through a hissy fit.

sit her down and say i want to make this work (if you do) and say heres what needs to happen: i'm going to stop (insert) i'll stay in 5 days a week. i understand i havent been giving you the love you deserve, but this is why. i'll fix it. but only if you will do the same. this is what you do that makes me unhappy - elaborate. now you can fix these little things or be single. your choice.

make it very clear. you love her but she is not perfect. you want her to be the best girlfriend that she can be, and you want the same out of yourself.

this should buy you at laest a month of happiness.

Gee the number of times I did this ,I should have been happy till 100y. Guys it doesn't matter what they say watch what they do.
You can be as clear as you like it may not matter.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

i once knew a man from nantucket... is poetic true. poetry does not always reflect reality. you back down from a fight, you lose every one after because she knows she can beat you. she will get everything she wants, and walk on you.

fights are not won or lost. they are elevated. you will never convince someone that they are wrong. even when they know they are. its a pride thing. the only way to "win" a fight is to de-rail it.

"why did you leave dishes in the sink again?"
"because i was out picking up supplies for your surprise party" - at which point you start planning a party

"you're going to the bar again? you spend more time at the bar than you do with me!"
"well i wanted to see my boys, john just broke up with his girl and needs a friend, plus i'm taking you to the amusment park tomorrow"

"why is your ex-girlfriend calling you again?
" i don't know, i havent talked to her in a year"
"well why is she calling you now, i dont believe you"
"how do you feel about puppies? i was thinking about getting one. do you like dogs? i always wanted a labroador, but he'd be too big for the house. whats your favorite dog? we can get a little one if you want"

de-railment. learn how.

This is childish gameplaying. You got to do this ,start again with a grown up.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

i once knew a man from nantucket... is poetic true. poetry does not always reflect reality. you back down from a fight, you lose every one after because she knows she can beat you. she will get everything she wants, and walk on you.

fights are not won or lost. they are elevated. you will never convince someone that they are wrong. even when they know they are. its a pride thing. the only way to "win" a fight is to de-rail it.

"why did you leave dishes in the sink again?"
"because i was out picking up supplies for your surprise party" - at which point you start planning a party

"you're going to the bar again? you spend more time at the bar than you do with me!"
"well i wanted to see my boys, john just broke up with his girl and needs a friend, plus i'm taking you to the amusment park tomorrow"

"why is your ex-girlfriend calling you again?
" i don't know, i havent talked to her in a year"
"well why is she calling you now, i dont believe you"
"how do you feel about puppies? i was thinking about getting one. do you like dogs? i always wanted a labroador, but he'd be too big for the house. whats your favorite dog? we can get a little one if you want"

de-railment. learn how.

oh no do not do this .. seriously when guys try this shit with me, it just makes things worse cuz it an avoidance tactic and it compounds the situation ..trust me when i say, he gets called out on it and it makes things a lot worse for him.. esp if he uses sex or my looks as a way to avoid the situation at hand... and if you did that dog thing when i was asking about why your ex was suddenly contacting you .. i would become a dog with a bone and you would be in the dog house for the rest of the night.
Woman are not dumb and even if you think you have gotten away with dodging or derailing she is still brewing on the inside and it will come up again and it will come up with stronger emotion behind it at a later date.

[Editor Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Editor]

i think your girl isn't happy and i suspect its because the relationship feel stale, the honeymoon period is over ... You are probably not chasing her or doing sweet things anymore, you are probably taking things for granted and have developed some bad habits... When woman nag and bitch about things its because they don't feel noticed or wanted or VALUED .. the balance between fun and chore aren't lining up.... if she has an issue with you getting drunk on Saturday its because she resents you having fun when she feels she isn't, she resents the attention and time you give to others when you aren't' giving it to her.. if she has issues with your mum doing things or saying things its because she feels you should be a man and step up.

You speak the truth. I can totally relate to this scenario. Hit it right on the nail.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Here again is another interesting thread. Made me think alot about my past marriage. I was married for 7 years to a pseudo feminist. Didn't realize it at the time when I married her. I thought it was just some stupid thing she did and when we got married, she'd change. Yeah, no. I realize I made a huge mistake by thinking she'd change during our marriage.

