Where did I go wrong?

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

A few weeks ago I asked this girl I was interested in if she had feelings for me. She said "No, I was a great person but there just wasn't any spark." (I'm paraphrasing) Rewind about a month and the first time I've seen her since spring semester we have a drunk hook up. Over the course of that month leading up to her saying the above, we make out 2 more times. Its never anything serious, in fact we're never fully naked and no sex is involved. I felt like we were going somewhere which is why I kept doing what I was doing, I was planning on talking to her about being my girlfriend. Apparently, I found out later, she felt like she was 'dirty' for all these "hook ups" where I didn't feel that way at all, nor did I look at her that way. I honestly felt like we were 'seeing' each other, not in a relationship but on that path. Plus, during the hook ups she didn't seem apprehensive on the contrary I felt like she enjoyed them (I have much to learn about female signals *sigh*). My question is this: Did the early hook ups contribute to the failure of our path to a relationship? Up until about a week before our ending conversation she seemed like she really liked me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Also, I'm not still infatuated with this girl I just want to know what went wrong so I can remedy it when I meet someone I really like.

[vankush Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close vankush]

It doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. At "partying age," which you seem to be, a lot of relationships start out just by hooking up, so I don't think that had anything to do with it. I don't know what kind of personality she has, but a lot of girls that are naturally flirtatious or a free-spirit seem to like you when really they just think you're an awesome guy (ask yourself how she acts around other guys). Girls can be picky about it feeling "right," so its probably true that she just didn't feel any romantic connection. You didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't the right person.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

It doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. At "partying age," which you seem to be, a lot of relationships start out just by hooking up, so I don't think that had anything to do with it. I don't know what kind of personality she has, but a lot of girls that are naturally flirtatious or a free-spirit seem to like you when really they just think you're an awesome guy (ask yourself how she acts around other guys). Girls can be picky about it feeling "right," so its probably true that she just didn't feel any romantic connection. You didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't the right person.

Haha yes "partying age" I'm 19 about to be 20 so you are correct there.

[boogie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close boogie]

Assuming things happened like you said? You did nothing wrong.

Lick your wrist and smell it. Did you cringe? As long as you are at least decent at kissing and your breath doesn't smell like you are running a nursing home for coon dogs in your mouth, sounds like she was just a bit off.

Prepare for a life of confusion, my friend.

[RockstarParkingDude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockstarParkingDude]

check it out. you haven't blown it til you've stopped trying.

anything you mess up by being dumb, you can fix by trying harder. period.

if shes confused and emotional, good. it means she feels emotions for you.

try some more, and then again, and again. she'll come around.

[RockstarParkingDude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockstarParkingDude]

i reread you post.

if there was an error, it's that you didn't follow through well enough.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Thanks for the response Rockstar. However, I get the feeling she just wants to be friends and I have knowledge that she moved on to another guy. I DID like her, now I don't. Luckily we didn't date so I couldn't let those feelings bloom and get hurt. I have spotted this one chica that my friend sort of knew. She's gorgeous and hopefully I'll be introduced soon, or be put in a situation where I can introduce myself.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

That "where did i go wrong" question is a bitch isn't it...You could have done everything right but for whatever reason She decided its not enough, usually its because there is another person. Life just sucks big balls that way sometimes.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

That "where did i go wrong" question is a bitch isn't it...You could have done everything right but for whatever reason She decided its not enough, usually its because there is another person. Life just sucks big balls that way sometimes.

I guess its just too much for my ego to handle that she just flat out didn't find me romantically interesting. But I was wondering if the hook ups had anything to do with it? I feel like it shouldn't but you never know. She is a virgin after all, and from what I understand isn't slutty and I was an exception to the rule.

[SlaterMan Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SlaterMan]

I wouldn't think the so called hook ups led to her response. As for your learning female signals, welcome to the life long journey in trying to figure their signals out but; never,ever learn. Each and every woman is different and what you may learn from one will not be the same to another.
Good luck, maybe you need to wait until finals are over!

[RockstarParkingDude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close RockstarParkingDude]

I guess its just too much for my ego to handle that she just flat out didn't find me romantically interesting. But I was wondering if the hook ups had anything to do with it? I feel like it shouldn't but you never know. She is a virgin after all, and from what I understand isn't slutty and I was an exception to the rule.

whoa that changes things. shes in college and is still a virgin and feels dirty after hooking up with you even though there was no sex... that girl might have her own baggage that you didn't take into account.

as for creating romantic feelings.... when you really feel something for a girl, and she isn't sure if she feels it for you - there are options. i'm not talking about head games or playing a girl here, i'm talking about genuine emotions.

imagine a woman's emotions as a radio. the volume knob is the strength of the emotions she has for you, the tuner switches between frequencies.. what you need to do is turn up the volume first. make her feel more feelings for you - any feelings really. then you use the tuner to tune the emotions to the ones you want them to be.

Bring out the big guns. go for a kiss early in the relationship - within 6 hours of meeting her or you lose. even if she turns you down, gets mad at you for it, gets tempted but says no - no matter the outcome it creates big emotions.

if you get her angry, if you make her feel jealous, if you make her feel a little sad - GOOD! just make sure you fix it in short order. it will get her to emotionally invest in you - even if shes investing anger or jealousy. when you resolve the anger it leaves her still invested - and probably confused as to why she has such strong feelings. then once the volume is up, you do the sweet things that make her totally change her opinion of you. genuine apologies are great - but only if you are really sincere about your feelings, if you fake it she'll know. no matter what - never give up hope, theres no mountain you can't climb if you just keep trying.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

whoa that changes things. shes in college and is still a virgin and feels dirty after hooking up with you even though there was no sex... that girl might have her own baggage that you didn't take into account.

as for creating romantic feelings.... when you really feel something for a girl, and she isn't sure if she feels it for you - there are options. i'm not talking about head games or playing a girl here, i'm talking about genuine emotions.

imagine a woman's emotions as a radio. the volume knob is the strength of the emotions she has for you, the tuner switches between frequencies.. what you need to do is turn up the volume first. make her feel more feelings for you - any feelings really. then you use the tuner to tune the emotions to the ones you want them to be.

Bring out the big guns. go for a kiss early in the relationship - within 6 hours of meeting her or you lose. even if she turns you down, gets mad at you for it, gets tempted but says no - no matter the outcome it creates big emotions.

if you get her angry, if you make her feel jealous, if you make her feel a little sad - GOOD! just make sure you fix it in short order. it will get her to emotionally invest in you - even if shes investing anger or jealousy. when you resolve the anger it leaves her still invested - and probably confused as to why she has such strong feelings. then once the volume is up, you do the sweet things that make her totally change her opinion of you. genuine apologies are great - but only if you are really sincere about your feelings, if you fake it she'll know. no matter what - never give up hope, theres no mountain you can't climb if you just keep trying.

I appreciate the advice man I'll definitely be taking it into account in the future.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Assuming things happened like you said? You did nothing wrong.

Lick your wrist and smell it. Did you cringe? As long as you are at least decent at kissing and your breath doesn't smell like you are running a nursing home for coon dogs in your mouth, sounds like she was just a bit off.

Prepare for a life of confusion, my friend.

A life of confusion is the best way to describe it. Last year at this time, my then gf and I broke it off and decided to go back to being FWB's. I went over there one night, we had sex like always and we laid in bed just talking and I told her that she was looking for one thing (non committal) and I was looking for someone who wanted a relationship so I asked her point blank "do you want a relationship?" and I get this "hmmm, not sure". So, I go about my way, say goodnight to her. The next day I get this "Dear John" email whereby she accused me of not wanting a real relationship with a real women and told me I made her feel "cheap, dirty and sad".........I'm sorry, WTF????

She's one can shy of a six pack. We break up and for a good 6 months, we don't talk. Well, we rekindle things a few months ago and start doing the FWB thing (HER decision, not mine!) and now it's Christmas time and she's back to being her old one can shy of a six pack self. Trust me, I totally get where you're at. You did nothing wrong man, it's ALL her.