I guess I can relate to many of the comments made in this thread in that it was always MY fault. I was always to blame for everything. My ex wife still to this day cannot admit when she's fucked up and a made a mistake. She's always been that way. She's so convinced that she's always right and everyone else is wrong, especially me. Now that we're divorced, I just tell her to blow it out her ass when she isn't within an ear shot of me saying it. I wasn't a perfect husband, believe me. I was immature, selfish and had no idea what saying "I do" to someone at the altar truly meant. We ended up in marriage counseling and so long as I was the one that the counselor was picking on and chastising, it was fine. But the minute the tables were turned and the counselor started telling my ex what she was doing wrong, we stopped attending the classes. Gee, what a shock. It was ok as long as I was told was a dirt bag I was but the minute she heard things about herself, her female ego kicked in to high gear and the session was halted (yes, you women do have egos).

This all happened about 10 years ago....it's been a LONG time but I remember it well. Even going into court over child support issues, my ex would tell the judge lies to get things HER way in court and once again, in an effort to make me look bad. It's what she does best. And gee, she wonders why I don't like her?? Really?? Of course, the child support hearing was a success. The judge lowered the amount of child support I had to pay so her dragging me into court back fired on her and she's now getting a mere portion of what she was getting.

And I can also relate to being with someone who makes you feel worthless, that your interests and hobbies irritate the hell out of her and that no matter how hard you try, it's never ever good enough and the job I had was never good enough and that I should've been out making more money and that I was "settling" for the job I had.......the list goes on. This is what I lived with for 7 long years of my life until I went to bed one night and I asked myself if I loved my wife and my answer was a very simple "no, I don't".....that was the moment that changed everything for me and my life has been so much better ever since.

If you're involved in that kind of a relationship whereby you are being demeaned, devalued and ridiculed for who and what you are, get out. Life is too short.

[RockstarParkingDude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockstarParkingDude]

Amen

[bigmanc Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bigmanc]

thanks for all comments we talked. things seem to be ok atm. i do love her. she blamed it on the time of the month but she never used to be snappy and upset at the time of the month. she never stop me doing my hobbies i wont let her.

think things will work out cuz it is really good when its good think alot is down to life pressures etc harder when buy a house togeather.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Its good you talked and things have calmed down .. her time of the month could have been a factor that brought underlining annoyances to head...So i would say don't write off the advise you were given because well there are many times of the months to still come ...hehe
I suggest you subtly mark it into your calendar so you can be more prepared

[INTP Banned Find all posts View Profile Close INTP]

i think your girl isn't happy and i suspect its because the relationship feel stale, the honeymoon period is over ... You are probably not chasing her or doing sweet things anymore, you are probably taking things for granted and have developed some bad habits... When woman nag and bitch about things its because they don't feel noticed or wanted or VALUED .. the balance between fun and chore aren't lining up.... if she has an issue with you getting drunk on Saturday its because she resents you having fun when she feels she isn't, she resents the attention and time you give to others when you aren't' giving it to her.. if she has issues with your mum doing things or saying things its because she feels you should be a man and step up.

It's just never the woman's fault, is it?

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I didn't say that .. i was explaining why many woman nag or take issue with things that are seemingly not that important and why after awhile long term relationships start to have problems .. Its a two way street guys can feel the same way ,but he knows how he feels and he was miffed by his girl, didn't know what her problem was.. so i was focusing on her side of things..and sometimes in situations there are no right person or wrong person there is just a gap between needs/wants.
If you read my other posts you would see I often say its the girl who has an issue .. i might explain where its coming from or why they are doing what they are doing but i will also say when the girl is off.....So no i don't think its never the woman's fault

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Irrespective of who's fault it is, whether it's his or hers, the person at fault should (and hopefully is) adult enough to extend an apology when they're come to the realization that they were wrong. For whatever reason, most women I know have a really hard time accepting fault and apologizing when they've erred. My sister is like that, my ex wife is like that, my ex gf is like that.........I used to wait for an apology and now I just laugh it off and take mental notes. It's just odd though.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I don't think the apology thing is gender specific .. I apologize when i see i am in the wrong or when i can see my emotions got the better of me .. But i find some men have trouble owning their side of things and apologizes is hard for them because they have too much pride and have to be right.. I also have known men who can own their part and say sorry and i have known some real stubborn woman who are just like the stubborn men too much pride and have to be right... i think if people can't apologize it leads to resentment in relationships and Resentment is poison